It is easy to identify how if you played Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team and/or Red Rescue Team as a child, you are likely a messed-up adult now.
Let us review what happened so we can protect future generations.
The Pokémon franchise is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year. And it is marginally miraculous that the central conceit of Pokémon has been consistent since day one. Once upon a time, Mario used to be an anonymous Jump Man, Ganon was a pig wizard, and Pit used to actually appear in games. But Pikachu has been Pikachu from the moment he (note: gender signifiers came later) sprang forth from his egg (note: eggs came later). You know the deal, right? Give or take the distinctly-noted-as-unique mascot yellow rat that stared in the anime and various auxiliary materials, Pokémon are more known by their individual species than anything. You may have a Clefairy that you have been raising since Mt. Moon, but if you say “Clefairy” to another fan, they simply imagine an anonymous pink creature. Or maybe “anonymous” is the exact wrong description: all Pokémon “speak” in either delightfully Gameboy-based sound effects, or repeat their own name. So ekans hisses out “ekansss” and jigglypuff gets smashed off the stage “puffing” all the while. And other than that? Pokémon are generally assumed to be stupid animals. Even in cases like Alakazam or Xatu where the ‘mon is supposed to be smart or wise or able to predict the exact time and date of your death or whatever, they are still just little guys running around that can only remember four moves at a time. Pokémon may have social structures or complex habitats, but they are more similar to bees than humans. That Vespiquen is not supported by parliament!
Except in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon. In that franchise, Pokémon live in a society.
The gameplay conceit of any given Pokémon Mystery Dungeon title is that it is a Mystery Dungeon title. Not familiar with the genre? Considering sales of the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon franchise would indicate that funny animals are what puts this genre on the map, you are not alone! Mystery Dungeons are the gentle evolution of a rogue-like to incorporate general RPG trappings. “It’s like Rogue and Dragon Quest had a baby” is the elevator pitch, and it is more or less literally how this genre got off the ground. The first official Mystery Dungeon title comes from Dragon Quest’s co-creator (Koichi Nakamura), and stars a Dragon Quest character (the fabled Torneko of Dragon Quest 4). From there, Shiren wandered along, but we got occasional guest stars like Chocobo exploring a mysterious dungeon, or Druaga having some manner of nightmare. In 2005, a little over a decade after the genre was invented, Pokémon got their turn. And Pokémon adapts well to the Mystery Dungeon model! Pokémon is basically a Dragon Quest-style RPG to start, so if it is good enough for Torneko, it is good enough for Tynamo. Go raid some dungeons, wee Pokémon!
But here’s the thing: complete with its first star being a traveling merchant, the Mystery Dungeon format is inevitably tied to commerce. Even when you are rescuing an eagle (or something), your average mystery dungeon dive exists for the exclusive purpose of hauling out treasure. And, while this may initially seem selfish, let us all be honest with ourselves: we play videogames to earn high scores. Being on the same side as a hero that is seeking numbers to go up can be its own kind of relaxing (or, put another way, everybody loves Wario). But what riches does a Pokémon seek? Sure, you can compensate for Pokémon hunger meters with berries, or adopt the usual experience points for leveling and move learning; but what is your Pokémon’s goal? Trainers start to look downright malicious if they are making their digital cocks fight only for money, so are we going to have to work out what would make a Squirtle happy? Why does a water type risk their life in an endless dungeon? Is it because all Pokémon secretly have real estate, and they must pay off an omnipresent mortgage?
Oh, turns out you can just base a game on “Torchic gotta pay rent.”
Technically the heroes of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team and Red Rescue Team are altruistic. It is right there in the title! They are rescuers! They are going down under any given dungeon to save trapped Pokémon or occasionally complete a job that goes something like “I think I left my N-Gage on floor three of the infinity poison slime cave, can you go fetch it for me?” And, yes, our Rescue Team does get paid for such a service (a job is a job!), but you are doing something helpful, so surely your lil’ Charmander would be doing that anyway. Oh, wait, my bad. I did not mean your Charmander, I meant you, Charmander. You are the Charmander. Or Chikorita. Or any of a dozen or so initial Pokémon that are available to rescue other Pokémon. There are no trainers here, just Pokémon, and they have cobbled together a town with shops, banks, and a working postal service. The United States can barely pull that off! We need more pelippers!
From a gameplay perspective, all of these “services” are completely justified. This is a Mystery Dungeon title! You need a shop where you can stock up on supplies for your dungeon dives. You need a bank, so you can safely stow your cash (or gamble on surviving your next trip). You need a location like the post office where you can sort through sidequests. Something like “Gulpin the Move Fuser” would just be a forgetful fat guy in the mainline Pokémon titles, but a poison blob with an oral fixation does make things a little more interesting. Just the same as dungeons full of victims/treasure, you need all of this in a Mystery Dungeon title, so it is only normal that an entire town full of Pokémon that offer various services would crop up. Wigglytuff is going to help you expand your friend circle! It is not all that different from any given “party recruitment” function, but having a friendly not-yet-fairy type makes it fun!
Fun, and only a little existentially terrifying.
Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Blue/Red Rescue Team makes it clear that you have entered “The Pokémon World”. This is not the same planet that contains Ash Ketchum, Team Rocket, and a fake version of Hawaii filled with ghost birds. This is a whole different place, where humans only exist if their consciousness has been transferred into a totodile. And, in a world without humans, Pokémon have managed to fill all the roles of absent people. Never mind that they now have a shared language (it has always been difficult to discern if a diglett really can understand a sandshrew), Pokémon have slapped together an entire economy. And, if the presence of these “rescuers” and their press (!) is to be believed, the Pokémon economy is primarily based on altruism. Nobody is employing togepis to manufacture Pokédexs in a Johto sweatshop, they are paying brave mudkips to make the world a better place. The entire Pokémon Mystery Dungeon World is populated with Pokémon that live to serve.
