Tag Archives: jade

MKK: Kotal Kahn

The main plot of Mortal Kombat X concerns the immortal, unstoppable elder god Shinnok and his hated rival, a twenty something woman that is perpetually chewing bubblegum. However, there is a third column and subplot running through MKX, and it features Outworld, a struggle for its throne, and Kotal Kahn (and that name should tell you who wins said struggle).

Have a heart

Like a lot of Outworlders, Ko’atal has a backstory that stretches back hundreds of years. At some point, Ko’atal and his people, the Osh-Tekk, traveled to Earthrealm, hung out with the ancient Mayans, and enjoyed being worshipped as gods. As a result, Osh-Tekk people influenced Mayan culture to a significant degree, as the Osh-Tek’s natural hunger for beating hearts led to some very metal rituals and murals. Oh, and Ko’atal was distinctly named their god of war (aka Buluc), which somehow makes him the second playable “god of war” to appear in the franchise (and third if you include Injustice). Regardless, at some point, the Osh-Tekk headed back to their own private dimension, and left the Mayan People with a deep and unrequited need to transform into jaguars. And that is the secret origin of furries in the Mortal Kombat universe.

But the Osh-Tekk did not fare as well as the Mayans, as they quickly became conquered and decimated by an invading force (wait a minute…). Ko’atal was conscripted into Shao Kahn’s army, and wound up being pretty effective (that whole “god of war” thing really paid off), and was trusted enough to join Jade and be the official guard of Shao Kahn’s newest queen, Sindel. Unfortunately, that whole situation ended extremely poorly (Sindel either committed suicide, or was murdered by no less than three different people, depending on the retkon du jour), and Ko’atal was punished by being sentenced to Shang Tsung’s lab/torture chamber. Also, somewhere in there, every other Osh-Tekk was obliterated, because that’s how Shao Kahn rolls (see also: Reptile). So if you’re wondering where Ko’atal was during the original Mortal Kombat Trilogy or Mortal Kombat 1-9, the answer is “Flesh Pits”, and he doesn’t want to talk about it.

But, in the new timeline of Mortal Kombat 9, Shang Tsung and all his binding magic died sometime around the invasion of Earthrealm. And, shortly thereafter, Shao Kahn was vaporized, too. This led to a new status quo for Ko’atal: he could leave the Flesh Pits! And take a long shower! And after rinsing off, he could serve the new ruler of Outworld, who appears to be… Mileena? Oh, no. That can’t be right. Well, she is technically the heir of Shao Kahn, as he… kind of birthed her… in the Flesh Pits… Hey, do you think she and Ko’atal were neighbors? No? Fine. No whacky Outworld sitcom for this crowd.

Have a heart

Now, the original Mortal Kombat story/timeline dealt with a deposed Shao Kahn once before. In the era of MK 5-7, there was a conflict being fought between the forces of Edenia, led by Sindel and Kitana, and whoever was leading Shao Kahn’s Outworld armies this week (which was usually just the featured big bad). It was all described in biographies, cutscenes, and endings, but the general feeling there was that there was this massive war occurring just off screen, but, since this ain’t Mortal Kombat: Three Houses (everyone in the MK Universe plays on Casual Mode), this huge conflict had to exist in the margins of the story. And, honestly, Mortal Kombat is the story of threats to Earth, not Outworld/Edenia, so it’s just as well that we’re not getting into interdimensional warfare.

However, Mortal Kombat X and the new timeline of the MK universe decided to go in another direction. After a few decades of Mileena continuing to be a complete maniac, Ko’atal splintered off and declared himself Kotal Kahn, challenging Mileena’s right to the throne. And, in an attempt to keep this conflict contained to something that would work for Mortal Kombat storytelling, they decided to hash out their beef with… rap battles.

