Tag Archives: final fantasy 13

17

Feb. ’21

World of Final Fantasy Part 11

Maxima Content Part 1: The Final Xover
Initial Stream: 12/1/20



00:00 – We start this video with a short video of its own called “What I did on my Thanksgiving Vacation”. Long story short: you can unlock a bunch of stuff by beating the final boss after completing all intervention questions (and I still had one undone when we did that on the previous stream), and I sorted much of that new content while nobody was looking. There were three whole dungeons featuring reused assets (complete with recolored bosses) that were tackled and defeated between streams. That unlocks a fourth “reused” dungeon, and we pick things up at the culmination of that quest. And our final boss for that area is…

6:00 – Mr. Xenogears, aka XG. A full discussion on the Xeno franchise’s ownership and its plots naturally follows. I consider myself something of an expert on the subject.


Also, since I didn’t actually wind up summoning XG during the stream, here’s the lil’ big guy in action. I have to assume that “Little Walking Head” XG was originally designed to be a more present part of the plot. Either that or someone really wanted to toss a headmaster in here.

22:00 – So XG is the final “secret” boss of the original content for World of Final Fantasy. The Maxima upgrade offers some new content, and that’s going to be the majority of these last four parts. There’s a full explanation of that here (in the video), but, long story short, there was a mobile World of Final Fantasy game, Meli-Melo, and, while it appears to have been a failure (it was discontinued almost exactly a year after launch), my understanding is that a lot of the “new” assets from that game got recycled into the Maxima upgrade. Never waste a pixel, Square-Enix! So we’re going to see the new, Maxima-based intervention quests, starting with Cecil trying to cure a friend of desert fever. It’s not the friend you think!

32:00 – Zack time. I guess he died? If you check his in-game biography, it distinctly notes that he is basically a zombie reanimated by mako in this world. Don’t worry, he’ll get better. This is a happy dimension.

40:00 – See? He’s better now. And Serah, sister of Lightning, fights Shiva while we play with wikis. fanboymaster, I just checked, and apparently your edit will only be preserved on this video.

45:00 – Discussion of the upcoming Saga Frontier remake. TLDL: they better do something about the overt implication that a blood transfusion can give you immortality/gay.

What actually happened in the plot:

At the culmination of the “first” ending (maybe second?) Wynne is appointed the new guardian of the world, while Lann and Reynn are sucked into another dimension. Now, the “extra” ending reveals that Wynne receives two “twin mirages” from Enna Kros (god), which allows her to summon little duplicates of her adopted twin siblings. Thus, all post-game content is apparently Wynne having adventures with Lann/Reynn golems. It’s not weird at all!

• XG (Xenogears) is defeated in a presumably non-canon bonus battle (or maybe it’s in another dimension).

• Cecil secures a restorative flower for a sick Kain by defeating Yojimbo.

• Zack reawakens in Castle Figaro’s basement as a berserker, and, after fighting the heroes, flies off with Bahamut (who was coincidentally trying to take a nap in that same basement).

• Serah fights Shiva-Ixion, her fiancee’s summon-cycle, for the right to decorate her for Snow’s birthday (seriously). Zack is dropped off nearby by Bahamut, who cured Zack of his mako poisoning (possibly accidentally). Wynne followed Bahamut/Zack here, and identifies Serah as having some unknown, but super important destiny. Zack asks out Serah. Zack with a C does not play Serah with an H’s favorite song.

Maxima Content Part 2: This is Why I didn’t Stream the Other Dungeons
Initial Stream: 12/1/20



1:00 – The rules of the Ultimate Dungeon suck! Apparently there are distinct warps that occasionally take you back to the start of the place, and random floors may have random rules that severely limit your options. And, of course, this dungeon is going to be nothing but reused assets. Bah! Let’s just discuss a Playstation Superman game and collectors being annoying.

8:30 – I don’t know east from west. I’m going to blame Shantae for this.

14:50 – “Nobody fucks with Dr. Brainshit.”

20:00 – Kary/Marilith is our first boss of the area while we talk about Amalgam comics. I too miss Lobo the Duck.

30:00 – Time to refuel after a discussion of Devil May Cry 3, and then on to part two (of four) of the dungeon.

49:20 – “I envy your optimism”… by the way, this dungeon takes forever. We’re not even a full third of the way done with this nonsense yet.