But in the “real” Pokémon world, there are humans. And those humans use Pokémon to fight, exchange money according to battle outcomes, and then use that money to buy more magic balls that will capture more Pokémon, eternally trapping them as belt accessories or PC inhabitants. Sometimes, a random human will go bug-type crazy, and attempt to destroy the whole world with the power of legendary Pokémon. The world of humans claims Pokémon are pals, but they are overwhelmingly used as tools. When humans are involved, Pokémon literally fight for their amusement.
So, if you started playing Pokémon as a child with one of the mainline games, Pokémon are just fun little dudes that have funny little powers. However, if you started playing Pokémon as a child with one of the Mystery Dungeon titles, then you saw a magical world without humans where all Pokémon are friends and they participate in a society based on altruism and trust. And then, in every other game and piece of Pokémon media, they are slaves.
Misanthropy, thy name is Pokémon Mystery Dungeon.
SBC #52 Squirtle & Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team & Red Rescue Team
Squirtle in Super Smash Bros Ultimate
- They any Good? Pokemon Trainer’s default first Pokémon is Squirtle! That turtle is fast! With good recovery! And his offense is awful! Anybody attempting to use a water gun in this tournament is going to fail fast, so maybe switch to one of the other bigger monsters when you want to attack.
- That final smash work? Squirtle shares this smash with their comrades, and they are contributing a series of hydro pump blasts. That is more the signature attack of their dad (all Blastoises are male, obviously), but we will allow it.
- The background work? We need something with a lot of water for Squirtle, so we are sticking them on the The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Pirate Ship. Sigh… you never forget the first time that ship generates a catapult, and you get launched straight into an untimely death. Other than that, this is a fun, chaotic stage where the ship occasionally flies for no reason. Is that supposed to be the wind waking?
- Classic Mode: The Future Champion was completely covered with Ivysaur, but I will once again note that the Kanto Trio do not need to have any other opponent than Mewtwo. They know that kangaroo is bad news!
- First Appearance: Echoing my previous assessment, Pokémon Trainer simply did not work in Brawl. Neat concept, but too many concessions for the gimmick,. There is a reason Squirtle and Ivysaur sat out an entire Smash title.
- Smash Trivia: Squirtle is a water type, but they can drown like a common hedgehog in any of the flooded stages. This raises all sorts of questions.
- Amiibo Corner: Such a happy little guy. Look at those nostrils. Wait.. do turtles have nostrils? I guess they have to breathe somehow. The tail is charmingly curly, but the shell is not as cool as Bowser’s spiked mess. And there is simply no way that giant head fits in that shell.
- Does Smash Bros Remember Today’s Game? Not even a little bit. Aside from, ya know, containing Pokémon, nothing about the Mystery Dungeon series made the leap over to Smash Bros. I cannot even find a song in there! And they have songs from everything!
Squirtle in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team & Red Rescue Team
System: Remember that weird time when the Gameboy Advance was established with 12 craptillion sold units, and the Nintendo DS was still struggling to be born? Pokémon remembers! Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Red Rescue Team was only released on the Gameboy Advance, and Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Blue Rescue Team was stuck on the Nintendo DS. Blue is the way to go! The DS was practically built for Mystery Dungeon titles! Even if they put the map on the wrong screen! That said, Red is now available on the Nintendo Gameboy Advance Virtual Console service, so it is more accessible.- Number of players: Like all portable games of the era [citation needed], there are a thousand little bits of bonus content that are only unlocked through “multiplayer”. But now it is the future, and the post office is closed forever. Call it one player.
- Favorite Pokémon (this game): We are primarily looking at the third generation (Ruby/Saphire/Emerald) for this one, so we are once again visiting Tadpole Pond for Ludicolo. Let him dance!
- Favorite Legendary Pokémon: Famous Rayquaza did nothing wrong.
- Alien Mechanics: Deoxys has this whole thing where he changes between his multiple forms on every floor of a dungeon dive. The stat changes are not as dramatic as in the regular games (which, let’s face it, would get your glass cannon shattered immediately), but I do appreciate the “random select” nature of it. What? I have a short attention span!
- Greatest Injustice Imaginable: You cannot evolve your Pokémon until completing the main storyline. Granted, many claim “seeing the credits” on this title is only the 50% mark, but we are still talking about something you can do before your first gym in some Pokémon titles. Regardless, other teams feature fully evolved pokemon like Medicham and Gengar, so it always feels like you are a step behind by being stuck as a measly Cyndaquil.
- Don’t you know that evolving does not increase your stats in this game? It is the principle of the thing!
Did you know? The last new Pokémon Mystery Dungeon game was released in 2015, and then this very game got a remake in 2020. That is the last anyone has seen of the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon franchise. And if you like these games, you did know this fact, and you have never shut up about it.- Would I play again: This was one that I played an awful lot back in the day… possibly on an emulator when I was a poor college student… But had no real interest in revisiting again. It popped up on the Switch 2, though, so I decided to give it a go again. And you know what? I still do not care for Etrian Odyssey. So you can have your happy Pokémon society, I am going to go play something else.
What’s next? Random ROB has chosen next week to be Disney week, so we have the Disney Afternoon Collection on Monday, and Ducktales 2 on Friday. Life do be like a hurricane. Please look forward to it!