Tag Archives: disney

Chrono Cross 05: How Pretty

So prettyChrono Cross does one thing wonderfully… and the remake mucked it all up.

As has been mentioned on the stream repeatedly, I am talking about graphics. Chrono Cross had some amazing art for its time. In fact, the word “art” seems to be the only way to describe it, as this night’s stream opens with a gorgeous environment that recalls the works of Van Gogh. And that can’t be a coincidence in a videogame where you recruit a painter named Van! Beyond the obvious exquisite dimension, we also have scenic tropical towns, imposing manors, and at least one “dragon castle” that is a stunning mixture of nature and architecture. Looking at any given screenshot from Chrono Cross shows the viewer something that might be expected at The Louvre.

(And if you think I am being hyperbolic, please keep in mind that I was at The Louvre a couple of months back. They have a lot of space to fill, and there are some real dogshit paintings in there. A scene from El Nido would beat the toga off the 7,000th painting of Jesus looking concerned.)

But immaculate thumbnails aside, Chrono Cross has some issues when you adapt its world for modern displays. This was a game originally designed to look great on a television that weighed 50 lbs. and had a display area roughly as large as a Mr. Potato Head. Once you blow that up to the contemporary display that takes up an entire exterior wall, you start to have problems. Chrono Cross is great in its micro-macro, but once its micro bits start showing, you notice things like incomprehensible banners and sub-clip art guitars. The battle arena seen in this stream features a banner that proudly displays “Welcom [sic] Iron Man”, which is not only misspelled, but makes exactly zero sense in a monster fighting tournament conquered by a bunny girl. But who can blame any of the old art directors for Chrono Cross? That banner would have been the size of a chiclet back in the Playstation 1’s day…

Lovin the alienAnd while we’re deep in the angry well, the “shiny” effects that have been added to Chrono Cross HD seem to exist only to repel fans. Absolutely no one played Chrono Cross back at the turn of the century and said, “Well this Starky alien is neat and all, but he should be so much shinier!” Chrome doesn’t work on grays, and making an obviously biological entity appear to be robotic is unmistakably an unfortunate choice.

But since these blurbs are supposed to be outlining the good of Chrono Cross, I will say it again: Chrono Cross can be gorgeous. Just pull your old CRT TV out of the basement, hook up your Playstation with an R/F adapter, and gaze in wonder at the game the way it is meant to be played.

… Or just use that old ass television to play Super Smash Bros. See if I care.

Even Worse Streams presents Chrono Cross
Night 5

Original Stream Night: May 10, 2022

Recruited this week:

  • Sprigg
  • Harle
  • Radius
  • Van
  • Zappa
  • Funguy
  • Norris
  • Starky
  • Irenes
  • Janice
  • Sneff

Random Notes on the Stream

  • We are starting with an exemplary look at graphics. See everything you just read for more information.
  • 2-D Monsters means a discussion on PaRappa beta stuff. It looks like the current best way to see what we were talking about is here.
  • Sorry, girlfriendRacism makes zero sense in this lazy plot. I mean… racism never makes sense, but this specific racism is never fully explored.
  • There is a discussion of Spider-Man and/or Bruce Campbell quipping across videogames. Either one is fine.
  • Welcome to Termina. It’s fucked!
  • Van, across two dimensions, is unhappy. Like Notch.
  • 🎵 Believe it or not, Funguy is now at home. I never thought it could be so great. 🎵
  • Winnie the Pooh is clipping out of bounds at COVID Disney World. Well, technically COVID Epcot.
  • Lavos is responsible for humans being humans… So Ayla isn’t a human?
  • Talkin’ ‘bout a strategy guide talkin’ ‘bout Final Fantasy 7’s Test 0 monster
  • Welcome to the casino pirate ship where we become cats. Not cat boys or cat men, but cats.
  • I was happy to play Marvel vs. Capcom 2 at Game Terminal near Nashville, Tennessee recently. I got the high score!
  • Street Fighter x Tekken: all exclusive characters are terrible.
  • I want Guile to be Sneff separated by dimensions. It’s not happening, but it would be cool.
  • There are a surprisingly high number of optional things to do while in cat mode
  • Fanboymaster literally cannot remember the Chief of Marbule boss battle at all… and no one can blame him.
  • MeowWe enter the monster fight arena to earn Janice. Enjoy that taking forever…
  • Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Sometimes a sword is hot. It is the most anime game BEAT has ever played, and that is saying something.
  • We close with the “Evil Masamune” guarding/wiggling the path forward.