50:00 – CaliScrub arrives… he missed the best, giant-robot based part.

54:00 – The Kraken Boss fight. We already did this one, as two of the ol’ Final Fantasy 1 fiends already appear as part of the mandatory plot. This Kraken is like forty levels more powerful, though, so at least it isn’t as easy as before. Wee?

56:00 – Minecraft human trafficking is described as we wrap up this section.

What actually happened in the plot: Nothing. Wynne is venturing through The Ultimate Dungeon toward whatever is down there. We’re about 40% through that.

Maxima Content Part 3: The Ultimate Slog
Initial Stream: 12/1/20



00:00 – I couldn’t remember the details on the stream, but here’s the full rundown on the economy of what was apparently Planet Zoo. I will never look at warthogs the same way again.

7:00 – Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity is discussed, which I believe means we have successfully gone full circle on discussing a separate game during the World of Final Fantasy Stream. Long story short, everyone in Hyrule should already have fish.

Also, this bit occurs during a “no item floor” in the dungeon proper. These dungeon rules are truly random (they’re not tied to particular floors, and may change between dungeon visits), and losing the ability to use potions between battles in a game where you can’t even cast cure outside of a fight is a little… terrible. This means that “no item floors” make a little more of an impact than, say, “extra damage” or literally any other random effect.

15:00 – Lich appears. You can’t use Raise/Phoenix Down on an opponent, but you can use an elixir. Guess how Lich goes down.

25:00 – There is just so much Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity discussion here. We will never stream that game.

31:00 – Tiamat, and we already beat her, too. Kind of a wet fart of a way to finish the first 80% of this dungeon.

37:00 – The ultimate section of the ultimate dungeon begins as fanboymaster explains the name switch between Kary/Marilith.

42:00 – Please enjoy watching me engage in ice Sliding dumbassery for five pointless minutes.

50:00 – Florida leadership is discussed on the way to the ultimate boss of this ultimate area… but we stop just shy of the battle itself. Sorry!

What actually happened in the plot: Still nothing. We’re about 95% of the way through this dungeon as of this update. Incidentally, it is noted in the in-game encyclopedia that these adventures are technically canon for Wynne… just we’re well past the actual “end” of the game, so it’s pretty safe to claim none of this will ever be referenced by anything.

Maxima Content Part 4: The End
Initial Stream: 12/1/20 (mostly)



00:00 – Starting off by taking the bold stance that Hitler was not right as we finally approach the final boss of this area. The boss fight is partially expected, partially a surprise. It’s a battle against Garland (Chaos or Garland would be anticipated after the four fiends), but also all four of the fiends simultaneously. Given each of those fiends was an individual (and not easy) boss battle on the way here, this could get dicey.

9:00 – Playstation 4/5 Spider-Man says “defund the police”.

13:00 – Game Over! I had a choice between healing one stack or reviving the other, and I chose wrong, as a powerful, party-wide attack was apparently coming. I came surprisingly close to winning this fight… but nope.

15:00 – Rather than bang my head against that wall again, we try the next secret boss battle, a fight with Enna Kros. As I learn here, it sucks because this trio of bosses can revive themselves repeatedly. And ol’ Enna doesn’t really have any combat animations, so this is the most… lazy of the new Maxima content (and I’m saying that after two hours of a recycled dungeon).

29:00 – Game over again! Same exact reason, too! I have learned nothing!

31:00 – Super Boss #3 requires an airship-based scavenger hunt. And it’s clear right off that this “hunt” is going to take forever, so we pretty much sizzle out with our final World of Final Fantasy stream.

35:00 – And now I avenge myself upon my losses. This section of the video is just highlights of me playing by myself, narrated by myself, because I wasn’t going to drag the stream team through another series of fights that could potentially take forever. I’m not that cruel!

Immortal Dark Dragon is first, and he’s from the anime movie that was produced to promote that mobile game. He’s apparently on the same inter-dimensional team as this game’s main antagonist, but is otherwise wholly new to this title. Fighting him necessitates finding switches across the world, then standing up to a dude that patterns his attacks after Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Arcade Game’s Shredder

38:00 – Garland and the gang all over again. The secret to my success this time is to kill Lich, use water to take out Tiamat and Kary/Marilith simultaneously, and then focus on dropping Kraken. Sorry, can’t kill Kary last. Garland has a bunch of elemental weaknesses after all his buddies are down, so, once again, I was really close to winning the last time.

