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Xenogears 18: The Reunion

Away he goesAnd so we reach the end of Fei’s story, and learn the true meaning of -the power-.

Despite Fei Fong Wong successfully murdering God a little while back (days? Weeks? Months? Hard to tell), by the time the party was ready to see Krelian again, he had resurrected a/the divine being. So, once again, Fei marshalled his forces to commit deicide, and squashed the revitalized Deus in the hole at the center of the planet. And this could have been the finale that everyone was pursuing, but destroying the link to another divine being, the Wave Existence, caused a bit of an issue. The Wave Existence’s escape from Fei’s dimension was going to tear his planet a new one, and, with the Zohar Modifier destroyed, the party’s giant robots were all inert. But Fei’s Xenogears was still functioning! And Elehayym was at the core of… whatever we are calling the orb containing the Wave Existence… So, for one last time, it was up to Fei and Elly to save the world.

Somehow, the fate of the world came down to an ideological debate between three people. Elly believed that she should be the one to carry all of the world’s burdens, so she attempted to sacrifice herself to steer the Wave Existence out of planetary orbit. Nobody wanted to see another Elly explode, so both of her boys disapproved of this decision. Krelian, meanwhile, claimed that he loved Elehayym, but also acknowledged that he did some pretty heinous things to prove that love. He claimed this boondoggle was a situation that he could never fully control, but, given most people would choose not to mutate the entirety of the human race in pursuit of a ridiculous crush, it is easy to judge Krelian’s actions as wholly malevolent.

Happy little girlAnd then there was Fei. Fei wanted everyone to be happy, and it is hard to argue with that. So he had to fight a giant snake lady. I guess. And because he beat that snake lady, that proved he had the most striking philosophy, and he was allowed to walk out of the god sphere with Elly. Krelian stayed behind to atone for his sins, and what was left of the planet survived thanks to the Wave Existence getting slapped with a mystical restraining order.

So, in the end, Fei and Elly were able to return to their friends. Thanks to -the power-, Fei was able to beat a physical manifestation of cylindrical suffering, and save everyone and everything he held dear. In the end, the truest example of -the power- was -the power- to defend his love and the world.

Well, the 0.0002% of the world’s population that survived everything else that happened in Xenogears, at least.

May you too remember to use -the power- to save a miniscule fraction of what is important.

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 18 Part 1

Original Stream Night: June 22, 2021
Night of Xenogears

Random Notes on the Stream

  • In case you are an absolute completionist on watching me play Xenogears, I have included the entire footage of the only time I played Xenogears without the Even Worse crew (not including the “cheat catchup” in Chapter 2). If you really want to watch me buy supplies from Big Joe and then tackle the final dungeon in its entirety (with me pausing to check a map frequently), feel free to take a look. Note that this includes exactly zero commentary, so it is a straight “longplay” style for this distinct section.
  • If you are curious, this was recorded on June 9th, 2021.
  • And, with all that shopping, the actual hike into Deus does not start until the 22 minute mark.
  • Given the video is a little over an hour long, guess that means the dungeon only took about forty minutes. Really thought it would be longer!

  • We begin this video with a condensed version of the final dungeon with Kishi, fanboymaster, Jeanie, and BEAT. I would like to note that I consider this five-minute opening as the shining achievements of this Let’s Play. Once again, this shorty at the start completely covers anything relevant from that other video above.
  • Shopkeep Johnny is hanging out in the room next to God. As you do.
  • Remember when JRPGs were all about including the entire party in the final battle? Final Fantasy was really into that for a while.
  • Please enjoy some ridiculous orb bosses.
  • The next-to-final boss is defeated! We all talk about the final boss deaths we’d like to have. There is merit to fanboymaster’s massive explosion.
  • “Neither of these characters feel like a person anymore.”
  • Look awayFei has some kind of “composite frankendong.”
  • It would be hard to lose the final-final fight of Xenogears. This contrasts with Final Fantasy 10, where you can find some exciting ways to commit suicide.
  • We all have a moment of silence for the voice-acted, anime-as-heck ending (that doesn’t have subtitles).
  • Kishi notes that this ending with its random communications guy may have confused a lot of people back in the day. Like… people that didn’t already dip out because the plot was plenty confusing already.
  • Anywho, let’s all enjoy the credits that feature not-famous people like Jonathan Williams.
  • And next week we have the continuation of this night. Get ready for Part 2!