Next time on Chrono Cross: A special guest star for a special future.

FGC #619 Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers 2

I would rather watch thisI am so terrified of being stupid that I may never enjoy anything ever again.

A long time ago in a plagueless epoch long past, it was stated well before the term “Millennial” was ever coined that Millennials interact with advertising differently than their parents. Supposedly, studies had been done that Millennials are more naturally resist to ads that worked on their forebearers, and this next generation of consumers required different tactics. No more could you simply stick Lucy Ricardo on the boob tube and have her tell people exactly what chocolate to buy; no, brands had to build a relationship with their audience. Millennials naturally resisted any and all advertisements that were presented as advertisements, and they loudly joked about the futility of blatant product placement. The paradigm has shifted! A new people is born that needs all new practices!

Or maybe they just needed to make a goddamned movie about chipmunks and their decreasing ability to be proper rescue rangers.

Let’s double back on that whole “Millennials react differently to advertising than their parents” thing. It is the opinion of Gogglebob.com and its attendant subsidiaries that this is and always has been bullshit. Yes, we react differently to advertising, but that is going to be true of literally every generation and the 50-year-old advertising executives that never want to change for any reason, ever. But even beyond that, Millennials were raised with a very unusual feeling of anti-permanence. Ever wonder why nerds are so obsessed with the concept of a fictional “canon”? While this has been a problem for generations, this was significantly exacerbated by a very variable childhood for the 80’s boys. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had a completely different continuity between their action figure box descriptions and their animated series. The Transformers had entirely separate universes if you watched a show or read the comics. Even He-Man, often looked to as the ur-“merchandising as entertainment” toy that kicked off the last forty years, could not master a universe where their stage play was half as fantastic as their box art. And we don’t even acknowledge the movie! So, with such contrasting childhood presentations, is it any wonder that an entire generation of nerds craved an authority to tell them what was “real”?

Start at the beginningAnd, whether you were a turbo nerd that noticed Donatello had markedly different eyes across adaptations or not, this impacted vast swaths of people of a certain age. And that can have some long term ramifications! Kids notice when there are incongruities in their own little universe, and, as they grow into surly teenagers, they eventually identify these “incongruities” as “lies our parents told us”. And, when reaching a certain age means you realize your entire childhood was a slapdash fabrication designed only to get you to bug your parents to go to Toys Я Us right now, cynicism is the only result. Are you surprised that an entire generation would thus crave an ephemeral genuine article, and reflexively reject any further attempt at trickery? We were a generation that read propaganda magazines for fun in our childhood, you can’t just toss us a warmed-up smattering of media leftovers and expect us to roll over and play consumer. We care about our properties, because you made us this way, dad! If we were never meant to know the Zelda timeline, then what was even the point of buying three different Zelda encyclopedias, huh!?

Err… actually… yeah. You can pretty quickly see how marketing switched around from “buy this product because we say so” to “buy this product because it is the real story”. And that “real story” can apply in a lot of different ways. We no longer laud actors, we appreciate their characters. Michael Myers and Seth Green are not selling cars, it is Dr. Evil and son Scott that have a Superbowl spot. Networks are not telling you to go out and buy cat food, it is the silly Adult Swim bumper telling you to buy into the latest streaming service. And Soap Company is all about telling you, dear consumer, that it is now hiring models that are not “model skinny”, as, apparently, Soap Company is the arbiter of whether or not bodies are desirable or not. One way or another, it is all about authority and permission, and advertising agencies have learned that Millennials react well to corporations that are working “with” their audience… even if that authorization is apocryphal.