Okay, disappointingly enough, no one ever raps. However, the story of Mortal Kombat X gives one the impression that Outworld politics are settled via pimps rolling around with their posses and occasionally throwing down in random jungles. And, like all politics, we have marginal reasons for why each MK heavy is backing their candidate. In short, Mileena is running on a platform that Outworld should conquer other realms like Shao Kahn and Onaga before her, and Kotal Kahn is garnering support by promoting the dual beliefs of Outworld isolation and Milenna is crazy-go-nuts coocoo pants banana nutso. So the factions breakdown like so:

Press X

Team Mileena Kahn
· Rain (the Edenian Prince wants to see Edenia’s needs met)
· Tanya (same basic deal, but with less royalty)
· Baraka (Mileena provides a very comprehensive dental plan)
· Kano (still with the dental plan, oddly enough)

Team Kotal Kahn
· Reptile (previously a Mileena acolyte, but ratted out her magic clone origins)
· Ermac (despises Shang Tsung-created monsters, self)
· D’Vorah (enjoys the alliteration of “Kotal Kahn”)
· Erron Black (likes the cut of Kotal’s jib)
· Ferra / Tor (Kotal makes surprisingly good nachos)

… Huh. Come to think of it, when you look at the two gangs, it appears Mileena’s group actually has some common goals, while Kotal mostly has enough of a cult of personality to draw people (/lizards/soul beasts/bug ladies/ogres) to his side. It’s not about Kotal Kahn’s issues, it’s about the man. … And the fact that he’s not a murderous mutant homunculus. I guess that counts for something.

Anywho, much of Mortal Kombat X is given over to the conflict between Mileena and Kotal, and, spoilers, the million year old godling defeats the freaky 20-something monster lady. This happens mostly because Mileena assembled the most worthless team of kombatants ever (Rain? Seriously? Was Kintaro out taking a smoke?), and Kotal had his political rival executed by his creepy bug lady. This means that, by about the middle of Mortal Kombat X, Kotal Kahn is the once and future King of Outworld.

Interestingly enough, this does not promote Kotal Kahn to official bad guy status. Every other Outworld Emperor (or Empress) had a strong urge to conquer the rest of the universe. Kotal Kahn firmly believes Outworld needs some time to itself to find the source of that recurring toilet smell (it’s not Reptile, he checked), and has no real interest in conquering Earthrealm. He only seems to draw conflict from the Special Forces when they interfere in his/Outworld’s unsurprisingly lethal laws (“Oh, did you steal some bread to feed your family? Well, the punishment is you and all your family will be devoured by bootleg animatronic merchandise. Deal with it.”), or when there’s a new Evil God of the Universe rising, and Kotal decides he wants to score some points by falling back on good ol’ sacrifice-based appeasement. Aside from those lil’ misunderstandings, Kotal Kahn is the most benevolent of Outworld rulers.

Have a heart

Well, I mean, benevolent aside from that teensy tiny genocide he committed against Baraka’s entire tribe for backing Mileena. And there may have been one or two other micro-genocides during Kotal’s rule, too. Look, Outworld has a lot of races, and Kotal Kahn is working really hard to get Outworld’s one Waffle House back open, so sacrifices have to be made. It happens.

Mortal Kombat 11 decides to go all in on Kotal Kahn being “the good one” by plucking Shao Kahn out of the timestream and pitting him against Kotal. Now Kotal has to defend his throne against its greatest former emperor (non-dragon division) and a horde of justifiably pissed off Tarkatans. And, since Shao Kahn is friggen’ Shao Kahn, Kotal practically looks like Jesus H. Buddha while stomping around and bisecting various mutants. He winds up reconnecting with his old girlfriend (a time-displaced Jade), learning a valuable lesson about racism (it’s bad), and eventually cedes his claim to the throne to Kitana Kahn, who will absolutely separate Edenia, thus completely negating Kotal Kahn’s entire political philosophy. This might seem like some kind of hasty, slapdash writing to firmly put a win in the good guys’ column and wholly remove Outworld as an interdimensional threat, but Kotal Kahn had also just had his spine snapped by Shao Kahn moments before, so this little plot hole might be more a product of the pain meds kicking in.

Kotal No-Longer-Kahn sees the finale of Mortal Kombat 11 partially paralyzed and broken in more ways than one. Will he return for the next MK Universe? Hey, probably. He’s got a cool hat, and that’s all we ever needed with Kung Lao.

Next time: A creepy (crawly) story.

