Tag Archives: nintendo

FGC #573 Super Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury

Meow· Previously on Gogglebob.com, this exact game was covered with a basic premise: Mario games are weird.

· But now there is a new “half” to the game, Bowser’s Fury.

· Bowser’s Fury, conceptually, seems like a direct/stealth sequel to Super Mario Sunshine.

· FLUDD may be sitting this adventure out, but the presence of Bowser Jr., goopy/deadly tar, and a general “this is a vacation destination” atmosphere is all at the forefront again.

· Like Isle Delfino, this lakefront area is meant to be one solid, continuous area, too. After exploring worlds and galaxies, Mario’s latest adventure is no larger than some waterparks.

· So this entire “world” is wholly connected. With a proper P-Wing, Mario technically could fly from the first level to the last, and never pause for a single “Let’s a-go” .

· And while this is wonderful, it feels like it makes this world a smaller place than most Mario games. Bowser’s Fury covers many of the same beats as Super Mario 3D World, but feels less like a “full” experience.

· This is doubly weird, because there are 100 kitty shines to find, and your average Mario adventure only adds an additional twenty macguffins to that total. Bowser’s Fury is 83% of a traditional 3-D Mario game, but feels like less than a half of the usual adventure.

· Maybe the lack of “loading areas” causes this disconnect? Maybe it is the fact that the individual “stage areas” can be completed inside of a minute instead of 200 seconds? Maybe it is the lack of Mario “structure”, and a complete lack of dedicated fortresses/dungeons/mini-bosses?

Cutie· Well, a couple of mini-bosses did get crowded into one area. The issue cannot be a lack of Pom Pom.

· But is there an issue at all?

· Despite its seemingly shortened length, I did enjoy Bowser’s Fury quite a bit.

· In fact, I found every last collectible, and even challenged myself to complete some of the more… annoying feats.

· I have become a Plessie champion navigator.

· It is worth noting that I did not complete every last challenge moon in Super Mario Odyssey.

· Loved every bit of that game, but I was so burned out on the whole thing by the end, I never even attempted to jump rope or steer a moped across the rooftops of a city. I want to waste the rest of my day to make a balloon bigger? No thank you.

· I was just done.

· Bowser’s Fury left me wanting more.

· Considering this is a Mario game, that is no small achievement.

· So maybe this is what I want from Mario games: not something overly long and complicated, but straightforward and concise.

· A Mario as bullet points, if you will.

· Shell is great this time of yearAnd even if it does not seem as comprehensive as other Mario titles, it may still be an amazing way to enjoy Mario content.

· Sometimes, content as an outline is better, even when it is just a game with a jumpy little plumber.

· Or writing about one.

FGC #573 Super Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury

  • System: Nintendo Switch, and never Nintendo WiiU. There is no such thing anymore.
  • Number of players: Super Mario 3D World is still four player. Bowser’s Fury is exclusively a videogame built for two.
  • I want the mushroom man back: I understand why this choice was made, but it does kind of suck that Mario’s other friends do not get to participate in Bowser’s Fury. We deserve Gigantic Super Saiyan Princess Peach Cat! That said, the “Tails mode” of this two player game is not the worst thing in the world, even if my wife hates feeling like she’s “not helping”.
  • So did you try Super Mario 3D World proper with her? Yes. She chose Toad, and proceeded to run off every single stage. A lesson was learned, but the damage is irreversible.
  • Favorite Island: I admire whatever maniac decided to make an entire area made out of donut blocks. I am always looking for a reason to make Mario run, and that unsure footing is a fine excuse for such. By the same token, the fact that the volcano area is mostly about standing on one stupid moving platform is a tragedy.
  • Shine onMario Economics: As there are no “lives” in Bowser’s Fury (yay!), coins buy you bankable powerups with every 100 collected. And that’s cool, because otherwise you could game a billion 1-ups out of transforming into a golden cat statue on a trampoline. There are so many ways to get unlimited coins in this game, it’s almost a reference to Super Mario Bros. and its infinite lives tricks.
  • The kid is going to be alright: I like this recurring motif in Mario games (spin-offs included) wherein Bowser Jr. is dedicatedly Mario’s enemy, but when something happens to “papa”, he enlists Mario’s help. It is good that Bowser Jr. has alternative responsible adults in his life that can help him with problems, even if those problems may be “my dad is Godzilla”.
  • Dinosaur Fight: The fact that Plessie becomes Mario’s faithful steed for this adventure, and not Yoshi, is vaguely disappointing. I know this is a game made out of reused Super Mario 3D World assets, and Plessie was already an aquatic dinosaur, but come on! You bank the whole ending on Plessie! That could have been the lizard creature that has his own cookie game!
  • Goggle Bob Fact: I completely missed an entire level in the second segment (the Bully island), and only found it well after I had completed nearly every other challenge in the game. That hasn’t happened since the late 90’s, when this intrepid player ignored Rainbow Road for days after formally completing Mario 64. I’m still mad at myself for that one.
  • The clock is tickingDid you know? This is the first time Bowser has appeared with a “life bar” in a proper Mario game (aka not an RPG or fighting game or whatever). He normally just falls into lava, though, so it’s understandable that he wouldn’t need a lifebar for that kind of health drain.
  • Would I play again: It is a lot more likely than some Mario games! I might try to “speedrun” the whole of Bowser’s Fury, you know, just to see if I can. I can’t remember the last time I did that!

