I don't get itAfter crossing a great chasm, we enter the town of…

Location: Ratayu

What’s the deal: It sucks to be a Ratayuian. Before the Mist arrived, Emperor Saryu was possessed by a Sim Seru, and he was sacrificing young women to build the largest, most destructive Seru in history. And then when the Mist finally did show up, the entire town was infected and driven crazy. This has not been a good time for anybody.

What’s the plan: It is hard to say if this was a “plan” or simply “something that happened”. Emperor Saryu was apparently gifted a very nice hat by a mysterious benefactor, and, in trying it on, was immediately transformed into a possessed slave to Dohati of the Conkram Empire. While Dohati ruled from a nearby fortress, Saryu forced his people into servitude and sacrifice to manufacture weapons for Dohati. And now for the confusing part…

How did it work out: The Mist halted all production. Despite being nothing but cooperative with the jerks responsible for this tragedy, and outright benefiting them by setting up a juggernaut assembly line, all the citizens of Ratayu were infected by the Mist just the same as any other town. Emperor Saryu maintained his sane-but-malevolent fugue state thanks to his Sim Seru, but everyone else became a basic monster. And when the Mist was vanquished by our heroes? Saryu went right back to the sacrifice plan! He learned nothing!

WeeeeeHow could it have gone wrong: This one was a global disaster. Saryu made at least one juggernaut out of sacrificed “brides”, and that juggernaut would go on to menace every other city in the hemisphere. After Saryu literally had his Sim Seru beaten off of him, he continued to be emperor with absolutely zero consequences for his tyrannical rule/putting the entire world in mortal peril. He might have been possessed, but he admitted it all happened because of a love of hats! That only works for Wario!

Final Grade: Let’s not mince words here, this was a mess. Theoretically the plan here was to suck up to the guys that started this whole Mist apocalypse, but apparently they did not give enough of a damn to lift a finger. Complete failing grade to anyone that thinks the solution to the problem is to just listen to fascists and hope it works out.

Even Worse Streams Presents Legend of Legaia
Night 5

March 28, 2023

Random Notes:

  • BEAT, fanboymaster, and Jeanie are back for Week 5 of Legend of Legaia. No one remembers what happened in the previous four weeks. I am not insulted by this.
  • This was the first night Cassandralyn007 appeared in the chat. BEAT, please do not ban people I actually know!
  • “For Playstation 1 graphics, they really did their best to make this place disgusting.”
  • We defeat Saryu, and thus confirm that you can define an RPG as a “numbers game.”
  • Good knightMiraculously, we turn to talking about the game with an in-depth discussion of the Legend of Legaia battle system. Long story short, it has too much negative reinforcement for kicking air.
  • Caliscrub joins as we venture through this endless dungeon.
  • If you’re curious, the time that I lost power while playing Xenogears can be found here.
  • And now for a rendition of “Young Girl” by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap.
  • “What did Ozzy Osborn do? Wait, never mind. I don’t want to know.”
  • As we ride a giant bug trolley, there is a discussion of the Super Bowl in the chat. I am as confused as anyone else.
  • Aw, this was before the release of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. Please enjoy us discussing a gameplay trailer and guessing how fusion was going to go.
  • We make it to Sol after a discussion of the Resident Evil 4 Remake. And then more discussion of the Resident Evil 4 Remake. We like Resident Evil 4.
  • Away we goBEAT actually starts paying attention to the game when we hit the combination casino/arcade/fighting tournament area.
  • Real Time Rock Paper Scissors!
  • Enjoy Legend of Legaia’s standup comedy routine while we discuss videogame systems that may or may not exist.
  • Let’s meet Old Deez at the top of Sol.
  • And then we pummel an old man as fanboymaster attempts to trick BEAT into playing Turok.
  • The stream putters out for the night as I apparently have to put bread in chests all over town. I’ll deal with that later!

Next time: Dream worlds and very real explosions.

Here comes the champ

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