MKK: Mileena & Jade

Saiya

What we’ve got here is a clear “evil twin” situation. Mileena is a genetic abomination resulting from Shang Tsung mixing Kitana’s DNA with presumably some random Tarkatan (Baraka’s race) DNA. As a result, she is a perfect clone, save the eensy weensy caveat that her face is about 90% teeth. Interestingly, this is the only aspect of her Tarkatan DNA taking hold (perhaps save Mileena’s bloodlust… though in this universe, that’s extremely relative), and extremely convenient arm-blades were left in some DNA that fell to the bleeding room floor. But Millena picked up a pair of sai to compensate because someone read Frank Miller’s Daredevil and Kitana and Mileena are just Elektra with the serial numbers filed off, and, at her introduction, she’s ready to be Shao Kahn’s #2 assassin.

And then Kitana killed her, because who hasn’t killed their evil twin at one time or another?

In the new timeline, Shinnok and Quan Chi were able to conscript nearly the entire kast as killer zombies, as pretty much every fighter was dead by the end of Mortal Kombat 3 (redux). In the original timeline, though, the kharacters were a lot more indestructible, so they were left with the dregs of Sub-Zero I and Mileena. Sub-Zero was transformed into shadow wraith Noob Saibot, and Mileena… well, nobody felt like modifying Kitana’s sprite past changing her swimsuit’s color, so Mileena stayed Milenna. She participated in Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 as a hidden character (not coincidentally returning with the same update that included her sister), and was officially an undead ghoul that looked/operated exactly like her original, slightly more alive initial appearance. It was also revealed during this time that she had a one-way telepathic door into her sister’s thoughts… and then that was never mentioned again.

Saiya

Since Shinnok decided to invade Earth during Mortal Kombat 4, Mileena was allowed to participate when Kitana showed up for Mortal Kombat (4) Gold (seeing a pattern here?). Again, Mileena spent most of her time trying (unsuccessfully) to kill Kitana, and then Kitana managed to Bugs Bunny her sister down a trap floor. Mileena thus retained her “mostly alive” status (Noob Saibot continued to be a shadow monster, while Mileena stayed just a regular monster), but was locked away for quite a while in a dungeon that smelled way too much like Kano.

Milenna had to sit out Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance while Mario was busy rescuing toads in other castles, but she returned with a vengeance (as always, literally) during Mortal Kombat: Deception. Kitana had amassed quite the amazing army during her time as a princess, but, unfortunately, she was knocked off by Quan Chi during the finale of DA. Unfortunately for her forces, though, none of the good guys at the scene survived long enough to email a proper obituary to the Outworld Times (“All the News That’s Fit to Print in Blood”), so no one was particularly aware of Kitana’s untimely death. Baraka, obviously bored and horny, broke Mileena out of jail at this time, and Mileena instantly hatched a fool-proof plan to impersonate her sister and effectively rule Edenia and Outworld’s “rebellion” armies. All she had to do was wear a veil literally all the time, and if anyone called her on this unusual fashion choice, she’d just explain that… I don’t know… she had a really embarrassing goiter? And then she’d have Baraka kill the curious cat. And if anyone questioned why she suddenly had Baraka hanging around all the time, well, you better believe that’s gonna deserve another visit from Baraka. There probably wouldn’t be any questions after that.

Beyond the veil

And you know what? Mileena was a pretty good Kitana. That makes sense, though, right? Kitana was great at her job, and Mileena is her exact duplicate, but also an undead creature with a heaping helping of monster warrior DNA. She managed to take back Shao Kahn’s fortress, and effectively conquered the whole of Outworld… about seven seconds before Shao Kahn made his triumphant return. Mileena immediately capitulated to Shao Kahn the instant he returned to “her” throne room, and Mileena dropped the Kitana act to become Shao Kahn’s henchman again for the first time since Mortal Kombat 2. Thus, Mileena was firmly on Shao Kahn’s side for MK: Armageddon, which turned out to be a great choice, as Shao Kahn actually won that tournament. Yes, Mileena died again, and, of course, the universe got rebooted, but sometimes it is nice to be on the winning side.