How could it be betterWhat right does any company have to tell its audience what is canon? Original author? Sorry, you died. Company that acquired the rights in some merger? You will never undo Jaxxon T. Tumperakki just because you rubbed George’s beard the right way. And speaking of Disney, to even understand the most popular characters in their stable, you have to acknowledge that their stars were always meant to be adaptable cartoon “stars” that could fit into any situation. Mickey Mouse is a steamboat thief and magical warrior king, and he was literally designed to be able to be anything in between. Disney characters can be anything! Stop trying to sell us the “real story” of any given reboot! Stop trying to make “behind the music” for chipmunks!

… Yeah, alright, let’s talk about that trailer.

For any readers stumbling onto this blog post from the far-flung future of three months from now, understand that this entire article was written in response to the launch of the first trailer for Chip ‘N Dale: Rescue Rangers: The 2022 Motion Picture. I have not seen the movie. I have no real idea what the movie is going to look like. It could turn out to be the greatest thing since Citizen Kane (or at least The Lego Movie). I don’t know! But I do know that I had an almost instinctual, gut reaction to the trailer when I first saw it. And, even on a day when they also announced a Bioshock television show, this trailer stuck in my brain unlike any other chunk of media in recent memory. Hell, when was the last time I delayed an FGC post just so I could talk about something that happened “this” week? Maybe a Metroid game

And why do I care? Well, because this trailer impressed upon me two basic facts:

  1. I hate it. I hate it so much. This is a beloved children’s property by way of that food movie with the racist bread. This is some lowest common denominator dreck that is going to take potshots at the last thirty years of animation, and act like it is a damn trendsetter for daring to swing at a 2007 CGI movie nobody remembers (Beowulf. Yes it was a movie). You can’t claim you’re “doing a Roger Rabbit”, literally include Roger Rabbit, and then ignore the fact that the world of Roger Rabbit was a jaded metaphor for actual Hollywood, not some joyful romp through the dustbins of the Disney Entertainment Conglomerate.
  2. This is extremely my jam.

Fuck it! Just fuck it! I am not afraid to admit that this is probably the exact movie I would create if given the chance. Jokes about animation that only make sense to people that remember really specific movies (again, Beowulf)? Sure! Extremely meta concept wherein Disney Stars are actual Disney Stars? It I'm your biggest fanbeats rehashing a fight against Fat Cat. And while I might not ever indulge in the tired trope of “washed up stars” and “retired chipmunks”, the high concept lunacy of “CGI makeover” being a toon’s version of plastic surgery is right up my esoteric alley. Throw in an oblique reference to Chip ‘n Dale not having any time for maintaining airships, and you could practically see my signature on the script. And, while I am unlikely to be the person helming any Disney properties anytime soon (despite my prodigious Gargoyles fanfiction), I could even see being completely content with these concepts/gags as part of a comic book. I loved that time Lex Luthor and Porky Pig got to hang out, so a “where are they now” miniseries on the Rescue Rangers would be amazing. Hell, that’s just a little bit south of where the Darkwing Duck comic started anyway! And I loved that thing!

But this is a movie. This is a trailer that is being shared on every social media platform at 10 AM on a Tuesday. This is something that is being covered on every entertainment website ever created, and attached to a bursting comments section showcasing everyone’s slightest thought on the subject. This is something that will be advertised during commercial breaks, youtube pre rolls, and possibly even previews before big screen flicks. Hell, there are even odds this will have a trailer attached to Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Chip n’ Dale will not be as ubiquitous as Encanto 2: Bruno’s Behooving, but it is likely to have a significant cultural presence between now and its release.

And that makes me want to kill it. I want to see violence visited upon it. I want it to pay for the crime of being advertised to the masses and being everything I could ever want.

