Tag Archives: chip ‘n dale

FGC #619 Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers 2

I would rather watch thisI am so terrified of being stupid that I may never enjoy anything ever again.

A long time ago in a plagueless epoch long past, it was stated well before the term “Millennial” was ever coined that Millennials interact with advertising differently than their parents. Supposedly, studies had been done that Millennials are more naturally resist to ads that worked on their forebearers, and this next generation of consumers required different tactics. No more could you simply stick Lucy Ricardo on the boob tube and have her tell people exactly what chocolate to buy; no, brands had to build a relationship with their audience. Millennials naturally resisted any and all advertisements that were presented as advertisements, and they loudly joked about the futility of blatant product placement. The paradigm has shifted! A new people is born that needs all new practices!

Or maybe they just needed to make a goddamned movie about chipmunks and their decreasing ability to be proper rescue rangers.

Let’s double back on that whole “Millennials react differently to advertising than their parents” thing. It is the opinion of Gogglebob.com and its attendant subsidiaries that this is and always has been bullshit. Yes, we react differently to advertising, but that is going to be true of literally every generation and the 50-year-old advertising executives that never want to change for any reason, ever. But even beyond that, Millennials were raised with a very unusual feeling of anti-permanence. Ever wonder why nerds are so obsessed with the concept of a fictional “canon”? While this has been a problem for generations, this was significantly exacerbated by a very variable childhood for the 80’s boys. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had a completely different continuity between their action figure box descriptions and their animated series. The Transformers had entirely separate universes if you watched a show or read the comics. Even He-Man, often looked to as the ur-“merchandising as entertainment” toy that kicked off the last forty years, could not master a universe where their stage play was half as fantastic as their box art. And we don’t even acknowledge the movie! So, with such contrasting childhood presentations, is it any wonder that an entire generation of nerds craved an authority to tell them what was “real”?

Start at the beginningAnd, whether you were a turbo nerd that noticed Donatello had markedly different eyes across adaptations or not, this impacted vast swaths of people of a certain age. And that can have some long term ramifications! Kids notice when there are incongruities in their own little universe, and, as they grow into surly teenagers, they eventually identify these “incongruities” as “lies our parents told us”. And, when reaching a certain age means you realize your entire childhood was a slapdash fabrication designed only to get you to bug your parents to go to Toys Я Us right now, cynicism is the only result. Are you surprised that an entire generation would thus crave an ephemeral genuine article, and reflexively reject any further attempt at trickery? We were a generation that read propaganda magazines for fun in our childhood, you can’t just toss us a warmed-up smattering of media leftovers and expect us to roll over and play consumer. We care about our properties, because you made us this way, dad! If we were never meant to know the Zelda timeline, then what was even the point of buying three different Zelda encyclopedias, huh!?

Err… actually… yeah. You can pretty quickly see how marketing switched around from “buy this product because we say so” to “buy this product because it is the real story”. And that “real story” can apply in a lot of different ways. We no longer laud actors, we appreciate their characters. Michael Myers and Seth Green are not selling cars, it is Dr. Evil and son Scott that have a Superbowl spot. Networks are not telling you to go out and buy cat food, it is the silly Adult Swim bumper telling you to buy into the latest streaming service. And Soap Company is all about telling you, dear consumer, that it is now hiring models that are not “model skinny”, as, apparently, Soap Company is the arbiter of whether or not bodies are desirable or not. One way or another, it is all about authority and permission, and advertising agencies have learned that Millennials react well to corporations that are working “with” their audience… even if that authorization is apocryphal.

How could it be betterWhat right does any company have to tell its audience what is canon? Original author? Sorry, you died. Company that acquired the rights in some merger? You will never undo Jaxxon T. Tumperakki just because you rubbed George’s beard the right way. And speaking of Disney, to even understand the most popular characters in their stable, you have to acknowledge that their stars were always meant to be adaptable cartoon “stars” that could fit into any situation. Mickey Mouse is a steamboat thief and magical warrior king, and he was literally designed to be able to be anything in between. Disney characters can be anything! Stop trying to sell us the “real story” of any given reboot! Stop trying to make “behind the music” for chipmunks!

… Yeah, alright, let’s talk about that trailer.