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Ghosts ‘n Goblins Resurrection! Yes, we’re apparently playing another recent release, and this one might be a little more difficult than wrecking an enormous turtle with kitten claws. Please look forward to it!

FGC #564 Kirby Super Star (Ultra)

I can hear this GIFThere are many that claim Kirby Super Star is the secret origin of Super Smash Bros. This is likely wholly accurate, as both games were directed by Masahiro Sakurai, and both titles seem to feature controllable characters with extremely similar general abilities (Kirby’s “ball shield” is very familiar to anyone that ever found the block button in Smash). This brings us to another popular theory: in much the same way that Super Smash Bros is a mix of a fighting game and platformer, Kirby Super Star has strayed from Kirby’s platforming roots, and is closer to a combination platformer/beat ‘em up. In short, Kirby Super Star has less in common with Mario, and more influence from Final Fight.

This is, to be absolutely clear, grizzoshit. Kirby Super Star is not a beat ‘em up. There are too many treasure chests to find for this Great Kirby Offensive to ever be a beat ‘em up. But I, the magnanimous king of this website, will forgive you for ever believing Kirby Super Star could be a beat ‘em up. Why, gentle reader? Because I see how a poor, unenlightened soul may be confused by the artistry on display in Kirby Super Star.

Why do people think Kirby Super Star might be a beat ‘em up? Because, like in any good beat ‘em up, it feels damn good to hit things in Kirby Super Star.

Kirby has always been a violent little dude. While Mario might bop his opponents or toss a friendly fireball, Kirby was swallowing his opponents right from day one. And that was not in a playful, “haha now you’re lunch” Pac-Man way, either. Kirby could swallow an opponent for some empty calories, but he was a lot more likely to then spit his potential lunch as a deadly projectile. So, yes, while you might reasonably be able to complete a pacificist run of Sonic the Hedgehog (give or take some mad scientist bosses), Kirby has always had physical conflict baked into his DNA (or at least his dinner). Even simply breathing deeply generated a mini-projectile for Kirby! And his following adventure saw the puff ball gain the ability to “copy” the skills of his foes, and the powers that stuck with our pink hero all seemed more offensive than movement-based. High Jump and Ball were fun and all, but audiences clearly wanted swordplay and hammer time. And regardless of which abilities would eventually make the cut(ter), early Kirby titles established its protagonist not as a dude that would just run and jump, but someone who was going to slice a deadly swath through adorable star blocks.