Nobody likes sewersThis is pandering. From the first moment they lovingly flash over a Nintendo Entertainment System and its attendant NES cartridge, you know exactly who this trailer is for. This is not for super fans that have a Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers poster on their office wall (that I am currently looking at for inspiration, obviously), this is for people who dimly remember enjoying a cartoon some random weekdays after school. This is for people who can identify a “Nintendo game”, but do not even consider there could be someone out there with those games “mint in box”. This is a trailer aimed squarely at people that will not write 1,634 words (and counting!) about a goddamned movie trailer while pretending they are writing an article for a videogame blog. And I wonder what it is like to not be this crazy.

Er-hem.

It would be easy to step back from that statement as “oh you so cray cray” and call it a day, but I feel it is worth examining how I got to here. Strange but true: I wrote this article. All that nonsense about advertising at the top of the page? That is something that I have internalized since I heard the simple fact that “we” are supposed to be more resistant to advertising than our parents. It is something I have seen proven and reinforced over many years. God help me, the Digging the catfact that I am not easily “tricked” is something that I have made to be part of my own feeling of self. I am someone that does not “fall for” advertising. I am better than that. And, as a result, I am constantly on guard. I know nostalgia has been weaponized against me before. I know there is a Mega Man themed gacha right over there, perfectly willing to bleed my wallet dry in the name of getting Halloween Themed Roll on a good pull. I know I have become the “target demo”, and now my own childhood and hobbies are being used against me. I know they’re all out to get me, dammit! This trailer is the latest in crass pandering to a generation that can never let its guard down, lest corporate forces invade and conquer the whole of the cosmos!

… Or it’s just a silly movie about rescue rodents.

While it may not be their usual, this is a Disney movie, firmly premiering on a Disney-exclusive platform. If Disney could find a way to require any and all viewers to live in Disney sponsored housing while drinking Disney flavored cola, they would absolutely do lock that kind of nonsense down. This is a horrible, greedy company that would gladly ransom your childhood if it meant making an extra six bucks. It grants me no pleasure to do anything that supports such a company or its endeavors.

But on the other hand? This is a movie that I think will be at least worth a watch. This is something that will at least garner a few chuckles, if only because they make fun of that one movie with the Grendel (Beowulf!). I know I could boycott this movie. I know I could live without it. But if I am being honest, I also know that I and literally everyone I know could boycott this movie, and it would impact Disney’s bottom line about as much as closing Disney World: Detroit Location. If I somehow convince my tens of followers that this chipmunk movie is the second coming of Hitler, congratulations, a bunch of people that don’t have Disney Plus anyway are going to hesitate before they pirate the thing. This movie is crass propaganda for a past that never existed meant to profit off a generation already drowning in nostalgia… but what else am I gonna do with a free two hours?

So you know what? Screw it. I know it is an ad. I know this is likely some marketing executive’s wet dream about a Disney Afternoon extended universe (God help me if this movie has a post-credits Bonkers cameo). I know I am being tricked. But, at a certain point, you have to pick your battles. You must acknowledge that maybe being mad at a faceless corporation all the time is only going to hurt you, and never hurt said company. Maybe, at a certain point, you just shut up and enjoy the chipmunk movie.

And whether you make that decision or not, Disney and its nostalgia machine is never going to stop. You know, it never fails…

