I was shopping the other day, and I saw something interesting. … Well, maybe the opposite of interesting? Behold…
This is Taco Bell Mild Sauce. You can purchase and use it in your home. You can spend your limited cash money on the mildest of all sauces available at a fast food “Tex Mex” eatery.
And that broke my brain.
Here’s the complete thought process: First, despite claims to the contrary, Taco Bell does not provide food. It produces cheese-goop products. You can saunter over to any Taco Bell at nigh-any hour of the day, and you can order “Mexican” that is much closer in flavor and texture to shredded newspaper. But it isn’t bad! It isn’t measurably food, but it is something you can put in your body, and it vaguely counts for calories that will keep you alive. And the sheer volume of cheese in any given Taco Bell product can justify the endeavor in the same way that Pizza Hut will keep your crust stuffed. And, of course, the final step in preparation of any given Taco Bell meal is the Taco Bell sauce, which is provided in individual packets that contain the same liquid volume as a single baby’s tear. These sauces are generally judged by their spice intensity and go from mild to hot to fire to “diablo”. There is very little actual difference between these salsas, but they do technically have more variety than their attendant meals (a Taco Bell burrito is just a Taco Bell soft taco that forgot to unclench). Mild is, at least, appreciably less spicy than Diablo. If you require flavor on the bean bag-like substance that is your Taco Bell order, the sauce packets are the way to go.
But the concept that someone would go out of their way to purchase a Taco Bell Mild Sauce when literally anything else is available? An entire store full of options of not only sauces, but other food items with real, quantifiable flavors? And someone chooses Taco Bell Mild Sauce? Preposterous.
I shouldn’t judge, right? I am someone with unique tastes myself. I am someone that still laments the loss of some crappy microwaveable meal that was just teriyaki chicken and rice. I am someone that owns a refrigerator that is stocked with seventeen different kinds of barbecue sauce, but absolutely no relish. I am someone that has eaten enough Taco Bell over the last thirty years to write a paragraph about Taco Bell. I know I have my own unique tastes, and I know there are people judging me right now for having the gall to reintroduce them to the very concept of eating cheesy fiesta potatoes. This is a videogame blog that refuses to judge games on a numerical scale. Gogglebob.com should stay consistent in not judging objective taste involved in either videogames or what can be consumed as the perennial fourth meal.
On the other hand, I just played Nintendo World Championships: NES Edition, and now I am pissed off at this cruel world that would allow such a thing.
Nearly ten years ago, this blog identified Ultimate Nintendo Remix as “the most important video game of the century”. A lot has happened in gaming since the release of Ultimate Nintendo Remix, but, despite the release of such luminaries as SNK Heroines: Tag Team Frenzy, the managing board of Gogglebob.com has determined that this statement is still accurate. Even as one of the Nintendo awkward period releases (affectionately referred to as the “why did someone try to port Hyrule Warriors to the 3DS” epoch), Ultimate Nintendo Remix (or NES Remix, NES Remix 2, and NES Remix Pack if you’re nasty), it is still the sleeper hit of the era. It found a way to boil down Nintendo titles to their component parts, present them as mini challenges, and thus reveal to an audience exactly why people still play these decades-old games. Making an individual boss fight or platforming gauntlet a 10-second “micro challenge” emphasizes exactly why an entire game comprised of those macro challenges would set the world on fire in 1986. And since the game designers of tomorrow are playing the games of today… and “today” was back in 2013… it is entirely possible (and extremely probable) that many games releasing in 2025 were heavily influenced by the accentuated fundamentals of Ultimate Nintendo Remix.
But before we could reach 2025, Nintendo gave us Nintendo World Championships: NES Edition. As a game that adopts much of the style of Nintendo Remix without the essential “game” of its predecessor, it is a substantial disappointment.
