Tag Archives: xenoblade

Xenogears 19: Everybody

This is so goodIf you were enjoying that faux-gospel take on Xenogears, sorry to break kayfabe, but that’s over now. We’re going to take an article to look at Xenogears in a more objective manner: did anything in Xenogears matter?

This Xenogears Let’s Play was recorded predominantly from January to May of 2021. Due to significant executive dysfunctions, it was not posted on this site/”written about” until the fall/winter of 2022 (with a bit bleeding into 2023, as you can see). By complete coincidence, this period also wound up being when I played through Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and Xenoblade Chronicles 3, and revisited my own Xenosaga Let’s Play for general Let’s Play inspiration. So, in a short period of a few months, I crammed a lot of Xeno-nonsense into my noggin.

And you know what I realized? It’s all the same!

Yes, that is a terribly reductive way to look at a few decades’ worth of incredibly distinctive videogame stories… but still! Every single Xeno title dips into the well of well-worn tropes and some not-at-all-disguised references to gnostic beliefs (and you may think outright naming your “monsters” [heavy emphasis on quotes there] “the gnosis” would be the pinnacle, but you’d be wrong!). This creates the unfortunate situation where heroes like Fei, Shulk, Rex, and Noah are all technically distinctive characters with their own motivations, beliefs, and hairstyles… but they’re all the same guy. They’re all going to slay a god because they love an important woman in their lives, and they all discover a heavy predestination/reincarnation history that seems to indicate they maybe never had a choice in the first place. And while Shion of Xenosaga is the odd woman out here, she still winds up being the reincarnated religious figure that loves another reincarnated religious figure that then work together to punch (a) god in the kisser. And, hey, at least there was a little sexual variance there! The Xenoblade Chronicles series has been so militantly heterosexual, Square Enix had to produce Final Fantasy 14 to balance out the universe.

But even though Fei and Elly may as well be Noah and Mio, they do have distinct supporting players. Or, put another way, Bart may be the Proto-Zeke, but it is hard to say if Billy’s whole deal is ever truly seen again within the franchise(s). And, with that in mind (and the admission that Xenogears: Disc 2 was the Fei an’ Elly Show [with special guest that other guy with the hair]), let’s see how the finale of Xenogears worked out for everybody else that grabbed an Omnigear.

Bartholomew Fatima

SUPER REDWho was he? Fei and Elly are the undisputed stars of Xenogears, but Bart is our #3 protagonist. He even appeared in the demo (see, we can tie this article to the actual stream)! He is brash, headstrong, and generally myopic. And he’s got whips! That probably says something…

What did he do? Turns out the pirate king was an actual prince, and he fought to reclaim his country throughout Xenogears. When he finally regained the throne, he called for a democratic nation… but then immediately got voted back in as ruler. Baby steps, Bart.

But did it matter? Nope! Bart’s entire nation and most of its subjects are super duper dead or zombified about 60% of the way through Xenogears. Bart is certainly welcome to become a leader of the last remnants of humanity, but that whole “world wide war” thing that kicks off the plot is a nonfactor at this point.

Was Bart ever revisited in the Xeno franchise? Like Fei & Elly, it is easy to identify Bart as another recurring archetype. Xenoblade Chronicles 2’s errant Prince Zeke is the obvious (and already mentioned) descendant here, but we also have Junior almost immediately in Xenosaga. The concept of “immature royalty that wants to be seen as a hero” is pervasive, and it doesn’t matter if that “royalty” is a literal prince or a CEO: it’s all about learning to be a better man. You know, because this archetype is universally male…

Billy Lee Black

I can't get enough of thisWho was he? A dedicated man of the cloth who not only eliminated zombies creeping around the continent, but also managed a delightful little orphanage. Billy had a rough time with his immediate family, but he was such a pious man that he was likely to be the next Holy Father… should such a position exist for someone with marksman proficiencies.

What did he do? The good news is that Billy reconciled with his father, and it looks like his little sister is going to be in a better mental place as a result. The bad news is that Billy discovered his entire religion was a lie, and he may have been killing innocent people for the Red Skull.

But did it matter? One could argue that Billy is in the best place to be important in the Post-Gear world of the finale of Xenogears. He is still good and saintly as of the finale, and he is 100% aware of the “true” history of his world and its religion (what with the fact that he was present for and actively shot and murdered god. Twice). Also, as near as anyone can tell, his entire family survived, so their reunion does actually mean something. So, basically, if Elly wanted to retire as Holy Mother after having a rough couple of weeks, Billy is right there and ready to lead Neo Ethos.