FGC #619 Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers 2

  • System: It was released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1994, making it the last Disney Afternoon game on its debut console (Ducktales [1] was released in ’89). It popped up again on the Disney Afternoon Collection in 2017 for the Xbox One, Playstation 4, Steam, and not the Switch (because we live in Hell).
  • Number of players: Chip ‘n Dale are both playable simultaneously, so that’s two rescue rangers.
  • Flap flap flapMaybe actually talk about the game for a second: Yes, this whole “game” was an excuse to talk about a movie trailer. It’s my blog, I do what I want. Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers 2 is more of Rescue Rangers 1, but with better box physics, and a lack of level select/choose your own path. But at least Gadget gets a sprite! In a perfect world, this would be the Mega Man 2 of Disney Afternoon games, but, as it is, it is a mostly forgotten nicety that is fun to play when you have a chance. Please do not look at eBay to discover how much that chance can cost…
  • The Little Things: No overworld map, no route select, and the best you can get out of having any sort of choice is the final three areas can be played in any order. This is a notable step down from the preceding game… but it can be forgiven, because there is some manner of bat-dog boss. Eat that, weird ass alien from the original.
  • Further Improvements: There is a level with a ticking-bomb timer! And some of the throwing items have interesting secondary attributes! And all of the bosses have Kirby-esque “return fire” opportunities to attack, rather than tossing a little red ball around. Somebody really identified what was slapdash in CnDRR, and improved it across the board for the sequel. Too bad it was released after everyone stopped playing NES games…
  • Favorite Boss: One of the last levels is a clocktower that seems like it was shamelessly imported from a Castlevania. And at the top of the tower is not Death, but an ostrich riding a gear like a unicycle. It is hard to remember anything else after dealing with that kind of nonsense.
  • Not the clock tower you were looking forAn end: We get the typical Capcom NES ending sequence here, as the heroes teleport away to watch the villain’s castle crumble to dust. But did Fat Cat survive? Well, no, not if you only use further NES games as evidence. Maybe this movie will inspire a retro Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers 3?
  • Did you know? Monterey Jack using cheese as a drug metaphor was already part of the text, guys. Like, it was the entire basis of the character. You’re not clever.
  • Would I play again: Yes. I’m going to play the Disney Afternoon Collection again, and then I’m going to watch the Disney Afternoon Modern Movie, because I am a loser. I admit defeat. Happy?

What’s next? Okay, now we’re going to hit The Incredible Crash Test Dummies… assuming nothing more interesting happens again. No guarantees! Please look forward to an unknown future!

It just looks familiar

FGC #600 Marvel vs. Capcom 2: New Age of Heroes: Part 5

Finally, some gameplayMarvel vs. Capcom 2: New Age of Heroes is an amazing, once in a lifetime game that brings together over 50 characters from wildly disparate worlds and franchises. So, in an effort to pay tribute to one of the games I believe to be the greatest of all time, please enjoy the final day of our five-part, 100% complete, generally alphabetical look at every fighter in Marvel vs. Capcom 2. Now let’s talk about the monkey girl…

SonSon

Go Go MonkeySonSon is one of four original characters in Marvel vs Capcom 2. Amingo, Abyss, and Ruby Heart were all created exclusively for MvC2, and they have not appeared in anything but cameos ever since.

Except SonSon is not an original character. SonSon is based on SonSon from the obscure 1984 Capcom arcade title, SonSon.

Except SonSon is an original character, because she is the granddaughter of that SonSon. She is not the SonSon of SonSon. She is, essentially, SonSon III.

Except SonSon I was not an original character, either. SonSon I was based on Sun Wukong from the 16th century Chinese novel, Journey to the West. SonSon is one of a thousand “adaptations” of this classic tale, with the original premise of Dragon Ball being one of the most prominent illustrations.

So, SonSon III is ultimately an original character that is based on a character that is possibly the least original character in the whole roster.

But, hey, at least she can turn into a giant monkey. That might be better than being a cactus.

Peter “Spider-Man” Parker

Its that guySpider-Man is Sailor Moon.

And, yes, both franchises subsist on several Young Adult fiction tropes, but very specifically for both cases…

1. The central “Marvel” conflict of Spider-Man was always that Peter Parker kind of sucked as Peter Parker, but excelled at being Spider-Man. Iron Man had his potentially deadly shrapnel that “made him” Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk had his man/monster dichotomy, and Spider-Man had the unbearable burden of having to be a good Peter Parker and superhero. He failed. A lot. Nearly everyone in Peter Parker’s life, from his adopted mother to his boss, thinks Peter Parker is a slacker that is never going to achieve anything, and this is primarily because Pete puts too much of an emphasis on saving the world. He was late because he was stopping a mugging. He missed Aunt May’s birthday because he was dealing with Galactus. It’s kind of a “nice guy” fantasy wherein your every failing has a big, important reason that no one would ever understand because it must be a secret for their own good. But, end of the day, Spider-Man is saving the day, even though J.J. would never believe Peter Parker can accomplish anything. In much the same way, Usagi, Sailor Moon’s “secret identity”, is the world’s biggest screw-up, and if you told her parents that she was destined to rule a thousand years of peace after banishing all evil witches from the land, they would likely die laughing. Very similar “secret identity hijinks” on both sides, with a heavy emphasis on simultaneously being super important but extremely poorly regarded by their friends and family.

