Superman stars in one of the most infamously bad games of all time. It’s Superman 64! And we apparently took valuable time from our lives to play such an abomination!
Superman: The New Superman Adventures
1999
Titus
Nintendo 64
Available Superpowers:
- Flight (unlimited, allowing for low ceilings)
- Super Strength (carrying cars is relatively easy)
- Freeze Breath (limited)
- X-Ray Vision (limited)
- Heat Vision (limited)
- “Reprogrammation”, which is apparently mind control (limited)
- Super Speed (a light jog) (limited)
Noted Opponents:
- Lex Luthor
- Shadow People (robots)
- Tornados
- Mala the Legally Distinct Kryptonian
- Metallo
- Darkseid
- Parasite
- Brainiac
Is Superman invincible?
Cheating can instantly restore HP, but Superman otherwise bleeds health like it is his job.
Is Superman homicidal?
Clark Kent is technically trapped in a virtual world fighting (mostly) robots and supervillains, so no mundane crooks were harmed in the making of Superman 64. It is unclear if the random named villains running around are real or simulations.
Is it any fun?
Absolutely not. As is stated plainly over the course of the stream, there is a skeleton for a decent game here, but actually enjoying it would be a job for Superman. An onscreen map, some respectable forgiveness in the challenge stages, or even just dramatically more intuitive goals would go a long way to making this game fun.
Charm Point
“Lex wins.”
Even Worse Streams Presents Superman
Night 3
April 2, 2024
Random Notes:
- It’s Superman 64! Caithness, fanboymaster, and Cassandralyn will be joining me on this journey through virtual Metropolis. There’s no time to waste!
- Titus made this steaming pile, and they are also responsible for Robocop (2003). Nice job, idiot.
- Hey, we actually legitimately beat Level 1. Let’s talk about live action Disney and… Nicolas Cage in Sorcerer’s Apprentice?
- “Solve my riddles!” *punch*
- We beat Level 2! That is the last time we will see “Superman Wins.” Welcome to flying through more rings as we talk about the original Superman Animated series.
- Level 3 eventually gets skipped in favor of discussing the history of cable networks and cable streaming.
- Gigantic Lego sets are not appropriate Christmas gifts.
- Please enjoy the framerate maximization as Superman is trapped in a Lex Corp laboratory.
- … And then Superman drops out of the universe.
- We escaped the void (through cheats). Let’s fly through hoops and talk about Bizarros.
- This may shock you, but discussing Philadelphia and things filmed in Philadelphia turns into debating favorite It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episodes.
- Caliscrub arrives and asks if it has been a “good” time with Superman 64. You know the answer to this one.
- Superman can pick up a car like in Action Comics #1. Is that why he is trapped in a parking garage?
- By the time we are flying through rings again, we are somehow examining the Digimon movie.
- “Ladies, right now I am streaming Superman 64, and we are talking about the sexy implications of Inspector Gadget.”
- Let’s plan to stream more games promoting terrible things! Also: Superman gets hit by a train.
- We beat the game as much as I want to beat it. Apparently this is one of those “classics” where you have to be playing on Hard Mode to reach the official finale. No thank you.
- And we close out with Superman futzing around in the training level. Please experience “swimming” Superman.
Next action-packed Superman issue: Superman has been shrunk!