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Xenogears 13: Solaris

Let's motorWe have spoken a lot about -the power- over the course of these sermons, but what can one do once they have firmly acquired and established -the power-? Solaris offers an answer: sinful decadence.

The Sacred Empire of Solaris was founded some 800 years back, but did not come to true power until 300 years later when it all but conquered the world during the Shevat-Solaris War. And, centuries after those conflicts, Solaris’s government controlled the actions of nearly everyone on the planet. But what was happening within the walls of that flying fortress? Well, it depended on your caste…

Solaris is supported by a large group of “workers” that are practically indistinguishable from slaves. They work all day and night, and are punished with death at the slightest sign of insubordination. This is considered wholly normal and necessary by all Solaris citizens, and is happily consumed by the citizenry that stands at the higher castes. Oh, and speaking of being “happily consumed”, Solaris also mulches its have-nots into a Soylent Green Slurry, so the rich eat the poor without a second thought. The powerful devour the weak, even though the only reason the weak are labeled as such is a simple accident of birth.

But once you get past the dietary restrictions, what do the rich do in this society that holds all -the power- on the planet? Nothing! They are idle, and frequently spend their days watching holo-programs (while those on the surface of the planet have barely mastered the phonogram). They exercise their bodies not through actual work, but in home aerobics. And when their emperor appears to tell them that strange people have invaded the country, and said people are to be executed, they happily agree that their master’s bloodlust must be sated. Mind you, this is still a city where dissent from anyone will be chastised via pursuit through the sewers by attack triangles, so it is possible the population is just afraid to speak out against any injustices. But then again, those guys zooming around in their hover go-karts don’t look too broken up about the state of their civilization…

Looks painfulBut where does this all lead? Well, despite the fact that Solaris had easily the best showers on this planet, it still could not maintain -the power-. Even though there were multiple high-ranking Solarians involved in the invasion of Fei Fong Wong, none were strong enough to stop the terrorist martial artist with a giant robot. As a result, the whole of Solaris was obliterated by the actions of one man, and the wicked kingdom was brought low.

So learn from the sins of Solaris! Do not use -the power- to build an idle nation, fore it shall be ground to nothing by a ponytailed slacker.

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 13

Original Stream Night: May 4, 2021
Night of the Simulated Theme Park

Random Stream Notes

  • We’re going to start by beholding the Final Fantasy 7 Tifa cameo! Welcome back with Kishi, Caliscrub, and fanboymaster
    Nice Poster
  • BEAT does not know who Elly is. Still.
  • Hey, this was back when they announced Elon Musk on Saturday Night Live. Remember when he was only subtly impacting our entertainment choices?
  • Also, BEAT watched Netflix Voltron, but failed to remember the Voltron lions are… lions. They are not dogs.
  • Elly’s Mom is wearing the same outfit as Allen of Xenosaga. The lore implications of this are terrifying.
  • BEAT’s dad knew a guy who had a full-length poster of himself in a closet. Like Elly. And Elly turned out fine.
    Stop looking at you
  • Jeanie for real joins for the first time as Elly hacks her dad’s computer! Historic!
  • “You call people named ‘Stan’ ‘Satan’?!”
  • Mega Man 4 is the most unremarkable game Kishi can think of.
  • BEAT would rather talk about Nicholas Cage, but watching Citan force a cannibalism is allowed.
  • As I have to deal with dumb Xenogears codes, I am invited to talk about Warzard. Hey! Now you can play that game on modern consoles.
  • After Fei throws up, I relay my story of being a giant Mortal Kombat / videogame nerd back when I was 12. So little has changed
  • WeeeeAnd then we talk about watching our family members die in arcade games and Oregon Trail.
  • Square Enix, please call me. I have wonderful ideas for Kingdom Hearts x Xenogears. I promise to be good.
  • A conversation about developer crunch leads to some heavy sighs about the industry and that one Avengers game.
  • Oh good. We’re talking about the Ken Penders extended universe for some reason.
  • Final Fantasy 10 allows you to just decide not to die, which is not unlike downloading yourself to a TV sphere.
  • Hey! Fei is eventually trapped in the Matrix! The second one! With the Architect!
  • “When you do post this, I will pay attention to that.” BEAT? Are you paying attention now?
  • And we’re going to stop before the big action happens. This would have been a good place for Xenogears 1 to end…

Next time on Xenogears: A shocking explanation of absolutely nothing.

