Here come some dragonsDragon Warrior 4 has always secretly been Dragon Quest 4: The Chapters of the Chosen. And how many chapters are there? Five? No, that’s not enough chosen. There are probably at least fifty here, right? Yes, let’s count down the top fifty “chosen” in Dragon Warrior 4.

A Definitive Ranking of the Top Five Fifty Dragon Warrior 4 Characters

#1 Alena

To be absolutely clear, we are only considering “real” DW4 for these rankings. This means that items, conversations, or super moves that appear in other games or versions of DW4/DQ4 do not count. And even with that caveat out of the way, Alena wins. She’s a princess. She successfully, wordlessly jump kicks her way out of her room. She endangers/saves her entire kingdom. She tolerates her own lame sidekicks on a daily basis. The only knock against her is that time she joined another, rival gang of adventurers, but that was only in pursuit of medicine for one of her own hangers-on, so that may be forgiven. And she does this all without so much as a spell list, so it’s clear why Alena is the absolute most chosen of the chosen.

#2 Taloon

And there’s really no way that second place can’t be Taloon. Taloon is so high on this list for the exact opposite reason as Princess #1: he’s a terrible JRPG protagonist. He might gain levels well, but, aside from his plentiful HP pool, he has practically nothing going for him. Forget magical armor boosting his stats, Taloon can barely handle an apron. But, while he might not be the most amazing protagonist, he is the most unexpected, as he starts out as little more than a graduated NPC. Taloon teaches the player of 1990 (or 1992) exactly how monotonous it would be to work in a weapon shop, and then goes on to educate us all on the perils of dungeon storming for your average JRPG resident. And he somehow succeeds! And commissions at least one (1) tunnel. Not bad, Taloon! Not bad at all.

#3 This Sentient Boulder

This boulder is capable of following Taloon and making 90° turns. These are pretty significant accomplishments for a mineral to achieve, and all while overcoming the obvious handicap of being an uneducated slab of rock. Literally no other character lower on this list accomplished such a magnificent feat.

#4 Neta (aka Tessie Taloon, Nina Taloon, Nene Taloon)

Taloon’s wife gets bonus points for being one of the few NPCs capable of changing her mind. She’s a dedicated wife, and, in this world of 8-bits, she would be forgiven for standing around and dispensing lunches from now until the end of time. But, when her hubby gets that adventuring itch, thus leaving the family cut off from its usual supply deliveries, she decides to take up the cause, and starts her own banking business. And, while it is unclear how this bank makes any significant money (do legendary swords naturally accrue interest? Do they… breed?) at least she’s doing something. I’m pretty sure most of the rest of the NPC army can barely get out of their chairs.

#5 Healie the Heal Slime

Okay, he might not be as accomplished as the boulder, but Healie still leads a pretty marvelous life across DW4. He starts as a humble, peculiarly friendly heal slime. He aids Ragnar on a quest to save some local village children, and is 100% successful in rescuing the kids. Healie then ventures forth with Ragnar, believing that committing good deeds will transform this monster into a human. And, years later when you encounter Healie again, he has become a human! And a bard, for some reason! So it all worked out! Good job, Healie! You successfully transitioned across species! Have fun wearing clothes!

#6 Slime

The humble slime monster is still the most iconic thing to ever come out of Dragon Quest, so the whole slime brigade earns this rank for being the eternal first monster encountered. Thank you for the gold piece, noble slime, you are doing the (Dragon) Lord’s work.

#7 Tempe’s Shaman

Sometimes it’s just about saying the right thing at the right time. Tempe’s Shaman makes a gloriously stupid pun just when Alena and her party are going to fight a (wo)man eating monster, and I can scarcely think of another NPC in DW4 that so wholly encapsulates the spirit of the franchise. Just keep making those dad jokes, Shaman.

#8 The King of Padequia

This dude is king of a nation, but his nation has fallen on hard times, so he’s out working in the fields like some peasant. What’s more, he’s doing it in full royal regalia, so that way any passing adventurer will know exactly how his kingdom rolls. And when Padequia regains its magical seed that instantly grows panacea fruits, he continues toiling in the farmlands for no obvious rewards. That is one dedicated monarch!