For any readers stumbling onto this blog post from the far-flung future of three months from now, understand that this entire article was written in response to the launch of the first trailer for Chip ‘N Dale: Rescue Rangers: The 2022 Motion Picture. I have not seen the movie. I have no real idea what the movie is going to look like. It could turn out to be the greatest thing since Citizen Kane (or at least The Lego Movie). I don’t know! But I do know that I had an almost instinctual, gut reaction to the trailer when I first saw it. And, even on a day when they also announced a Bioshock television show, this trailer stuck in my brain unlike any other chunk of media in recent memory. Hell, when was the last time I delayed an FGC post just so I could talk about something that happened “this” week? Maybe a Metroid game

And why do I care? Well, because this trailer impressed upon me two basic facts:

  1. I hate it. I hate it so much. This is a beloved children’s property by way of that food movie with the racist bread. This is some lowest common denominator dreck that is going to take potshots at the last thirty years of animation, and act like it is a damn trendsetter for daring to swing at a 2007 CGI movie nobody remembers (Beowulf. Yes it was a movie). You can’t claim you’re “doing a Roger Rabbit”, literally include Roger Rabbit, and then ignore the fact that the world of Roger Rabbit was a jaded metaphor for actual Hollywood, not some joyful romp through the dustbins of the Disney Entertainment Conglomerate.
  2. This is extremely my jam.

Fuck it! Just fuck it! I am not afraid to admit that this is probably the exact movie I would create if given the chance. Jokes about animation that only make sense to people that remember really specific movies (again, Beowulf)? Sure! Extremely meta concept wherein Disney Stars are actual Disney Stars? It I'm your biggest fanbeats rehashing a fight against Fat Cat. And while I might not ever indulge in the tired trope of “washed up stars” and “retired chipmunks”, the high concept lunacy of “CGI makeover” being a toon’s version of plastic surgery is right up my esoteric alley. Throw in an oblique reference to Chip ‘n Dale not having any time for maintaining airships, and you could practically see my signature on the script. And, while I am unlikely to be the person helming any Disney properties anytime soon (despite my prodigious Gargoyles fanfiction), I could even see being completely content with these concepts/gags as part of a comic book. I loved that time Lex Luthor and Porky Pig got to hang out, so a “where are they now” miniseries on the Rescue Rangers would be amazing. Hell, that’s just a little bit south of where the Darkwing Duck comic started anyway! And I loved that thing!

But this is a movie. This is a trailer that is being shared on every social media platform at 10 AM on a Tuesday. This is something that is being covered on every entertainment website ever created, and attached to a bursting comments section showcasing everyone’s slightest thought on the subject. This is something that will be advertised during commercial breaks, youtube pre rolls, and possibly even previews before big screen flicks. Hell, there are even odds this will have a trailer attached to Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Chip n’ Dale will not be as ubiquitous as Encanto 2: Bruno’s Behooving, but it is likely to have a significant cultural presence between now and its release.

And that makes me want to kill it. I want to see violence visited upon it. I want it to pay for the crime of being advertised to the masses and being everything I could ever want.

Nobody likes sewersThis is pandering. From the first moment they lovingly flash over a Nintendo Entertainment System and its attendant NES cartridge, you know exactly who this trailer is for. This is not for super fans that have a Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers poster on their office wall (that I am currently looking at for inspiration, obviously), this is for people who dimly remember enjoying a cartoon some random weekdays after school. This is for people who can identify a “Nintendo game”, but do not even consider there could be someone out there with those games “mint in box”. This is a trailer aimed squarely at people that will not write 1,634 words (and counting!) about a goddamned movie trailer while pretending they are writing an article for a videogame blog. And I wonder what it is like to not be this crazy.

Er-hem.

It would be easy to step back from that statement as “oh you so cray cray” and call it a day, but I feel it is worth examining how I got to here. Strange but true: I wrote this article. All that nonsense about advertising at the top of the page? That is something that I have internalized since I heard the simple fact that “we” are supposed to be more resistant to advertising than our parents. It is something I have seen proven and reinforced over many years. God help me, the Digging the catfact that I am not easily “tricked” is something that I have made to be part of my own feeling of self. I am someone that does not “fall for” advertising. I am better than that. And, as a result, I am constantly on guard. I know nostalgia has been weaponized against me before. I know there is a Mega Man themed gacha right over there, perfectly willing to bleed my wallet dry in the name of getting Halloween Themed Roll on a good pull. I know I have become the “target demo”, and now my own childhood and hobbies are being used against me. I know they’re all out to get me, dammit! This trailer is the latest in crass pandering to a generation that can never let its guard down, lest corporate forces invade and conquer the whole of the cosmos!