Next time on Xenogears: The alpha (build) at the omega (stream).

THE ENDish

Xenogears 17: Better Living Through Death(s)

The good bookFei Fong Wong discovered late in his journey that his “true” personality had been fractured into separate pieces, and he only obtained Xenogears when he reckoned with all of the parts of himself. While such an ordeal would be confusing for anyone, this was particularly crazy for Fei, as he had also lived multiple lives through the centuries. And now he had memories of all of those lives. So can Fei (and us) learn from his multiple lifetimes of adventures?

Abel was Fei’s first incarnation. At the dawn of humanity, there was Cain and the Gazel Ministry. This gang advocated for the resurrection of Deus, and the majority of the freshly hatched population was into that nonsense. Abel opposed it, because he believed man should be more independent… which makes a certain amount of sense, as Abel was literally the only “real” human in this solar system. Of course, this led to some conflict with Cain and friends, and Abel was murdered. But an incarnation of Elehayym attempted to save Abel… before taking a fatal energy blast to the chest. So Abel and Elly died more or less together, though Elly likely bled out on the prehistoric floor first.

About 6,000 years later, “Abel” was reborn as Kim Kasim. Kim was an accomplished scientist and horrible date. Despite being a brilliant man who invented nanotechnology and could literally create life from nothing, he was one of the most cantankerous people in the Zeboim civilization, and spent an entire Deusmas dinner talking about how everyone on the planet was a jackass (except him, of course). Luckily, that era’s Elly was a nurse, and she fell hard for the misanthropic Kim. Together, they went on to birth/build an immortal nanotech woman named Emeralda. Unfortunately, this process was fraught with political danger, and, when Kim attempted to hide his new lifeform with a terrorist organization, that era’s government showed up, and murdered the heck out of everybody. Oh! And Elly died horribly in a hallway attempting to defend Kim that time, too. Presumably, Kim died slightly later than her, as he sealed himself in a room with Emeralda, and likely just mundanely starved to death inches away from where his baby mama’s blood painted the walls.

Don't make eye contactBut do not worry, as the wicked society that led to Kim and Elly’s horrible deaths was wiped out by nuclear annihilation anyway. The survivors went on to establish the nations that were more familiar to modern Fei and Elly, and, about 3,500 years later, Sophia was born. Sophia was the latest incarnation of Elly, and, with her metaphysical connection to Deus, she possessed high etheric abilities. Unfortunately, she was also sickly, and… Well, we covered this before. She met Lacan, the reincarnated Abel/Kim. She met Krellian, the man who would go on to try to create god. She met Roni & Rene Fatima, who were just a pair of good dudes. But, in the end, this Holy Mother decided she had to sacrifice herself to save everyone (Lacan particularly included), and she died in the fiery, suicidal crash of the Excalibur. But this time her “Fei” lived much longer… which led to him killing 98% of the population in pursuit of -the power-, and then trying to kill everybody left a few centuries later. So, in this case, Sophia/Elly sacrificed herself for her friends… but most of her friends turned out to be murderous dicks, and the world she loved mostly got obliterated by those same friends. Kind of a downer for a generational martyr.

About five hundred years later, we reach the final incarnation of these star-crossed (usually) lovers. Fei and Elly now lived in a world that was generally obliterated by the previous generation (though, now, a whole new obliteration was on the table. There were zombies!), featuring the final remnants of humanity shambling around and maintaining a giant robot battle arena for some reason. The most interesting place on the planet is a desert containing a dead dragon (that really should have been mentioned somewhere in history), and the most prominent remaining human is a centuries-old Elvis impersonator with amnesia. But Fei and Elly have a chance for a happy ending this time, as at least they are both still alive as Fei enters the belly of the beast in an attempt to rescue his millennia-old damsel. Have they finally learned that martyrdom has only ever made things worse? Will there be a happy ending for these two? Well, the scripture tells us about the tale in the next chapter…

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 17

Original Stream Night: June 8, 2021
Night of the Schools’ Rivalry

Random Notes on the Stream:

  • Fanboymaster brings us the best introduction in this whole Xenogears project with Kishi and BEAT also immediately available.
  • Caliscrub arrives shortly thereafter with a welcome to the open/destroyed world of Xenogears.
  • And then Abby Denton! And Ample Vigour!
  • Let’s talk about our favorite Lou Bega moments!
  • “This is Big League Chu.”
  • Duuuuh?Jeanie joins as we visit the completely wrecked world of tomorrow.
  • Welcome to an underground city that Hammer apparently mentioned once! Let’s see Rico and Emerelda’s Gears in use for maybe the first time.
  • Fanboymaster mentions that he is surprised the Golgo 13 author, Takao Saito, is still around. He died three months after we recorded this stream…
  • “Please tell me the full story of Big Joe.”
  • “Who the hell is Kim?” “Fei’s Kim!” “Fei’s Kim!” “Fei’s Kim!” “Fei’s Kim!”
  • We’re heading to the desert triangle island. And maybe Gogo is Adlai Stevenson. It really cannot be disproven.
  • “They’re trying to steal our precious sand!”
  • Ample Vigour discovered that Breath of the Wild is good once he started running around and doing nothing. We’re also doing nothing while exploring this desert, so it’s surprisingly relevant.
  • It momentarily appears that I managed to get the glitch where I parked my airship on the Duneman Isle, but we overcome.
  • We get a history of BEAT being blocked on twitter as we revisit the fighting arena to see all the Gear weirdos.
  • The last man of the sea“Nobody would try to make Xenogears nowadays. Because game development costs money!”
  • When did we rescue Ramsus!? I have been paying attention! And I don’t remember it happening! Don’t lie to me, Xenogears.
  • Is Violent Ken more violent than regular Ken? Who knows. Let’s talk to Dan.
  • Did I mention Bongo Bill has been here for most of the night? I can’t remember when he showed up.
  • At least he sticks around for dolphin family relations. It… is hard to explain.
  • Oh, hey, there’s that sword forge/unequip thing just like we would eventually see in Xenosaga.
  • And then we close with a entering the final dungeon. Get ready for a big ol’ finale!

Next time on Xenogears: The end! Part 18/20

That's gonna happen

Xenogears 06: Ricardo Banderas

Let's fightLet us consider the story of Ricardo Banderas.

At the age of 30, a man named Sigmund had become the Kaiser of Kislev. Sigmund had had a hard life, being one of the last survivors of the nation of Elru. As a result of his heritage, Sigmund was a demi-human, complete with elven ears. However, he could pass as a “normal” human, as pointy ears are easily hidden by a bright orange hat, and you barely even notice that hat when a guy owns a pipe organ the size of a giant robot. Kaiser Sigmund was very successful as a soldier and politician, and much of that can be attributed to his apparent normalcy.

Sigmund’s son… not so much.

When Sigmund’s wife Anne was pregnant, malevolent doctors in the employ of Solaris administered some nasty drugs. This caused the beastly traits of Sigmund’s genetics to present themselves harder, and, when Rico was born, he had a skin color only a Blanka could love. Anne and Rico were banished (Sigmund was unaware, of course). Anne was left to raise Rico alone in the slums, and, a mere decade after losing her position as empress, Anne had wasted away into death. Rico was now all alone in the world.

Even when Anne was alive, Rico did not have a good childhood. Racism against demi-humans was always on the rise, and being an orange haired freak did not help Rico’s reputation. After his mother passed, Rico was forced to steal to survive as a poor orphan, and the local law enforcement did not turn a blind eye to this undesirable’s undesirable actions. Rico, son of a kaiser, had a mere ten years as a free child, and was then sent to prison for the next twenty.

But despite being a detainee of a discriminatory system, Rico was able to succeed. Rico grew into his beastly strength, and was able to learn how to fight with all the intensity of a man that is 90% muscle. By the time Rico was 20, he had been accepted into the Battler tournament, and was granted his own Gear. A year later, he was the victor, and reigned as the undefeated champion of all prisoners in Kislev D-Block. His Stier Gear was S-tier, without peer.