#9 Goz

Speaking of royal blunders, there’s exactly one man in Santeem that knows how to cure a deadly illness that has afflicted their benevolent king, and it’s Goz. Goz, the old man that lives in a shed out back. Goz aids the princess in healing her king regardless of the fact that he has been left to rot next to the lawnmower, so he’s clearly the most dedicated citizen of Santeem.

#10 Princess of Endor (aka Veronica, Monica)

The Princess of Endor saw Alena fight, and now she’s thinking about it. She’s only going to think about it, but, for 1990, that just might be enough…

#11 Cristo (aka Kiryl)

If the top of this list seems to feature too many characters that are encountered by Alena, it is not bias, and simply a matter of Alena possessing all the best parts of the game. She is also the first chosen with a dedicated entourage (sorry, Healy, a human entourage), featuring Cristo the battle priest. Cristo has approximately three lines of dialogue in DW4, and they’re all creeping on Alena in a big way, so he loses some points there. But he’s also the best damn healer in the game (again, sorry, Healy), and is pretty handy with a sword when he needs to be. At a time in gaming when white mages were generally wholly useless (give or take a masamune), Cristo rises above the ranks of his contemporaries. Just go easy on the creep-factor, Cristo.

#12 Brey (aka Borya)

If I’m being honest, Brey should probably rank higher than Cristo, as he’s another incredibly useful Alena ally, her former tutor, and he has the added benefit of having never actually hit on his former student. As someone who has seen a lot of Fire Emblem: Three Houses fanart, that is a trait that should be commended. Unfortunately, he is the squishiest of squishy mages, and, coupled with Cristo’s odd tendency to fling death spells about when healing is necessary, my main memories of Brey involve a whole lot of dead Brey. Brey: he tried, and then he died.

#13 Celia (aka Eliza)

Speaking of trying and dying, Celia was The Chosen Hero’s childhood friend. And, when monsters came for the destined child, she magically disguised herself as The Chosen Hero, and died in their place. Good job, Celia! You were introduced seven seconds ago, and now you’ve heroically sacrificed yourself for the good of the world. And how did you even know the monsters knew what they were looking for? And how did that spell work? Could you have just cast a spell to make a sheep look like the hero? You ever think of that, Celia? Celia is another one that winds up in the “certainly tried” pile, though it seems like her plan could have used a little more proofing.

#14 Keeleon (aka Marquis de Léon)

He’s an evil monarch. He’s able to wipe out a pair of chosen heroes with naught but his magical breath. He’s also, ya know, a multi-armed, super-powerful, generally intelligent lion. Would you question the prince that ascended to the throne at the same time he transformed into a magical beast? Of course not. For this reason, almost by accident, Keeleon has stumbled onto the most effective form of government: Totalitarian Lion Rule. Sorry, democracy, you got nothing on a magically evolved hell beast.

#15 “Princess” May (aka Anya)

There’s a fake Alena running around, and, by complete coincidence, she winds up kidnapped in place of the real princess, Alena. That’s why you don’t impersonate princesses! Alena winds up rescuing her (through trading away the one sacred object that will allow a malevolent force to take over the world… it seemed like a good idea at the time), and Princess May hands over a thief’s key in exchange for Alena’s troubles. And I wouldn’t pay May a second glance, save for the fact that apparently the fake princess has her own fake traveling party! What adventures is “Princess” May having now? We don’t know, but I’d like to find out!

#16 Panon (aka Tom Foolery)

The top comedian in the world, Panon has to follow a pretty amazing dance routine with jokes that apparently pack the house. Later, he’s recruited by The Chosen One to entertain a king that is holding a helmet hostage in exchange for a funny joke. Panon doesn’t actually deliver anything humorous, but he does explain that there will be no laughter without the heroes getting some spikey hat, and the king relinquishes his prized possession. Then, he is never seen again. This is likely because he went against the Comedian’s Code, and explained the joke, thus marking him for instant assassination. Prove me wrong, readers!

#17 Tov (aka Fido)

Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Yes you are. Yes you are. Now go kill that fox trickster. He made me unnecessarily walk, and for that he must pay with his life. Go, boy! Go!

#18 Skeleton Monster

This Skeleton Monster is just chilling in a monster hideout, ready to do… skeleton things? You know what? I have no idea what this creature is doing here. But he’s a skeleton, and everybody thinks he’s just some lame dead guy, but, nope, skeleton monster. Keep on keeping on, boney dude!