… Or it’s just a silly movie about rescue rodents.

While it may not be their usual, this is a Disney movie, firmly premiering on a Disney-exclusive platform. If Disney could find a way to require any and all viewers to live in Disney sponsored housing while drinking Disney flavored cola, they would absolutely do lock that kind of nonsense down. This is a horrible, greedy company that would gladly ransom your childhood if it meant making an extra six bucks. It grants me no pleasure to do anything that supports such a company or its endeavors.

But on the other hand? This is a movie that I think will be at least worth a watch. This is something that will at least garner a few chuckles, if only because they make fun of that one movie with the Grendel (Beowulf!). I know I could boycott this movie. I know I could live without it. But if I am being honest, I also know that I and literally everyone I know could boycott this movie, and it would impact Disney’s bottom line about as much as closing Disney World: Detroit Location. If I somehow convince my tens of followers that this chipmunk movie is the second coming of Hitler, congratulations, a bunch of people that don’t have Disney Plus anyway are going to hesitate before they pirate the thing. This movie is crass propaganda for a past that never existed meant to profit off a generation already drowning in nostalgia… but what else am I gonna do with a free two hours?

So you know what? Screw it. I know it is an ad. I know this is likely some marketing executive’s wet dream about a Disney Afternoon extended universe (God help me if this movie has a post-credits Bonkers cameo). I know I am being tricked. But, at a certain point, you have to pick your battles. You must acknowledge that maybe being mad at a faceless corporation all the time is only going to hurt you, and never hurt said company. Maybe, at a certain point, you just shut up and enjoy the chipmunk movie.

And whether you make that decision or not, Disney and its nostalgia machine is never going to stop. You know, it never fails…

FGC #619 Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers 2

  • System: It was released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1994, making it the last Disney Afternoon game on its debut console (Ducktales [1] was released in ’89). It popped up again on the Disney Afternoon Collection in 2017 for the Xbox One, Playstation 4, Steam, and not the Switch (because we live in Hell).
  • Number of players: Chip ‘n Dale are both playable simultaneously, so that’s two rescue rangers.
  • Flap flap flapMaybe actually talk about the game for a second: Yes, this whole “game” was an excuse to talk about a movie trailer. It’s my blog, I do what I want. Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers 2 is more of Rescue Rangers 1, but with better box physics, and a lack of level select/choose your own path. But at least Gadget gets a sprite! In a perfect world, this would be the Mega Man 2 of Disney Afternoon games, but, as it is, it is a mostly forgotten nicety that is fun to play when you have a chance. Please do not look at eBay to discover how much that chance can cost…
  • The Little Things: No overworld map, no route select, and the best you can get out of having any sort of choice is the final three areas can be played in any order. This is a notable step down from the preceding game… but it can be forgiven, because there is some manner of bat-dog boss. Eat that, weird ass alien from the original.
  • Further Improvements: There is a level with a ticking-bomb timer! And some of the throwing items have interesting secondary attributes! And all of the bosses have Kirby-esque “return fire” opportunities to attack, rather than tossing a little red ball around. Somebody really identified what was slapdash in CnDRR, and improved it across the board for the sequel. Too bad it was released after everyone stopped playing NES games…
  • Favorite Boss: One of the last levels is a clocktower that seems like it was shamelessly imported from a Castlevania. And at the top of the tower is not Death, but an ostrich riding a gear like a unicycle. It is hard to remember anything else after dealing with that kind of nonsense.
  • Not the clock tower you were looking forAn end: We get the typical Capcom NES ending sequence here, as the heroes teleport away to watch the villain’s castle crumble to dust. But did Fat Cat survive? Well, no, not if you only use further NES games as evidence. Maybe this movie will inspire a retro Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers 3?
  • Did you know? Monterey Jack using cheese as a drug metaphor was already part of the text, guys. Like, it was the entire basis of the character. You’re not clever.
  • Would I play again: Yes. I’m going to play the Disney Afternoon Collection again, and then I’m going to watch the Disney Afternoon Modern Movie, because I am a loser. I admit defeat. Happy?