I like the looks of this

Xenogears 12: Acceptance

I don't understandOkay… uh… This one is…

Today’s sermon was supposed to be about acceptance. See, Fei and Elly have just started a relationship of sorts, and now along comes Emeralda, who is a child that immediately identifies Fei as her father. This is a surprise to both Fei and Elly, and is further exacerbated by Emeralda apparently immediately loving Fei, but rejecting Elly. Elly, like many “stepmoms” in such a situation, literally does not know what to do, and, obviously there were now more troubles ahead for the young couple.

But…

Well, Emeralda is Fei’s daughter. Unfortunately, Fei doesn’t know that thanks to Emeralda being the daughter of Fei when Fei was experiencing another lifetime some 4,000 years earlier. Additionally, Elly is also effectively Emeralda’s mom, though with the same caveat. And what’s more, Elly and Fei in these earlier incarnations literally died so Emeralda could live. And “live” is a complicated descriptor here, as Emeralda is in no way biological, but a nanomachine colony. And she has a pet giant robot for some reason, too.

So, apparently, Elly is expected to accept Fei’s daughter from another marriage, but Fei wasn’t really Fei, and he was really married to Elly in the first place, and their daughter barely remembers any of this. She cannot even get her dad’s name right.

Oh, and a music box “Fei” gave to “Elly” four millennia back is somehow sitting in Citan’s workshop now. That doesn’t really complicate matters any further, but it does make the whole thing even weirder.

So today we still preach about acceptance. Accept that sometimes life is too complicated to convey with words.

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 12

Original Stream Night: April 27, 2021
Night of Puzzle Bobble 4

Random Notes on the Stream:

  • Abby Denton joins us from her home in Silent Hill, and then Caliscrub joins shortly thereafter. We have a full party tonight!
  • Do you pilot or steer a dolphin? The Elements attack, which raises all sorts of questions.
  • And then Kishi joins Xenogears party chat.
  • Skyghene, the flying Gear piloted by Tolone, looks like Transformers Cyberton’s Brimstone (who I misidentify as Terrorsaur on the stream). Take a look:

    I like flying robots

    I’m not crazy, right?

  • “What the fuck is a Mercury Melon?”
  • Somehow seeing the TV Orb leads to references to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and squirrel-based deaths. It all makes sense in context.
  • “Being the victor, I merely said ‘this game’s stupid’.”
  • Welcome to being underwater in a Gear. It involves a lot of jumping. So these are Super Mario Bros rules, not Mega Man rules.
  • What is even happeningI… may have gotten turned around in this cave. At least it leads to discussion of the imaginary Final Fantasy 7 Saturday Morning Cartoon and the Squaresoft Afternoon.
  • We are all squares on the stream according to BEAT. Please ignore any moments where BEAT claims I am the only square. This must be a lie.
  • As we find Crescens at the gate generator, we inevitably discuss if the robot masters of Mega Man are truly sentient. My vote is yes, because it is the only thing that makes Elec Man make sense.
  • Solaris is unfurled! Why does it do that? Who knows.
  • Fei is a 10,000 year incel. It is canon.
  • We visit a restaurant as Jeannie is invited on the stream for the first time. She’s an official member of Even Worse Streams as of this writing, and I literally forgot she ever wasn’t.
  • Let’s all get excited about the dark wings that will carry them all to their death.
  • “What? So he dropped upwards into the sky?”
    “Don’t worry about it.”
  • Male Wife and Girlboss is going to be a CBS comedy in ten years.
  • This looks importantKishi leaves a little early as we Metal Gear Solid through the vents of Solaris.
  • Was I the only person who ever pretended there were save points in my real life? I guess so…
  • And we break for the night noting that Solaris is a picture of decadence that coincidentally echoes the 80s.