Was Billy ever revisited in the Xeno franchise? Either every single time or not at all. Billy is unique as an acknowledged man of the cloth who has some family issues that pair nicely with a loss of faith… Or I just described damn near every character in the Xeno franchise that ever had a modicum of faith. Organized religion always turns out to be evil! Every time! And whether this is revisited with the bad guys (Xenosaga’s Margulis) or the good guys (practically the entire cast of Xenoblade Chronicles 3), Billy’s general beats as a person are revisited often in the god-killing franchise. He may have had the most unique gun-fu, though…

Chu-Chu

This is so goodWho was she? Once mistaken for a stuffed animal, Chu-Chu is a bounding ball of pink fluff that earnestly believes she is helping. She can heal Gears, at least, so she certainly has her uses.

What did she do? She mostly tagged along with Margie, but she had her moment to shine when all the Gears were disabled, and she was able to grow to gargantuan size and defend a city of her fellow chu-chupolin. Unfortunately, that was about it for her moment, and she didn’t even get the catharsis of delivering the final blow to that man-monster. But at least she eventually got crucified!

But did it matter? Nothing about Chu-Chu mattered. She may be in a position to lead her remaining chupanions into the new age, but the majority of them may have taken a dirt nap right around the time that Shevat hit the ground. She at least survives all that wizbiz.

Was Chu-Chu ever revisited in the Xeno franchise? Infinitely. Chu-Chu is the proto-Nopon, and some of her more idiosyncratic behaviors are echoed in her descendants. Remember how XB2’s Tora was a brilliant scientist but horny all the dang time? Well, please recall that Chu-Chu was introduced with a bizarre crush on Fei, and advocated for him to go get his mack on when Elly was upset (which aggravated BEAT to no end). Every annoying creature with a squeaky voice in this franchise had its origin here.

Maria Balthasar

That has to hurtWho was she? The granddaughter of one of the great sages, Maria narrowly escaped Solaris and became Shevat’s number one defender with her distinctive Gear, Seibzehn. She fought the party initially, but joined the common cause when she was promised an opportunity to become the wings of death. She… may have issues.

What did she do? But she is allowed to have issues, because she was forced into an epic battle where her choices were let her friends and makeshift family die, or kill her father. She ultimately chose fratricide, and… that was that. Aside from her Solaris breaking and entering, Maria is all but ignored for the remainder of Xenogears.

But did it matter? She was the greatest defender of Shevat… before Shevat mostly became a crater. And she really loved her giant robot… before all robots on the planet lost the ability to function. With her father/grandfather’s research, if there is anyone on this dirtball that could get a Gear going again, it’s Maria… but in the meanwhile, she has zero accomplishments or hopes for the future.

Was Maria ever revisited in the Xeno franchise? Aside from the time that she pretty much outright transported herself into Xenosaga? Maria is a “girl and her horse” archetype with a dash of daddy issues, so she may or may not also be every Xeno character ever. You want to hear some hard truths? It is a short trip from Maria and Seibzehn to Shion and KOS-MOS, and “Mai Magus” appearing in Episode 3 there may be an acknowledgment that Shion is more of a repeat character than anyone wants to admit. MOMO is Maria with all the parental trauma and responsibilities, but none of the rage. And then we move forward to Melia…

Emeralda Kasim

That cannot feel goodWho was she? The daughter of Fei and Elly from another age, Emeralda is a nanotech colony that has taken the form of a green-haired girl. Her potential as a lifeform is unlimited, and she can turn into an angel or a buzzsaw. There are probably appropriate uses for both forms.

What did she do? At her introduction, she was little more than a macguffin to be pursued by both teams. Once Solaris/Krelian learned all they needed about her biology/technology, she was released to the good guys on a probatory basis. Shortly before the finale, she was allowed to explore the ruins of her old city, and she spontaneously matured into a teenager to better rescue the woman that was mostly her mom.

But did it matter? Emeralda’s tech was integral in the “evolution”/destruction of the human race, so she gets bonus points for inadvertently aiding the apocalypse. Beyond that, she did wind up being on the rescue team for Elly, so she did set a goal and accomplish it without any pyrrhic modifiers. And, assuming there is anyone left that knows what they are doing, Emmy’s nanotech might be the key to reviving this dead ass planet. Gray goo for a better you!