#19 Pipin’s Dad

Now this is a legitimate skeleton. Pipin’s Dad came to the mining town Aktemto to find treasure and build a better life for his children, but Aktemto had a bit of a poisonous gas/monster problem, and one thing led to another, and now Pipin’s Dad is a skeleton. What’s important here is that, despite the fact that Pipin’s family is still alive and awaiting Pa a town over, Pipin’s Dad is somehow a completely fleshless skeleton. What happened here? And what picked the old man so clean but still managed to leave a letter behind? So many questions surrounding this inanimate skeleton.

#20 The Branca Mercenaries

Similar mysteries surround the Branca Mercenaries. Why did they think they could conquer the darkness? Why is their roster ever changing? What happened to their old members? How did they convince Alena to join their gang? And why won’t they let me join them? A full party? That’s BS! I’ve got a caravan full of dudes! We can work together, you dorks!

#21 Zapper Saber (aka Paralyslicer)

I just think they’re neat.

#22 Balzack

Man, here’s a dude that is going places. He was a simple alchemical amateur, but he sucked up to Edgar, a master alchemist with two daughters and “the secret of evolution”. And then Balzack murdered him and stole said secret. This drew the ire of Edgar’s daughters and his other student, but Balzack retreated to buy his way into Necrosaro’s quest for global domination (or something). This granted Balzack a kingdom, and, when Edgar’s daughters kicked him out of there, Balzack withdrew and conquered another, different kingdom. Also, he transforms from some manner of wolf demon into an overweight dragon, which is an improvement (probably). Unfortunately, the good times stop when the hero comes calling and slashing, and Balzack is left diced to pieces on Alena’s royal carpet. But he had a good run!

#23 Radimvice (aka Aamon)

He doesn’t show up until the absolute end of the tale, but it appears Radimvice is wholly responsible for the final battle. Not content to just be a boss monster that sits silently in some nondescript room forever, Radimvice kidnaps the big bad’s girlfriend, and blames the whole event on the hated humans. This riles up Necrosaro something fierce, and he’s about seven seconds away from destroying the world by the time the heroes arrive. Unfortunately, while he might have more of an influence on the remake, Radimvice follows his deception with merely chilling in a boss room forever in Dragon Warrior 4, and never does a blessed thing again. Sorry, Rad, maybe you’ll be your own final boss next time.

#24 Rosa (aka Rose, Rosalee)

You want to sum up 80’s female videogame characters in one terrible example? Meet Rosa. Her job is to be locked up in a tower and cry. Eventually, she is double kidnapped and murdered. And that’s it. That’s her whole life. Apparently she fell in love with a demon, though, and said demon is going to kill everybody because his woman is dead. Yay man-demon pain. And, as previously noted, it was that demon’s own assistant that murdered the poor girl in the first place. Granted, the Chosen Ones probably didn’t help when they assassinated Rosa’s knightly protector, but, hey, mistakes have been made all around.

#25 Master Dragon (aka Zenith Dragon)

The leader of Zenithia is a freaking dragon. And he’s a good guy! Finally, dragons are helping out this Dragon Warrior. Well… “helping” might be a bit much. To go anywhere near this guy, you need to acquire a full set of armor and weaponry that proves your divine lineage. And he’s a touch racist, as he probably wouldn’t even speak to you if your mom wasn’t an angel. And speaking of which, he’s forbidden all Zenithians from descending to the surface to interact with humanity at all. But! He is rather gracious when your party finally does arrive, and he’s integral in The Chosen not falling into a collapsing hell chasm. So he’s a bit of a mixed bag, and appropriate for the middle of the list.

#26 Exposition Dead Guy

This knight was sent on a quest to save kidnapped children… and failed. But! He managed to impart the entire plot of the game to a fellow knight before passing from this world. So, because his last words could just have easily been “barf!”, Exposition Dead Guy earns his place on this list as a very helpful corpse.

#27 Vivian (aka Prima Donna)

Vivian is a woman who entered a fighting tournament where the prize is marrying a princess. And she decided she would do this while wearing a bunny costume. I ask you: is there anyone on this list that is more obvious about her desires? Hey, Princess of Endor? Remember how you were thinking about it with Alena? How about you see what kind of magic Vivian has up her sleeve?

