In 1939, Robert L. May published the short story Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer as a promotion for the Montgomery Ward department store. Ten years later, Johnny Marks, Robert May’s brother-in-law, wrote the song Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer. Gene Autry recorded the song that June, and the ditty became a number one hit the following Christmas season. In 1964, Arthur Rankin Jr. produced a Rudolph animated special, and the little reindeer that could was permanently cemented into the American consciousness. The story of Rudolph has been attached to holiday traditions ever since.
In 2010, the Nintendo Wii was king of the console generation, appealing to children and grandmas alike. Red Wagon Games released an official videogame adaptation of the Rankin/Bass Rudolph film for the Nintendo Wii. Likely hoping to capitalize on the “Wii Sports” phenomenon, the game is multiple minigame challenges. There are five minigames. It is one player. The game is garbage. IGN gave it a 1.5 out of 10. Not even a clean zero…
But! A little over 85 years after the initial poem’s publication, GameMill has given us another look at Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Now available for Playstation 5, Xbox X|S, Nintendo Switch, and Steam, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (2025) is an action platformer in the tradition of Mario Odyssey or Spyro the Dragon.
And how does it stack up against the original tale? Well, let’s go down the song…
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer,
Had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it glows.
Yeah, we’re good so far. This is Rudolph, and his nose glows. That’s the whole bit.
All of the other reindeer,
Used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph,
Play in any reindeer games.
Hold the phone! This… is like five minutes into the game! Rudolph is not supposed to be playing any reindeer games, and here is a reindeer inviting Rudolph to play reindeer games. This was so goddamned straightforward, and they whiffed it! You had one job!
Terrible! Terrible!
Shut it down! Shut it all down! We’re not doing this Rudolph nonsense again for another ten years!
So disappointing…
FGC #722 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
System: As previously mentioned, we have Playstation 5, Xbox X|S, Nintendo Switch, and PC. Do not buy this game for any of those systems.- Number of players: Miraculously, you have two players in this one. I assure you, you would not want to be in the same room as someone else while playing this game, but the option is there.
- Maybe actually talk about the game for a second: I bought this one on sale thinking it may be passable, and, yes, I know I erred in my thinking. This is… like… D-Rank gaming. On one hand, it is an actual game (unlike its Red Wagon ancestor), but it was either rushed, or contained exactly zero playtesting. It is vaguely like Mario Odyssey/Donkey Kong Bananza with its 3-D platforming and challenges for “Jingle Bells” of dramatically varying difficulty (sometimes you get one for fighting through a gauntlet, sometimes you get one for falling down a hole), but the camera is constantly fighting with progress like this is friggen’ 1997. I would estimate that about 70% of the challenges across this adventure are completely borked out of the gate by the most minor of “did anyone actually try this” issues. Of course, that’s just the cliff notes. I’ll go ahead and get into the details as we go…
- It’s a pale bird flying in a blizzard on White Day: Rudolph’s world is desolate. Apparently, more games with zero funding should take place at the North Pole. A stark, white landscape with a few jagged mountains is great for
absolute miserybudget gaming. Never waste a wasteland! - Choose your Fighter: By the end of the first stage, you have a full compliment of playable characters. Our foursome includes Rudolph, Rudolph’s Girlfriend, That Elf That Wants to be a Dentist and Thus Should be Punished for his Hubris, and Yukon Cornelius. Despite not even being the same species, everybody controls exactly the same. Most concerningly, all characters make the familiar “Rudolph’s nose is glowing” noise by a collectible. Is this a glitch? Or is Hermey hiding more than his atrocious ambitions?
Aquaphobia: There are very few “enemies”, and only a handful of traps that will drain health. However, you will likely die hundreds of times, because water is instantly fatal to your entire party. And your drowning holes play extremely poorly with the crap camera and randomly disappearing/sinking blocks. If you see a lake, just assume there are a thousand dead reindeer in there. Also, if a platform is a little bit too low, it is probably past the death boundaries, and you will inexplicably fail for touching it. Presume there was some water on there or something.- Shove Forward: There are racing/time trial segments all over the place. These are difficult if you are just pushing your analogue stick forward. But it is child’s play if you identify that your only offensive attack, a barreling headbutt, can be used infinitely with zero cooldown. So just play your character like Stampy the Elephant, and you’ll be fine.
- Talk to me, buddy: NPCs do not update as you accomplish tasks. If some elf is upset their buddy is trapped in a cage, and you free that friend and collect the customary Jingle Bell prize, the first elf will still be whining about the caged dude until the end of time. It is the little things that reinforce the misery.
- Reindeer Games: Rudolph can perform a slowly descending float jump. Rudolph can double jump. Rudolph can wall/“triangle” jump. Rudolph gains a wall run in the final 75% of the adventure. Rudolph cannot fly until the absolute end of the absolute final level. They should have focused on the one skill known to be possessed by magical reindeer and made this a shoot ‘em up.
- Too much of a good thing: The Abominable Snowmonster of the North is the most perfectly realized thing, as it looks and moves about as perfectly as one would expect of a game competently adapting the famous movie. And the designers knew it! He’s featured on the back of the box, he appears in nearly every level in some capacity, he is the only boss anywhere, and he is much more of a consistent antagonist than any snowstorm. I would be impressed if it wasn’t for all the childhood trauma this monster caused me.
Say something nice: The title screen gradually populates with the whole cast as you complete challenges. Santa Claus is the final addition. Given the short length of the game, and how “sleep mode” is a thing, you may literally never notice this. But it’s nice!- Snow Job: The whole concept for the final two levels is that there is a terrible blizzard happening that is “not fit for man or beast”. However, if you go outside, you will find it is exactly as generically overcast as the rest of the game. Fuggin’ idiots…
- An end: The final exploration stage takes place at Santa’s home (castle?). The greatest platforming challenges are here, and they mostly appear to revolve around jumping around the exterior of the building. And, yes, this is a non-canon videogame, but I choose to believe that Yukon Cornelius met his final end by just slipping and falling off Santa’s roof. Nobody found his body until June.
- Did you know? Superman(‘s first publication date) is one year older than Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
- Did you know (game edition)? King Moonracer, the lion-bird lord of the Isle of Misfit Toys, has a whole backstory about being an outcast in his native land, and circling the globe daily (eat it, Santa) to rescue misfit toys for his kingdom. And, despite appearing in a cutscene in this game, he does nothing other than talk at Rudolph. He’s a friggen’ griffin! How do you not implement that into a platformer!?
- Would I play again: This will not be a holiday tradition.
What’s next? The end of the month brings us the Smash Bros. Challenge again, and Link is going to take up the sword. Please look forward to it!
Merry Christmas, Everyone