Was Emeralda ever revisited in the Xeno franchise? The precocious child that is a living weapon seems to be a common Xeno theme (say hi again, MOMO), but once you get into “nanotech” and “artificial lifeform that learns how to be human”, you could be describing some of the most important characters across the franchise. Ignoring your usual compliment of KOS-MOS or the entire concept of the Blades of Xenoblade Chronicles 2, let us simply focus on Pyra and Mythra. What was their final form’s hair color?

Ricardo Banderas

Get 'em!Who was he? He… um… oh… This is embarrassing. Was he the weasel guy?

What did he do? Oh yeah! He was the wrestler dude that helped you fight your way out of prison. And he had a whole arc there about being abandoned by his prestigious father, and fighting his way up through the slums, and learning to trust his new/true friends, and… Then he didn’t really do much. Granted, Billy was in much the same situation (have one dedicated arc, never be relevant again), but at least that guy’s whole family stuck around for support. By the time Hammer is betraying everybody, “the champ” is barely even mentioned.

But did it matter? No. Very firm no here. Rico turned to the light to save a town that eventually got obliterated anyway. Hammer exploded. Fei probably could have escaped prison on his own entirely thanks to the help of Citan. And it’s not like Rico’s brilliant mind was ever utilized across the breadth of this team’s journey. If there is some kind of line of succession over in Kislev, Rico might be in line to be the emperor of exactly one (1) battle arena.

Was Rico ever revisited in the Xeno franchise? It is hard to say if any particular character is a reference to Rico in later games, as there really isn’t much to Rico to emulate. We’ve certainly seen the “strong guy” archetype more than a few times, and we had “king of the prison, let’s all escape” appear again as recently as Xenoblade Chronicles 3 with Ghondor. Hell, Ghondor even gets her own “Hammer”, too, so maybe she is a little Rico.

Citan Uzuki

TEA TIME!Who was he? The only member of the party that doesn’t have daddy issues because he is a daddy, Citan seemed to exist as the wise mentor figure for the party (and particularly Fei). He knows every “old man” on the entire planet, is directly responsible for more than a few Gears running around, and has a wife and daughter to come home to (assuming Fei didn’t obliterate his home in the opening act). He also has a rad sword and an even more rad helicopter robot.

What did he do? What didn’t he do? Hyuga Ricdeau was born a slave in Solaris, was blamed for a local plague (accused, never convicted), worked his way up to the elite Elements squad, became a direct subordinate of Solaris’s Emperor Cain, met his wife attempting to sabotage a rival country, got a new(ish) job spying on Fei, kept Fei out of trouble for a solid couple of years/adventures, helps his friends infiltrate his former (current?) home, facilitates some cannibalism, plays psychologist for 66% of Fei’s personalities, performs minor surgery on the entire party, and… Well, he didn’t do much in Disc 2. But he was the only member of the party that wasn’t an immortal reincarnation that narrated things, so that counts for something.

But did it matter? Or maybe it didn’t count for anything. Despite being integral to Fei’s awakening as the XenoChrist, Citan doesn’t get much in the way of development in his own story. Or, put another way, everything interesting happened in Citan’s life before the game started, and now he is just coasting on mentorship clout. It is telling that one of the greatest debates in the Xenogears fandom at release was whether or not Citan’s wife was even alive anymore, and that somehow did not impact the plot/character one iota.

Was Citan ever revisited in the Xeno franchise? Aside from the obvious answer of Jin Uzuki (and, arguably, Shion, too), Citan’s position as adult aid for the party has been revisited a number of times, just most recently without the character being a permanent member of the party. And that’s fine! That’s a very well-worn archetype, and whether we are referencing Obi Wan or Dunban, there is always room for the smart old (29-year-old) man in a videogame. And if you want someone of the opposite sex, Special Inquisitor Mòrag Ladair of XB2 sure does feel like the chaperone for the kids of that party.

Vanderkaum

Get in the vanWho was he? He was a military commander at the Aveh-Kislev border. He had a purple cross tattooed onto his face, and loved giant cannons.

What did he do? Vanderkaum was replaced by Ramsus as the Aveh commander, but he still fought Fei and friends when Bart attempted to liberate his home country. After losing his beloved cannons, he pilots a gear, loses, and is then granted -the power- by Grahf. Powered Vanderkaum kills a bunch of people, which pisses off Fei, so Fei-Id sends Vanderkaum to an early grave.

But did it matter? Vanderkaum was an object lesson in why you do not want to see Fei angry, but he otherwise barely impacted the world at large.

