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Chrono Cross 04: Character Study

Me-owWe gave some time over to dedicated character recruitment during this update, so let’s answer this question once and for all: are the majority of characters in Chrono Cross useless? This assessment is separate from the battle system (where practically anyone can be useful if their color codes right to the area), and a dedicated look at whether or not this cast of weirdos makes any sense for the story. What do we got? Well…

Absolutely Plot Relevant

  • Harle
  • Kid
  • Leena
  • Lynx
  • Serge

You can count on one hand the characters in Chrono Cross that are 100% relevant to the plot. On one side, you have the power couple of Serge and Kid, two crazy kids (oh… I just got that) that have somehow become the center of an omniversal threat to the cosmos. On the other side of the aisle, you have Lynx, Serge’s eternal(ish) antagonist, and Harle, his sidekick that may or may not switch sides/species. And, just because she seems to fit in here, we will also include Leena as essential. She could technically be replaced or expunged from the story, but Serge needs someone/thing to fight for and represent his idyllic home… so it may as well be Leena. There may be a little wiggle room here, but you basically cannot have Chrono Cross without these key players.

Marginally Plot Relevant

  • Doc
  • Fargo
  • Irenes
  • Korcha
  • Nikki
  • Sneff
  • Starky

Stay hotNext up we have the characters that may not be 100% crucial, but still definitely serve a purpose in the plot. For instance, Doc may not ever join your party (depending on your choices), but you need someone to keep the plot moving when Kid is poisoned. Similarly, Sneff serves the purpose of being a “weirdo” that is ultimately helpful when Serge has been transformed into one of society’s undesirables (a cat boy). Fargo, Korcha, and even Starky all come with particular modes of transportation, so they are vital for the same reason Black Manta was allowed in the Legion of Doom (owns a boat). Irenes sneaks in here so the demi-human plight has a pretty face attached to that bit of worldbuilding. And Nikki gets a slot for having a tragic backstory and the key to solving racism. These seven are all characters that could technically not exist in this story, but they come attached to important bits, so they are generally valuable.

Viper Manor Relevant

  • Glenn
  • Grobyc
  • Karsh
  • Luccia
  • Marcy
  • Norris
  • Radius
  • Riddel
  • Viper
  • Zappa
  • Zoah

I recognize these losersHere is a whole game unto itself. The raid on Viper Manor could comprise its own radical adventure for some dreamers, so it makes sense that lot of characters are tied to this section of the story. You could excise a whole group of these losers (they are literally losers; you beat the majority of them in fights), but their existence does round out the “team bad guy” of El Nido. Viper is the leader. Karsh, Zoah, and Marcy are the elite generals. Luccia is responsible for all monster/trap creation. Glenn and Riddel are the “maybe they’re not so bad” kids of the gang. Radius and Zappa are the retired generation that has some consternation with the kids and old ghosts. And Norris and Grobyc represent the good and bad of the Porre Military, which becomes Viper Manor’s enemy when they all inevitably defect to the side of the angels. You could probably cut these eleven down to like five and still have the same story, but nobody is going to complain about fleshing out the (redeemable) “bad guys”.

Might see in a JRPG Relevant

  • Greco
  • Guile
  • Mel
  • Miki
  • Orlha
  • Pierre
  • Steena
  • Van

Don't look at meEvery JRPG needs a little unrelated fluffery to offer a differing perspective from the obvious protagonist. Final Fantasy 4 would not be the same without toddler twins from a magical city, and Chrono Cross would not be the same without including its own share of interesting support characters. Steena is your typical priestess that knows everything about the surrounding area. Guile is the enigmatic magician who appears to have his own agenda. Orlha and Van both have potential plot hooks with seeing their interdimensional “siblings” thanks to the quirks of dimensional travel. And we have a few JRPG stock characters here: the spiritual bruiser (luchador, in this case), the precocious kid that admires a lead (and uses a boomerang for some reason), the dancer that is trying to achieve more (a Fire Emblem staple), and the “wannabe hero” that will eventually grow into being a useful party member. None of these characters are “essential”, but they are the spice that flavors the JRPG.