I like this birdBut, in the same way that Kirby graduated from simple sucking to copying abilities, the ability to copy at all had to evolve with its attendant hero. On the Gameboy, this took the form of Kirby’s Dreamland 2, wherein having a different animal buddy impacted abilities in different ways, so what was a flurry of sparks on “regular” Kirby became a lightbulb when in the presence of a fish. It… made sense at the time. On the Super Nintendo, Kirby was able to utilize each copy ability in a variety of ways. For instance, the simple parasol was no longer a sword-with-a-floaty-jump it was on the NES, it now involved its own special dash attack, a “meteor attack”, and it could shield Kirby in new and interesting ways. And how was this all possible without any animal buddies? Simple! Kirby got a moveset! He can utilize option A, but it becomes option B while jumping, option C while dashing, and option D if it happens to be used while jumping and dashing. In some cases, there were distinct input commands for “special techniques” that could do all sorts of things (or at least generate a fireball). Kirby has got options!

More handsAnd, yes, this sounds a lot like a beat ‘em up. It very much sounds like the more complicated beat ‘em ups (Streets of Rage comes immediately to mind) that utilize not some simple “jump+punch = special” architecture, but a variety of special moves activated with particular inputs. And, obviously, you use special moves in beat ‘em ups because they are more powerful and useful than regular moves. … Or is it that obvious? Special moves are special, and they are usually visually magnificent (never a bad time when someone’s fist catch fire), but they definitely have an entry barrier with their special inputs. How do you convey to the player that a special move is, ya know, special? Some people are naturally going to gravitate toward “complicated = better”, but there is an equally larger audience that is going to ask why they should press all these extra commands when simply one button is going to do the job. Sure, it might do more damage, but why bother? Well how about you bother because dammit it feels good to hit things.

This is the secret of Kirby Super Star and good beat ‘em ups. You can face armies of the exact same guy (whether that be Waddle Dee or Two P), you can venture through areas that look remarkably similar (how many times has Kirby wandered through a nondescript forest?), and you can fight the same collection of bosses but-now-a-different-color until the it’s time for your sleep ability to kick in, and, in the end, it will work because it feels good to hit (these) things. Every one of Kirby’s Super Star abilities has an offensive component, and whether you are wielding a fireball or mirror dash, when you smack into an opponent, it feels substantial. Even the more “movement” based abilities, like Wing or Jet, generate “forcefields” that will obliterate blocks and opponents alike. And, of course, if either of those abilities activate their dash attacks, well, Rocky the rock dude is going to be in traction for the next week. And, just in case you think that simple contact is the only way to generate a beefy hit, the Plasma ability proves that this can apply to long range attacks, too. Throw off a simple plasma spark, and it “feels” like you are generating no more force than your average pencil eraser; but charge up to a full plasma ball, and the screen practically vibrates with the overwhelming energy Kirby has blasted into the universe. Sure, it takes a moment to charge up, but you do that because it feels good to annihilate that Bio Spark in a single plasma explosion.

Do it, Kirby!And, even more than Kirby’s shield and other similarities, this is the origin of Super Smash Bros. Super Smash Bros is a game where, no matter what happens, it feels good to “smash” your opponent. It feels good to send Jigglypuff sailing over the horizon, and our primitive lizard brains react well to the sound of the smash-shotgun, the vibration of the controller with every smash, and the temporary “lag” that occurs in an effort to further extend the moment of a perfect smash. Super Smash Bros is more than a strangely chaotic version of Mario’s last birthday party, it is also a game that flawlessly conveys to a player how much fun it can be to hit things. And, even though the roster may wear and the challenges may diminish over time, it always feels good to smash in Smash Bros. It’s right there in the title for a reason!

So congratulations, Kirby Super Star. You might not be a beat ‘em up, but you did refine one of that genre’s greatest strengths. It feels good to hit things in Kirby Super Star, so it feels good to play Kirby Super Star.

Beware the pink fury of Kirby. He is going to hit things while smiling the whole time.

FGC #564 Kirby Super Star (Ultra)