#28 Ragnar

I understand that, for some, Ragnar being this low on the list is a slight of the highest order. But I will stand by this decision, because, give or take one amazing moustache, Ragnar doesn’t make much of an impact. Yes, it’s clear he’s supposed to harken back to the silent knight of Dragon Warrior (1), but, once you get past that fabulous armor, he’s just a generally nondescript dude who has to exist in the shadow of Alena. And you know what? Nobody looks good when they have to compare to that heroine. Sorry, Rags, but you’re a middle of the list kinda guy.

#29 Mara (aka Maya, Manya)

Here’s a showbiz tip: Never follow a dog act. Alena’s quest feels like a proper magical adventure: there’s a three-man party, imperiled princesses to spare, and a fighting tournament that ends with a kidnapped kingdom. Taloon follows with the complete opposite: an adventure that is simultaneously mundane and fantastic, but still a simple quest for riches for a simple man trying to provide for his family. And then you’ve got Mara and Nara, a dancer and a fortuneteller on a quest to avenge their assassinated father. And a new player might think, “Wow! What new gameplay feature is going to be introduced in this chapter with these unconventional heroines?” And you know what you get? A white mage and a black mage. The end. It’s clear the sisters show up late to the party because they have generally more nuanced gameplay than what has come before (you can’t just hit “attack” every round), but… there isn’t much to their adventure. Revenge involves a lot of fetch quests and same-y dungeons, and that’s a major letdown after controlling a karate princess ambushing flesh-eating demons. In the end, Mara and Nara are a disappointment. Mara ranks higher than her sister because at least she knows to hang out at the casino while nursing her wounds.

#30 Orin (aka Oojam)

Orin also ranks higher than one of the sisters, because, while he’s stuck on the same lousy quest for revenge as Mara and Nara (their dad was his teacher, so they’re… sorta siblings?), Orin winds up the most useful member of the Chapter 4 party. And not just because he can hit things! He can also pick locks (through MUSCLE MYSTERY!), which, in a Dragon Warrior world, is one of the most useful skills a man can have (see also Emblem, Fire). Unfortunately, he doesn’t last past his debut chapter, as he (mostly) heroically sacrifices himself so the sisters can escape an army of monsters. This certainly is a reason he loses some points (save yourself! Keep being useful to the real party!), but his efficacy during one particular chapter cannot be overstated.

#31 Nara (aka Meena)

Did I mention how the sisters can’t even complete their quest without help from the Chosen One? Ragnar saves children, Alena wins a fighting tournament, Taloon conquers the whole of the global economy, and Mara & Nara get blasted into next week by a mutant lion man. Terrible. Nara ranks well below said lion monarch and all her allies because she’s a worse mage than someone else already introduced, and her one “special” ability, tarot cards, are a crapshoot. Literally. Good luck getting a desirable result out of this fortuneteller.

#32 Linguar (aka Abominable Snowman)

Linguar is a yeti that somehow entered a fighting tournament. I admire the monster’s chutzpah, but I’m pretty sure “being a yeti” is against the rules. Go back to Twilight Princess, Linguar, we have lesbian fanfic to work on here, and you’re not helping.

#33 Everybody talking about the Sandglass of Regression

Speaking of fanfic, this entire town creeps me out. Everybody is talking about The Sandglass of Regression, and, look, I get it, you’ve all been to that particular corner of Deviantart. We’ve all been there! It’s pretty normal to investigate that kind of thing, and, even if it isn’t your particular fetish, it does put that one episode of Dragon’s Lair in a precise context. But it’s not polite to talk about such a thing with a visiting hero’s party. Keep your interests to yourselves, Seaside Villagers. I’m not investigating some weird cave to satisfy your kinks.

#34 Queen of Gardenburgh (aka Queen of Femiscyra)

I have a lot of respect for what appears the only matriarchal society on this particular Dragon Quest planet, but the Queen of Gardenburgh is kind of a… well, a derogatory word I don’t want to say to describe a matriarch. She accused me of stealing! For no reason other than a prophet saw it in a vision! That is not a proper witness! And when I proved my own innocence, she gave me, what? A key? That’s technically globally useful, but for being unjustly incarcerated and retrieving stolen goods, we should at least obtain, I don’t know, some free livestock or something. Where’s my cow, lady? Where my cow at!?