Oh, incidentally, Mileena’s (non-kanon) ending for MK:A features Mileena gaining Kitana’s normal human shape, and Kitana being “cursed” with Mileena’s signature choppers. This leads to Mileena becoming a content ruler of Edenia/Outworld, and Kitana going crazy in a dungeon. Is Mileena only a monster because she looks like a monster? Or, in a game where most other kharacters get endings involving gaining god-like abilities (and/or f^%&ing centaurs), are the writers of Mortal Kombat leaning a bit heavily on the whole “all women just want to be pretty, and are homicidally jealous if they aren’t” trope? Something to think about until the end of this paragraph!

Bloody

Okay, stop thinking about Mileena and her place in feminism, it’s time to think about Mileena and her place on the sexometer. Mortal Kombat 9 was a dedicated reboot for the franchise, and an opportunity for some hardcore advertising campaigns to the degree of “Mortal Kombat’s back, baby!” In addition to touting itself as the most Mortal Kombat-est Mortal Kombat in Mortal Kombat history, the deranged minds behind Mortal Kombat (‘s advertising campaigns) decided to play up the sexiness of Mortal Kombat through an extremely muddled, sex-based campaign featuring Mileena. On one hand, you had renders of Mileena straight up appearing in Playboy. She was mostly naked, save her veil and a pair of sai covering her naughtiest bits. Then, the game itself made a point of retkonning Mileena’s “birth” to take place during Mortal Kombat 2 (redux), when her original backstory put her at a few centuries old (like her sister). This, of course, meant that “just born” Mileena could appear in a “costume” that was basically a few strips of cloth tied around some key places. This alternate costume was available to the player through some fairly intense earning-requirements, and, when unlocked, awarded the trophy titled “Best…Alternate…EVER!" Basically, Mortal Kombat 9 was full-on horny for Mileena, which coupled in an extremely uncomfortable manner with her in-game biography:

“Shang Tsung has created many abominable creatures in his Flesh Pits, but none so twisted as Mileena. A fusion of Edenian flesh and Tarkatan blood, Mileena is both beauty and beast. This dichotomy has made her mind unstable; she is prone to fits of madness and savagery. Though she has the appearance of a mature woman, she is more child than adult–a blank slate conformed to Shao Kahn’s will. Devoid of conscience or remorse, Mileena will butcher anyone to appease her beloved father.”

Oh, the game’s prime sex object has the mind of a child and excessively loves her abusive daddy. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go take an angry nap.

Mileena Kahn

Anywho, aside from generally menacing Kitana (as usual), Mileena didn’t really accomplish much besides inspiring some confusing boners during Mortal Kombat 9. As what seemed to be a karmatic apology from the universe (of MK writers), Mileena became the official ruler of Outworld after Shao Kahn was vaporized by the Elder Gods during MK9’s finale. Mileena was technically created to be Shao Kahn’s heir, after all, so it does make a certain amount of sense that she’d be next in line for the throne. And apparently she got over that whole “mind of a child” thing just in time to be a fairly ruthless dictator with a posse of Shao Kahn’s various goons. Unfortunately, her good luck runs out right about when Mortal Kombat X gets going, as she is quickly betrayed by Reptile (who witnessed her “birth” in the flesh pits and likely only stuck around so long out of respect for her mouth’s similarity to a t-rex ) and then Ermac (who continually proves to be kind of a jerk). Kotal Kahn then seizes control of Outworld, and Mileena is left with Team Scrappy Rebellion That Will Eventually Betray Her, which includes noted traitors Tanya, Rain, and Kano. In a shocking turn of events, Mileena is betrayed by, like, everybody, and is eventually killed via a Kotal Kahn-ordered, bug-based death kiss. Mileena was so happy she finally managed to use Outworld sorcery to grow some lips, too!

Aside from a Mortal Kombat X (presumably non-kanon) ending that states Mileena’s soul could migrate to a spare Mileena body, Mileena seems to spend the rest of the “new” Mortal Kombat Universe’s existence as a non-participating corpse. Oh well. At least she outlived Kitana this time!

She has a ninja turtle weapon, too

The final “sister”, Jade is one of three hidden kharacters featured in Mortal Kombat 2. She was (theoretically) the easiest to battle, as she simply required winning a lone round using only low kicks during a specific match. After that, a green version of Kitana/Mileena would appear, and, if you managed to beat her… uh… congratulations? Yay, you fought and beat a hidden fighter, time to move on to Kintaro. Compared to the hype surrounding a certain other green ninja, Jade seemed rather perfunctory, and the “least” of the newly introduced crop of color-swapped weirdos lurking in the shadows.