  • System: Super Nintendo for one glorious Christmas Season in 1996. Then it was rereleased on Nintendo Wii, Wii U, and Switch. There was also the Nintendo DS version, Kirby Super Star Ultra, which I may as well play, too, because it’s fun to hit things on the small screen.
  • Totally wrongNumber of players: This is a wonderful little title that uses a “Tails” 2-player mode. History has proven that it is ideal for playing a fun platformer while babysitting. Though, to be clear, you may have to coach a child on the basics of “press up to open doors”.
  • Port-o-Call: On one hand, it is difficult to improve on perfection, so Kirby Super Star Ultra seems to provide very limited upgrades to the original. There are entirely new modes/levels/bosses, but, like Chrono Trigger DS, the original content is so jam-packed with fun that the “extra” stuff feels vaguely exhausting. That said, it does reintroduce Kabula the Angry Blimp, so it gets bonus points there.
  • This was never a good idea: Though, to be clear, the DS version is abhorrent in its two player mode, as it absolutely requires two cartridges to get anywhere. You can technically share a cart to a limited degree, but the game won’t even appear on the second DS’s screen, so good luck playing through Super Star Ultra while crouched over someone else’s teeny tiny screen.
  • What’s in a name: In Europe, this game is known as Kirby’s Fun Pak. This is egregious, as the acronym for Kirby Super Star is almost KISS.
  • Favorite Copy Ability: Plasma is my go-to in basically every situation. You just cannot beat launching a green ball of electronic nonsense at all times, and the “static generation” bits are fun to make Kirby look like a little pink maniac. Though we do have to give the Paint ability props here, too, as paint is apparently one of the most powerful forces in the Kirby universe.
  • Get that blimpUnanswered Questions: Does anyone know what happened to Meta Knight’s crew? Like, dude had a bird captain working for him in addition to his regular army, and I’m genuinely curious what happened to those guys.
  • Goggle Bob Fact: In my youth, I may or may not have drawn an entire comic book based on the general beats of Kirby Super Star. It is a prequel story about Kirby and Jynx teaming up to take down Meta Knight and his fabulous bird ship. If I do say so myself, it is not all that bad, though I did make the (wholly incorrect) artistic choice of giving Kirby visible teeth…
  • Did you know? Completing every last bit of Kirby Super Star Ultra unlocks some “outtakes” of Kirby in his iconic cinemas from the original. This means that, like Altered Beast, Kirby is an actor portraying these adventures for an unseen audience. I choose to believe the “real” Kirby is an Estonian dwarf in a costume.
  • Would I play again: Did I ever get around to plainly stating how much I love this game? It is my favorite Kirby game, and that puts it in the running for favorite videogame of all time. I like hitting things. I will play Kirby Super Star again.

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Beast Wars: Transformers for the Playstation! Get ready to enter beast mode! Please look forward to it!

He can't go around?

FGC #559 Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity

This article contains spoilers for The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity. Also: Final Fantasy 7, for some reason. Also also: Rosebud was a sled. Now you know!

WeeeeCan a Zelda game be more than a Zelda game? And can a Warriors game be more than a Warriors game?

Today’s title is kind of special in the history of Gogglebob.com. By complete coincidence, this game was significantly previewed for the first time when I was just starting up that Let’s Play of World of Final Fantasy, and, if you follow that whole youtube playlist, you’ll hear our opinions on what the game could be, what it very much looked like it would be as of the demo/release, and our impressions once the game was officially available in its entirety. And that’s neat! There is an eternal(ish) record of what we wanted to see from a prequel to Breath of the Wild, and you can listen to our frustration as we slowly realized such a thing would never come. Disappointment abounds!

Though I suppose it is worth restating my initial position for the record, as no man, woman, or child should be subjected to hours of meandering World of Final Fantasy gameplay for the sake of a Zelda game. Long story short? The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is a sad, sad game, and it feels disingenuous to have a plot take place in this world (timeline?) and have it be… happy? Cozy? …. Survivable? If you somehow missed Breath of the Wild, here is its backstory: everybody dies. A century before the game officially kicks off, Princess Zelda of Hyrule heard of a coming calamity, and amassed an army of killer robots, Zoids, and at least one dick of a birdperson to combat the inevitable invasion of Ganon. Unfortunately, she forgot to update her mechanical masses’ security firmware before the assault, and the majority of her minions wound up working for the bad guys about three seconds into her brilliant plan. Thus, her Champions were bumped off, her kingdom got a fiery makeover, and her best knight bit the big one personally defending Zelda against her own rampaging tinkertoys. In a last-ditch effort to stave off a literal apocalypse, brave knight Link was stowed away to recover in an ancient shrine, Zelda sealed herself in the castle to stave off Calamity Ganon’s freedom, and her last remaining allies scattered around the countryside to hide and maybe become esoteric fetishes (“wears goggles” is too a fetish!). Link finally awakens in a world that has been permanently scarred by the Calamity’s nigh-victory, and must venture around this Hyrule infested with monsters to rally a whole new generation of heroes. He eventually, inevitably succeeds, but the cost is high: Link’s “old world” and friends are dead and never coming back, and, while there is hope for the future, the present still has an unruly number of laser robots puttering around bringing down property values. Also, depending on your speed run of choice, Link may have never put on pants, and that’s going to confuse Zelda to no end.