Was Vanderkaum ever revisited in the Xeno franchise? Yes. He reappeared in one form or another in every other Xeno-world. If anything, the Xeno franchise is a constant retelling of the story of Fei, Elly, and this bald dork. There has never been a reasonable explanation for this, and I am not thinking about Xeno games any more out of protest.

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 18 Part 2

Original Stream Night: May 4, 2021
Night of Xenogears

Random Stream Notes

  • We’re doing the demo! The Square 1998 Collector’s CD Volume 1, a pack-in for Parasite Eve, contains a demo for Xenogears, a game that would be released like a month after PE. So fanboymaster, BEAT, Jeanie, and Kishi are ready for the beginning at the end.
  • Enjoy flashy words! Elaborately Planned World!
  • This was recorded on the same night as the ending of Xenogears, so we are discussing that a little bit during the retread of the intro.
  • Ample Vigour stops by for the start of the playable demo.
  • “Ye shall be as butts.”
  • Look at him goOh, this is where fanboymaster talks about the terrible intro to Final Fantasy Zero for the first time. That will come up again for other games.
  • Let’s discuss the incredible racism of the PSP advertising campaigns as we get to actual gameplay.
  • “I’m not okay with leaving Baby Herman around my wife.”
  • Elly and Bart join the party a tweak early. Oh well, it worked for Chrono Cross’s demo.
  • Ample Vigour asks how long we have been playing Xenogears. The answer is, apparently, from January 5 – May 4. There were a few breaks here and there, though, so this wasn’t… how ever many weeks that would be.
  • Keanu Reeves is allowed to be a middle-aged man.
  • What happened to Citan’s wife, Yui, over the course of Xenogears? Who cares.
  • Kishi once believed that Dan’s face would make sense when they were older. Such a sweet summer child…
  • And the demo officially ends at the destruction of Lahan with a lovely “next time on Xenogears”.
  • After the Xenogears sizzle real, we check the Final Fantasy 8 preview video for the hell of it.
  • Thanks for waching Xenogears! If you need Even Worse Streams continuity, we started the Mega Man Legends trilogy after this. Those segments were posted on the site quite a while back.
  • And we close with Kishi’s appeal to the watcher to play Xenogears divorced from all of our nonsense. I am only moderately offended.

Next time on Xenogears: You dig giant robots? I dig giant robots.

I agree!

Xenogears 16: Know Thyself

Everybody has got oneKnow thyself, know thy god.

Krelian was an assassin 500 years ago. Unfortunately, he was not a very good assassin, and fell in love with his target, the 13-year-old Sophia. Krelian had a good seven years with Sophia before she became politically active and started hanging out more with her “childhood friend”, a pretty boy painter. But, potential infidelity and/or grooming aside, when Sophia was permanently lost to a suicidal combat maneuver during the Shevat-Solaris War, Krelian karened out. His anger at a manager that would allow such an injustice was so all-consuming, he vowed to create a new manager that presided over a world where the good would never be sacrifices.

But Krelian was not honest with who he really was, so this plan had a few hiccups. For one thing, his plan to create a new god would sacrifice nearly every human living on the planet… which is a bit of a hypocritical move when you are doing this “for” one dead lady. He also gained the ability to control who lived or died through nanotechnology, and unilaterally “sentenced” a few random Shevat and Solarian leaders to immortality. Did he use his ability to grant eternal life for a good reason? Nope! And, in pursuit of his goal, he tortured and experimented on people for centuries. He even tortured Elhaym Van Houten, who was the living reincarnation of the woman he purported to love! And he tortured Chu-Chu, too! Which is just unpleasant!

In short, Krelian wanted to create god, but he ignored how he had turned from the divine long ago.

Watch the pointsThen we have Lacan, that painter that Sophia seemed to dote on. Lacan had significant self-esteem issues, and thought painting a portrait of “the Holy Mother” that happened to be his friend/potential paramour was beyond his capability. Then, when Sophia died, he blamed himself, and decided it would never have happened if he was tougher. In pursuit of -the power-, he hooked up with a purple-haired war criminal, and attempted to steal strength from god. However, this ended poorly, with 98% of the planet’s surface population being obliterated in the ensuing chaos. And that wasn’t enough! This was right about the time that, thanks to a gross misunderstanding of some well wishes, he vowed to live to see the end of the world. And if that apocalypse wasn’t happening anytime soon, he would help the world get to the last page all the faster.