Absolutely Irrelevant

  • Draggy
  • Funguy
  • Janice
  • Leah
  • Macha
  • Mojo
  • NeoFio
  • Orcha
  • Pip
  • Poshul
  • Razzly
  • Skelly
  • Sprigg
  • Turnip

And… dang. Now look at all these losers. Leah is the only one that maybe could be relevant, but it is clear that she is little more than a shortsighted echo of a “real” Chrono Trigger character. Razzly the faerie is similarly marginally related to the plot, but the fact that you can leave her to be eaten without ever knowing she existed is pretty damning. And Sprigg is a cool denizen of another dimension, but you’d be forgiven for forgetting she even touches your party after her puckish introduction. Beyond that, Draggy, Janice, Macha, Orcha, Pip, Poshul, and Skelly are all wholly superfluous, and the only thing that could be lost between all of them is one gratuitous boss fight. And, strangely enough, Funguy, NeoFio, Mojo, and Turnip are all basically walking inanimate objects, and you really do not need that many characters that could slot into that hole. Most games don’t even have one talking vegetable!

So what’s the verdict here? Well, if we look at this chart…

It is plain math

A healthy 68% of playable characters in Chrono Cross are relevant in some way. And it sure looks like Viper Manor is the center of Chrono Cross! We already knew that!

…. And let’s not focus on the remaining percentage…

Even Worse Streams presents Chrono Cross Night 4


Original Stream Night: May 3, 2022

Recruited this week:

  • Pip
  • Luccia
  • Neo Fio
  • Skelly
  • Lynx (?)

Random Notes on the Stream:

  • We are starting on a pirate ship full of skeletons. Note that this pirate ship was not initially filled with skeletons.
  • Speaking of skeletons, BEAT wants to know how long this is going to take. It is week 4. It will eventually be 10 weeks. The poor summer child.
  • Square Enix sold off Eidos/Crystal Dynamics and decided to get into NFTs right around when we streamed this. Writing this months later, we now know they are ill advisedly sticking to their NFT guns.
  • Chrono Cross is good at using elements for post battle healing. Wild Arms 3 has no such similar process for expending leftover FP. You win this round, Chrono Cross.
  • Let's fly awayWe find what’s left of Chrono Trigger’s Epoch in the basement of the library. Like every other reference to Chrono Trigger in Chrono Cross, this is sad.
  • We were venturing through a swamp to get Neo Fio when Ample Vigour arrives
  • Nobuteru Yūki was the character designer for Chrono Cross. I apologize if this entire Let’s Play is an insult to such an artist.
  • Even Worse Streams presents Jackass starring Korcha.
  • We eventually get to Water Dragon Isle. We have learned the dwarves are hellbound. Fuck dwesus.
  • A solution to housing values tanking: tanks.
  • BEAT talks about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time speedrun strategies, and how they are life affirming.
  • The Sopranos Playstation 2 game is noted as ridiculous.
  • At the volcano, Solt and Peppor can waste your time. It is indistinguishable from any other boss fight.
  • Back to Zelda, and “go home and die” speed runs
  • Castlevania Lords of Shadow lets you skip puzzles, and that is good.
  • Let us all hate Sonic Underground and its cameo in Sonic Riders.
  • Looking for more friendsI have the “IGN Watermark” copy of Wii Okami, and I cannot see that logo for my life. Took like ten minutes of staring!
  • Would you like to be a boy, or cat boy? Serge is forced to be a cat boy.
  • We close with Deptford’s post on Chrono Cross. Let’s consider this further foreshadowing.

Next time on Chrono Cross: Your mom likes cats, but not that much.

FGC #573 Super Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury

Meow· Previously on Gogglebob.com, this exact game was covered with a basic premise: Mario games are weird.

· But now there is a new “half” to the game, Bowser’s Fury.