So, naturally, when a “prequel” to Breath of the Wild was announced, there was any number of theories on how that might go down. After all, the backstory of Breath of the Wild is one that sees literally an entire army of heroes completely fail. There are good times! And more specific spoilers!…

FGC #553 Mario Kart: Double Dash!!

Let's dash!Let’s talk about nerd love, acceptance, and solid gold cars.

I am a nerd. What’s more, I have pretty much always been a nerd. I’ve never been into pocket protectors, statistics, or even wore glasses all that often, but, to the average human being, I have long been a shining example of nerddom. And it’s not my fault! It’s just what I’m interested in! I like videogames. I like robots (and draw a distinction between “giant robots” “regular sized robots that fight” and “robots that occasionally transform into dinosaurs”). I was generally academically gifted in school. I won an award in junior high for “most likely to succeed with computers”. I never even planned to go into the computer field! I wanted to be a grade school teacher for some reason!

But, if we’re talking about junior high anyway, I may as well note that the first woman I ever “asked out” responded by dramatically feigning barfing and being out-and-out offended. That… leaves an impression.

Look, I want to be clear on one point: I am a handsome dude. For someone getting damn near forty, I have my hair, my figure, and a certain je ne sais quoi that brings all the boys to the yard. And, given I’ve had the same haircut since first grade, I pretty much have had the same basic thing going on since I was six. Issues arise, however, in the basic world of fashion. Despite Nintendo’s attempts to make me style savvy, I’ve never quite had an aptitude there, so I want to say I perhaps do no blame my potential suitor for reacting poorly when I was eleven. I mean, I had a goddamn ponytail, and I somehow thought that was a good thing. But, at the time, I didn’t quite understand that I shouldn’t wear sweatpants every damned day, so I thought there was something wrong with me. That thinking continued until… let’s see here… probably sometime last week? It was a while.

And my first real girlfriend didn’t help. A few short years after my first, disastrous attempt at romance, some lucky gal finally said yes, and we were off to the races (this is a desperate metaphor attempting to remotely tie-in today’s featured game earlier in the article. We’ll get there, folks!). Now, in this case, I was high on my own supply of raw ego. I was a high school freshman, she was a sophomore. I was dating an older woman. I was a goddamn stud. Go babies!And, even if the “relationship” only wound up lasting like two week and involved about as much physical interaction as an online game of Pong, it still set me over the moon that someone theoretically wanted me. Goggle Bob! Who did finally cut off that ponytail a year before! Probably a coincidence! But this is not to say all was well with the world. My dear girlfriend had aims to make me “more normal”, and she literally stated that she would go through my closet and get rid of “all those videogame t-shirts”.

First of all, Jesse, I didn’t have that many videogame t-shirts. Some were simply related to computers in general! And secondly, I got that Final Fantasy 7 shirt as part of a promotion for preordering, and it is limited edition and I am not ever going to see another one. I don’t think this relationship is going to work, Little Miss Trendy. There’s only room enough for one blonde in this relationship, and he carries a Buster Sword.

(Ha ha just kidding, she totally dumped my nerdy ass. But things definitely would have come to a head if she hadn’t!)

But this kind of thing continued practically through all of my teenage relationships. Even when I dated nerds! I had at least two girlfriends that were avowed Pokémon fans, but still reacted to my general hobby with tolerance at best, revulsion at worst. I often offered the second player controller in these games (whenever available, I mean, if I’m playing Ocarina of Time, you’re going to have to wait, babe), and I did my best to share my passions in socially acceptable ways (I very rarely publically embarrassed us in an effort to get the attention of an Electronics Boutique employee), but it always seemed for naught. It wasn’t about not liking a particular game, console, or genre; it seemed to be a simple “I don’t like videogames”. And this is an issue! I like videogames a lot!

