Watch the tailHere we are at the current end of the Metroid franchise. Metroid Prime 4 is our next entrycitation needed, and there is not so much as a peep of a preview of a 2-D Metroid on the horizon. As such, we have no idea what will or will not appear in the next 2-D Metroid title, so it is impossible to point to some facet of Metroid Dread and claim that that was never seen again.

But I can tell you what I don’t want to see again: the Phantom Cloak.

Metroid Dread is a significant improvement over Metroid: Samus Returns, as it returns an essential piece of Samus Aran gameplay: eventually, you become an invincible monster. Much of Metroid Dread is given over to being “on the run” from your various adversaries. This is most obvious when Samus is attempting to survive being stalked by an E.M.M.I.. But it also routinely happens in “safer” areas, as even the tiniest flying creature requires careful countering. You are a badass bounty hunter in a Power Suit that is capable of destroying planets (plural!), but that rhino-bug thing is going to be a problem if you cannot properly dodge-dash. Luckily, by the end of the adventure, the planet has been balanced around your screw attack and death-combo beam, so exploring ZDR is a cinch as you rip through every x-infected thing (which is… every thing). Samus is powered up, and those damned Dredheds will know it.

And one item you never use once you are fully powered? The Phantom Cloak.

I acknowledge that it makes sense. “Become invisible” is cool when you first get it, but you do not need it when everything cowers before your arsenal. Hiding is effective when you are on the shallow end of the food chain, and becomes much less of a concern when Samus is a few teeth away from being a T-Rex. But even if stealth kills are your passion, you are unlikely to use the ability again. The Phantom Cloak notably slows Samus down, and, in a franchise where you are always rewarded for solving problems quickly, “slower” is never the right choice. Additionally, the Phantom Cloak drains aether. That is just fine when it is your only aether ability, but it is a pain in the ass when you need that charge for search action and infinity dashing. In short, the Phantom Cloak is the most situational of Samus’s abilities, and the most likely to be ignored outside of an E.M.M.I. encounter. She don’t need it.

But, hey, what do I know? If the next Metroid game is Metroid: Invisible Hijinks… Well, guess I owe everyone a coke.

Even Worse Streams Presents Metroids
Metroid Dread
Night 17

January 23, 2024

Random Notes:

  • Cassandralyn, BEAT, fanboymaster, and myself are all here for Metroid Dread’s first night. fanboymaster wants to put me in a trashcan for some reason.
  • BEAT feels joy in anger according to fanboymaster and his provided complete psychological profile.
  • Cass tells a story about vacationing and finding the one person on earth who did not know the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars.
  • You know you love himSamus obtains the Spider Magnet immediately after we look at Snoop Dogg and Katy Perry.
  • “Jimmy’s just trying to make his way in the world, and you’re doing this shit.”
  • SkreaminRedSkull suggested a karaoke stream… We should get back to that.
  • E.M.M.I. makes Metroid “creatively jagged”, and fanboymaster appreciates that.
  • We once again reference Mercury Steam’s awful earlier activities, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow: Mirror of Fate. Fall damage! In a Metroidvania!
  • Caliscrub joins with burritos. Hooray!
  • Let’s talk about Falling Down. Where does it rank on your psycho movie meter?
  • “My portfolio of never bet on Goggle Bob wins!”
  • BEAT rebels against the stream just as Samus finds Kraid.
  • “Three demerits for every hiccup!”
  • We close as we recount further evidence that BEAT is, like Kraid, one of God’s largest creatures (complimentary).

Metroid Dread
Night 18

January 30, 2024

Random Notes:

  • We’ve got fanboymaster, Cassandralynn, myself, and BEAT… explaining the history of pornography. Which may not be accurate.
  • Officially starting right with some discussion of bathroom mirrors. It’s more interesting than you think!
  • Get ready for a lot of Pheonix Wright/Ace Attorney discussion during this Metroid playthrough.
  • Samus got Flash Shift. Let’s talk about Edgeworth’s characterization.
  • Ol’ Yeller goes down as we discuss Amano’s influence on Final Fantasy.
  • If you want a live discussion of Kingdom Hearts lore, it happens right as Samus Aran finds Ferenia.
  • We somehow get on the topic of Final Fantasy 7, Final Fantasy 7 Remake, and (sigh) Dirge of Cerberus.
  • Caliscrub joins as we fight Drogyga and discuss more Ace Attorney.
  • Take that!Caithness joins as we attempt to put together a proper Bruce Campbell playlist.
  • Welcome to Elun, home of the X! Please do not think about Mr. Smurftastic. Or Norbit.
  • “The one nightmare that I can remember happening was that my mom’s cat was Cell.”
  • We’ve got a double (not space) jump and an ice beam, and BEAT is talking about the time fucker of Timespinner.
  • Ace Attorney 6 has a significant connection to Mr. Famous of Mega Man Battle Network, and fanboymaster thinks that is beautiful.
  • And we close by picking up the storm missiles opposite some more Ace Attorney discussion. High Inquisitor Darklaw forever!

Next time: The final dread down.

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