Come on guys, let’s play on September 12, Faker Day. The marketplace of Little Twister is full of fake shops like fake moneychangers and fake pharmacies. A faker is someone who goes into these shops without prior knowledge of fake items, otherwise known as bait. Since fakers had higher survival rates than those who knew how to identify fake stuff, the Little Twister Tourist Committee named the day Faker Day.
Previously on Wild Arms 3: Everybody died.
See? So I guess we’ll have a little writeup of what happened in Wild Arms 3, and how…
Oh, maybe we can squeeze an update out of Melody standing around and rubbing it in.
“These guys suck. Do I need to write that down for next time?”
Come to think of it, like, literally no one is resisting the Prophets right now. Nobody knows they exist! If our team is dead, then what is the battle data good for? Gotta fight the united army of Jolly Roger or something?
What’s this!? A cat from behind!?!
“That’s an outrage…They’re not one of us. If anything, they’re our enemy.”
Oh! Oh! It’s Virginia’s girlfriend!
Relationship tips: if you know someone that is consistently noting the physical aspects of a person for no apparent reason, like casually referencing their butt, legs, face, etc., then there is something going on there.
Asgard is staying mute, but glowing red eyes are not usually a good sign.
We really appreciate the assist here, Maya, but remember when we had to save you from Janus? Before he was a fish-demon? This is not going to end well for you…
Excellent observation, Todd of the eternally flammable afro.
Alfred, the boy wonder, detonates a smoke bomb, because Maya is a lover, not a fighter.
“Hey! Only Virginia is allowed to call me a fox!”
The Human Instrumentality Project is going great.
So Maya and friends presumably scoot out with the corpses of our heroes, and Virginia has a post-death dream.
Before the golem showed up with the murder-quake, Virginia had a pretty significant breakthrough on The Search for Father. Guess that is playing hell with her subconscious.
You’ll reach him one day, Virginia!
…. Not him.
Hooray! Virginia survived! The Let’s Play plays on!
There’s an excellent pan from Virginia’s perspective of the rest of the party recovering, too. Please note that Jet is clearly injured, but not taking assistance well.
Gallows is also helping Clive. I take this as gameplay/plot synergy and how Gallows has a surprising amount of HP.
She’s talking to the cat. The cat is going to be on guard duty. If you have ever met a cat, you would know this is a terrible idea.
And with that, we have the full names for this Schröedinger family. Todd the be-afroed butler, Alfred the shy little brother, Shady the flying ‘n talking cat, and…
Maya Schröedinger, the sweetest girl in the world.
“My HP drops to zero an awful lot.”
Can I just say that this little “try moving it” moment is something I have seen 10,000 times in real life, but super rarely in fiction? Such a simple thing…
Maya is back on her bullshit from back at Serpent’s Coils.
“Easily and repeatedly!”
“A Drifter confronts two obstacles the longer they continue their journey. One is the artifacts of prehistoric culture that far surpass the technology of today. I’m sure you’re well aware. And the second one is the cause of Filgaia’s decay.”
“You’d be all right if you stick with measly undertakings, but once you get yourself involved in those two matters, there’s no turning back. Moreover, if you’re not careful, you might just lose your life–like you almost did just now.”
This is… kind of progress? Maya seems to admit that Virginia can deal with “shallow” Drifter business, but the deep stuff is going to get her killed.
“Let the people that consistently run from danger take care of these problems.”
If you expected anything else, you have not been paying attention.
“Don’t say to impress your girlfriend, don’t say to impress your girlfriend, don’t say to…”
Look, Virginia, I get it. It is hard to talk to a new date about your parents and your quest to find them.
If she is an adventurer that travels the world, aren’t her bags already packed?
I don’t know how much emphasis is supposed to be placed on how Virginia’s whole “heroine of justice” thing that was her reasoning to Maya last time is now being supplemented by “gotta get closer to Daddy”, which has been her true goal from the beginning…
Did Maya get the answer she wanted? Or the reaction she wanted? Or is she offended? She ain’t tellin’.
“Next time you show your face and try to get in our way… I, Maya Schröedinger, will crush you to the ground, no holds barred. Just remember that.”
This was payback for rescuing them back at Ka Dingel. Next time, there are going to be more afros lit aflame.
Everybody else leaves, but Alfred must speak truth to our party.
“I know my sister likes you. She has a poster of you in her room now. I have no idea where she got it…”
The party decides to chill a little while munching on heal berries.
Nearly died, time for a weenie roast.
“Jet, I’m sorry I called you a bastard sin against Guardians that was grown in a tube.”
“I’m sorry…I said something selfish…I probably shouldn’t be the leader of this team…My father’s been missing for a real long time now…I’d given up on him, but once I found out he might still be alive, I kinda went in over my head…Then, Maya drilled me with her lecture, which made me realize she’s probably right. It’s too dangerous to get involved any further.”
“Heh heh, she said ‘Maya drilled me’.”
Oh, uh… Virginia wants to quit. This update is a rollercoaster of whether there will be a next update!
Wild Arms 3 Gaiden: Virginia Maxwell in Daddy Quest (Daddy Warrior in America).
“It sounds stupid when you say it…”
“Okay. But keep in mind that Maya has a lot of sway over my opinion for reasons I cannot fully admit.”
“I saw your dad wearing a lab coat in that picture. You know how few lab coats are in this wasteland? No way that guy doesn’t know something.”