And, frankly, Mortal Kombat 3 did little to rectify this situation. Jade did not reappear until MK3’s first revision, Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3, and was reintroduced as Kitana’s personal bodyguard turned body hunter. Jade was tasked with bringing in Kitana (for the murder of Mileena, natch), but decided to squelch out on the deal with Shao Kahn to team up with Kitana against her other pursuer, More Popular Green Ninja. Thus, Jade was defined for all future appearances as Kitana’s best friend, and, were the Mortal Kombat universe a sitcom, Jade would be overweight (or at least “Hollywood overweight”) and would continually make racey comments about Liu Kang (“I don’t know about you, girlfriend, but I’d sure like to see his animality!”). That is her entire role in the kanon: Jade does not return until Mortal Kombat: Deception, and she’s only there to avenge the death/zombification of Kitana. And then, with Kitana revived for MK: Armageddon, Jade… just kinda helped. That’s it. Even her ending is just like “uh… she saved the world… and everyone loved her. The end.”

Super best friends

Mortal Kombat 9 saw Jade go through the same MK1-3 BS again (work for Shao Kahn, “watch” Kitana, quit job because girl power), with the significant change that Queen Sindel managed to rip Jade’s heart out before the end of Mortal Kombat 3 (redux). To be clear, that was not metaphorical, and an undead Jade joined Kitana and the rest of her buddies as the undead hordes of Hell.

Jade finally got her own personality in Mortal Kombat 11, when a time-displaced Jade drops into the present and reveals that she used to have a thing with the current ruler of Outworld, Kotal Kahn. Jade was introduced in 1993, and, finally, 26 years later, earns another personality trait beyond “is friends with Kitana”. Mind you, all this really does is establish that Jade likes boys (who are routinely mistaken for literal gods), but that’s more than we had before! She gets her own featured chapter out of this development, but it’s predominantly just about how “young/naive” Jade is a lot less bloodthirsty than “old/grizzled” Kotal Kahn, a guy who literally drinks blood. Jade seems to soften Kotal Kahn a tweak, but it is once again Kitana who steals the limelight and ties off all the Kotal Kahn business.

Sorry, Jade, we can’t all be as successful as a cold-blooded reptile man.

Jade!

Next time: There’s fire.

FGC #004 Mortal Kombat Trilogy

Stryker is bad and should feel badMortal Kombat is a sincerely weird series.

Right from the get-go, MK was a strange mix of realistic graphics and over the top gore, famously featuring a masked ninja effortlessly plucking the head and spinal column from a blonde in gym wear. Somehow, seven random fighters (“A Japanese god and… how about an Australian cyborg? Do we have one of those yet?”) with approximately three special moves apiece and barely any variation in “normal” moves combined to form a Voltron of unstoppable arcade juggernautery. I almost feel bad for the makers of Street Fighter II, who must have put hours of effort into something as silly as every last fighter having an “electric x-ray” animation in response to one character’s special move, and then watched as Mortal Kombat flew to the top of the pack based exclusively on its ability to just tear your heart out.

Oh, and Goro. Goro was always pretty cool.

Mortal Kombat quickly begat Mortal Kombat 2, which was a typical video game sequel: more of the same, with maybe a few bits of “silly” tossed in to offset the ultra-violence. Don’t worry, moms, we’re all in on the joke here! Your kids can’t turn into dragons, right? See, it’s all whimsical, loony tunes violence. Please ignore that fellow with the hat bisecting that man with the swords in his arms.

Bunny!Speaking of Looney Tunes, this is about where the insane mythology creep started, as Mortal Kombat was no longer a martial arts tournament hosted by an ancient master, oh no, this was all a plot by the ruler of another dimension that got all of its fashion tips from Mad Max. And that green ninja hiding in the first game? He’s a member of an ancient lizard race and secretly fighting for oh man I cannot finish this sentence.

Can’t we just have a ludicrous four armed dragon man without having to explain his entire breed’s history?