· Bowser’s Fury, conceptually, seems like a direct/stealth sequel to Super Mario Sunshine.

· FLUDD may be sitting this adventure out, but the presence of Bowser Jr., goopy/deadly tar, and a general “this is a vacation destination” atmosphere is all at the forefront again.

· Like Isle Delfino, this lakefront area is meant to be one solid, continuous area, too. After exploring worlds and galaxies, Mario’s latest adventure is no larger than some waterparks.

· So this entire “world” is wholly connected. With a proper P-Wing, Mario technically could fly from the first level to the last, and never pause for a single “Let’s a-go” .

· And while this is wonderful, it feels like it makes this world a smaller place than most Mario games. Bowser’s Fury covers many of the same beats as Super Mario 3D World, but feels less like a “full” experience.

· This is doubly weird, because there are 100 kitty shines to find, and your average Mario adventure only adds an additional twenty macguffins to that total. Bowser’s Fury is 83% of a traditional 3-D Mario game, but feels like less than a half of the usual adventure.

· Maybe the lack of “loading areas” causes this disconnect? Maybe it is the fact that the individual “stage areas” can be completed inside of a minute instead of 200 seconds? Maybe it is the lack of Mario “structure”, and a complete lack of dedicated fortresses/dungeons/mini-bosses?

Cutie· Well, a couple of mini-bosses did get crowded into one area. The issue cannot be a lack of Pom Pom.

· But is there an issue at all?

· Despite its seemingly shortened length, I did enjoy Bowser’s Fury quite a bit.

· In fact, I found every last collectible, and even challenged myself to complete some of the more… annoying feats.

· I have become a Plessie champion navigator.

· It is worth noting that I did not complete every last challenge moon in Super Mario Odyssey.

· Loved every bit of that game, but I was so burned out on the whole thing by the end, I never even attempted to jump rope or steer a moped across the rooftops of a city. I want to waste the rest of my day to make a balloon bigger? No thank you.

· I was just done.

· Bowser’s Fury left me wanting more.

· Considering this is a Mario game, that is no small achievement.

· So maybe this is what I want from Mario games: not something overly long and complicated, but straightforward and concise.

· A Mario as bullet points, if you will.

· Shell is great this time of yearAnd even if it does not seem as comprehensive as other Mario titles, it may still be an amazing way to enjoy Mario content.

· Sometimes, content as an outline is better, even when it is just a game with a jumpy little plumber.

· Or writing about one.

FGC #573 Super Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury

  • System: Nintendo Switch, and never Nintendo WiiU. There is no such thing anymore.
  • Number of players: Super Mario 3D World is still four player. Bowser’s Fury is exclusively a videogame built for two.
  • I want the mushroom man back: I understand why this choice was made, but it does kind of suck that Mario’s other friends do not get to participate in Bowser’s Fury. We deserve Gigantic Super Saiyan Princess Peach Cat! That said, the “Tails mode” of this two player game is not the worst thing in the world, even if my wife hates feeling like she’s “not helping”.
  • So did you try Super Mario 3D World proper with her? Yes. She chose Toad, and proceeded to run off every single stage. A lesson was learned, but the damage is irreversible.
  • Favorite Island: I admire whatever maniac decided to make an entire area made out of donut blocks. I am always looking for a reason to make Mario run, and that unsure footing is a fine excuse for such. By the same token, the fact that the volcano area is mostly about standing on one stupid moving platform is a tragedy.
  • Shine onMario Economics: As there are no “lives” in Bowser’s Fury (yay!), coins buy you bankable powerups with every 100 collected. And that’s cool, because otherwise you could game a billion 1-ups out of transforming into a golden cat statue on a trampoline. There are so many ways to get unlimited coins in this game, it’s almost a reference to Super Mario Bros. and its infinite lives tricks.
  • The kid is going to be alright: I like this recurring motif in Mario games (spin-offs included) wherein Bowser Jr. is dedicatedly Mario’s enemy, but when something happens to “papa”, he enlists Mario’s help. It is good that Bowser Jr. has alternative responsible adults in his life that can help him with problems, even if those problems may be “my dad is Godzilla”.
  • Dinosaur Fight: The fact that Plessie becomes Mario’s faithful steed for this adventure, and not Yoshi, is vaguely disappointing. I know this is a game made out of reused Super Mario 3D World assets, and Plessie was already an aquatic dinosaur, but come on! You bank the whole ending on Plessie! That could have been the lizard creature that has his own cookie game!
  • Goggle Bob Fact: I completely missed an entire level in the second segment (the Bully island), and only found it well after I had completed nearly every other challenge in the game. That hasn’t happened since the late 90’s, when this intrepid player ignored Rainbow Road for days after formally completing Mario 64. I’m still mad at myself for that one.
  • The clock is tickingDid you know? This is the first time Bowser has appeared with a “life bar” in a proper Mario game (aka not an RPG or fighting game or whatever). He normally just falls into lava, though, so it’s understandable that he wouldn’t need a lifebar for that kind of health drain.
  • Would I play again: It is a lot more likely than some Mario games! I might try to “speedrun” the whole of Bowser’s Fury, you know, just to see if I can. I can’t remember the last time I did that!