And considering he then spent the next 500 years manipulating everyone within a 500-yard radius into similarly and fruitlessly chasing -the power-, it is easy to see how he could bring about the end of everything. He even manipulated a traumatized child into being a living weapon. Which is all the more tragic when “old” Lacan had power all his own all the while…

But that brings us to that traumatized child. Fei Fong Wong was a mere babe when Lacan attempted to steal -the power- from Fei. But Fei’s father, Khan, fought to protect his son, and, in the ensuing melee, Fei’s deific power was released. This instantly killed Fei’s mother, Karen, and left the youngster in a mental quagmire that plunged his “normal” personality into hibernation. This left us with a Fei identifying as Id that seemed to live for death and destruction. And when this Id hooked up with Lacan (now known as Grahf), the two of them got up to a few hijinks that involved a surprising amount of genocide. Eventually, a third personality in Fei emerged to suppress the murderous Id, but this third persona had no access to the memories of the previous two. In short, Fei was a third of the person he could be, with memories that only stretched back a few years.

But, despite/because of more recent traumas, Fei was able to come to an understanding with all of his personalities. Even if this process caused him untold pain, Fei was able to reckon with his true self. As a result, Fei was able to make true contact with god, and obtain the fabled Xenogears, a Gear that was powered by an extra-dimensional energy source entirely separate from Krelian’s machinations.

And were Krelian or Lacan ever able to find their god? Well, considering Fei killed that giant slug before he even achieved enlightenment, outlook is not too good there.

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 16

Original Stream Night: June 1, 2021
Night of the Bravest Fencer

Random Stream Notes

  • Beat, Fanboymaster, Jeanie, Caliscrub are here at the start. Kishi is on their way! At the very least, we’re gonna fight god!
  • That’s our god?”
  • Kishi arrives for the start of our militant atheism.
  • “The god bug thing isn’t hot enough.”
  • We discuss exactly what Grahf is wearing. I feel Xenoblade Chronicles 3 eventually answered any questions about what we are supposed to be looking at.
  • BEAT sees Chu-Chu crucified live for the first time. Why would that puffball even inflate for that?
  • Look, this game was translated by Richard Honeywood sleeping under a desk. Please excuse any typos from Wiseman.
  • “It not only has two heads…
    What is even happening here?

    It has two torsos.”
  • “I’m Gyro Man.” “Here’s five dollars, please give me a sandwich.”
  • Let’s talk about the most expensive brisket Caliscrub has ever seen.
  • Please enjoy the great blue vs purple debate over Miang/Elly’s hair color. I’m with purple.
  • “That frog’s not a pervert.”
  • “I’m really proud of Fei for remembering who Rico is.”
  • There is a lot going on in flashbacks here. So, naturally, we discuss whether Fei smells bad.
  • Dan’s forehead is back! Hooray!
  • Nice dye job“What do I do to get that motorcycle?” “You pay twenty dollars, little Timmy.”
  • All the xeno-heads are “excited” for Fei’s imaginary journey through his subconscious. Buckle up!
  • Lacan is Grahf who is also Fei who is also Wise Man who is also Khan. You get all that?
  • “Look, we all killed mom. Together.”
  • “Is this going to turn into a rhythm game?”
  • Jeanie realizes how Xenoblade is related to Xenogears. Go fig!
  • “So how do I use the Zohar to mine for bitcoin?”
  • Let us always remember to store data in our introns. … Wait, that is a real part of DNA!?
  • If you want our first discussion on how the ending sucks, here it is after checking out Fei’s introns. To be clear: the ending as an ending isn’t bad, it is just that literally the entire world is dead.
  • Oh, I guess we’re never streaming Final Fantasy 8. Shucks…
  • “May we all be brave enough to be Goku.” “Oh! It’s a save point! My favorite character!” Thanks for watching!

Next time on Xenogears: What is considered optional in this universe?

I blame you, Dan

Year in Review: 2022

Disappointment of the Year: Pocky and Rocky Reshrined

Take a dipIt wasn’t bad! And it was even a pretty good Pocky and Rocky game! But, after decades without a Pocky or Rocky, it really felt like there could have been more done with the franchise. Or maybe the issue was simply that it was released right around the same time as Cuphead’s Delicious Last Course DLC, so Pocky and/or Rocky had to try to shine in the shadow of an amazing take on the shoot cute giant creatures genre. Whatever the case, this game felt like the sequel to a game from the 90’s that completely ignored the fact that there has been a whole heck of a lot of great games released since said 90’s. And that doesn’t make a bad game, just a disappointing one…

Compilation of the Year: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Cowabunga Collection