41:00 – Enna Kros is a pain, with nine extra lives, and still those cheap animations. I’m not certain if this fight would be easier if you focus on exclusively killing one opponent nine times, or spread the death around. Regardless, at the very least you can game the “weakness aiming” by unstacking whenever targeted, so there is a bit of a trick to the battle. However, even if you know what to do, this battle takes forever, and took me personally about forty minutes with the internal speed up feature.

43:00 – And defeating all of those super bosses unlocks the right to fight a super hard version of the original final boss of Final Fantasy Maxima. It’s the same fight, just with absurd attack/HP stats. Beat that final-final boss, and you get to see the all new, secret “teaser” ending for World of Final Fantasy/ Presumptive Trailer for World of Final Fantasy 2. Or, considering how much this whole setup/content is biting on Kingdom Hearts, let’s say World of Final Fantasy 2/418 Days: A Missing Piece 1.8.

46:00 – Oh yeah, you can fish with Final Fantasy 15’s Noctis. Thanks for watching!

What actually happened in the plot: Wynne conquered Garland, an “Anti-Champion” created at the same time as Warrior of Light, deep in the Ultimate Dungeon. She also repelled Immortal Dark Dragon, a threat from another dimension (again, DLC super bosses or not, in-game datalogs confirm these events as canon). After that, a version of Diablos from another dimension attacks her world, but she defeats him with the aid of Tama and Odin. However, more interesting than the fight is that that Diablos seems to be linked to a mysterious figure in a cloak bearing two Mirage-keeper gauntlets and an odd preoccupation with searching for his “sis”. What does it all mean? Guess we’ll find out some day…

Next time on World of Final Fantasy: A sober look at a funny game.

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10

Feb. ’21

World of Final Fantasy Part 10

Turn Those Corners Up: Part 2: We’re Back! A Fox God’s Story
Initial Stream: 11/24/20



00:00 – As my esteemed colleague has noted in the previous chapter, we’re working toward the good ending here, which involves collecting all the legendary summon monsters. Last week we scored (good) Bahamut and Diablos, now we’re going for Leviathan. Faris has something to say about that. Given all the “important summons” are Final Fantasy 8 dudes, us dudes go on to talk about Final Fantasy 8.

14:00 – Lightning battles Odin with Ramuh’s granddaughter as we discuss Ready Player 2.

24:31 – Not a mandatory quest, but defeating Odin allows us to see (FF13) Shiva and Snow versus Shivalry, the male cousin of Shiva. Shivalry is more of a sentai archetype than a himbo, unfortunately. However, we do learn that BEAT is a himbo.

34:00 – Yakuza: Like a Dragon is discussed as we fight to reclaim our dead mascot creature. This section of the quest is stupid. Seriously. The whole thing seems to be hung on a character relationship from thirteen chapters ago, and it is not compelling in any conceivable way. It seems to exist as a prelude to what happens during the true ending, but the true ending does it so much more successfully. This “preview” version of the concept with forgettable characters is ineffective, and only serves to make the twins appear even dumber when they’re surprised by the inevitable outcome (coming next part).

48:00 – Do you suppose the most popular search engine in a Final Fantasy universe is Moogle, or did the little fluffballs cash out by inventing Final Fantasy digital commerce?

53:00 – Tama, our foxy (not like that) mascot is revived, reality is restored, and maybe we were talking about Earthbound too much to notice.

What actually happened in the plot:

· Faris avenges her distant ancestors, who were killed by Leviathan. Or Leviathan is faking her defeat, as apparently she wasn’t distinctly responsible for the death of Faris’s ancestors, she just happened to be in the area.

· Lightning loses a duel to Odin. So she recruits Ramewl, Ramuh’s granddaughter, and then returns to claim victory by battling with a rad lightning sword.

· Refia’s uncle is still possessed by a Bahamutian spirit (see Chapter 7), but the “spirit” is still attempting to kill the mythical fox monster that killed Refia’s aunt (before the possession). This apparently proves that there’s some part of the “real” uncle still alive in there. Or whatever. What’s important is that Evil Uncle finally dies after a fox battle, and our heroes claim a “life” from the fox monster. They use this life to revive Tama. With Tama revived, reality resets to a version where Tama was always there… so it’s kind of ambiguous if anything in the last two updates canon “happened”. Huh. Regardless, the party is now back to 100% complete, and, with the support of The Seven Deadly Summons (or whatever), we’re ready to retry on destroying the final general of the Bahamutian Army.