Next time on Xenogears: What could have been Part 1’s thrilling conclusion!

Is this legal?

Xenogears 09: Question Not Thy god

Let's have a good laughFaith is important, but it is not everything.

Jessie B. Black, once known as Jesiah Blanche, was never a man of faith. While his son was dedicated to Ethos and the church, Jessie always believed the local religion to be a lie, and struck out on his own frequently. While this wreaked havoc on his family (his daughter became a mute, his wife became dead), Jessie persevered, and stayed true to his own principles. He fought the forces of Solaris in his own way, and did his absolute best to accomplish his goals… even if that often put him at odds with his son.

But Billy and Jessie teamed up when the nefarious Bishop Stone attacked. Bishop Stone (aka Isaac Stein, aka The Red Skull) had been granted -the power-, and was practically invincible thanks to his Gear’s ability to channel raw hate into an etheric barrier. While basking in his own invulnerability, Stone revealed he was personally responsible for killing Jessie’s wife/Billy’s mother, and threatened to destroy the Yggdrasil and everyone aboard. Billy is particularly perturbed, but Stone’s menace aimed at an entire ship full of people made this situation dire for more than just the Black family. But Jessie has a plan! He can use the Buntline Gear to transform into a gun, and Billy can shoot the Buntline “bullet” to destroy the barrier! We’re going to be okay!

Except about a minute after Billy fires the Buntline, Citan, the Gear’s creator, informs Billy that the pilot of the Buntline is killed in the process of shooting that Gear-bullet. Oopsie!

This should end wellBut, as Jessie said when he became a human projectile, “Question not thy god, for thy god doth not respond.” Jessie survived the Buntline, but not because of his faith. Citan was a genius, but Jessie was capable of improving the Buntline personally, and made it a Gear that was not suicide for its pilot. The Buntline could now fire Jessie an infinite number of times, and the worst that would come of it all was a headache. Jessie did not simply hope he would weather his own annihilation, he made his survival a priority, and did everything in his power to guarantee that. And this faith in himself was rewarded when Bishop Stone was defeated, and Jessie’s daughter, Primera, finally spoke to her father.

Everything was good for the Black family, and it was all thanks to Jessie finding the god within himself.

And then everybody climbed a tower or something because Jessie met a dude in a cave one time. Just how these things go…

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 9

Original Stream Night: March 30, 2021
Night of the Soul Edge

Random Stream Notes

  • We took nearly the entire month of March off thanks to a fundraising stream and a honeymoon, but we’re back in the Xenosaddle!
  • Kishi is here practically from the start this time.
  • Kishi asks about my trip to St. Augustine, Florida (which is where I was the previous Tuesday). The fact that it was so familiar after a couple decades away eventually inspired an article.
  • Let us talk about Gundam and Toonami doing its best with the concept of Gundam Wing being popular.
  • “I’m gonna die, but I wanna die awesome.”
  • And I died again. I really must remember to buy gear for the Gears…
  • If this has not been noted before, Kishi is disgusted by the fact that I am cheating and still losing.
  • We take a quick moment to look at the debug items I have cheated into the game.
  • Look at youPersona 3 would like you to dance while I put you in a trance.
  • So we equipped accessories to pump up Elly’s ether stats for her super Aeroid attack… and it heals the boss. Okay!
  • Thank God, we won.
  • Street Fighter characters speak whatever language they want
  • Welcome to the Tower of Babil! Why isn’t Fei doing any damage…
  • Fanboymaster and Kishi agree that the Mega Man franchise is mostly not great. I take personal offense at this.
  • Ninja Gaiden Z should never be mentioned again.
  • The Tower of Babil is awesome from a design perspective… and awful from a gameplay perspective.
  • Hoggish Greedly should not hang out with Ed Asner. He liked meat too much.
  • We are the archetypal dads. Note: none of us are dads.
  • “According to this Tripod.com fansite…”
  • This will end wellFanboymaster points out that the modern equivalent of the dad working on an old car in the garage is a raspberry pi aficionado continually tinkering on the perfect build, and this fact hurts my brain.
  • As we scale the tower, there is talk of that one Castlevania game with Trevor… Or maybe Ralph…
  • As always, please enjoy my inept platforming skills. I swear I am not this terrible when not on stream…
  • We finally get to the top (ish) of the Tower of Babil to find our classic robot boss.
  • BEAT claims he is not paying attention as we see the TV orb again. We know!
  • And we close out with a brief mention of that one dungeon in Xenosaga Ep 2. It looks like Shevat!