What’s next? Okay, now we’re going to hit The Incredible Crash Test Dummies… assuming nothing more interesting happens again. No guarantees! Please look forward to an unknown future!

It just looks familiar

FGC #586 Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour

LETS RACING TIMEBack in the 1300s, Chaucer wrote the famous phrase, “familiarity breeds contempt.” But, in the 21st Century, can we quantify how much familiarity breeds contempt? And how much of that contempt can be directed at Disney World?

Today’s title is 100% a Disney product. The last few weeks, we have looked at games that are based on (now) Disney franchises. The Avengers! Mickey Mouse! A human girl that sings songs is next! But, theoretically, you could sever these properties from their root master, and still have a viable product. Mickey Mouse is Disney, but that rodent has proven he can survive in sorcery & swords/keys just as easily as entertain in a variety show. The Avengers existed before Disney, and they could do it again. But Disney World? Walt Disney World is Disney. Even more than Disney Land, Disney World was planned from Day 1 to be Walt Disney’s little “magical kingdom” that may or may not have been intended to be part of a larger eugenics experiment. But there are rides! And the rides have lore! Space Mountain is not just some banal Six Flags rollercoaster, it is about something (space, probably, or mountains). Entire destinations within Orlando now have whole, legitimate “themes”, and you can nary look at an enormous golf ball without being reminded of ol’ Uncle Walt’s dreams for a better, probably vaguely racist world of tomorrow. Since Papa Disney’s passing, his traditions have been kept alive, now with newer parks and features that all highlight that same brand of Disney magic, complete with very intricate tales of albino alligators body surfing down ill-advised ski slopes. Disney World literally defines the very concept of a theme park, and that theme is “Disney is all-encompassing”.

Stay coolSo here is Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour, a game that only Disney could sponsor. It has been stated before that a good kart racer is basically little more than a “controllable” theme park attraction, so here is a kart racer that is straight up just a series of races through theme park attractions. It’s win-win! And, while not everyone may be completely familiar with the Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster, the majority of tracks on this tour of Disney World are more famous than half the characters that had entire games on the Dreamcast. Sorry, Seaman, but The Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion, and Tommorrowland all got movies in the years since this game’s release, and I’m pretty sure the Jungle Cruise wormed its way into that same criterion at some point in the last dismal year. Blizzard Beach, Typhoon Lagoon, and Hollywood Studios are comparatively newer attractions, but they all still are synonymous with the full Disney World experience. And the secret, bonus track is Splash Mountain? Why, I heard of that on Fox News! It must be popular! And, as one might expect, all the tracks are wholly recognizable as being tied to their “real” rides and venues. Even if every level did not have a full marquee of its name before the event, you would still be able to flawlessly match every track to their attendant attraction.

… Or… at least… I think you could? Probably?

I do not live in Orlando. In fact, I live a solid thousand miles from Disney World. Give or take the ease of air travel, there is no way I can just stop over at the Magic Kingdom on an afternoon. But I was raised as a privileged little boy, so my family visited Disney World once every year for as long as I could remember. There may have been some years off somewhere in there, but I definitely feel like my Disney quota was met annually. And that is significant! Because I can recite with perfect clarity the numerous times my parents messed up my childhood and set me on this path to being the cynical, miserable bastard I am today. But they didn’t screw up Disney! I got there once a year, and, while I have only been there once as an adult thus far, I still have overwhelmingly positive memories of Disney World. Thinking about the rides featured in this game are very much like thinking about some of the games featured on this very blog. Mega Man? Super Mario Bros? All remembered on the same happy echelon as Space Mountain.

Except, as Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour reminded me, that is a steaming pile of mouse hockey.