Turn Those Corners Up: Part 3: Everybody Dance Now
Initial Stream: 11/24/20



01:00 – The final battle approacheth. But we’re mostly focusing on Dr. Weird quotes.

7:30 – The first actual Game Over in this Let’s Play! Granted, I’ve been cheating (almost) the whole time, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’ve been practically invincible… but still! Incidentally, if you’re wondering about the cause of death, it was a doom “countdown timer” status effect that I was completely unprepared to encounter.

13:30 – Revenge! I have triumphed over my previous failure, and am making progress. So let’s talk about Gungrave and Trigun. Hey, wait a minute! This isn’t a Wild Arms Let’s Play!

19:30 – I am always happy to visit the concept of Freud sucks. Regardless, we have to fight mom twice, so Sigmund would likely have something to say about that.

26:00 – The final boss, Brandelis, appears again. Looks like he has the ancient weapons of Final Fantasy 5 at his disposal, but I just might be thinking that because a bell is involved.

31:00 – Here it is: the absolute final boss! In typical Final Fantasy fashion, it is some hulking monstrosity that can’t even fit on the screen. We take this time to label our respective Bouncer-sonas.

37:00 – We Officially won! The World Ends With You 2 is being released! We also beat the final boss!

42:00 –



It would have been super cool if these moves were at all available during the actual gameplay of World of Final Fantasy. Or at least anywhere other than a fight with a cactus.


46:00 – Time for an ending parade/choreographed dance number. I will claim that the volume on the game on this recording is so low because I was trying to avoid copyright issues with the obviously trademarked to all hell song here in the ending.


57:30 – As a chaser, we tackle the final (vanilla) intervention quest with “other mascot” Serafie learning from Siren how to gigantamax or whatever.

What actually happened in the plot:

The original ending went poorly when the twins tackled Brandelis alone on his own home turf. Reynn has full knowledge of that “bad end”, so the plan this time is to enlist all the champions (aka Final Fantasy characters) in various support roles, and attack the Ultima Gate at the top of the Crystal Tower. (Oddly enough, the summons that we had to fight to see this ending are not involved at all.) The Summoner Sorority is going to seal the Ultima Gate with the assistance of Hauyn (the twins’ adopted sister, BEAT), and the battle-ready champions (Cloud, Lightning, etc) are going to run interference on Brandelis. Quistis and Shelke were supposed to distract The Man in the Golden Mask (secretly Dad) and Plumed Knight (Mom), but those champions fail, and Lann and Reynn are forced to fight their possessed parents again.

They succeed in defeating the evil mirages, but learn that Mom and Dad have been dead since their possession started (or thereabouts). Ghost Mom & Dad bid tearful goodbyes as Lann and Reynn move on to battle Brandelis. Brandelis has apparently been able to siphon some of the Mirage Keeper power of the twins and their parents, so he is effectively invincible with the ability to rewrite reality at will. It could be a stalemate, but the Ghost Parents help the twins to fashion an infinity cube as a prison for Brandelis. Right about then, the summoners finish up their job, and all the bad machines across the world are sucked back into the Ultima Gate. This also begins to absorb Brandelis, who once again breaks free from his infinity box. The twins attack Brandelis, and subdue him at the cost of being sucked into the gate, too. Brandelis, Lann, and Reynn are all banished to another dimension, but Hauyn and the champions are free to help rebuild the world. Hauyn is chosen as the new Mirage Keeper for this dimension, and goddess Enna Kross seems so happy with this outcome, she starts a goddamn dance party.

But wait there’s more!

Next Time on World of Final Fantasy: Just because we saved the World of Final Fantasy doesn’t mean it’s all over. We’ve got bonus dungeon(s) and content exclusive to the Maxima upgrade of World of Final Fantasy. And, yes, we will finally get to facing a certain omnigear…

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20

Jan. ’21

World of Final Fantasy Part 07

Chapter 20: Good Job Breaking It, Twins
Initial Stream: 10/27/20



00:00 – Tonight’s stream features guest commentator Rosella, who once joined me on a journey of looking at Persona 5 from a particular kind of critical perspective. We’re going to be less critical of Funko Fantasy.