Do you recognize him?This was an amazing year for compilations and/or remakes. We got Capcom Arcade and Neo Geo Pocket compilations! A whole pile of Capcom fighting games! Klonoa! Artisanal Atari! Death Smiles for some unknown reason (also, that technically was released in 2021, but it was December, so I’m going to count it)! But the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles take the cake, because their compilation runs through such an unusual gamut of choices. You have beat ‘em ups! Fighting games! Action games! A Gameboy Metroidvania! All on one cartridge/disc/download, and all united by including games that feature Renaissance artists with Japanese weapons. And all the games included are at least passable! Except Genesis Tournament Fighters! Whatever! I can’t stop shouting! Cowabunga!

Remake of the Year: Radical Dreamers

PointyI have spoken of this at length already, but the fact that we now have a playable, English Radical Dreamers is amazing to me. This slot was going to go to Live-a-Live, which seemed like an equally unlikely SNES English rerelease that by all accounts has the objectively better graphical upgrade… but screw it. I gotta go with my gut on this one. I had been waiting for Radical Dreamers since before I ever saw a Nintendo 64, so finally playing it on my Nintendo Switch was a surprisingly significant experience. And it included an unexpectedly friendly goblin, too. Can Live-a-Live say that?

Title of the Year: Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid: Burst Forth!! Choro-gon Breath

This award is traditionally granted to a game that is playing it straight and just incidentally thinking it was a good idea to include the word (?) “UnderBirth” in its title. However, this year we have a comedy game based on a comedy series featuring comedic characters, so it is entirely likely this title is intentionally funny, too. That said “choro-gon breath” is complete nonsense, and there is no universe where that joke lands in any way. I did a google search! The only result for “choro-gon” is this game! What does it all mean!? Can someone help me with this shouting problem!?!

Game Most Recklessly Encouraging Obesity: Kirby’s Dream Buffet

Go Kirby!In a weird way, it is a shame that Kirby’s Dream Buffet is just a silly little racing game. I love it! But it is bite-sized, and even my Kirby-loving heart was only able to wring a few hours out of the experience of gradually earning Kirby more and more hats through gluttony. Regardless, it is likely my favorite surprise experience of the year, one of two remarkable Kirby games, and is worthy of Master Hand and Crazy Hand clapping for the Kirb blobs.

Game with the absolute worst release date of the Year: Persona 4 Arena Ultimax

Such friendly friendsDon’t get me wrong, I am happy to see any “retro” game released on modern consoles, particularly a fighting game that is reliant on online matchmaking. Ain’t nobody suplexing robots back on the Playstation 3 anymore. That said, March 2022 was a weird ass time to see this game resurface. There were rumblings (now coming to fruition) of “back” Persona titles being released on the Nintendo Switch, which is practically the best system in history to host a Persona game (chat with buddies on the big screen, go to portable mode when you must stalk through 50 floors of a dungeon). We had just seen at least two releases of Persona 5 on other systems, and we even had that dancing game or the beat ‘em up to keep us company as vaguely new content. And then we have the Persona 4 fighting game. Not Persona 5, currently featured in Smash Bros, but Persona 4. And the majority of this playable cast was already available in Cross Tag Battle, a game currently continually on sale for two bucks. And… what was the point of all this again?

Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, you were always a great fighting game, but your release date in 2022 was a rainy day.

DLC of the Year: Guilty Gear -Strive-

Did you see that?I’m not sure if you are aware of this, but mankind knew they could not change society, so instead of reflecting on themselves, they blamed the beasts. And, sometimes, that beast is DLC. The current state of gaming is one where DLC is often promoted longer and harder than its parent game. Every announcement has to be an event, and every new stage, character, or mode has to be the greatest thing to happen to the genre since the last time someone asked you to get excited about the same guy you’ve been seeing since 1994. That said, the DLC for Guilty Gear -Strive- has done something no other fighting game has done with its DLC: it made Bridget a girl. And good for her! Sora in Smash Bros. is important or whatever, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time DLC has made a person come out. Testament being nonbinary is also a nice bonus. They like potatoes. They just think they’re neat.