I once passed out as a direct result of Typhoon Lagoon and I am only going to admit it as ALT testLet’s be clear about something here: I have Mega Man memorized. Mega Man 1-6? Particularly Mega Man 2, 3, and 6? I could draw you maps. Literally! I am not going to claim I could literally play with my eyes closed, or get exact proportions of levels correct, but I definitely know Mega Man games like I know my own neighborhood. And that makes sense! I have played these games frequently from the time I was five, and, with an intervening thirty years, I have reached a point where I confidently know what I am doing when tasked with killing a Quick Man. Same for banishing a Bowser. Or mashing a metroid. Even defeating a Dedede is now second nature, as there are certain games I just know. And, in a weird way, I can safely say that, should you cut away the fluff and cruft of my very soul, and bring that which is “me” down to its absolute component pieces, you probably would find a map from Chrono Trigger. I am a simple man! I am powered by a 16-bit processor that has been chugging on A Link to the Past for years.

But is Disney World there in the core of my soul? Apparently not.

ArrrrrWalt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour sees its racers zoom through various rides and attractions from “real” Disney World. But could I tell you if these racecourses actually follow the arcs of their “source material” rides? Nope. It all feels vaguely familiar, and there are definitely a few landmarks that I can say come directly from the real park (hey, there are those pirates whistling at a dog!), but could I corroborate that they are properly distributed through their areas? Are there big, important parts missing? Are some rides much larger to fill out a track? Smaller? I feel like I should know these things, as some of these rides have been a part of my life since I was a child. But… nope. Just a general foggy memory of Space Mountain here, and I have no real idea if anything meant to simulate the ride is accurate to real-life innovations between 1975, 2000, and 2021. It all seems vaguely correct, but I really have no way of knowing. After all, it is not like I can just “pop in” to Disney World: 1997 in the same way I could boot up Mega Man 2 right now.

But maybe that is a good thing. Maybe the fact that all of my most cherished childhood memories are not always immediately available is ultimately good for my soul. I have Mega Man 3 for NES right here, but do I play it? No. If I am going to play that game, it will be on a videogame system that doesn’t require excessive blowing to get it going. And, even if I am in the mood for Mega Man, I could play Mega Man 11 first. Just for something different! Or Mega Man X for some of the best. Or Mega Man Battle Network for something that is both familiar and different. Ultimately, it is very unlikely that I will play Mega Man 3 in the near future. It is unlikely I will get my old Transformers out of the attic. It is unlikely I will fish out my old comics and give ‘em a read. It is impossible to revisit the Disney World of the 90’s (or so) that lives in my mind, and maybe separating myself from that is a good thing.

And I am pushed to this realization by one Bruno Biggs.

Go BrunoThe tracks of Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour are all 100% based on real Disney World locations. The cast of the game, however, is a different story. We have Chip and Dale in their Rescue Ranger regalia as the stars of this show, as their mischievous antics apparently were the impetus for the plot of this racing game (yes, of course there is a story/goal for this kart racer). Jiminy Cricket is also on-hand in his typical role of the era as company narrator (because no one knew what to do with the absence of ol’ Uncle Walt since the 60’s). But beyond that? There is not a Goofy, Donald, or even Pluto to be found. The playable cast includes the likes of Moe Whiplash, Polly Roger, and Otto Plugnut. Who are they? Who cares! WDWQ:MRT includes three Disney luminaries, and ten original characters that were never seen before, and destined to never be seen again. The company that owns Mickey friggen Mouse decided their company mascot could go ahead and sit this one out, and, in his place, we have Amanda Sparkle. You know! Amanda Sparkle! From absolutely nothing, ever!

But the unknowns of this cast are not to be completely ignored. Sure, they do not have the star power that we would see in House of Mouse (one Disney version of Smash Bros, successfully released for the same general audience a year later), but they do have something of a purpose. Every one of these characters is a clear mix of basic Disney anthropomorphic animal archetypes (duck, dog, mouse, etc) and some kind of theming from one of the featured Disney World attractions. The previously mentioned Amanda Sparkle is a dog-woman that is supposed to be a movie star, so she belongs to the Hollywood Studios area. Baron Karlott is just south of being a Count Duckula xerox, so he is chilling with The Haunted Mansion. If Polly Roger’s name doesn’t give her away, her pirate hat will, and Moe Whiplash is too root’n toot’n to belong anywhere but Big Thunder Mountain. And, considering this is a title where you must gradually unlock all levels, having someone on the cast immediately reminding you that the Epcot Test Track will eventually be available is a boon. Oliver Chickly III might not even be as recognizable as Clarabelle Cow, but at least he has a rationale.