2. Similarly, Spider-Man is…

FGC #588 Kim Possible: What’s the Switch?

What's the sitch?Steven Universe is an animated series that originally premiered on Cartoon Network in 2013. It ran through 2019, and wound up with five seasons and 160 episodes. It also birthed three complete JRPG-style videogames, and two “quickie” mobile titles.

Star vs. the Forces of Evil is an animated series that originally premiered on Disney XD in 2015. It ran through 2019, and wound up with four seasons and 140 episodes. It also birthed… zero videogames.

And can you guess which franchise starred a female lead?

Look, there are a lot of excuses that could be bandied about here. Cartoon Network and Disney have very different needs for merchandising! Disney Channel doesn’t care about videogames! That’s why we’ve got a Gravity Falls game sitting over on the 3DS! No… wait… how about Steven Universe was more of a hit! I mean, it’s not like Star vs. the Forces of Evil was the biggest premiere Disney XD ever had! Oh, it was? Award winning, too? Outstanding Individual Achievement in Animation? Okay, guess it was popular and award winning. Steven Universe was more action-based? No, I’m pretty sure there are more episodes of Steven eating donuts around Beach City than there are of Star blasting regenerating lizard monsters with magic. And don’t even attempt to claim that somehow the curators of Star Butterfly aren’t as “into videogames” as the staff behind Steven Universe. Steven might live near an arcade, but Star has frequented an arcade dimension. Star vs. The Forces of Evil was a success in every way, and a direct contemporary of Steven Universe. But only one franchise got an “Apple arcade exclusive” title…

Let's goIt is hard not to see this as an issue with the fact that one game very clearly has a male lead, and the other is “stuck” with a woman in the title. And even that is bullshit! Steven Universe lives in a world that is wall-to-wall ladies, with the literal strongest beings in the (Steven) universe standing tall as gigantic women. And, while Star vs. the Forces of Evil certainly stars Star, her constant companion, Marco Diaz, is the obvious mundane audience surrogate. She is a fantastic magical girl from another dimension, he is a normal kid that likes karate. Guess which one is supposed to be more relatable to today’s tweens? If you are getting all gender binary here, you could easily argue that Steven Universe lives in a world already conquered by women, and Star Butterfly lives in a world that is constantly being overrun (in benevolent and malevolent ways) by men. But marketing is marketing, and Steven Universe’s pink shield is apparently assumed to be powered by testosterone, while Star vs. the Forces of Evil is wall-to-wall puppies and unicorns (I mean, not going to lie, there are a lot of unicorns. But they’re the kind of unicorns that gore people [in Disney appropriate ways]). Star is a show for girls, girls don’t play videogames, so games for girls are pointless.

And, yes, if you are reading this blog, Gogglebob.com recognizes that you likely do not agree. There are plenty of games “for girls”, whether they be titles that are distinctly aimed at the demographic (DC Super Hero Girls: Teen Power has “girls” right there in the title), or games with situations that generally happen to have more feminine interests (Style Savvy, Vocaloid singalongs, anything involving a tanuki-based economy). Not everything has to be Barbie Horse Adventures or Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen stalking the malls. But, by the same token, there are any number of books, television shows, and movies aimed squarely at the pink demographic. And some of ‘em ain’t bad! My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was a show/comic book that was one fluorescent horse away from being the girl demographic ideal, but it also wound up having universal appeal with fun, likeable characters. Just because an idea is distinctly young woman-coded does not mean it cannot be universal.