Oh, also fanboymaster has an apology for any Family Matters enthusiasts in the audience.

Also, between updates, I ventured around some of the older dungeons to find their hidden, stronger monsters. It was 95% backtracking, and roughly 4% interesting content (the other 1% was a pair of cactuar I’m genuinely sad wasn’t on the stream), so you didn’t miss anything. The final result is that there are a lot more ignored mirages sitting in my monster box. The only relevant one seems to be the Phoenix that has joined my party, so that prompts a conversation about the upcoming Final Fantasy 16.

10:00 – Technically this update is starting from the very tail end of the previous chapter. We beat the first boss of that prior chapter (Tiamat! And a bull!) while fanboymaster describes Babel II.

21:00 – Finally done with the second boss, Kraken and eyeball, so now the new chapter officially begins. Feel free to log how little gameplay is actually in this chapter.

26:00 – A boss fight against Not-Garland, who will not-knock us all down. And, inexplicably, we all have stories about Squall’s Griever.

33:00 – Here is formally where all hell breaks loose in the World of Final Fantasy plot. This, naturally, prompts some discussion on Kingdom Hearts versus World of Final Fantasy. Did WoFF establish its characters enough to support this swerve? Did Kingdom Hearts?

38:33 – Can you identify this silhouette?



Tidus stops it from being officially summoned into this world, but if you recognized our guest villain, here’s your congratulatory image:


45:00 – Final Fantasy 8 is discussed while the heroes regroup and review exactly how they all started to hang out. If you needed some backstory on why Lightning suddenly knows Cloud, here you go.

48:00 – Technically gameplay resumes for the first time since…. What, 26:00? This is reminding me of another Let’s Play… Meanwhile, we unanimously agree we would like to go to the moon.

58:00 – Unfortunately, gameplay doesn’t last long. Hauyn and Tama both host cutscenes that are simultaneously long and not every informative.

1:01:00 – Towards the end here, just letting BEAT know that I did fulfill that request. This chapter putters out after more discussion over what the hell is happening. If you need more information on that…

What actually happened in the plot: After defeating a fiend or four, the twins open a crazy big door (not the Ultima Gate, that’s coming up), and defeat Brandelis, King of Bahamutian Army, in an area that looks like Heaven. The Masked Woman that appeared last chapter says to open the Ultima Gate, which inspires some weird flashbacks in the kids. Masked Woman unmasks, and turns out to be the twins’ (kinda adopted) sister Hauyn (aka Wyn). No, she wasn’t established in the plot previously, but just roll with it. The twins, trusting in Wyn, open the gate, and they free from a magical box… Wyn? Another Wyn? “Masked” Wyn turns out to have been Knight in the Golden Mask the whole time, and it was always the villainous generals (including the obviously not defeated Brandelis) leading the heroes to open the gate.

So all of “heaven” is revealed to be an evil arena (or something), and the four summoners that had been kidnapped (Rydia, Eiko, Yuna, Terra) are being tortured to hold the gate open. The bad guys are identified as the Order of the Circle (also never mentioned before). The Order of the Circle were apparently conquering the world for (sacrificial) giggles, and their true goal was summoning the Cogna, machine creatures from another dimension. And they’ve succeeded, as Cogna stream through the gate to invade the world. Looks like they are cyber-izing the planet, and resistance is futile. The Champions (FF heroes) rescue the summoners, though, shutting the gate. The villains escape, and the world is overrun with Cogna that already made it through. The heroes make it out thanks to Quistis in an airship, and they swing by Balamb Garden, which flies in the sky in this world. It is assumed that the Cogna were released so the generals could conquer the world (more?), and Reynn is afraid they accidentally released the bad guys when they were collecting the keys. Which they kinda did. Go back and check, there were ominous cutscenes and everything.

Mascot Creature Tama is freaking out about the whole thing, but the twins talk him down. Tama elaborates on the Exnine Knights maybe being The Order of the Circle, and, whatever, they’re bad. Maybe Enna Kros, the “god lady” tried to make this happen by setting the adventure in motion? Wyn seems to blame the twins for something, but literally states she will not help (or explain a damn thing) while the twins have their selective amnesia. Rorrik, the twins’ dad, is mentioned by Wyn for the first time, though. Wyn has a magic dagger, Siren the Summon, and a will to save the twins’ parents, so she’s going to peace out and save the world herself. And then we get an airship.