Let's rockAnd, honestly? It is not the worst thing in the world to have these “nobodies” available in a Disney game. Consider that previously mentioned Bruno Biggs. Bruno is ostensibly the representative for the Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster, as his bio outright states his personality is large, in-charge, and rockin’. He is also pretty large by himself, as he is the biggest racer, and is noticeably wearing a t-shirt that was likely purchased for his (much) littler sister. In fact, if I were to succinctly describe Bruno Biggs, I would simply claim that he is the unholy bastard child of Mickey Mouse and Pete (please do not send me the fanfic where this actually happens). Bruno is a big, round, Ub Iwerks-looking character, but with the familiar ears and snout of the most famous mouse this side of Pikachu. And he is… kind of cool? Like, he is clearly the “jerk” of the cast, but this is a kart racer, so he is less “Bowser conquers the galaxy” and more “Bowser in tennis matches”. And, on that level, he is one (but not the one) of my favorite characters in the game. He is not Mickey. He is the weird, funhouse mirror version of Mr. Mouse. And that is reasonable when you are revisiting a game from a couple of decades back.

And that seems to be best. Two years after the release of Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour, we saw Kingdom Hearts. While it may not have been intentional at the time, that lil’ franchise seemed to codify the Disney Trinity of Mickey, Donald, and Goofy. Beyond the world of Square titles, even beyond the world of videogames, it seems like the likes of Chip, Dale, or Horace Horsecollar have all taken a backseat to see that Mickey, Donald, and Goofy are always the stars of the show. There is no doubt that, were WDWQ:MRT released today, it would feature a story wherein Goofy messed up the Magic Kingdom, Donald and Mickey have to help out their buddy, and Pluto, Minnie, and Daisy were all available to race, too. Bruno Biggs would be nowhere to be seen, and you can just forget about a secret unlockable Ned Shredbetter.

Now it has frogs or whateverAnd maybe the fact that you are now curiously googling Ned Shredbetter is a good thing. You are not familiar with the cast of WDWQ:MRT, because they barely exist. In the same way that you may not completely recall every twist and turn on Space Mountain, Xperimental Utility Duck 71 is an alien mystery. And that can be fun! You know Mickey, you have seen him in a hundred other games. Let the other guys have a turn for once. Put down the traditional Mega Man, play a Disney kart racer from 2000. The old, comfortable standbys will still be available when you get back.

Familiarity will breed contempt, so go ahead and play with the unknown for a little while. Give Bruno a chance.

FGC #586 Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour

  • System: Playstation (1) and Sega Dreamcast. For the record, I played the Playstation version, as that was more immediately across the room. There is also a Game Boy Color version, though I have to assume that has a few graphical downgrades.
  • Number of players: The presence of a Dreamcast version may indicate there is a 4-player mode, but I’m going to claim two players, as nobody ever uses that Playstation multitap.
  • Not a thunderboltStory time: If you are curious, the official story is that Chip and Dale have damaged the machine that is responsible for the nightly Disney fireworks show, so they have to race around the park to find every last chunk to piece it all back together. Unfortunately, this makes WDWQ:MRT one of those “challenge-driven” kart racers where you have to collect seven whatsits across the course and finish in first if you want to see the next track. See also Sonic R or Diddy Kong Racing. Or don’t, because the Disney A.I. is brutal, and I want to go on Splash Mountain now, dammit!
  • Favorite Racer: Tiara Damáge’s whole deal is that she is a “little girl” that likes the villainesses more than the typical Disney Princesses. Good for her! She’s also a duck that dresses like Maleficent, so she 100% has my vote… even if she is a little too close to Magica De Spell to be completely original…
  • Favorite Track: With the way your vehicle changes to be appropriately a boat or kart or whatever for every track, it almost feels like this is the secret prequel to Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed. And then the Animal Kingdom: Dinosaur track includes those magical portals that seemed to pop up all over the place in that franchise. Seems like an odd coincidence…
  • Unanswered Questions: Is Jiminy Cricket drunk?
    What is up with those eyes

    I really don’t think he should be driving in that condition.
  • Did you know? The curators of the various Magic Kingdoms still officially call the whole thing Walt Disney World. When do you suppose they are going to drop that superfluous first name? Nobody ever visits John D. Rockefeller Center anymore.
  • Would I play again: I am willing to say this is the best kart racer on the Playstation 1. Unfortunately, it has to compete with the best kart racer on the Nintendo 64 for my attention, and that game is a little more accessible in the year 2021…

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Hannah Montana: Rock Out the Show for the PSP! Yes! The Disney train is going to keep chugging with one of their most profitable characters! Please look forward to it!

