We have spoken a lot about -the power- over the course of these sermons, but what can one do once they have firmly acquired and established -the power-? Solaris offers an answer: sinful decadence.
The Sacred Empire of Solaris was founded some 800 years back, but did not come to true power until 300 years later when it all but conquered the world during the Shevat-Solaris War. And, centuries after those conflicts, Solaris’s government controlled the actions of nearly everyone on the planet. But what was happening within the walls of that flying fortress? Well, it depended on your caste…
Solaris is supported by a large group of “workers” that are practically indistinguishable from slaves. They work all day and night, and are punished with death at the slightest sign of insubordination. This is considered wholly normal and necessary by all Solaris citizens, and is happily consumed by the citizenry that stands at the higher castes. Oh, and speaking of being “happily consumed”, Solaris also mulches its have-nots into a Soylent Green Slurry, so the rich eat the poor without a second thought. The powerful devour the weak, even though the only reason the weak are labeled as such is a simple accident of birth.
But once you get past the dietary restrictions, what do the rich do in this society that holds all -the power- on the planet? Nothing! They are idle, and frequently spend their days watching holo-programs (while those on the surface of the planet have barely mastered the phonogram). They exercise their bodies not through actual work, but in home aerobics. And when their emperor appears to tell them that strange people have invaded the country, and said people are to be executed, they happily agree that their master’s bloodlust must be sated. Mind you, this is still a city where dissent from anyone will be chastised via pursuit through the sewers by attack triangles, so it is possible the population is just afraid to speak out against any injustices. But then again, those guys zooming around in their hover go-karts don’t look too broken up about the state of their civilization…
But where does this all lead? Well, despite the fact that Solaris had easily the best showers on this planet, it still could not maintain -the power-. Even though there were multiple high-ranking Solarians involved in the invasion of Fei Fong Wong, none were strong enough to stop the terrorist martial artist with a giant robot. As a result, the whole of Solaris was obliterated by the actions of one man, and the wicked kingdom was brought low.
So learn from the sins of Solaris! Do not use -the power- to build an idle nation, fore it shall be ground to nothing by a ponytailed slacker.
Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 13
Original Stream Night: May 4, 2021
Night of the Simulated Theme Park
Random Stream Notes
- We’re going to start by beholding the Final Fantasy 7 Tifa cameo! Welcome back with Kishi, Caliscrub, and fanboymaster
- BEAT does not know who Elly is. Still.
- Hey, this was back when they announced Elon Musk on Saturday Night Live. Remember when he was only subtly impacting our entertainment choices?
- Also, BEAT watched Netflix Voltron, but failed to remember the Voltron lions are… lions. They are not dogs.
- Elly’s Mom is wearing the same outfit as Allen of Xenosaga. The lore implications of this are terrifying.
- BEAT’s dad knew a guy who had a full-length poster of himself in a closet. Like Elly. And Elly turned out fine.
- Jeanie for real joins for the first time as Elly hacks her dad’s computer! Historic!
- “You call people named ‘Stan’ ‘Satan’?!”
- Mega Man 4 is the most unremarkable game Kishi can think of.
- BEAT would rather talk about Nicholas Cage, but watching Citan force a cannibalism is allowed.
- As I have to deal with dumb Xenogears codes, I am invited to talk about Warzard. Hey! Now you can play that game on modern consoles.
- After Fei throws up, I relay my story of being a giant Mortal Kombat / videogame nerd back when I was 12. So little has changed…
And then we talk about watching our family members die in arcade games and Oregon Trail.- Square Enix, please call me. I have wonderful ideas for Kingdom Hearts x Xenogears. I promise to be good.
- A conversation about developer crunch leads to some heavy sighs about the industry and that one Avengers game.
- Oh good. We’re talking about the Ken Penders extended universe for some reason.
- Final Fantasy 10 allows you to just decide not to die, which is not unlike downloading yourself to a TV sphere.
- Hey! Fei is eventually trapped in the Matrix! The second one! With the Architect!
- “When you do post this, I will pay attention to that.” BEAT? Are you paying attention now?
- And we’re going to stop before the big action happens. This would have been a good place for Xenogears 1 to end…
Next time on Xenogears: A shocking explanation of absolutely nothing.
Ninja Golf! Aqua Teen Hunger Force! A boring dungeon!
Spend your Fridays getting drunk with a walrus, and you too will be cool.
In the end, the resolution of the story of Serge, Lynx, and the Frozen Flame is a bit of a letdown. Lynx reveals that he has been the supercomputer FATE all along, and they have arranged this elaborate plan all so Serge could… open a door. And, while it has been pointed out multiple times on the stream that this plan could have been revised to be more effective (Lynx is secretly Serge’s father mutated into the thing that Serge most fears… but wouldn’t Serge be more cooperative if he was just asked to open a door by his beloved and lost father?), it is a plausible excuse for FATE making some of their more implausible moves across the plot. Need to bodyswap a teenage boy because you can’t find a decent locksmith? Sure! At least it gives the game an excuse to shuffle the supporting characters for six hours…
Centuries pass, and technology progresses. By 2300 AD, mankind has gained the scientific knowledge to look back to the past in all new ways. They find a shard of Lavos, the Frozen Flame, and grow more fascinated by the now-absent Lavos. Aided by Balthasar, a genius transported from an ancient society that was much more intimately familiar with Lavos, they create Chronopolis, a massive facility meant to study what the heck happened three centuries (and 65 million years) earlier.
BEAT was afraid my tweet-based mentions of FATE meant we were going to do “
Enjoy going back to the past to save Kid and confirm Gato and Lucca are dead! Which death is more upsetting?
Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin has finally refined the genre with one simple trick: the perfect protagonist for a JRPG is a complete idiot.