Chapter 21-1: Chapters of the Chosen
Initial Stream: 10/27/20



1:36 – Yes, we are playing this game on the 5 year anniversary of the international release. Can we talk about Final Fantasy 10-2, though? Let’s do that. It seems to be influencing my chapter titling, at least.

5:00 – We’ve got choices! There are five separate stories that all have to be sorted. Starting in Besaid, we fight Einhänder. Yes, that Einhänder. I apparently, impossibly kill it with a Blitzball in one hit during the ensuing minigame. This was not the result of cheating or raw skill, it was just pure, unfiltered luck.

11:00 –


14:00 – The Lute of Ragnarok is some manner of giant laser sword. This is the most helpful/apocalyptic Final Fantasy 1 reference I’ve ever seen. If you haven’t figured it out, this section of the game is a series of disparate minigames. Lightning has to play something like a rhythm game (minus the rhythm).

24:00 – Callback to BEAT’s favorite Cactuar Battle becomes a super random minigame. I looked up more information on this minigame afterwards, and, yep, it’s just totally random. Let’s talk about developing games for various Playstations while we punch a precious cactuar.

34:00 – Talking about some manner of Vee-ta game system opposite Edgar flirting with Terra. Then it’s time for battleship.

43:00 – Rosella understands this minigame a lot better than I do, and here’s where we start working together to finally conquer it while BEAT and fanboymaster play other games out of boredom. This officially makes Rosella the most useful person that has ever been on the stream. She might not provide 70,000 references to Adult Swim, but her assistance in conquering robots is invaluable.

49:30 – And our reward is a simple battle. What the heck, World of Final Fantasy?

What actually happened in the plot: Serafie, our fairy friend, finds “gossip” all over the world. Apparently the cogna are attacking everywhere at once, so the twins go to The Girl Who Forgot Her Name, who exists outside time, so they can help the Final Fantasy characters simultaneously. The Five Cogna Lords are attacking five distinct locations/hero squads. Shantotto, Yuna, and Tidus defend Besaid against Einhänder. With the help of a blitzball, they succeed, and Shantotto captures Einhänder for study. Warrior of Light, Princess Saria, and Eiko defend Corneria while Lightning recruits Ramuh to help in fighting Omega Weapon. Cid, Celes, and Squall fight Phantom Train and War Machine thanks to assistance from Cactuar Conductor (whom Reynn finally got to punch). Edgar, Vivi, Shelke, and Terra defend Figaro against wheelers.

Chapter 21-2: Cogna Line
Initial Stream: 10/27/20


00:00 – Picking up exactly where the last one left off, time to kill robots and insult Picross.

1:36 –


7:30 – fanboymaster again makes his feelings on Final Fantasy 6 known (see other streams for more information), and Wheels obliterates the chat in retaliation. Sorry, Wheels.

11:00 – We’ve completed the five cogna fights… and BEAT rages into his own death. Sorry! He’s dead now.

13:00 – We can advance the plot now, but since BEAT is dead, we’re going to just futz around with some optional content. Let’s see the airship content. It’s… basically just a few monsters hiding around the map. We can’t even land this airship anywhere!

20:00 – Rosella tells an amazing story about virtual reality, virtual skeevers, and actual dogs. All I’m doing is fighting dumb monsters.

30:00 – Despite the fact that other streamers need food badly, we try a few optional scenario things. Let’s check in on Chocobo times. Chocolatte and Bartz team up!

34:00 – Gigglemesh.


That is all.

36:00 – People have been kidnapped, chocobos have been kidnapped, let’s close this out with a mecha chocobo.

What actually happened in the plot: Tifa, Cloud, and Rydia fight Supraltima Weapon, which has absurd HP. After all five Cogna Lord locations have been saved, Quistis found the bad guys at the end of the chains connected to various towns. We need to hit a conquered town’s church to advance. Elsewhen: Bartz and Chocolatte save chocobos from black chocobos and robot chocobos. It was pleasant.

Next time on World of Final Fantasy: We need an intervention or twenty.

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17

Dec. ’20

World of Final Fantasy Part 04

Chapter 11: Creatively Bankrupt
Initial Stream: 10/7/20



If you notice that some mirages have evolved between updates, it’s because evolving is boring and unfulfilling in this game, and we don’t need to watch that.