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Ghosts ‘n Goblins Resurrection! Yes, we’re apparently playing another recent release, and this one might be a little more difficult than wrecking an enormous turtle with kitten claws. Please look forward to it!

FGC #566 Rockin’ Kats

Let's go catsHow much does the happiness of your protagonist impact your enjoyment of a videogame?

Today we are looking at Rockin’ Kats, a forgotten gem from the good folks at Atlus. Long before Atlus produced videogames about teenagers obsessed with the subconscious and/or time traveling, there was Rockin’ Kats, a game about a cat-man fighting a bunch of dog-men for his cat-lady friend. It seems that Willy, aka “The Rockin’ Kat”, has caught the attention of a local mob boss, Mugsy, and Will’s girlfriend, Jill, has been kidnapped. Willy thus must defeat four of Mugsy’s chief lieutenants across four different bases, and then make the final assault on Mugsy’s compound to save Jill once and for all. But don’t worry about Willy, gentle reader, he’s got a “punch gun” that can clobber bad guys, grab objects, and even double as a grappling hook. Combine this with Willy’s natural, NES-born ability to jump around like a maniac, and he should have Jill home and loving the Jazz Age by lunchtime.

And, likely as result of being a “late” Nintendo Entertainment System title, Rockin’ Kats is oozing personality. The entire adventure is presented as a series of television “episodes”, so there’s the distinct feeling that this whole story is less a “videogame”, and more of a syndicated cartoon akin to Tom & Jerry. Dog kidnaps cat, other cat fights dog, the day is saved, repeat in half hour intervals at 7 AM every weekday morning. What’s more, every sprite is impressive, so the individual mooks are distinctive, every mini boss is a unique challenge, and the bosses are memorable for more than their patterns. And Willy! That dude is just having a ball scampering through cities, mountains, and sewers! He bounds and punches and flips through the air with ease. I mean, take a look at this hep cat…

Just flipping away like it ain’t no thang, and then landing with a perfect little flourish that is sure to wow the judges. Willy might be in a life or death situation here, but that’s not the first thing on his kitty brain. Willy is not worried. Willy is enjoying it.

And that got this glorious blogger to thinking: how many other videogame heroes actually enjoy their jobs?

Let us start with the obvious: Simon Belmont does not enjoy being Simon Belmont. Poor ol’ barbarian does exactly what he is destined to do, and is literally cursed to carry around assorted organs for his job well done. Similarly, it is hard to imagine any other Belmont actually enjoying their sworn duty, as, best case scenario for all of them is the opportunity to probably not be run out of town on a cross. Maria might be the sole exception to this rule in Castlevania, as she openly and loudly volunteers for vampire-slaying duty, but she is all mopey about every godamned thing in time for Symphony of the Night, so it appears this job is destined to take a toll.