And then came Mortal Kombat 3, where we learned the four armed dragon men had a long standing rivalry with the fanatical horsey man with the metal tail.

Mortal Kombat Trilogy is appropriately named, as it is the third version of the third game in the Mortal Kombat series. Featuring the largest cast Mortal Kombat would ever see until Mortal Kombat Armageddon (effectively Mortal Kombat Trilogy 2), you’ve got a lot of choices for pummeling in MKT, from She-Goro to She-Kahn or even She-Reptile (note that She-Sub-Zero would not be introduced until Mortal Kombat 5, and we’d have to wait until MK6 for She-Kano). There’s even some male characters, like Yellow Ninja, Blue Ninja, Prince Reference, Red Ninja, and two versions of Gray Ninja! How do those boys at Midway come up with this stuff!?

Shake it, sisterSecret shame? I might be a little harsh here with a series that is, at its core, just an excuse for roundhouses and uppercuts, but the sad truth is that I eat this stuff up with a spoon. I have always been a sucker for “comic book” universes, and Mortal Kombat is no exception. You can sell me one hundred issues of the Green Lantern Corps fighting the Yellow Lantern Corps and better watch out for the Red Lantern Corps, and you can keep me up all night on a wiki detailing the full exploits of the guy named after a temperature.

Let’s take a look at the theoretical Mortal Kombat mascot: Scorpion. For those of you that are unaware, Scorpion is literally part of Mortal Kombat’s current caretakers’ logo and has appeared in nearly every Mortal Kombat game and spin off (he missed the original version of Mortal Kombat 3, but swung back in with a vengeance in MK3 Ultimate and Trilogy). Scorpion is the face of Mortal Kombat, and no one has ever had any idea what to do with him.

In Mortal Kombat I, Scorpion was a simple skeleton man that wanted revenge on Sub-Zero, who had forcibly caused Scorpion to lose about eleven pounds during a previous, fatal encounter. Fire Ghost vs. Ice Man, a tale as old as time. Scorpion wound up scoring the only fatality to canonically take place during Mortal Kombat I, and introduced Sub-Zero to his own private burning man exhibition. Flame Wraith gets his revenge, end of story.

Mortal Kombat 2 sees Sub-Zero return, and Scorpion could swear he remembers killing that guy, but maybe his fireball missed? Or Smokey the Bear put him out? Who knows, Scorpion telejumps at the chance to double kill Sub-Zero. But Scorpion finds that, whoops, this Sub-Zero is actually the younger brother of the dead Sub-Zero, and cools his skull down to friendly fire levels. Young Sub-Zero seems to bear Scorpion no ill-will for his part in his brother’s flambé, which, really, we could all learn a lesson here about forgiving unstoppable murder skeletons.

Shao Kahn gets downright glutinous in Mortal Kombat 3, attempts to steal all the souls on Earth and in Hell, and accidentally releases Scorpion to roam the Earth and thrash ninja robots. Scorpion’s bio for the game claims he’s unaffiliated with any side, so he’s just running around, throwing spears at folks because it seems like something to do. Suppose it beats Hell.

Toasty!Scorpion remembers nothing and goes right back to trying to kill Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat 4. Scorpion completely flakes on not only having already killed Sub-Zero, but also learning that Current Sub-Zero is not Dead Sub-Zero. Scorpion comes this close to committing murder for absolutely no reason, but pulls back when he learns that Quan Chi, the Shang Tsung of MK4 (… err… MK2 Shang Tsung), was actually responsible for his family’s death. Whoops! Scorpion is actually pretty good at this vengeance thing, so he drags Quan Chi to Hell… wait… we’re calling it the Nether Realm now.

In what seems to be one part Dante and one part Three Stooges, Scorpion continues to torture Quan Chi until the start of Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance. He just chases him around not-Hell, swinging his axe all over the place and presumably repeatedly shouting something about getting over there. Quan Chi eventually found a couple of oni (onis? It’s just one of those words you hope you never need to know the plural), was like, “Hey, you guys? That yellow ninja guy said yo’ mama so fat, when she sits around the third circle of Hell, she sits AROUND the third circle of Hell!” Quan Chi then scampered off and started the titular Deadly Alliance while Scorpion dealt with the dual oni, Bashy and Pigpen. According to canon, Scorpion didn’t even really participate in MK:DA, and was simply tossed into a soulnado (glossary: soulnado: a tornado of souls) which sent Scorpion off to the Realm of the Elder Gods, effectively MK’s Heaven.