Next time on Xenogears: Stormy Pinkness.

Dazzling

FGC #638 Mega Man Legends 2

Mega Man Legends 2 is the final game in the official, started-with-Mega Man 1 timeline. So, with that in mind, let’s look at the complete, fictional history of Mega Man.

And I didn’t even call him a rock once!

FGC #638 Mega Man Legends 2

  • System: Playstation 1 in 2000, Playstation Portable in 2005, PSN/PS3 forever.
  • Number of Players: Mega Man has a great family, but is the only one allowed to fly to the moon.
  • Favorite Sub Weapon: Z-Sabre makes me feel like Zero and a quiz master. Best of both worlds!
  • Had to fit a GIF somewhere in hereLand of the Rising Fun: In the original Japanese version of Mega Man Legends 2, the “Quiz House” is more or less an “English test”, and quizzes the player on kanji (logographic language characters). This was changed over here to general trivia, which only breaks the universe a little bit when carbons of the future are asking questions about Richard Nixon and The Beatles. Though I suppose it only makes marginally more sense that a single language surviving thousands of years and apocalypses…
  • Story Time: Once again, the plot is teased at the start, and then loaded almost entirely into the finale. In this situation (as mentioned on the stream), I have to wonder if the directors had some kind of warning that they might not get another game, and had to spell out the whole secret history of ol’ Volnutt. Or maybe someone just had a cool idea for an origin, and it included a trip to the moon? Whatever!
  • Tron Resurrection: There is much made of the mystery of the keys and this hidden island and the secret of what happened to Roll’s parents. And it is all worthless next to air pirate hijinks. The ending seems to imply that Tron is going to firmly be on the side of the angels starting with the next title, so maybe it isn’t the worst thing that we never saw a Mega Man Legends 3…
  • For the sequel: That said, the lack of a Mega Man Legends 3 is proof we live in a blighted world wherein we are surviving through one long, continuous slap to the face.
  • Watch it, Buddy: Oh yeah. Want to see the stream? Here it is.




    The finale is great for hearing Caliscrub’s game of the year for every year that has ever happened.

  • Look at the chart: While we are talking about Mega Man stuff, I made this a while back in response to a meme, and it hasn’t been posted on the site before…

    This is very straightforward

    Let us all be amused.

  • Goggle Bob Fact: I produced this video across two continents and three countries. I didn’t work on it much while I was on vacation, but I’m going to claim it technically counted.
  • Credit Where Credit is Due: Good/Bad Elf art provided by Gogglebob.com contributor Poochtastic1. Also happy to have her contribute something pretty and/or scary.
  • Did you know? According to the designers and confirmed by leftover code, originally Roll, Tron, Bon Bonne, Glyde, and Gatz were all going to be playable in different parts of Mega Man Legends 2. Apparently this was scrapped due to making it difficult to animate skeletons in a way that wasn’t immediately reminiscent of Mega. But think of it! We could have had a playable Tron Bonne once again!
  • Would I play again: Capcom, please give us a Mega Man Legends collection. I want an excuse to play through this again while people aren’t shouting at me to fight robots better. It would be nice to have the entirety of the Mega Man timeline on my Switch, too…

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Castlevania: Curse of Darkness for the Playstation 2! Let us once again slay a Dracula or two! Please look forward to it!

BOOM
Seatbelts are not for MegaMan…