Super fun parkAnd speaking of generations taking a toll, there is Mega Man. The super fighting robot could have spent the rest of his days working as a maid, but he famously volunteered to pew down his former buddies. And then he did it 82 more times. Or more? Are we counting the teleporter fights? No matter! What’s important is that Mega Man 2 laid the groundwork for solemn Mega Men way back in 1988, which eventually led to The Melancholy of Mega Man X five years later. Now there’s a guy that hates his job! Mega Man X is literally the most powerful reploid on the planet, has a great support group of family and friends that are seemingly invincible/immortal, and he gets a new set of armor from his dad every holiday season; but he still spends most of his adventures sitting around moping about how the cannon on his arm only knows for sure when he’s finally going to stop crying. In short, if you are playing as Mega Man X, you are playing as a character that hates his life.

But it is not all bad for iconic heroes! Mario initially was wholly mute in his adventures, and it was up to the player to determine whether or not Mario was enjoying his switch in vocation from plumber to pouncer. But from Mario 64 on, Mario has been “wee”ing and “woohoo”ing across battlefields, and, give or take occasionally drowning in silent agony, Mario visibly enjoys his time rescuing princesses. Conversely, anytime Luigi is in a group, he hoots along with his bro, but when he is alone, he is an unmistakable mix of scared and annoyed (sca-nnoyed… no, wait, that’s just what happens when The Mighty Mighty Bosstones come on the playlist). Luigi does not like exploring a haunted house, houses, or a motel, and the only thing he is not afraid of is someone knowing he is afraid. But between the brothers, there is a beoveralled tie-breaker: Wario. Right from the first time he stole a whole damn castle, and then immediately afterward when he tried to steal another castle, Wario has squeezed enjoyment out of his job just as easily as squeezing a garlic bulb. You can tell from that omnipresent wicked grin that Wario is not going to let some malevolent genie or gang of pirates get him down, so he is enjoying every time he gets to be a protagonist.

That gorillaAnd, in the same way you can just know that Wario enjoys Warioing, having a happy protagonist can impact your feelings on a videogame. It is not a coincidence that Mega Man X(1), a game that just generally nods to X having some issues, is a more well received title than Mega Man X7, wherein X is so depressed, you have to fight just to get him to leave his lounger. Similarly, Super Metroid is a game wherein Samus experiences untold trauma (you ever accidentally wind up blowing up the planet you once called home? It isn’t great), but does not dwell on such. If you want Sad Samus, you have to hit Metroid: Other M, which you won’t, because there isn’t a person alive that would recommend that game. Sure, you could easily argue that these “sad” games have other factors that make them terrible, but there is a greater reason that people so vehemently defend why these games are bad. It is one thing to play a game that is bad, but it is another thing to play a game that makes your hero feel bad.

And if you need further proof of this, look no further than the Prince of Persia franchise from the early 21st century. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time was an immensely popular game staring a hero that loved his job. Sure, this prince had screwed up the whole of his world to the point that he accidentally murdered his entire family and friends, but he also could rewind time and run up walls. And what could be more fun than that? The whole narrative conceit of Sands of Time is that Prince is practically bragging about his adventure, and any flubs or errant deaths are just “that didn’t really happen”. Prince likes being Prince. Meanwhile, the sequel, Prince of Persia: Warrior Within had the exact same gameplay, some improvements to the battle system, and a protagonist that would rather take an angry nap than fight a relentless sand monster. Guess what everyone focused on? Guess why IGN dropped Sands of Time’s 9/10 score to Warrior Within’s meager 8.5/10? (Look, that 0.5 meant a lot at the time.) The main reason was inevitably that this new, surly Prince was dramatically less fun to play as and with.