The afterlife of the Mortal Kombat universe is peculiar and terrible.

The Elder Gods are basically DC’s Guardians of the Universe: know-it-alls from the dawn of time that somehow have never made a worthwhile decision within our generation. The Elder Gods take one look at Scorpion, avenging demon from Hell, and unanimously decide to elect Scorpion as their champion, successfully making him the champion of all of existence. I don’t need to add anything to that, do I? Flaming Vengeance Incarnate is the defender of all that has ever been? Gonna end poorly.

And it does! All of reality gets sucked down the toilet, and Lord Raiden reboots all of existence after making a brief stop over in the DC Universe. A new world is formed in Mortal Kombat 9, and… Scorpion is a vengeful wraith hell bent on liquefying Sub-Zero. Go with what you know, right?

Penguin!Now we’re up to Mortal Kombat X, home of a very much alive Scorpion. How did that happen? I’d claim you should play the game and find out for yourself, but, spoilers, it’s because Cyber Sub-Zero was a hit in Mortal Kombat 9, and the writers needed a new “the same, but different!” iconic character. So, Scorpion, best known as “Ninja Ghost Rider” is now some Asian guy with inexplicable fire powers. Of course, if Cyber Sub-Zero is any indication, Scorps will be back to normal by next game, probably due to a flesh mangling accident with a paper shredder Sub-Zero was trying to repair or something, so let’s not get too used to the new status quo.

Bizarro PitMy point to all this nonsense? Mortal Kombat’s story is about as well plotted and forward thinking as your average DC comics plot (Hal Jordan: Hero, Out-of-Touch Old Man, Super Villain, Dead, Alive, Greatest Hero Ever, Renegade, Space Hobo). Mortal Kombat Trilogy is an early, lame effort to bring these characters together for one final showdown before beginning the truly terrible era of “games no one liked that introduce sixteen new characters a game that are all the same as the previous characters, but maybe with different hair” (MK: GNOLTI16NCAGTAATSATPCBMWDH). It is impossible to play this game today without seeing the insanity of the future stretching before it, and it’s retroactively ruined an experience that could just be a man with metal arms shooting missiles at Elvira.

Or maybe I’m just bitter because I’ve wasted so much valuable brain space on this series. Did you know Stryker was originally intended for Mortal Kombat I? See the original idea…

FGC #4 Mortal Kombat Trilogy

  • System: N64, Playstation
  • Number of Players: 2, really. 8 in a “tournament”, but good luck getting that going.
  • This Roster Looks Familiar: It is, give or take, exactly the same as the MK9 roster. Assuming Random ROB ever chooses that game, I’ve got a lovely post about reliving past glories all ready to go.
  • Admit it, you’ve played this and Killer Instinct Gold more hours than you’ve devoted to anything else in your life: Never!
  • PSX or N64: The N64 is lacking the ability to play as the bosses and unmasked Sub-Zero, and it lacks the PSX’s one-button fatality cheat that makes life so much better. On the other hand, the load times on the PSX edition are atrocious, particularly in a game where matches are over in fifteen seconds. So, good news, we’re all losers! Maybe the Saturn version was best, but I’m not buying this game again!
  • Did you know? The PSX version is the only MK game where you can play as a centaur without any kind of code. This should be an option in other games. I’m not talking about just other Mortal Kombat games, I mean every video game. Think about it. Princess Zelda is just chilling in Ganon’s clutches, and to her rescue is Link, brave Hylian Centaur of Lore. Wait. Nevermind, just googled that. Bad idea.
  • Would I play again? Exclusively for nostalgia purposes. The actual nuts and bolts of playing this game are improved upon in every conceivable way by Mortal Kombat 9. Assuming some centaur-related DLC was ever released for that game, we’d have absolutely no reason to turn on MKT again.

Quite the Fatality

What’s Next? Random ROB has chosen… Yoshi Touch & Go. Woof. Alright. Let’s see how that shakes out, you stupid robot. Please look forward to it!