Too shinyAnd that brings us to today’s game. Kim Possible: What’s the Switch? Brothers and sisters? This game couldn’t be more “for girls” if it friggen came with [REMAINDER OF THIS PARAGRAPH DELETED FOR RAMPANT SEXISM].

If you did not watch Disney Channel back in the early 21st Century, here’s the sitch: Kim Possible is a teenage cheerleader by day, and a James Bond-esque super spy by night. Her parents approve of her globe-trotting adventures (though there are concerns about flying to South America on a school night), and her problems are usually solved through a combination of cool gadgets and expert gymnastics. As is often the case with superheroes, though, her villains are a significant draw here. Señor Senior, Senior is a rich, generally pleasant old man that is currently spending his vast fortune on seeing that his spoiled son, Señor Senior, Junior becomes a capable supervillain. Frugal Lucre is attempting to commit super crimes on an extremely limited budget. DNAmy is creating chimera monsters thanks to her love of ersatz beanie babies. And the biggest, baddest villain of all in Kim’s rogue’s gallery is Dr. Drakken, the diabolical mad scientist that is responsible for about 70% of all trouble that comes Kim’s way.

Dr. Drakken also spends most of this game on the couch.

The plot of Kim Possible: What’s the Switch? is a pretty typical television trope. While on a normal mission, Dr. Drakken and Ron Stoppable, Kim Possible’s sidekick, both attempt to grab a magical monkey idol. Unfortunately, the idol switches the “brains” of Drakken and Ron, so both are stuck inhabiting each other’s bodies. SlappyDoes this lead to wacky hijinks? Kinda! But it mostly means that the two male leads of the franchise spend most of the game appearing in loading screens committing shenanigans appropriate to two cantankerous roommates. Villain Drakken and Hero Ron are both sidelined for this whole story, and it is the motivating factor in getting their female counterparts to work towards the same goal. Kim Possible has to save her sidekick/boyfriend (please see continuity footnotes in the bullet point section, true believers), and Shego, Dr. Drakken’s green and black-clad muscle, has to save her boss. Bitter rivals have to unite to save their men!

Did you catch that reversal? This is a videogame that starts from the premise of transforming its two most prominent males into damsels in distress that must be rescued by the female heroes. And it was more subtle than in Super Princess Peach!

But more important than the clear example of girl power™ on display is that Kim Possible: What’s the Switch? is a pretty damn fun game. It is a 2-D platformer / beat ‘em up! On a console! In the Playstation 2 era! That hardly ever happened! And, while there is definitely some Playstation 2 “jank” going on here, it is a pretty visually impressive game. And that’s great, because the gameplay nailed the general concept of flying around as a pair of extremely lethal gymnasts. You run. You jump. You rebound off walls, swing from flagpoles, and utilize a grappling hook when things get dicey. Is it perfect? No, because 2-D-in-3-D platforming has some issues, and this is a game that really needs some “coyote time” so Kimmy stops falling off ledges. But is it fun? Does it work? Yes and yes. Through multiple exciting venues (karate temple, British city streets, Tokyo city streets, zeppelin, snow base, giant monkey robot), Kim and Shego gracefully leap through lasers, wrecking balls, and a surprisingly high number of traffic jams. And the combat ain’t half bad, either! It is not Viewtiful Joe (about the only similar game I can think of from this era), PEW PEWbut it is also more interesting than your typical arcade beat ‘em up. And your heroines have gadgets and acrobatic moves that are beyond the usual “punch” and “jump kick” that are your customary, limited options. And, regardless of whether you can piledrive your opponents, it still feels enjoyable and kinetic, so you never lose that feeling of “running” through a level in pursuit of the latest villain.