Hey, it's a fun sewerWe play videogames for fun, dammit. Unless the whole point of the game is oppressive horror (yes, my Bloodborne create-a-saddy might be scowling right now), your protagonist should be happy. What is the point otherwise? Do you get off on making shirtless, Persian men do whatever you say, despite their persistent objections? Because, uh… if you’re into that… maybe shoot me a private message. There are some titles on Steam…

Bah! Never mind that! Just remember that it is important that a game’s protagonist actually enjoys being the game’s protagonist. Luigi might get a title game every console generation or so, but he’s sure not the dude hosting endless kart championships. By the same token, Willy’s exuberance has undoubtedly made him the most popular hero ever produced by Atlus, and we’re all awaiting this Rockin’ Kat’s next adventure.

Keep on rockin’ a complete lack of angst, Willy.

FGC #566 Rockin’ Kats

  • System: Nintendo Entertainment System for its first and only release. You could technically count its presence on a PlayChoice-10 as an arcade release if you really wanted.
  • Number of players: Just the one kat. A sequel would have probably introduced Milly Kat.
  • The haunted dobermanMaybe actually talk about the game for a second: This is a great NES action-platformer with a fun character and expressive sprites. It is also one of those gauntlets that somehow makes the final, fifth level as long as the other four stages combined. Complete with including every boss and mini boss! It is… an odd choice. But regardless of a final stage that may as well be the entire game, it is very entertaining, and a fine way to spend a couple of hours having fun with a grapplin’ cat.
  • An end: The final boss is defeated by punching Mugsy so hard, he is launched onto the moon. Very good, very dragon ball. But after the credits roll, you are presented with an even harder “second quest” that drops all your weapons and items, and will end after an extremely limited three lives. This is Rockin’ Kats: Super Hard Mode, and if you feel like finishing that, you are a better cat than me.
  • Favorite Weapon: The… what are they called?… Two Balls? Double Shot? Whatever, those two thingys extend your weapon’s reach just enough so as to make practically every boss a cakewalk. I enjoy cake, so that’s my weapon of choice, even if the mace really looks cool.
  • Favorite Boss: You cannot go wrong with a four-handed robot that eventually transforms into some bastardized version of Cut Man. Dr. Wily would be proud.
  • Eat your heart out, CastlevaniaDid you know? There are a few codes hidden in Rockin’ Kats. If you pause the game and press Down+A+B, you will have six lives and full health. If you pause the game and press Up+A+B, you will lose all of your lives, and only have one sliver of health remaining. Please remember to use the proper code for the proper situation.
  • Would I play again: This is a great NES game! I would really like to see what could have been done with Super Rockin’ Kats, but we do not live in such a glorious world. I suppose I will be content with what we have for now…

What’s next? The season of love is upon us, so it’s time for Wankery Week yet again! Come back Monday for some mildly NSFW hijinks as we take a look at whether or not some Smash Sisters should be allowed into a boys’ club!

Gotta fly fast
Another blue dude that very much enjoys his job.

FGC #564 Kirby Super Star (Ultra)

I can hear this GIFThere are many that claim Kirby Super Star is the secret origin of Super Smash Bros. This is likely wholly accurate, as both games were directed by Masahiro Sakurai, and both titles seem to feature controllable characters with extremely similar general abilities (Kirby’s “ball shield” is very familiar to anyone that ever found the block button in Smash). This brings us to another popular theory: in much the same way that Super Smash Bros is a mix of a fighting game and platformer, Kirby Super Star has strayed from Kirby’s platforming roots, and is closer to a combination platformer/beat ‘em up. In short, Kirby Super Star has less in common with Mario, and more influence from Final Fight.

This is, to be absolutely clear, grizzoshit. Kirby Super Star is not a beat ‘em up. There are too many treasure chests to find for this Great Kirby Offensive to ever be a beat ‘em up. But I, the magnanimous king of this website, will forgive you for ever believing Kirby Super Star could be a beat ‘em up. Why, gentle reader? Because I see how a poor, unenlightened soul may be confused by the artistry on display in Kirby Super Star.

Why do people think Kirby Super Star might be a beat ‘em up? Because, like in any good beat ‘em up, it feels damn good to hit things in Kirby Super Star.

