FGC #396 Centipede: Infestation

Centipede: Infestation is a 2011 Wayforward/Atari jaunt that sees heroic Max attempting to destroy legions of giant, irradiated bugs. It is, basically, a twin stick shooter on two different systems that don’t really have twin sticks. The 3DS version utilizes the crosspad and the traditional ABXY buttons, while the Wii employs some manner of sorcery and requires the player to point the wiimote in their desired aiming direction. And that’s lame, so just use the classic controller. Beyond the control scheme, Centipede: Infestation is basically just a shoot ‘em up with a familiar, ancient license attached. Thanks for playing, please look forward to Dig Dug: Earthquake.

But Centipede: Infestation does have the faintest glimmer of a plot, and it goes something like “sure, bugs are gigantic, deadly nuisances, but are they really the enemy?” We should love nature! And are insects the enemy for the minor crime of creeping across the kitchen counter? That doesn’t seem right! So let’s look at a few of the little buggers.

We’re going to look at real live bugs now, so you’ve been warned…

First, we’ve got this lil’ caterpillar fellow. Hello caterpillar! How could anyone ever not like you?

And here’s a centipede, the titular “foe” of today’s game. Why, those legs are a little spikey, but they’re not so bad. I bet it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to see one of those dudes scurrying around. We’re certainly off to a great start with cute bug representatives!

Next we have… oh Jesus Christ. No. Not on any day of the week. Moving on…

Ah, fuggin’ hell. Bed bugs? Really? No, that… we’re not dealing with that.

A lady bug! There we go! Aren’t these “ladies” adorable? Why, if they made ladybugs more cat-sized, I’d be able to keep one as a pet, and we could go out and walk and…

Ack. No. Nothing that looks like that should be any bigger than a bottle cap. Just go ahead and leave that sucker in the dumpster. What else is on the list?

Can we please get something without pincers? I don’t care if it looks like it’s trying to come in for a hug, that is not the kind of thing that is going to soothe anyone’s opinion on bugs. That is a potential boss for a JRPG… and not one of those cute JRPGs…

What did I just say!?

Aw, now that is the glory of nature in a nutshell. I mean, come on, that’s practically a Pokémon. And a good one, too! Not some lousy poison type. That’s cutiefly’s baby form, and will be on sixty different t-shirts by the end of this article.

No. No! Okay, I take it back, I don’t care if there are a thousand cute bugs out there. As long as that… that thing is on this planet, we need to destroy nature. Burn it all down. It’s not worth it. Thanks, assassin bug, you just blew it for your entire genus.

Somebody get me my flamethrower. Bugs must be destroyed.

FGC #396 Centipede: Infestation

• System: Nintendo 3DS and Nintendo Wii. I own the 3DS version… mainly because I found it floating around the five dollar store.
• Number of players: Two player co-op is available on both systems. This actually makes the game much easier, and I can’t help but think the length of each level is based on having two players available.
• Favorite Character: Maisy the Gardner seems sympathetic to the bugs, and I was sympathetic to her… until I decided to write this article. Now I’m kind of convinced she’s a monster, and must be stopped.
• Favorite Weapon: Every game has a flamethrower, but you can earn an icethrower in Centipede: Infestation. It’s that kind of thinking that will get you promoted, Wayforward!
• Same old problems: Shoot ‘em ups should not contain bosses that last any longer than thirty seconds. Unfortunately, C:I didn’t get the memo on this important fact, so get ready to repeat the same stupid patterns over and over again.
• Wayforward Time: I can’t help but think that situations like this…
  

  And Maisy’s goth Lolita costume come exclusively from one distinct corner of this developer.

• Did you know? The original Centipede was developed by Ed Logg and Dona Bailey. At the time, Dona Bailey was one of the few female game programmers in the entire industry. Now women dominate the field, and we never have to worry about misogyny in the videogame industry ever again. … Or…
  not.
• Would I play again: This… is not a very exciting game. It’s too retro, and might be more stimulating as, I don’t know, something on a cell phone or whatever, but it’s a poor excuse for a 3DS game. It is not going to use up the same slot that could be hosting Super Smash Bros 4 3DS.

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Friday the 13th for the NES! Oh. Good. Please look forward to me maybe shutting down this entire site in response to having to play that game again.