D’aw. Though I appreciate the mental image of Virginia trying to “stop” Clive, and he just doggedly following like six feet behind anyway.
Say what you will about Gallows, but he did make up his mind at the start of his story to leave his destiny behind. It was for generally slacker-based reasons, but it was an active decision.
“In this kind of situation, I think it’s the leader’s role to stand behind that person and give them a boost. I don’t know if that would define you as a brilliant leader…But as a good leader, at least. You actually make travelling the wasteland kinda enjoyable. We can’t think of anyone else we’d rather have leading us. We all knew there was danger involved. We wanted to do it. Well, we’ve come this far. Let’s see this through to the end, together.”
I really appreciate how Wild Arms 3 completely justifies the party working together because, ultimately, they all enjoy working with each other. This is not a game where everyone is cooperating because “we gotta find the Frozen Flame” or “we collectively hate that Archadian Empire so much”.
Though Gallows does still have personal reasons for helping.
“Heh heh, he said ‘that weird threesome.”
“But by working together as a team, it gives me courage–like I can and have to do whatever it takes. A married sniper who talks in big words; a sulky lookin’ punk; and most of all…”
I will say this: I very much consider Gallows’s origins and design extremely problematic. Beyond that, though? He really is one of the best characters in an already exemplary cast.
“Maybe it’s because we’re level 99 and blast every monster into another time zone…”
“Just like our leader said, it’s a bond. We’re not tied together by fate. We’re tied together by a bond. That’s how we made it this far. And we’ll continue to be together. Ain’t that right, leader?”
Yay! Virginia is back on board!
We had Clive and Gallows talking about how much they like Virginia. For Jet’s turn, we get a masterful fake out. True facts: I am glad I am doing this Let’s Play. I would miss this kind of directorial joke if I wasn’t carefully analyzing every minute of this game.
Clive recaps the plot up to this point (or the mystery contained therein), and notes the torn photo, the “plan” of the prophets, and all the random books we read at the lab. Just have to note all of this for the players that dashed through that last dungeon, and didn’t spend an entire update bookworming.
Damn, here I thought that was the final battle.
Bro just wants to sleep in his own bed for once.
Clive claims he has further research materials at home, but no one is objecting to meeting Mrs. Clive and Clive Baby.
Okay, maybe someone is objecting. Later, while everyone else is asleep, Jet leaves a letter and walks away.
…. I’m sorry. Textbox name says what?
Oh. Oh you asshole.
Virginia is right there. She is asleep literally within sight of her dad. He’s over here, Virginia! Wake up!
“Her girlfriend sure thinks she’s in danger.”
“Shhhh. I’m trying not to wake the baby.”
Were Jet a friend in modern times, he’d be one of those guys that deletes all his social media accounts every other week after making a few vague posts, and then brings them all back like two days later.
I think Asgard and Werner go to the same tailor.
Jet’s ARM is (like everybody) named on his status screen. I believe this is the first it is named by dialogue, though. Technically, it is the Airget-lamh B/V2.
(Wild Arms 2)
We don’t have to get into the details of that naming and how it relates to Jet right now, but we may as well note that the legendary Excalibur-type “sword in the stone” of Wild Arms 2 was the Argetlahm. There is also a fun, mythological way this alludes to Wild Arms 1 as well, but we’ll get to that later.
So apparently Werner’s parenting style is
- Step 1. Give child gun
- Step 2. Leave
It’s been working great so far!
I choose to believe Jet is gradually talking louder through this conversation so as to get Virginia’s attention. She is sleeping like a snorlax.
“She is so screwed up, man. Let me tell you about this one time we fought these Huskarl guys…”
You $&#$ing asshole.
You $&#$ing, enigmatic asshole
Like, seriously? Is this a ghost situation? Are you sixth sensing me, old man?
“Why aren’t you just our fifth party member? Wait, crap, are you going to green ranger this thing?”
Did this seriously just occur to you Jet? That the guy who raised you might know where you come from?
You $&#$ing asshole.
Our most silent party member was raised by our most silent NPC.
Was this Werner’s intention? Did he want to sway Jet back to hanging with Virginia through sheer asshollery? And does Werner visit Jet, like, every night, and we just don’t know about it?
Yeah, okay, Squall.
Seriously!? Werner just leaves? Virginia… Christ… Like… Find a new quest. You will be so much happier.
The next morning, Virginia finds a letter.
Next destination: set.
… I think.
“Is this envelope sealed… with a heart?”
“It was either that or the Grumpy Bear sticker, and that seemed a little on the nose.”
“Opening someone’s mail is a federal offense!”
I made that Squall joke earlier in good faith, Jet.
Aw, she is her father’s daughter.
Come on, Jet, tell her about Werner. Do it just to hurt her. Do it, Jet. Do it.
Fine. Stick to your guns.
Just hitting all the PSX Final Fantasies here.
See, Jet, you do get your affirmation that you want to be in this party after all.
Guess what! There will technically be gameplay in this update!
We were a little south of the lab, camping out in the shadow of this giant rock.
Now we make south to illegible village name.
Gotta be somewhere around here…
Here we are! Humphrey’s Peak! After all that family drama, I am certain we need to give Clive’s homecoming room to breathe. Does Virginia even know anyone that wasn’t in this update? She has a pretty small social circle…
Next time on Wild Arms 3: All you skinny daddies better look out, because Fat Daddy is back in town!