Kirby has always been a violent little dude. While Mario might bop his opponents or toss a friendly fireball, Kirby was swallowing his opponents right from day one. And that was not in a playful, “haha now you’re lunch” Pac-Man way, either. Kirby could swallow an opponent for some empty calories, but he was a lot more likely to then spit his potential lunch as a deadly projectile. So, yes, while you might reasonably be able to complete a pacificist run of Sonic the Hedgehog (give or take some mad scientist bosses), Kirby has always had physical conflict baked into his DNA (or at least his dinner). Even simply breathing deeply generated a mini-projectile for Kirby! And his following adventure saw the puff ball gain the ability to “copy” the skills of his foes, and the powers that stuck with our pink hero all seemed more offensive than movement-based. High Jump and Ball were fun and all, but audiences clearly wanted swordplay and hammer time. And regardless of which abilities would eventually make the cut(ter), early Kirby titles established its protagonist not as a dude that would just run and jump, but someone who was going to slice a deadly swath through adorable star blocks.

I like this birdBut, in the same way that Kirby graduated from simple sucking to copying abilities, the ability to copy at all had to evolve with its attendant hero. On the Gameboy, this took the form of Kirby’s Dreamland 2, wherein having a different animal buddy impacted abilities in different ways, so what was a flurry of sparks on “regular” Kirby became a lightbulb when in the presence of a fish. It… made sense at the time. On the Super Nintendo, Kirby was able to utilize each copy ability in a variety of ways. For instance, the simple parasol was no longer a sword-with-a-floaty-jump it was on the NES, it now involved its own special dash attack, a “meteor attack”, and it could shield Kirby in new and interesting ways. And how was this all possible without any animal buddies? Simple! Kirby got a moveset! He can utilize option A, but it becomes option B while jumping, option C while dashing, and option D if it happens to be used while jumping and dashing. In some cases, there were distinct input commands for “special techniques” that could do all sorts of things (or at least generate a fireball). Kirby has got options!

More handsAnd, yes, this sounds a lot like a beat ‘em up. It very much sounds like the more complicated beat ‘em ups (Streets of Rage comes immediately to mind) that utilize not some simple “jump+punch = special” architecture, but a variety of special moves activated with particular inputs. And, obviously, you use special moves in beat ‘em ups because they are more powerful and useful than regular moves. … Or is it that obvious? Special moves are special, and they are usually visually magnificent (never a bad time when someone’s fist catch fire), but they definitely have an entry barrier with their special inputs. How do you convey to the player that a special move is, ya know, special? Some people are naturally going to gravitate toward “complicated = better”, but there is an equally larger audience that is going to ask why they should press all these extra commands when simply one button is going to do the job. Sure, it might do more damage, but why bother? Well how about you bother because dammit it feels good to hit things.

This is the secret of Kirby Super Star and good beat ‘em ups. You can face armies of the exact same guy (whether that be Waddle Dee or Two P), you can venture through areas that look remarkably similar (how many times has Kirby wandered through a nondescript forest?), and you can fight the same collection of bosses but-now-a-different-color until the it’s time for your sleep ability to kick in, and, in the end, it will work because it feels good to hit (these) things. Every one of Kirby’s Super Star abilities has an offensive component, and whether you are wielding a fireball or mirror dash, when you smack into an opponent, it feels substantial. Even the more “movement” based abilities, like Wing or Jet, generate “forcefields” that will obliterate blocks and opponents alike. And, of course, if either of those abilities activate their dash attacks, well, Rocky the rock dude is going to be in traction for the next week. And, just in case you think that simple contact is the only way to generate a beefy hit, the Plasma ability proves that this can apply to long range attacks, too. Throw off a simple plasma spark, and it “feels” like you are generating no more force than your average pencil eraser; but charge up to a full plasma ball, and the screen practically vibrates with the overwhelming energy Kirby has blasted into the universe. Sure, it takes a moment to charge up, but you do that because it feels good to annihilate that Bio Spark in a single plasma explosion.