System of the Year: Xbox X|S

Hack away!Xbox quietly took this title for 2022. I now have all the current generation systems (thank you Stranger of Paradise for inspiring that Playstation 5), and, while the only unique game for the Xbox X|S that has struck my fancy has been a pretty standard flight simulator, it is also the only system that currently goes back four generations with its game library. So I can play some crazy ray-tracing adventure with a fox that looks like Link, or I can go back into the archives and easily play the likes of Final Fantasy 13, Jade Empire, or even just Xbox Midway Arcade Classics. The other systems play some oldies, but, as someone who has been accumulating a terrible collection of games that go back to the Atari, the ability to instantly boot up titles I purchased opposite the Playstation 2 or Gamecube is amazing. I now actually regret buying many games on something other than the Microsoft console du jour, as (miraculously) it seems like it is only the Xbox that genuinely cares about backwards compatibility, and not just reselling the same game over again. And it can play all sorts of Toejams & Earls. Worth the price of admission right there.

Game of the Year: Xenoblade Chronicles 3

Let's JamI have a lot to say about Xenoblade Chronicles 3, and you will read that meandering essay on this site eventually. But in the meanwhile, just be aware that this game managed to soak up approximately 90 hours of my life, engage my imagination, and be a fun-to-play game all the while. My general enjoyment of Xeno-titles has been extensively documented on this site, but I need to make one thing abundantly clear: this is the first Xeno-game I can recommend without hesitation. After decades, they finally got it right! And the characters, plotting, and general tone are only, like, 5% embarrassing. Max. I cannot even say that about Elden Ring and its silly little horse man! Oh, and this is also a game I never expected to be anything better than general “good, but not amazing” Xeno quality, so that probably gave it a rank up, too. Look, it’s just a good game that came out of nowhere (“nowhere” being “literally years of experience and anticipation”), so it wins. It just plain wins.

Oh, and best soundtrack of the year, too.

Games I’m sure are great, but I haven’t played: Gotham Knights, God of War Ragnarok, Bayonetta 3, Sonic Frontiers, Stray

Look, it seems like a lot of games came out in the October-November window. I know that happens a lot, but it still hit like a ton of bricks this year. I know I will at least get to the Sonic game. God of War is a firm maybe… After I play the last one… that came out four years ago…

Also, I looked back at previous years’ “games I will play eventually” lists, and I just got to a 2017 game this year…

Gogglebob.com Introspection 2022

AgreedThis was a weird year for a lot of reasons, but the “arc” of the site was particularly surprising. I tried to dial it back a little and exclusively focus on the Wild Arms 3 Let’s Play for the Summer, but then I wrote FGC articles while I was on the break, started publishing them in the Fall, and had enough of a “backlog” that I could produce new content easily for the rest of the year. And then I started writing about the Even Worse Streams videos (thanks to having a lot to say about Chrono Cross), which has become a consistently weekly thing in an effort to finally post those Xenogears videos from 2021. So now the site is consistently updating three times a week for the first time since Spring of 2018, and it is during a time I was trying to “cut back”. Guess time makes fools of us all… or… something…

Regardless! Here are some favorite FGC articles of the year:

FGC #618 Body Harvest
FGC #625 Double Dragon 3: The Rosetta Stone
FGC #628 Popeye
FGC #630 Record of Lodoss War: Deedlit in Wonder Labyrinth
FGC #634 Martial Champion

And that’s ignoring everything from this year I already linked.

Here’s to 2023! The year I end the FGC!

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… E.V.O.: Search for Eden! Speaking of games featured on Even Worse Streams, it is time to look at the tale of a fish becoming a human despite the fact that monkeys still exist. Please look forward to it!

Xenogears 06: Ricardo Banderas

Let's fightLet us consider the story of Ricardo Banderas.

At the age of 30, a man named Sigmund had become the Kaiser of Kislev. Sigmund had had a hard life, being one of the last survivors of the nation of Elru. As a result of his heritage, Sigmund was a demi-human, complete with elven ears. However, he could pass as a “normal” human, as pointy ears are easily hidden by a bright orange hat, and you barely even notice that hat when a guy owns a pipe organ the size of a giant robot. Kaiser Sigmund was very successful as a soldier and politician, and much of that can be attributed to his apparent normalcy.

Sigmund’s son… not so much.

When Sigmund’s wife Anne was pregnant, malevolent doctors in the employ of Solaris administered some nasty drugs. This caused the beastly traits of Sigmund’s genetics to present themselves harder, and, when Rico was born, he had a skin color only a Blanka could love. Anne and Rico were banished (Sigmund was unaware, of course). Anne was left to raise Rico alone in the slums, and, a mere decade after losing her position as empress, Anne had wasted away into death. Rico was now all alone in the world.