I'm a tour guide

FGC #276 Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers

Zip alongMuscle memory is a hell of a drug.

While I’ve become something of a videogame glutton over the years (now celebrating my 70th purchase of a port of Tetris), when I was a wee Goggle Bob, my inventory was severely limited. If memory serves, by the time the Nintendo was being retired (which, reminder for you young’uns, the NES kept on trucking well after the release of the SNES, as companies didn’t quite know when to stop back in the day), I owned a whopping thirty NES games, and considered that dirty thirty to be more NES games than anyone would ever need. After all, I had Mega Man 1, 2, and 6, why would I need anything else?

But the flipside to this titanic collection was the rolling “neighborhood” games. I was a Nintendo kid, and my best friend was a Nintendo kid, and that one guy down the street was a Nintendo kid, and… you get the idea. We had our collected collections, and, pooling our resources, we created a sort of neighborhood library of Nintendo cartridges. Ultimately, it was no different from trading baseball cards or…. What do kids today play with?… Pogs? It was just like trading pogs, only with videogames, and, ya know, there was a significant expectation that you’d get the game back. And if not, then it was time to tell mom, because I wasn’t the one that blew fifty bucks on Wizards and Warriors 2. And speaking of mom, it was clear the parents of the neighborhood were on to our little NES black market, so it was very common for birthdays and Christmases to see complimentary games across the region. I got Ducktales, and Jon got Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers. And when we’re both done, guess what’s going to happen? Trading time!

Of course, not all games are created equal.

Ducktales is a great game, but it’s a “kiddie” Disney game, and I have always been a totally, radically mature soul. So, right before Christmas, I changed my vote, claimed Ducktales was stupid, and convinced my parents (errr… Santa Claus) to purchase some other Nintendo game. I want to say it was TMNT: The Arcade Game, but it’s entirely possible it was any other videogame on Earth. Unfortunately, my best friend Jon’s parents didn’t get the memo (or didn’t care), so he still wound up with the “matching” Chip ‘n Dale. This, I figured in my young mind, was fortuitous, as it meant I got to play excellent Disney Capcom gaming just as easily when he was inevitably done with the game and I’d borrow it away to my Nintendo. Everybody wins! The only hang-up was a few months later when I discovered that he wasn’t ever going to let it go.

MeowChip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers is a two player co-op game. What’s more, it’s a two player co-op 2-D sidescroller on the NES, meaning it was released at a time when that kind of thing was almost completely unheard of. If you think about it, that’s really weird, as 2-D sidescrollers were all over the place, but I guess Super Mario Bros. was 2 player alternating, so that’s what everyone aped. In a way, this made CnDRR a magical unicorn in a field full of tubby cow ponies. But even more than that shining bit of rarity, CnDRR was just plain fun, and it was just as fun to play with a buddy as it was to play alone. Yes, two player “cooperative” might lead to a few more deaths by Chip scrolling Dale right off the screen, but it also meant instant respawning, which was fairly essential in some of the later stages/bosses. This all Voltroned together to make CnDRR the first “Smash Bros.” in my memory: if we were getting together (what today might be referred to as a “play date”), we were going to play Chip ‘n Dale, because it was fun for the whole (two people) gang. It didn’t matter if it was a joyous Saturday afternoon or ten minutes after Great Aunt Bernie’s funeral, it was time to hurl red balls at Fat Cat.

So the good news was that we had found a fun game that was going to dominate all of our play time for at least the next year, but the bad news was that Jon was going to continue to be the keeper of Chip ‘n Dale, and I could borrow the cartridge roughly around the same time that Monterey Jack gives up cheese. So I, poor wee Goggle Bob, was forced to only play this excellent game at Jon’s house, and never in the relaxing luxury of my own basement. Mine was a harsh childhood.