#35 The Medal King

I’m normally totally okay with the Medal King, a random sovereign of dubious royalty that dispenses prizes in exchange for placating his uncontrollable obsessive-compulsive disorder, but, in a game that is already constrained by a severely limited inventory system, he’s less a bonus, and more of an albatross. Oh! Look! It’s a Small Medal! That means there’s less room in my backpack for that treasure chest over there, and I better book it back to the treasury way the hell across the world to stow this small medal so maybe I will find some more medals to hopefully obtain a worthwhile trophy for my efforts. Oh, there are two medals in this dungeon? Christ, hope I brought enough Wyvern Wings to fly back and forth and back again! Stupid, lousy Medal King…

#36 Howden (aka Conrad Hilton)

This dude just stands around dispensing treasure maps to people that successfully answer his quizzes. On one hand, hey, that’s a pretty democratic way of making sure people across the kingdom find treasure. On the other hand, his treasure map leads to the Zenithian Sword, a weapon that is 100% destined for the hands of The Chosen One, and the only way said One is ever going to find their way to the final boss. Basically, what I’m saying is that if one other random nerd managed to complete Howden’s quiz before the hero, and that geek found the sword first, we’d all be speaking demon now (and, also, the whole planet would be an unlivable hellscape filled with nightmare creatures). So Howden only gets partial credit for potentially destroying the whole of existence.

#37 Tom the Old Man

Tom has a bad hip, and asks that Taloon push him to the church. In exchange for this backbreaking labor, he offers Taloon approximately a dime’s worth of GP. This is the most old man thing to ever appear in a videogame, so Tom makes the list for no other reason than being a cantankerous, cheap old man. He would rank higher if he didn’t remind me of the inevitable end of 2020’s election cycle.

#38 Hector (aka Hank Hoffman, Jr.)

The only reason you ever have to speak to Hector is that he owns a carriage, and you need a carriage to cross one lousy desert. However, Hector doesn’t trust literally anybody, so you have to go through a big, stupid fetch quest to earn one crummy item that magically (again, literally) cures Hector of his pathological distrust. He joins the party thereafter, and adds absolutely nothing to anything, save he owns a carriage. And, let’s face it, Taloon owns a boat, so he’s quickly outranked in even vehicle provisions. And then, just when Alena is ready to join up, Hector has the audacity to leave the party so he can start his own inn. Seriously? You bring nothing to the table, and then you quit? Hector, you were fired, and we’re taking your carriage for damages. That’s not how this kind of thing is supposed to work? Too bad! Get out of my sight!

#39 King of Stancia (aka King of Canalot)

And you’re not going to laugh at my jokes? After everything I went through with Hector? Oh no, buddy, I’m not dealing with that gobbledygook. 1,000 years jail! Jail for king! Gimme that helmet and get out of here!

#40 Esturk (aka Estark, Esterk)

Esturk was the Lord of the Demons, but that saintly dragon sealed him up underground a thousand years ago. Unfortunately, Master Dragon did his typical half-assed job, and, in the current day, Esturk is leaking out of the underground, and poisoning an entire town full of people. And that’s pretty impressive, given he is causing untold destruction despite the explicit handicap of being completely asleep. And that’s why Esturk is so low on this list: he’s a sleepy boy, and just about as overtly threatening as a statue. Maybe he’s a legitimate threat in another game where he deigned to, ya know, wake up.

#41 Necrosaro (aka Psaro the Manslayer, Death Psaro)

He’s the final boss, so I suppose he has to be on this list. But that’s about the only reason Necrosaro gets a spot! Yes, he manages to collect all the alchemy and items that grant him an “invincible”, fully-evolved body. But, guess what? The hero slices him to bits anyway. So much for being unbeatable. And the entire reason for this stupid plan? He’s upset his girlfriend had a rough life. Well, boo hoo, Saro. Why don’t you file a complaint with the city council, and maybe not transform yourself into an unstoppable (“unstoppable”) killing machine? Is this what whatshername would want? No, of course not. And she told you that! You don’t even listen to her! At all! Ultimate evolution isn’t going to make you a better person/monster, Necrosaro, and that’s the most tragic thing of all.