Even when Anne was alive, Rico did not have a good childhood. Racism against demi-humans was always on the rise, and being an orange haired freak did not help Rico’s reputation. After his mother passed, Rico was forced to steal to survive as a poor orphan, and the local law enforcement did not turn a blind eye to this undesirable’s undesirable actions. Rico, son of a kaiser, had a mere ten years as a free child, and was then sent to prison for the next twenty.

But despite being a detainee of a discriminatory system, Rico was able to succeed. Rico grew into his beastly strength, and was able to learn how to fight with all the intensity of a man that is 90% muscle. By the time Rico was 20, he had been accepted into the Battler tournament, and was granted his own Gear. A year later, he was the victor, and reigned as the undefeated champion of all prisoners in Kislev D-Block. His Stier Gear was S-tier, without peer.

CHOMPRico may have reigned forever had it not been for the arrival of Fei Fong Wong. No one can say if it was the power of the Slayer of God, his inclination toward not fighting brute strength with brute strength, or the fact that Rico had been injured previously while skulking through the sewers that caused Rico to lose. But Rico did lose, and, after so long as the undisputed champion, Rico was robbed of his identity. Shortly thereafter, a despondent Rico attempted to assassinate the Kaiser by crashing his Gear into Sigmund’s skybox during a fight. When that attempt failed, Rico attempted to raid the Kaiser’s home, but was unsuccessful and imprisoned once again. This time, Rico was to be executed via being dropped into a terrarium with a dinosaur. That is enough for most people…

But Rico survived! Rico was rescued by his rival, Fei. But Fei was only there because of the other prisoners that Rico had led in his time in D Block. Rico may have been a downtrodden prisoner, but he was still a good man who inspired others, and ultimately his soul was saved because those others decided to repay the favor. And, from there, Rico realized how his hometown was important to him, and decided to pilot Stier in an effort to save everyone. Rico was instrumental in protecting the nation that had treated him poorly for nearly his entire life.

Rico, despite everything, triumphed over his own adversity, and became a leader and liberator on par with his father.

And then he is never mentioned in the scripture ever again. Let’s assume he had a good time.

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 6

Original Stream Night: February 16, 2021
Night of the Breath of Fire (4)

Random Notes on the Stream:

  • Starting by talking about potential Nintendo Direct announcements (the one that would premiere 2/17/21). Rumors of Zelda games are forever!
  • My Link is always Chaotic Lazy.
  • We have it on official recording that none of us ever believed Sora would be in Smash Bros. Ever. I predicted Xenoblade 2 characters. Pyra and Mythra were announced the next day. I am a genius.
  • “His name is S-Tier?”
  • Fei wins the tournament, Dominia is introduced, and we talk about the Smash Bros that canonically f$&@.
  • Looks niceAs Rico has a flashback to his childhood, let us talk about Namco Webcomics involving Chis Hastings.
  • Time to hate on Donkey Kong 64. Platforming can never be fun (according to Rare).
  • Big Joe is skulking around the alleys while we discuss Conker’s Bad Fur Day and the impossibility of it having a sequel. Oh, and Caliscrub arrives.
  • We have to rescue Rico while Caliscrub begs to know when Hammer will announce his mad skillz. Gonna be a while!
  • “Please, videogame. I just want to play videogame.”
  • Finally! Gameplay! With trains! And discussing Street Fighter launches!
  • Sodom should appear in more Street Fighter games. And, hey, we have a dungeon here.
  • The “just had an article about this” mentioned refers to Rockin’ Kats.
  • We almost have the Weltall back! And Balrog and Ed are dicks.
  • We rescued Rico! And we haven’t talked about Xenogears actually on the stream at all. All fighting games! All the time!
  • Here come Elly and her boys.
  • “Clowns are not a race.” Kinda!
  • “Wait. They’re star-crossed lovers and they both have a robot?”
  • Guards!  Guards!Yes, Fei and Elly take a moment to hop out of their Gears to survey their own destruction.
  • Please do not get me started on the Xeno-timeline. We are trying to fight a giant robot boss here!
  • Fanboymaster claims he would be inordinately surprised if Fatal Frame 5 ever left the WiiU. Guess what was released across all consoles the following October!
  • Elly is saved by Grahf while we discuss Punch-Out and Ashita no Joe yet again.
  • “Hit ‘em with the Blanka ball!”
  • “There’s a lot I like about this game, but I’m glad I’m not playing it” is the final significant thought before we call it a night.

Next time on Xenogears: Back to committing war crimes.

HA HA
Chrono Trigger always made this less ominous