Like Ultimate Nintendo Remix, Nintendo World Championship: NES Edition draws individual gameplay segments from a host of NES titles. There are many overlaps in challenges here, as “get that goomba” or “blow up Death Mountain” are iconic moments for not only these Nintendo titles, but gaming as a whole. But, as the challenges progress, they deviate wildly from Ultimate Nintendo Remix. To be specific, they get much longer. Or, to relay exactly what is happening here, they get significantly more bloated. Things quickly escalate from “can you beat the level” to “can you beat the world” to the absurd Super Mario Bros. challenge of “can you beat the entire game”. And, while there is a certain novelty in this version of SMB that guides you to each warp zone on your way to Bowser, if I wanted to play Super Mario Bros. I can just play Super Mario Bros.
But there is something new here! In order to simulate the “World Championship” concept, all challenges place an emphasis on a ticking clock. It is not about completing Super Mario Bros., it is about completing Super Mario Bros. quickly. And the reasoning here is sound: “speed runs” have always been a big part of gaming, and, judging by sheer YouTube volume, the concept of beating a videogame quickly is more popular than it has ever been. A Nintendo game built for speedruns of Nintendo games is a decent concept. Learn how to beat Mario faster!
Except Nintendo World Championship: NES Edition does not actually help you learn. And not just because there are challenges where the goal is “die as quickly as possible”…
We are disparaging our featured game enough today, so we will plainly state the challenges (that are not suicidal) are not completely useless. You are seeing how quickly you can beat small sections of games, and then upgrading to whole challenging chunks. Gradual escalation can be good. But there is also a built-in rewind feature that is meant to help you when you fail. For instance, if you drop straight into a pit in any of these platformers, you will be immediately returned to firmer ground with the tiniest of timer penalties. And that’s cool for practice when trying to scale a mountain with the Ice Climbers’ terrible jumps. But in The Legend of Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link, a game that lives or dies according to the player carefully rationing Link’s limited health points/level ups/life magic, you will quickly learn that “taking the hit” is preferable to careful dodging and guarding. You will earn faster times purely insta-rewinding on every death, so why play conservatively at all? Want that S rank? The best way to win is to learn how to lose!
You’re picking up bad habits from that Nintendo game about Nintendo games.
So if the time trials do not actually train you to be better at the games, and said time trials (naturally) do not contain the entire game… Why not play the actual games? You know, on the Nintendo Switch Online service, which includes optional rewind features. And, I dunno, you are capable of setting a stopwatch on your phone. Why not play the games in a manner that has zero mandatory handholding features, and gradually improve your Kirby’s Adventure skills in your own way? The games are right there, and come free (“free”) with your subscription to the same online features this game practically requires. Why play this game at all? What is the appeal of Nintendo World Championship: NES Edition?
This is Taco Bell Mild Sauce.
It may not have set the world on fire, but, like Taco Bell Mild Sauce, there was enough of a market for Nintendo World Championship: NES Edition to be profitable. There is a reason it exists. It may not have been for everybody, and many people may have immediately identified it as worthless, but it is there if you want it. Will there be more? Well, only time will tell. But, in the meanwhile, there are copies of Nintendo World Championship: NES Edition on shelves just the same as Taco Bell Mild Sauce. Maybe it is the appeal of the brand. Maybe it is for confused shoppers that think Little Timmy will like this. Maybe people are expecting something better from the decades-old company. Whatever the root cause, these extremely mid products are out there, and they are available to accompany your quesadilla consumption.
And if you want to buy either of ‘em? I just got a gold trophy for effectively playing Balloon Fight. I am in no position to judge anybody…
SBC #47 Ridley & Nintendo World Championship: NES Edition
Ridley in Super Smash Bros Ultimate
- He any Good? What is important is that there is finally a new Metroid rep that is not just a variation on Samus Aran. I understand why Ridley was resisted for so long, because it is hard to make a playable character that feels like Ridley. Ridley’s attacks over the years have mostly just been running straight into our favorite bounty hunter! That said, his tail-based moves are pretty fun (even if he doesn’t get the Super Metroid pogo stick), and he is appropriately strong but floaty. Taking away points for that lousy fireball, though. It may be evocative of the NES era, but it gives the same impression as a burp.