#42 Alex (aka Angus)

Alex sets out on a quest to rescue his children. Now, considering Alex lives on a planet that has a ratio of approximately 10,000 slime monsters to every one person, you might think that Alex expected some hardships on his quest. Unfortunately, Alex was ill-prepared for reality, and, apparently ten seconds into his quest, he encountered a monster, and panicked so hard he lost his memory. And this was not some simple Flintstones-style amnesia; no, Alex literally forgot the entire concept of commerce, and was rapidly imprisoned for stealing bread. Eventually, his memory is restored by his loving wife, Flora (aka Aigneas), but he did spend a healthy amount of time in jail, presumably gurgling like an idiot, and maybe being shocked and frightened by passing birds. Alex, for terror-crapping out the entirety of your brain matter, you are ranked lower than even Necrosaro.

#43 Prophetic Signpost Guy

The King of Santeem has the ability to see the future. One night, he awakens from a prophetic dream, and rushes to town. He finds some random dude, and decrees that said guy must construct a signpost that contains a cryptic message that, one day, will help the king’s yet-unborn daughter on a quest that will not start until after the king is separated from his kingdom. This humble sign maker does as the king commands, and then completely forgets where he put the sign. What the hell is wrong with these townspeople!? Do you think that maybe this might have been something important enough to remember? Could you have, I don’t know, made another signpost to remind yourself of the location of the first signpost? If this is all the king has to work with, it’s no wonder his entire kingdom got kidnapped while his daughter was off punching yetis.

#44 The Balloon Guy

So, in an unexpected turn of events, if you manage to find a canister of helium in the crypt of a thousand year old demon lord, you can hand over that gas, and earn yourself a hot air balloon. Not the most predictable conveyance I expected to see in this adventure, but I guess Final Fantasy already locked up the airship conceit. And there’s a guy in Riverton who is responsible for this balloon, and we should really just be grateful we have a way of reaching the heavens at all. However, when you first encounter this merchant, he offers a balloon, but then pulls it away when he demands a random key item you’ve never heard of. And for this fake out, I shall never forgive him. Don’t give me a quest when you’re supposed to be giving me a blimp, you jerk.

#45 Lucia (aka Orifiela)

Lucia, a Zenithian angel, accidentally falls to Earth when attempting to collect buds of the World Tree. It is entirely possible she fell to Earth once before, too, and is secretly the mother of the hero. Regardless of potential parentage, she helps The Chosen One find the magical sword that will grant access to Zenithia, and accompanies the party in visiting the heavens. After leaving the party, she donates her pet dragon, Sparkie, to help everyone in her absence. In general, Lucia is very helpful, and potentially one of the most important unsung heroes on her planet.

But she also makes you repeat an entire dungeon if you forget to leave an open slot in your traveling party, so screw that winged jackass.

#46 The Prophet of Gottside (aka Prophet of Azimuth)

Here we have the prophet that successfully predicted the Chosen One would rise and slay Esturk. However, he doesn’t have anything to say about our hero defeating Necrosaro. So he’s not great at his job. And, if you think about it, if there wasn’t this prophecy about the Chosen One floating around, then Ragnar would have never had to rescue children that were kidnapped because they might be “chosen”. And, what’s more, the actual Chosen One wouldn’t have had the worst childhood ever, because monsters would never have bothered to attack their hometown. So, basically, this prophet is criminally bad at his job. Book him with manslaughter, please, at least.

#47 Bakor (aka Kirk Buzzer)

This doofus stole from a kingdom, framed the hero (through another stupid prophecy), and then got his head bashed in when that hero came a-callin’. He wouldn’t rank a spot on this list at all, save for the fact that he’s apparently the one NPC in the world that can hoof it when his doom shows up in his room. That’s some good self-preservation there, Bakor.