In short, KP:WtS? is a game that really feels like inhabiting the title character. This is not some ridiculous adaptation wherein a sitcom has to be transformed into your funny dad fighting dinosaurs, or something completely out of left field wherein a beloved childhood icon is gathering eggs. This is Kim Possible, and you are controlling all the most action-y aspects of her adventures. And you get to play as the fan favorite villain, too! And, give or take a naked mole rat, you are only playing as women, and those women are the people driving the plot. In a property made for “girls”, the “girls” are center stage in every way, and there are zero concessions made to the “boy demographic” that is assumed to be the source of all videogame revenue. There is no unlockable bikini costume or super-powered male alternative character. This is a game about girls for girls. It is a girl game. And this boy enjoys it, too, because it is a great videogame.

tick tickAnd nobody has ever played it, because it was assumed to be just a random licensed game in 2006. There is no dedicated, marginally unhinged fandom online calling for a sequel. This title is forsaken to be forgotten in a year where the top games were Dead Rising, Bully, and The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Boy games. One of those games literally has two women in the title, but undisputedly stars a boy having a boy adventure with kidnapped childhood girlfriends and evil wizards. That is what is remembered. That is what today’s games are based on. And our modern Kim Possible properties aren’t even granted the chance to have a game.

Steven Universe gets a trilogy. Star Butterfly can’t even swing a gacha title.

We need more girl games. It is Possible.

FGC #588 Kim Possible: What’s the Switch?

  • System: Playstation 2. Look, Buena Vista Games had no idea Nintendo would eventually name one of their consoles after this game.
  • Number of players: There are multiplayer shenanigans available, but there does not appear to be a Kim/Shego continuous co-op mode. Boo!
  • Cat PossibleWhat’s in a name: Oh yeah, the title is a pun. “What’s the sitch(uation)” is Kim’s usual catch phrase, and the brains of Drakken and Ron got “switched”, so, “What’s the switch?” Or maybe it is about switching between Kim and Shego? Whatever! There are layers!
  • Voice Acting: The whole of this game features the actual stars of Kim Possible reprising all of their usual roles. So Drakken’s voice actor, John Di Maggio, is appearing in his seventeenth videogame of the Playstation 2 era. This might be a first for Patton Oswalt, though…
  • Continuity Corner: Alright, Kim Possible nerds, let’s all agree that Ron Stoppable and Kim Possible are officially dating during the events of this game. Yes, this adventure could be taking place at any point in the timeline according to dialogue, but Kim uses the EMP “toy” gun here, and she recognizes this weapon of choice. Said gun is introduced during the same adventure in the television series wherein Kim and Ron started dating, so, logically, this whole game has to take place after Kim Possible: So the Drama. Sidenote: I enjoy watching Kim Possible.
  • Favorite Stage: There are a few levels that go full hog on the whole “this is a videogame” thing. There’s an inexplicable clocktower in the middle of England! … Wait… is that supposed to be Big Ben? Does Kim Possible break a national landmark so she can get through a door? Bah! What’s important is that the final stage involves climbing a Godzilla-sized mechanical monkey, and that has more gears and platforms than anyone could ever need. Gimme some of dat.
  • Favorite Costume: You can earn costumes by collecting doodads throughout the various levels. The obvious best choice for both heroines is to have them switch outfits, but second place could go to Kim Possible’s fast food uniform. It looks very… normal for a character that is battling ninja monkeys.
  • Did you know? Speaking of fast food, the hangout spot in Kim Possible is a Taco Bell-esque chain Mexican restaurant by the name of Bueno Nacho. It is a pretty typical, deliberately campy parody of “tex-mex” American restaurants, and the “original location” is seen during the Kim Possible Movie…

    This is Bueno Nacho

    Look familiar? This is clearly a mashup of an old school McDonalds and another piece of “fake Mexican” Americana…

    This is South of the Border

    See? I’m not the only one that has been there!

  • Would I play again: Really fun, but really unlikely to play again. There are collectibles in every stage, and the actual gameplay of the levels/bonus levels are enjoyable. But after you’ve done everything? You’ve done everything. And if I am looking for a game that really has “joy of movement” down, Mario is right over there…

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… DC Super Hero Girls: Teen Power for Nintendo Switch! Yes! Let’s put our money (words?) where our mouth is (where words come from) and look at a modern videogame “for girls”. Please look forward to it!

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