CHOMPRico may have reigned forever had it not been for the arrival of Fei Fong Wong. No one can say if it was the power of the Slayer of God, his inclination toward not fighting brute strength with brute strength, or the fact that Rico had been injured previously while skulking through the sewers that caused Rico to lose. But Rico did lose, and, after so long as the undisputed champion, Rico was robbed of his identity. Shortly thereafter, a despondent Rico attempted to assassinate the Kaiser by crashing his Gear into Sigmund’s skybox during a fight. When that attempt failed, Rico attempted to raid the Kaiser’s home, but was unsuccessful and imprisoned once again. This time, Rico was to be executed via being dropped into a terrarium with a dinosaur. That is enough for most people…

But Rico survived! Rico was rescued by his rival, Fei. But Fei was only there because of the other prisoners that Rico had led in his time in D Block. Rico may have been a downtrodden prisoner, but he was still a good man who inspired others, and ultimately his soul was saved because those others decided to repay the favor. And, from there, Rico realized how his hometown was important to him, and decided to pilot Stier in an effort to save everyone. Rico was instrumental in protecting the nation that had treated him poorly for nearly his entire life.

Rico, despite everything, triumphed over his own adversity, and became a leader and liberator on par with his father.

And then he is never mentioned in the scripture ever again. Let’s assume he had a good time.

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 6

Original Stream Night: February 16, 2021
Night of the Breath of Fire (4)

Random Notes on the Stream:

  • Starting by talking about potential Nintendo Direct announcements (the one that would premiere 2/17/21). Rumors of Zelda games are forever!
  • My Link is always Chaotic Lazy.
  • We have it on official recording that none of us ever believed Sora would be in Smash Bros. Ever. I predicted Xenoblade 2 characters. Pyra and Mythra were announced the next day. I am a genius.
  • “His name is S-Tier?”
  • Fei wins the tournament, Dominia is introduced, and we talk about the Smash Bros that canonically f$&@.
  • Looks niceAs Rico has a flashback to his childhood, let us talk about Namco Webcomics involving Chis Hastings.
  • Time to hate on Donkey Kong 64. Platforming can never be fun (according to Rare).
  • Big Joe is skulking around the alleys while we discuss Conker’s Bad Fur Day and the impossibility of it having a sequel. Oh, and Caliscrub arrives.
  • We have to rescue Rico while Caliscrub begs to know when Hammer will announce his mad skillz. Gonna be a while!
  • “Please, videogame. I just want to play videogame.”
  • Finally! Gameplay! With trains! And discussing Street Fighter launches!
  • Sodom should appear in more Street Fighter games. And, hey, we have a dungeon here.
  • The “just had an article about this” mentioned refers to Rockin’ Kats.
  • We almost have the Weltall back! And Balrog and Ed are dicks.
  • We rescued Rico! And we haven’t talked about Xenogears actually on the stream at all. All fighting games! All the time!
  • Here come Elly and her boys.
  • “Clowns are not a race.” Kinda!
  • “Wait. They’re star-crossed lovers and they both have a robot?”
  • Guards!  Guards!Yes, Fei and Elly take a moment to hop out of their Gears to survey their own destruction.
  • Please do not get me started on the Xeno-timeline. We are trying to fight a giant robot boss here!
  • Fanboymaster claims he would be inordinately surprised if Fatal Frame 5 ever left the WiiU. Guess what was released across all consoles the following October!
  • Elly is saved by Grahf while we discuss Punch-Out and Ashita no Joe yet again.
  • “Hit ‘em with the Blanka ball!”
  • “There’s a lot I like about this game, but I’m glad I’m not playing it” is the final significant thought before we call it a night.

Next time on Xenogears: Back to committing war crimes.

HA HA
Chrono Trigger always made this less ominous

Xenogears 03: The Will to Fight

Go go Dan!Fei Fong Wong has seen troubles. A man who once fancied himself a simple artist has been forced to fight others. And, every time Fei has embraced -the power-, he and those around him have suffered. When he gained the Weltall, his home village was obliterated. When he saved his friend with that same robot, he was banished to a sandy Hell. Now, when the deposed prince and sand pirate Bartholomew Fatima asks Fei to fight for his noble cause, Fei denies his new friend. Fighting has gotten Fei nowhere, and it is clear that nonviolence is the most direct route to peace.

And then Fei returns to Weltall to fight and repel an invading force of gigantic robot knights.

And then Fei joins a fighting tournament.

And then Fei fights a man that seems to exist only to fight.

And then Fei fights a man beloved by all.

And then Fei fights a woman addicted to drugs and violence.

And then Fei fights a ghost of his past, filled with resentment for the first time Fei fought.

And then Fei fights an even murkier shadow of his past, this time fighting only for the sake of fighting.

