We are back with more Superman! This time, we are looking at his every appearance on the Sega Genesis…

Is this a prank?1992
Sega Genesis / Game Gear / Master System

Available Superpowers:

  • Super Strength
  • Super Punch (limited)
  • Super Jump
  • Flight (unlimited)
  • Super Spin (limited locations)
  • Heat Vision (available in flight-only sections)

Noted Opponents:

  • Random aliens
  • Random robots
  • Just some random dudes
  • The Prankster
  • Metallo
  • Brainiac

Is Superman invincible?
He has limited health, everything hurts him, and he only has one life. Superman is as vulnerable as it gets.

Is Superman homicidal?
The boss of the first stage is the wholly mundane Prankster. There is no way Superman does not cave in that dumbass’s skull.

Is it any fun?
Assuming you can key in an invincibility code or otherwise avoid the punishing checkpoint system, this game plays pretty well. It is similar to the arcade game from last week! Which is good! But it is also a quarter-killer, which is not great on a system with no input slots.

Charm Point
Mister Mxyzptlk appears as a random annoyance in a few shoot ‘em stages. Given he does not seem to be actively trying to murder Superman, just bother him, his silly little cameos are welcome.

Death and Return of Superman
This is so dumb1994
Blizzard / Sunsoft
Sega Genesis / Super Nintendo Entertainment System

Available Superpowers:

  • Flight (unlimited)
  • Super Strength (can lift heavy things)
  • Heat Vision (unlimited)
  • Whatever power lets Supes punch the ground and make people fall down (limited)

Noted Opponents:

  • “Underworlder” Mutants
  • Doomsday
  • Random gang dudes
  • Warworld Aliens
  • Cyborg Superman

Is Superman invincible?
He dies as part of the title. Superman’s goose is cooked right from the start, but every stupid nobody can kill Superman equally. No, the game does not immediately progress after dying to a blue mutant on the first stage.

Is Superman homicidal?
Those random mooks are so super dead after a few Superman punches. And shouldn’t our blue boy scout feel bad about the underworlders, too? But don’t worry! Since you can play as other Supermen in other levels, Super Boy and Steel have blood on their hands, too.

Is it any fun?
This is maybe two levels of original content stretched across ten levels. There are five playable characters, and they are all exactly as boring as each other. And, while the plot does generally follow the original event comic, this retelling is as memorable as the Quarrmer (look it up!). So, no, it is not much fun.

Charm Point
Your opponents experience friendly fire, so Molotov can molotov Molotov.

Justice League Task Force
Go Batman!1995
Sega Genesis / Super Nintendo Entertainment System

Available Superpowers:

  • Freeze Breath
  • Heat Vision
  • Divekick
  • Gorgeous Hair

Noted Opponents:

  • Cheetah
  • Despero
  • Darkseid

Is Superman invincible?
It is a fighting game, so it would pretty unbalanced if Superman had infinite health. The story reveals that all the opponent “heroes” are Darkseid-manufactured robots. This includes a Superman-bot, so let’s assume Superman is taking damage because all the robots are Apokolips-level super tech.

Is Superman homicidal?
Technically all the opponents are robots or super-powered supervillains. But it is confirmed that Superman does not know that going into any given fight. He fought Green Arrow with his regular heat vision and freeze breath before discovering he was a mechanical duplicate. Ollie has not climbed enough salmon ladders to survive that.

Is it any fun?
This is not one of the better 16-bit fighting games. Considering what Capcom would be doing with Marvel in just a few years’ time, Superman’s premiere fighter is a clunky disappointment. This is why you have been sentenced to the Mortal Kombat kast for the rest of your days, Clark.

Charm Point
90’s mullets will continue until the situation improves.

Even Worse Streams Presents Superman
Night 2

March 26, 2024

Random Notes:

  • We’ve got a Sega Genesis emulator going, and it is time for more Superman with BEAT, Cassandralyn, fanboymaster, and myself. Jeb!
  • Thanks to Easter discussion, Cassandralyn explains the mythological context of her name (which she did not know when she created the pseudonym).
  • Looking good, manHey! Mags is in the chat! She apparently achieved godhood recently.
  • Ample Vigour joins as Brainiac taunts Superman. Let’s talk about the Legion of Superheroes! Brainiac 5 was the good one, right?
  • Moving on to Dragon Ball Z characters fucking a computer and oh yeah The Death and Return of Superman is on now.
  • Trivia from tonight: Martian Manhunter was posing as Bloodwynd (seriously) during Death and Return of Superman’s actual comics run.
  • Caithness joins just as Superman dies the worst/least impressive death at the hands of Doomsday.
  • For the record, our viewing audience breaks down, like, four levels in.
  • AJ Vark joins just as we discuss Hank Henshaw on Supergirl.
  • In a rare bit of paying-attention-to-the-stream synergy, we all overanalyze Superboy’s sprite.
  • Caliscrub joins for further “Superman Final Fight or some shit”.
  • We are super close to the end, and the audience is getting super angry.
  • “It’s so much worse to be boring than to be bad.”
  • The Death and Return of Superman is beaten! Hooray!
  • Moving on to Justice League Task Force. You are not the only one that can play fighting games, Caliscrub!
  • “Everyone knows Wonder Woman is a fake gamer girl.”
  • Ran out of continues, so we’re not beating this one. You can enjoy seeing final boss Darkseid in a versus match.
  • Moving on to Game Gear for the return of the game that started the night.
  • And we close shortly thereafter with the moral that Virgin Games has always sucked ass.

Next Thrilling Superman Issue: Hoops Saga.

I know that Mister

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