- That final smash work? Apparently this thing is called “Plasma Scream”? I guess, as a late-game boss, Ridley kinda has something to do with the Plasma Beam. This is another cinema-dash Final Smash, and I am unimpressed. Also: blowing up Samus’s ship as part of the smash? Could you do just one thing without thinking about her, Ridley?
- The background work? We must visit Norfair for Ridley. Between the lava spurts and the “everybody hide” magma waves, this stage requires a lot of acquiescing to random events to survive. If you like an active background, this is entertaining. But if that isn’t your thing, it is just a moodier version of the WarioWare stage. Having Ridley’s theme playing is always nice, though.
- Classic Mode: It can’t be! Space Pirates! Somebody was really reaching with this one. How about Ridley faces all the Smash Bros. characters that have ever piloted a spacecraft? And it looks like Peach counts, but Kirby’s Warp Star does not. Arbitrary. This one starts with Samus in her power suit, and then closes with Zero Suit Samus. Isn’t that backwards? Or is it a reference to Metroid: Other M? And you know what would have been a cool “enemy boss” for the bad guy characters? Samus in her gun ship. It could work! As it is, we are stuck with the hands again…
- Smash Trivia: This is Ridley’s first appearance as a playable character in any official Nintendo releasee, but Ridley has appeared in some capacity in every previous Smash Bros. generation. He may have been a boss or a little dude in the background, but he gets a perfect attendance record, dammit.
- Amiibo Corner: Aw, Ridley gets his own little translucent platform. Those claws are big and scary, his ridges continue down to a pointed tail, and there are even a few discolored muscles around his back to imply a reason for always being hunched over. The only possible complaint here is that Ridley, scourge of the cosmos, is colored just a little too similarly to pink and purple Nerds.
- Does Smash Bros Remember Today’s Game? You can fight Ridley to the death in a timed contest! Considering Playable Smash Ridley is heavily influenced by NES Edition Ridley, this one is amazingly straightforward.
Ridley in Nintendo World Championship: NES Edition
System: Nintendo Switch exclusive. Well, I guess you can play it on the Nintendo Switch 2 now, too. I sure did.- Number players: There is a party mode that allows for up to 8 players. Maybe this is the secret sauce of this title? I will not ever know, because my Switch can and will play many games that people actually want to play.
- Favorite Featured Game: Super Mario Bros. 2 seems to lend itself well to the format. That is a game that encourages searching for mushroom potions and good vegetables while actively playing, so being told to just dash straight to Birdo is a pleasant change of pace from the routine.
- Say something mean(er): Asking me to complete one of the labyrinths of Kid Icarus is a hate crime and should be treated as such by the authorities.
- So, did you beat it: I unlocked all the challenges, and I was in the top 40% (or so) when this was the hottest game on the Nintendo Switch.
There will never be another game I trained my entire life for like Super Mario Bros. 35, so I want to say that is as good as I get.
- Keep it Going: I played this literally this week for the purpose of this article, and the challenges are still updating for the leaderboards over a year after its release. Considering this game seems to have been forgotten (there never was any DLC or any reason for Nintendo to mention it ever again), I am surprised to see any ongoing support. Is, like, Splatoon 3 still active?
- Did you know? All of the games featured here are responsible for significant chunks of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate… Except Excitebike. Why did they never bring back those little trophy dudes after Brawl?
- Would I play again: I would much prefer a port of Ultimate NES Remix. And, if I had to play any of these games… I would just play the original. So I guess I am not hitting this one again.
What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Mega Man: Dr. Wily’s Revenge for the Nintendo Gameboy! The little blue boy is feeling kind of gray, but I’m sure he’ll turn it around. Please look forward to it!