We can do thisAnd it’s hard to explain to someone that doesn’t have an “unpopular” hobby how this works. Like, you, dear reader, you like music, right? Like listening to tunes? Maybe you listen to the radio when you’re in the car? And I’m not saying you like the same music as someone else, you’re obviously allowed to like pop music as much as jazz-techno fusion or whatever suits your fancy. But imagine, if you would, the moment you start dating someone, you’re cruising along in your finely crafted automobile (obviously a sweet 1960 classic Edsel Pacer), listening to the radio, and your significant other doesn’t simply say, “Oh, I don’t like this song, let’s change the station,” they say, “Oh, I don’t like music. Let’s sit in silence and never listen to music again.” And every time they hop in the car, and you’ve left the radio on from a previous, solo trip, they comment, “Oh, you were listening to that again. Why do you keep doing that?” And, tell me I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that, after dealing with that for a little while, you would, you know, go insane. And that’s not a great outcome for a relationship!

And that was the end result of 90% of my high school relationships.

What I’m saying here is that I completely understand people that think “girls don’t game”. It is wrong. It is wholly inaccurate. I even knew (or should have known) it was wrong when I was friggen’ eight years old, as the first person that showed me King’s Quest and the fabulous world of PC gaming was my (male) friend’s older sister. She played videogames! I just didn’t want to date her. None of the women I wanted to date played videogames, so, obviously, women didn’t play videogames (Yes, I was the Socrates of my high school marching band, thank you for noticing). The women that I wanted to date/actually dated acted like “gaming” was an activity roughly on par with drinking human blood (come to think of it, they were much cooler with vampires than gamers), so I internalized for a long time that women hated videogames. Could there be another explanation? Never! They sneered at Xenogears! The War & Peace of our generation! The only explanation for that must be gender-based universal loathing.

GLOMPAnd I assumed this was a wholly accurate assessment until I was in college. I dated another woman, and I assumed, like in many previous relationships, she barely tolerated my videogame addiction. She watched me play Metroid Fusion, Pokémon Ruby, and Mega Man Battle Network on the Gameboy Advance that was practically glued to my hands, and I simply assumed she was, at best, abiding my hobby. It never even crossed my weary mind that maybe playing a system that precluded a second player even existing was making an impact on whether or not we would play together. I just hunched over a Gameboy on the couch on a Saturday morning, poking at my beep bop machine, and assumed my beau was annoyed because her lady parts secreted some hormone that hated those darn games. There was no other explanation.

And then, on Valentine’s Day, she didn’t get me chocolate. She bought me Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (1,200 words to acknowledge the game of the day! New record!). And we had a game we could play together.

And damned if we didn’t play that game together for months.

Mario Kart Double Dash!! doesn’t get enough credit for being inordinately multiplayer. Yes, there are the Mario Kart-mandated two player versus racing and battle modes. And we’ve got versus four players out of the box, because the N64/Gamecube era of Nintendo absolutely loved four player options. And, even better, this Mario Kart included some kind of crazy Gamecube LAN option, so you could network together a bunch of systems, and get a tournament going with, like, a hajillion playerscitation needed. But all of those possibilities paled in comparison to the one mode that I saw continually from the moment I popped that little disc into my playbox: two player cooperative. For the first time in the franchise, two players could control one kart, and both could have input for one racer. The controls were simple: one player drove, the other was responsible for items, and the two could switch at any time. This created an incredibly balanced situation, as two players could alternate duties, or, if someone wasn’t as confident, take refuge in a “Tails mode” like situation where there is participation, but the responsibility of earning that trophy falls squarely on one player’s shoulders. So, in other words, it’s a two player mode that is truly perfect for experts and novices alike.

And it’s great for a boy that has been playing videogames continuously since toddlerhood, and a girl that is trying to understand said boy’s obsession.