#48 Saro’s Shadow (aka Psaro’s Pawn)

Saro’s Shadow is a bad guy, and his plan is to kidnap and murder children that have the potential to grow up to be The Chosen One. As evil plans go, that’s some good, biblical forward thinking, and an excellent way to quash a rival before they ever are a threat. Unfortunately, Saro’s Shadow’s plan is idiotic, and involves far too many airborne shoes. And, while relying on kids curiously investigating flying footwear is probably a pretty valid plan for childnapping, it all falls apart when you consider that anyone could find your base with the right sneakers. And, considering Saro’s Shadow’s tower winds up swarming with chivalrous knights defeating eyeball monsters, I’m going to call this plan a complete failure. And you never even captured the kid in the first place, doofus.

#49 Every Stupid Sarcastic Priest in DW4

Buddy, I am just trying to save my game. Why do you make it sound like you’re faking it? I don’t want to lose half my gold. I don’t want to lose my progress on boot. I don’t want any of that. Did you record my adventures in your holy book or not? “Certainly”? Why are you winking!?

#50 Whoever is Responsible for the Vivify Spell

Dragon Warrior 4 is an amazing game filled with far more than fifty memorable characters (I didn’t even get to the horse!). However, someone responsible for Dragon Warrior 4 is also responsible for the Vivify spell, a life/revive spell that, inside of battle and out, has about a 0% chance of ever working. And, considering MP is a valuable resource, this is an affront to God and all mankind. So, Whoever is responsible for the Vivify Spell, wherever you are, know that you are the absolute greatest monster in all of Dragon Warrior 4.

FGC #473 Dragon Warrior 4

  • System: Nintendo Entertainment System for the original, but Dragon Quest IV: Chapters of the Chosen saw remakes on the Playstation (in Japan) and the Nintendo DS (globally).
  • Number of players: There are so many Chosen, but only one hero.
  • Maybe actually talk about the game for a second: For my money, DW4 is the best of the NES DW titles, and it’s in the running for best in the franchise. Even with a dull “NES era” translation, the raw personality of DW4 shines through, and there’s a reason this title deserved an article roughly five times my usual essay limit (because more words always equals more better). However, the JRPG artifacts of the era are still front and center, and, well, I think there’s a reason I can still barely tolerate random battles to this day. I’m just going for that damn treasure chest, game, stop trying to run me out of MP on my first floor! Other than those issues, though, DW4 is pretty damn impressive.
  • Breath of Fire totally stole thisIt’s a Gamble: Endor houses the first casino ever in a Dragon Quest game. Considering the whole damn franchise has been based on gambling (just usually with instant-death spells), it’s kind of impressive that we went three whole titles without a dedicated casino. By comparison, “first game where you can manually choose party members” seems downright dismal (even if Final Fantasy didn’t get there until its sixth title).
  • Cover Girl: The female Chosen Hero appears on the Famicom box for Dragon Quest IV, but does not appear to be featured on any future releases. This is a travesty, and we should not stand for it.
  • What’s in a name? Props to the localizers that snuck the concept of death into Necrosaro. Anything remotely objectionable was not allowed by Nintendo of America back in the day, but that name still sounds appropriate for a man-slayer.
  • Did you know? The remake replaced boomerangs with crossbows. The boomerang was never as mighty as it was on various games of the NES…
  • Would I play again: In a heartbeat. … Well, assuming I can play with save states, fast forward, and maybe fast leveling. Look, I have so many unplayed JRPGs on the current consoles, I’m not going to spend the rest of my life grinding swords for Taloon. I have places to be!

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Pimp My Ride for the Playstation 2! Oh boy! We’re gonna ghost ride the whip! Please look forward to it!


7 thoughts on “FGC #473 Dragon Warrior 4”
  1. I find it highly amusing that the Dragon Warrior IV silent protagonist didn’t even crack the Top 50. I’m guessing they’re hanging out somewhere below the extremely grumpy (but kindly in spite of his harsh words) woodcutter who’s implied to be the Hero’s grandfather. And the Liclicks that posed as Mara and Nara. And the cat atop Santeem Castle.

    It sucks being a silent protagonist in a game with far more interesting (but also usually silent) protagonists.

    Anyway, the game’s on mobile, too. Aside from the odd formatting error or wrong-ish reading line in the Party Talk, and some kinda iffy touch movement, it’s pretty much the definitive version of the game. BECAUSE IT HAS PARTY TALK.

    Here’s a curated selection of party talk bits I capped in Chapter 2. It’s split in two parts ‘cuz I just took that many photos.

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