But this lead to an unusual phenomena.

Out!As previously mentioned, I had a collection of Nintendo games as a child. And, as you might expect, I am very good at these games. I’m not breaking any speedrun scores or however we judge Nintendo skill, but I’m pretty sure I can clear Quick Man’s stage on one life (don’t hold me to that). That said, many of the games from my childhood collection, whether through nostalgia or some manner of drive to learn the classics, I have played and re-experienced as an adult. To use Mega Man 2 as an example again, I’m likely to replay through the entire Mega Man franchise at least once a year, and most of the time that isn’t even because they just released yet another Mega Man collection. It’s just one of those things that happens, like an inexplicable urge to once again conquer Giant’s Imaginary Hallway in Final Fantasy.

But that never happened for Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers. Maybe it was because I played it so much in my childhood (and it’s not exactly a complicated game), or maybe it was a side effect of always considering the game to be “kiddy”, but, one way or another, I never really got back around to playing CnDRR. I don’t feel like this is something I have to apologize for, I mean, there are other games on my backlog that have been sitting unplayed since the late 90’s (I’ll complete you one day, Castlevania 64)… Though, on the other hand, I do feel a little bit of guilt at not playing a game that had so completely ruled my childhood. What’s that? There’s a new Disney Afternoon Collection by the same folks behind the most recent Mega Man collection? And it’s available now? Oh, let’s do this thing.

And that’s about when I learned that that game you played over and over when you were seven might just stick in your brain.

YummyI plowed through Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers in about twenty minutes. I didn’t get hit at all during the first stage. The majority of the bosses (save that damn caterpillar) never touched Chip. Gadget was rescued, Fat Cat was trounced, and the day was saved, once again, by the indomitable Rescue Rangers. Also, I got that P bottle, and I’m still not completely sure what that does.

And… should I be surprised? I haven’t played the game for twenty years (low estimate!), but it’s like riding a bicycle (sidenote: bad simile, as I am terrible at riding a bicycle. Don’t ask). I didn’t think videogame “skills” were that pervasive in my unconscious mind, but, just like I can still open my high school locker in a few twists (assuming they haven’t changed the combination in fifteen years), I can beat Chip ‘n Dale inside of an hour. One whole game condensed to some part of my brain that will always remember exactly when to duck into a box. My conscious mind boggles.

Muscle memory: horrifying and useful.

FGC #276 Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers

  • System: NES, and now, against all odds, available on the Playstation 4, Xbone, and PC. Yay!
  • Number of players: Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers.
  • Favorite Boss: Even though I usually skip his stage, this really is the game where Mega Man X3’s Volt Catfish got his start. Bless you, Capcom, and your unending reserves of electric catfish.
  • ChuggaUseless powers: Also, that same stage includes “the raft” and a hammer that may be used to clobber your way through dirt blocks. That makes two completely unique items in a completely skippable stage. What was going on there?
  • Chip or Dale: I always choose Chip, as he is the leader. And he has a cool hat. I decided to go with Dale for the FGC article, though, in the name of trying (absolutely not really) new things.
  • Further Childhood Memories: I remember being at Disney World when I was like five, and I asked my dad how to tell the difference between Chip and Dale. He replied that there was no way to do that, they’re just chipmunks, move on. Then a helpful Disney employee explained that Chip has a black nose “like a chocolate chip.” I was impressed with this knowledge, but even more than that, I remember my traditionally stoic father lighting up like an enthusiastic Christmas tree at this new information. See? You’re never too old to learn new facts about chipmunks.
  • Did you know? The flowers are supposed to provide 1-Ups after every 50 pickups (according to the manual), but it actually requires the more NES standard 100. There’s apparently a beta version of CnD floating around out there, though, where the fifty thing stays true. I can understand the change, at least, not like this game needed to be easier.
  • Would I play again? Probably! Just might take another twenty years. Let’s see how good I am at this game then.

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… New Super Mario Bros. 2 for the 3DS! Coins! All the coins for Mario! Please look forward to it!

DAMN BOXES