STOMPNot to dash any dreams of a romantic ending here (that’s for Friday), but this is in no way the story of how I affirmed the love of my life over Mario Kart. Boy and Girl broke up with time to spare before the following Valentine’s Day (and it certainly wasn’t because Boy was a cheapskate and didn’t feel like buying another gift in a relationship that was already DOA, because Boy is clearly blameless in this situation). And, just in case you thought this whole tale was heading in that direction, this is not the story of how Boy thus realized his true love was videogames all along, and how he now sleeps in bed every night curled around his precious copy of Chrono Trigger. No, this is a story about acceptance. This is a story about how someone can accept you for who you are, even the parts of you they might not understand.

Look, I am pretty damn lucky. I like my birth gender. I am attracted to “the opposite” sex, and members of said sex that are traditionally, conventionally attractive. I’m white. Basically, what I’m saying is that if I show up to a family dinner with a date, I don’t have to spend the entire meal explaining how my choices are valid, and I’m not just “doing this” to make grandma cry. I know I’m lucky in that regard, and it’s simply a quirk of the universe that my dating habits are vanilla enough to be considered normal. But I’m also a giant nerd. I’m also a gamer, and, while it might not cause any concern for grandma, I can safely say I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman that didn’t have something to say about my general inclination to alternate between nights in bed and nights spent in Hyrule. And that’s valid! This is entry #553 on my blog that is almost exclusively about videogames! My name is Goggle Bob, and I have a problem! But issues have always arisen when I was with someone that refused to even tenuously understand that problem. Grandma was happy with my date, but my date wasn’t happy with something that brings me joy. For a long time, I genuinely believed I would never be with someone that would accept me for who I am, inexplicable obsession with Mega Man and all.

What even happened hereAnd then, one day, there was someone that accepted me. There was someone that tried to understand who I was, preoccupation with blue sparks and all. There was someone that wanted me. All of me.

And I never thought such a thing was even possible before.

So, ya know, thanks Mario Kart: Double Dash!!. Really making some positive changes in the trajectory of entire lives there. Blue shells are a major franchise foul, but I guess that can be forgiven for changing my entire outlook on existence.

FGC #553 Mario Kart: Double Dash!!

  • System: Nintendo Gamecube. If you ask me which Nintendo game I would most want to see with a modern release/remix, this would be the one. Well, you know, now that Sunshine already got that treatment.
  • Number of players: Let’s just say four before getting into that whole “chaining Gamecubes together” thing.
  • So did you ever play on a series of linked Gamecubes? Nope. I mean, what, are you kidding? I have a hard enough time gathering four people together to agree on playing one videogame. I’m never going to see that many controllers in use outside of a convention, and I’m pretty sure those are illegal now.
  • I win!So, did you beat it? Wholly and completely, with Mirror Grand Tour and on two player cooperative. That solid gold car is mine, now and forever.
  • Best Team: Daisy and Birdo will always succeed. Wait…. This is supposed to be my “favorite” team? No, that doesn’t sound right. Daisy and Birdo are the best.
  • Favorite Track: I have to admire Baby Park for the raw simplicity of the track, and somehow making a circle (well, technically an oval) fun. It takes some significant level of chutzpah to make a track pretty much nothing, and rely on the basic gameplay of Mario Kart to carry the action. And it works like a charm, so good job all around.
  • Yes, this game was popular: Mario Kart: Double Dash was the second highest selling Gamecube game of all time. Super Smash Bros. Melee was number one. Then it’s Sunshine at numero tres. Sonic Mega Collection was number seventeen. Ya know, just throwing that out there.
  • Did you know? According to internal data, apparently the two “urban” stages, Mushroom Bridge and Mushroom City, were supposed to be dedicated to Koopa Troopa and Paratroopa (respectively). In the final release, those two nerds don’t get their own course, and we’re left assuming that Princess Peach purchased their unclaimed property. The monarchy has a habit of doing that.
  • Would I play again: In a heartbeat. Lord, I love me some Mario Kart: Double Dash. It even makes Garfield titles better! It’s scientifically proven!

What’s next? Recklessly Self-Indulgent Autobiography Week(s) concludes with a look at Pokémon Go. You always knew there was going to be a Pokémon game in this group of articles, and I cannot disappoint! Please look forward to it!

Go go Daisy