Do it, Kirby!And, even more than Kirby’s shield and other similarities, this is the origin of Super Smash Bros. Super Smash Bros is a game where, no matter what happens, it feels good to “smash” your opponent. It feels good to send Jigglypuff sailing over the horizon, and our primitive lizard brains react well to the sound of the smash-shotgun, the vibration of the controller with every smash, and the temporary “lag” that occurs in an effort to further extend the moment of a perfect smash. Super Smash Bros is more than a strangely chaotic version of Mario’s last birthday party, it is also a game that flawlessly conveys to a player how much fun it can be to hit things. And, even though the roster may wear and the challenges may diminish over time, it always feels good to smash in Smash Bros. It’s right there in the title for a reason!

So congratulations, Kirby Super Star. You might not be a beat ‘em up, but you did refine one of that genre’s greatest strengths. It feels good to hit things in Kirby Super Star, so it feels good to play Kirby Super Star.

Beware the pink fury of Kirby. He is going to hit things while smiling the whole time.

FGC #564 Kirby Super Star (Ultra)

  • System: Super Nintendo for one glorious Christmas Season in 1996. Then it was rereleased on Nintendo Wii, Wii U, and Switch. There was also the Nintendo DS version, Kirby Super Star Ultra, which I may as well play, too, because it’s fun to hit things on the small screen.
  • Totally wrongNumber of players: This is a wonderful little title that uses a “Tails” 2-player mode. History has proven that it is ideal for playing a fun platformer while babysitting. Though, to be clear, you may have to coach a child on the basics of “press up to open doors”.
  • Port-o-Call: On one hand, it is difficult to improve on perfection, so Kirby Super Star Ultra seems to provide very limited upgrades to the original. There are entirely new modes/levels/bosses, but, like Chrono Trigger DS, the original content is so jam-packed with fun that the “extra” stuff feels vaguely exhausting. That said, it does reintroduce Kabula the Angry Blimp, so it gets bonus points there.
  • This was never a good idea: Though, to be clear, the DS version is abhorrent in its two player mode, as it absolutely requires two cartridges to get anywhere. You can technically share a cart to a limited degree, but the game won’t even appear on the second DS’s screen, so good luck playing through Super Star Ultra while crouched over someone else’s teeny tiny screen.
  • What’s in a name: In Europe, this game is known as Kirby’s Fun Pak. This is egregious, as the acronym for Kirby Super Star is almost KISS.
  • Favorite Copy Ability: Plasma is my go-to in basically every situation. You just cannot beat launching a green ball of electronic nonsense at all times, and the “static generation” bits are fun to make Kirby look like a little pink maniac. Though we do have to give the Paint ability props here, too, as paint is apparently one of the most powerful forces in the Kirby universe.
  • Get that blimpUnanswered Questions: Does anyone know what happened to Meta Knight’s crew? Like, dude had a bird captain working for him in addition to his regular army, and I’m genuinely curious what happened to those guys.
  • Goggle Bob Fact: In my youth, I may or may not have drawn an entire comic book based on the general beats of Kirby Super Star. It is a prequel story about Kirby and Jynx teaming up to take down Meta Knight and his fabulous bird ship. If I do say so myself, it is not all that bad, though I did make the (wholly incorrect) artistic choice of giving Kirby visible teeth…
  • Did you know? Completing every last bit of Kirby Super Star Ultra unlocks some “outtakes” of Kirby in his iconic cinemas from the original. This means that, like Altered Beast, Kirby is an actor portraying these adventures for an unseen audience. I choose to believe the “real” Kirby is an Estonian dwarf in a costume.
  • Would I play again: Did I ever get around to plainly stating how much I love this game? It is my favorite Kirby game, and that puts it in the running for favorite videogame of all time. I like hitting things. I will play Kirby Super Star again.

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Beast Wars: Transformers for the Playstation! Get ready to enter beast mode! Please look forward to it!

He can't go around?