He’s Superman, not (Really Really) Bigman, so Clark Kent can fit on the micro-sized Gameboy. This week, we are taking a look at Superman’s most bite-sized adventures.

Mama said knock you outSuperman
Nintendo Gameboy

Available Superpowers:

  • Super Flight
  • Super Strength (just punching)
  • Super Breath Control (for swimming)

Noted Opponents:

  • Random Crooks
  • Random Aliens
  • Lexoskel-5000
  • Ersatz Lobo
  • The Preserver (he was in the DCAU, look him up!)
  • Sharks

Is Superman Invincible?
Absolutely not. Superman is vulnerable to everything. To make matters worse, grenades have been sprinkled all over the place. The slightest tap will cause Supes to fall out of the sky like an embarrassed rock.

Is Superman Homicidal?
He punches dudes straight out of windows, so all those jerks are super dead now. Also, I feel like Aquaman would be upset by the number of dead sea-critters now littering the ocean.

Is it any fun?
Nope. The whole “find keys” framing is an excuse to add Nemo-esque 2-D exploration, but none of these levels are large enough to warrant a second glance. Despite being a small game already, it somehow feels overly long.

Charm Point
Superman can punch bullets back at his opponents. They should just bounce off his chest, but it’s the thought that counts.

This museum is cancelledSuperman: Battle for Metropolis
2001 (unreleased)
Neon Studios
Nintendo Gameboy Color

Available Superpowers:

  • Flight
  • Super Strength (just punching again)
  • Heat Vision (available in later levels)
  • Heat Vision Dots (?) (During flight stages)
  • A Decent Jog

Noted Opponents:

  • Random Crooks
  • Random Robots
  • A Helicopter
  • Mercy
  • Lex Luthor (presumably in a robot)
  • Brainiac

Is Superman Invincible?
Superman dies super-fast to practically any hit that actually makes contact. He can turn invisible, though, which kind of sounds like invincible.

Is Superman Homicidal?
Rather than leave every last crook to die, Superman ties up his defeated opponents. That is a little more Batman or Spider-Man than Superman, but bonus points for acknowledging Supes is not an executioner.

Is it any fun?
This is an unfinished prototype that is difficult to judge based on what is available. That said, the whole game got cancelled because DC’s license masters did not like what there was to play. Logically, this makes it self-destructively not fun.

Charm Point
It is hard to say the animations for Superman’s attacks are good, but they are definitely something.

Potemkin!Superman: Countdown to Apokolips
Nintendo Gameboy Advance

Available Superpowers:

  • Heat Vision
  • Flight
  • Super Speed
  • Frost Breath
  • Super Strength (can lift cars)
  • Telescoping Vision

Noted Opponents:

  • Random Crooks
  • Tanks
  • Helicopters
  • Bruno Mannheim
  • Kalibak
  • Livewire
  • Parademons
  • Kanto (appears in cutscenes)

Is Superman Invincible?
Nah. But at least he is losing health from RPGs and not just regular punches.

Is Superman Homicidal?
They might be working for Intergang, but those random crooks sure do get knocked into a lot of buildings. Superman is markedly rescuing innocent civilians while transforming malcontents into raspberry jelly.

Is it any fun?
It was the most fun Superman game of the night, but that is not a high bar. This isometric Superman for Gameboy Advance is not altogether bad, it is just kind of there.

Charm Point
Lois Lane spends the entire final boss fight twirling around like a helicopter. Something about Superman’s girlfriend being rescued and then needing to lie down on concrete for a little while is amusing to me.

Even Worse Streams Presents Superman
Night 4

April 9, 2024

Random Notes:

  • Bring him back!It’s stream o’clock! Cassandralyn and fanboymaster are ready to watch me play some Supermans.
  • Please enjoy fanboymaster laughing at my poor flying skills. Eat shit, Superman!
  • Cassandralyn was reminded by Facebook that she played The Adventures of Darwin for Playstation 2 a solid fifteen years ago. Videogame memories should not be allowed.
  • This naturally leads us to discuss late-era Playstation 2 releases, Shin Megami Tensei, and Personas.
  • Caliscrub joins after some Bojack discussion. Also: bring back Sheriff Lobo.
  • Lex Luthor is defeated! Mostly because he built a robot that all but walked into Superman’s fists.
  • Moving on to the Superman: Battle for Metropolis prototype and punching around a museum.
  • Unfortunately, this game is not super stable, and the dang thing freezes during the third level. Moving on to our final game of the night, Superman: Countdown to Apokolips.
  • Multiversus was apparently doing a promotion to take over the NHL that week. I guess coopting the NBA for a Space Jam was too expensive.
  • “He’s vomiting Twizzlers at his opponents.”
  • Note that fanboymaster wants a Wario-thon. It’s not happening, but it did partially inspire this Wario rundown.
  • Cyberpunk 2077 is good now! Maybe because of anime!
  • A single sentence from Ready Player One makes me want to dive Superman into the ocean.
  • “My favorite movie, Superman in Seattle.”
  • “They should make an Ace Attorney style Superman game.”
  • What was your most disappointing superhero game? The one I named will be featured in a few weeks, but it occurred to me afterwards that Arcade’s Revenge is right up there, too.
  • Superman must fight on a boat, and Sailor Chibi Moon should hang out with Cable.
  • As we face the final boss, I note just how much I love Grant Morrison, because duh.
  • And we wrap up with a vote that determines next week will be Playstation week. So…

On the next thrilling issue of Superman: Back to the mines!

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