And then Fei fights a general that is himself suffering because of Fei’s unknown past.

So Fei learned a valuable lesson about his own possible passivism: never try.

In Fei’s world, violence is the path of the divine.

Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Night 3

Original Stream Night: January 19, 2021
Night of The Symphony (of the Night)

Random Notes on the Stream

  • There’s a coffee machine on the Yggdrasil. Huh.
  • BEAT claims to be paying attention, but he also asks, “are the pirates robots?”
  • As the kidnapping of Margie is discussed by non-robot pirates, we acknowledge the best JRPGs just steal everything.
  • “Fei has problems, but not problems we can fix.”
  • Fanboymaster lets me know that we need to get the Xenogears archives up. This stream was on January 19, 2021, and the first official Gogglebob.com upload of the Let’s Play went up on October 12, 2022. Only 631 days! I am not ashamed!
  • Powerpoint carpetI compare Legend of Legaia to the 2020/2021 COVID response. I should write an article about that…
  • “Are you there dad? It’s me, Bart.”
  • BEAT and Goggle Bob were taken to the criminal factory for mentioning Totally Spies.
  • … Oh yeah… Nothing in the game has happened at this point. I guess some dudes invaded.
  • It was inevitable we would start discussing the finer points of Neon Genesis Evangelion during a giant robot JRPG…
  • Robot Alchemic Drive sounds completely insane/grandmacidal.
  • Ramsus and Miang are introduced floating around in a Xenosaga-esque ship.
  • As the bad guys discuss their plans, we discuss the (then) pending Biden inauguration and Homeboys in Outer Space.

  • Here’s Aveh! Time to discuss Shasta McNasty.
  • “Welcome to Fiesta Day!” It’s the Xenogears Millennial Fair!
  • Abby Denton stops by as Fei straight up gets drunk.
  • Make way for the Ponytailed Slacker.
  • “I think Kingdom Hearts is just Xenogears with a budget” – Abby Denton
  • Caliscrub enters as our heroes eat at the local Red Lobster.
  • Let’s play hide and seek! Like in Breath of Fire 3!
  • Let’s discuss the Dead Rising franchise! It’s all about the wizard staffs!
  • Don't look too closelyAll Virtual Reality games are Wii games. This is my belief. At least for now.
  • Aliens from Planet Funkass are all that. Anyway, this section took forever because I didn’t know what I was doing. It happens.
  • “Why does Dan look so old!?”
  • And, obviously, as the fighting tournament finally begins, we discuss Murphy Brown at length.
  • Somehow, talking about Big Joe leads us to Hudson Hawk.
  • “Dan was born into male pattern baldness. He was molded by it.”
  • While Bart is in the sewers aqueducts, Abby explains how the poop bunnies work in Brave Fencer Musashi. Foreshadowing for future streams!

  • Okay! Bart is making some progress in the not-sewers, and we’re discussing random twitter users who might be Nazis.
  • Bart has got some stealthin’ around to do while we talk about the many martial arts of Ranma ½.
  • Soraya Saga created Edgar Figaro, Sabin Figaro, and Bart. She definitely has a type.
  • On a personal note, I am so bad at this area, even just rewatching this sequence in an effort to make this post makes me want to fast forward…
  • Remember when we had to fight Shion in Xenosaga Episode 3? Good times.
  • Away we goI need a map for Xenogears. I need a map desperately.
  • Margie and Chu-Chu are rescued by Bart! Oh boy!
  • And Bart dies! It was immediately after a save point, so it wasn’t a big deal, but Bart absolutely was not prepared for Ramsus.
  • So I got frustrated and cheated/taught my characters all their death blows. Hooray?
  • While encountering Elly again, Abby performed her rhyming shmyming routine on the stream for the first time. To my knowledge, she has escaped justice, and has suffered no consequences for this act.
  • And then Kishi stopped by for the first time!
  • “Never trust tiny popes.” “What if they’re really cute, though?” “No!”
  • There is some religious learning going on thanks to Kishi’s mysterious “notes”.
  • And we close as Abby defends this bit of the game. She is correct that this section is a tour de force of Xenogears, but these videos seem to indicate they may not be perfect…

Next time on Xenogears: Let’s give Ramsus a hand.

No, not Ryu
Where have I seen this move before?