These “stream summaries” are often written over a long period of time, sometimes months after an original stream. I have realized this since the days of Xenogears, and made an effort to take notes so I do not forget something I want to focus on when I finally put pen to paper. In the case of today’s stream, I have exactly one note:
Boring Ass Forgettable Characters
Love ‘em or hate ‘em, Brave Fencer Musashi had some memorable characters. You might not be able to remember the exact food pun associated with any given villager, but when you see clowns impale an orange, or a mayor put Musashi in charge of a burning town, you remember. And the villains of the piece were all memorable, too, despite the fact that they had extremely sporadic appearances. Dancing mice and flying Bens are always going to be on my mind.
Samurai Legend Musashi hits the nigh impossible target of having a cast that is immediately forgettable. The main princess is at least omnipresent (though I still had to look up her name: it’s apparently Mycella), but the other maidens are stock archetypes that are more side quest excuses than anything else (I have to go on an adventure to find you new glasses? Really?). In fact, Clochette, the Maiden of the Void seems to be the only noteworthy woman of the bunch, and that is predominantly because she plays both sides of the conflict in an (aborted) attempt to steal treasure from everyone.
And speaking of “the other side”, our main villains are…
Malbec – The tech guy. Built all the mechanical monsters Musashi has slashed through. Is a child, but inexplicably fights alongside “sexy” robot girls.
Glogg – The strong guy. Wields an anchor and talks about goofing off when he should be protecting his base.
Riesling– The little fast guy that teams up with the strong guy. Desperately wants to be Axel, which is a crime all on its own.
Shiraz – Has elf ears, pale skin, and a mechanical “scorpion” tail. None of this is ever explained, but he is generically “cold”.
Rothschild– The second in command of the evil army that lives to betray the boss and take over the whole operation. Literally nothing else is revealed about this mook except “is mean” and “has a sword”. The sword generates elemental attacks, I guess.
And then we have Gandrake, the final boss and CEO of the nefarious Gandrake Enterprises. It is revealed during the final sequence that he is actually Kojiro Ganryu Sasaki, a mythical (kinda) samurai who was said to have fought the real (mythical [kinda, again]) Musashi. However, if you were expecting some kind of “we’re both from the same world, so we both have the same power of reality” twist, you’d be disappointed, as Gandrake immediately reveals he has been possessed by a sentient rock. And then he transforms into a generic super wizard, is defeated, returns immediately thereafter, and is then defeated again. Afterwards, he is seen during the ending recovering in the communal Musashi mall, which presumably means he was forgiven for his crimes of… What was he doing again?
And that’s basically the issue with Musashi: Samurai Legend characters: they are so poorly defined, it is difficult to say what was even happening. Unlike in Brave Fencer Musashi, all the villains here suffer “Disney deaths”, and are knocked off platforms, never to be confirmed dead. The ending seems to verify that two of the biggest bads, Gandrake and Rothschild, very distinctly survived their injuries, and maybe Rothschild is even about to get up to his old tricks again. But who cares!? These knuckleheads have less definition than a Sailor Moon monster of the week, and, unless there is a Musashi: Samurai Legend animated series in the pipeline, their survival impacts exactly nothing. The whole point is that Musashi is off and out of this dimension to go to his next adventure, and we’ll never see the machinations of Rothschild ever again.
So you want the number one reason nobody remembers Musashi: Samurai Legend? It has “boring ass forgettable characters”. There is no there there, and the complete lack of Princess Clochette fanart on the net tells us this game had zero impact on the usual Square-Enix audience.
Sorry, Musashi. In so many ways, you deserved a better finale.
Even Worse Streams presents Musashi: Samurai Legend
Original Stream Night: October 25, 2022
Random notes on the stream:
- Welcome to the final Musashi stream! Fanboymaster is here! And Jeanie!
- Let’s talk about all the weird plotting nonsense surrounding Jade Empire and Sonic Chronicles.
- “Listen. Sometimes you sow the storm and reap the whirlwind.”
- Carrying some purple haired princess through a pyramid naturally brings us back to talking about Xenoblade Chronicles. Mostly two and three this time…
- The original Bard’s Tale had the ability to import characters from Wizardy! It’s like some NFT crossplay nonsense!
- And as Musashi crosses a river of acid, there is a brief discussion of cannibalism in the Xeno franchise. It’s more common than you think!
- “This was a really odd time and place to get horny.”
- Hey You Pikachu: more similar to Ico or The Last Guardian?
- And then we have to facilitate a concert? I guess? This is a really weird end game quest, but it worked for Chrono Cross.
- Caliscrub joins as we explore the “activated” pyramid.
- “Does anyone remember the third Mistwalker game that never came out?” “No.”
- Various Daylife might be the most generic title in history. Apparently it was already on Apple Arcade? This sounds like a scam. Apparently it was also already mentioned on a Musashi stream? Even weirder.
- Oh, this stream was right around when Zorua was released in Pokémon Go with disastrous results.
- Dawn of Mana… Lunar DS… Which game has the worst experience system?
- And BEAT arrives just as we gain the Void Sword. Welcome to the final chapter!
- Musashi surfs into the final Rampart Isle. I was really expecting that to be a minigame…
- And then a stream mutiny occurs. No, I will not be relaying those links to other streams within the bullet points!
- Remember Viewtiful Joe? He had a TV show….
- Two boss fights and hallways full of robots are all very boring. I could quit here and never feel bad about it.
- If you are curious about the mysterious “next stream” with a special guest star mentioned during this stream, it was EVO.
- Man, we are low energy as we approach the final boss(es). It was a long night, and I never wanted to revisit this game again.
- The princess is rescued! And we only had to insert all the magical swords into a criminal machine to do that. What could possibly go wrong!?
- Ladies and gentlemen: the most boring “chase sequence” in gaming.
- “This is way less fun.”
- Do we get a buff wizard as the ultimate form of life? Kinda sorta? Public opinion is that “he’s not red enough.”
- And the day is saved! The princess died, came back, and passed out again. Hooray!
- And then we get one stupid Gandrake timing minigame to finish it all off. We’re done! Thanks for watching!
Next time on Even Worse Streams: I don’t even know anymore.