2:00 – We’re kicking this one off with some obscure/interesting The Bouncer facts, but what’s more important is that Rydia appears. … Okay, yeah, there might be some species of turtle that are more relevant than The Bouncer facts.

11:00 – Our dungeon du jour is a volcano named Valley Seven (which Rydia helpfully identified as our goal), and BEAT and fanboymaster have trust issues regarding GOG.

14:00 – There is always time to talk about Skies of Arcadia.

19:00 – There is never time to talk about Jabberjaw.

24:00 – After trying and failing to find what makes Final Fantasy dungeons distinctive, we settle on the main issue of World of Final Fantasy: The Sonic Mania Problem. Basically, WoFF has some interesting ideas, but it is shackled to continually rehashing stories that were more interesting in their original, less funko-based incarnations. This whole dungeon is basically “Rydia is afraid of fire”, but that beat played a lot better in the game where Rydia was a five year old, and you personally burned down her whole life. … Uh, Final Fantasy 4 makes sense in context.

30:00 – I am elated to learn there is a Munsters Wiki. BEAT is elated to learn how easily we can game the profanity filters.

34:00 – Rydia’s confession about being afraid of fire holds a little more oomph when you’re not already inside of a volcano.

37:00 – Head’s up, BEAT is hitting the rum.

45:00 – After discussion of Other World, possibly the least appropriate Final Fantasy song ever, it’s time for the boss of the area, Big ol’ Bomb. Go now, if you want it.

48:00 – Leviathan washes this chapter out with a fully-animated splash.

What actually happened in the plot: Rydia informs us there are two prophecies, Prophecy: Azure and Prophecy: Crimson, and they’re pretty similar, but have some key differences. For instance, you can only catch Meowth in Prophecy: Azure. Rydia leads us to Valley Seven to find the first key (that is apparently in both prophecies) and conquer her fear of fire… but the second goal doesn’t go too well. Fortunately, our peppy hero boy is able to give Rydia a sufficient pep(py) talk, so she quells a raging inferno. After our protagonists grab that all important key, Leviathan, possibly goaded by the mysterious Plumed Knight, summons a tidal wave to push the party off track. Additionally, that same knight kidnaps Rydia… but our “heroes” were too busy drowning to even notice that happened.

Chapter 12: It’s All Butt
Initial Stream: 10/7/20



1:00 – Frogs, Chu Chu Rocket, hoping to see Cid… You know how it goes.

6:00 – It’s Snow! Final Fantasy 13: Lightning Returns discussion happens. This is basically Snow of/pantomiming Final Fantasy 13-2: How Serah Got Her Groove Back if you’re curious, though.

8:00 – Prompted by the appearance of this game’s second Shiva (the first was not a lesbian motorcycle, but a schoolgirl back in Chapter 3), BEAT recounts some impressions relayed by Talking Time’s Shivam regarding Shiva. Anybody got a link to that? It’s probably only a hundred billion years old (in internet years).

12:00 – Audrey the Marlboro joins that party as BEAT references How to Make a Sprite Comic in 8 Easy Bits again. I am quickly learning that the entirety of BEAT’s knowledge of Final Fantasy comes from sprite comics and people who write sprite comics. This… might be okay.

17:00 – A special shout out to everyone that watches these streams, and then comments in the attendant chat. I have a hard time keeping up during the stream, but I always read everything afterwards, and it’s all good. In this case, fanboymaster relays that Zef managed to recall some of the worst interviews from FF13’s director. Let’s never consider the intricacies of Lightning’s chest again.

21:00 – Princess Flan totally originates from Final Fantasy 4, and, because I had to explain that, I’m not explaining this:


28:00 – Almost at the end of this soggy dungeon, and BEAT posits that no one has ever actually purchased a Funko Pop. Buddy, people are buying Funko Pops, and you don’t want to see the friggen Funko “walls” that are made of the lil’ packaging bricks.

32:00 – Our boss battle is against a giant flan, which is basically what Snow did in Final Fantasy 13-2. He didn’t do it well there, but he’s doing pretty alright here. Must be the lack of time traveling. Snow’s general age and deal is discussed in more detail here, too.

37:00 – BEAT would march through Hell for his wife, so he’s basically Snow. I don’t know how I feel about that.

What actually happened in the plot: Our duo washed up on the shore of some swamp. After uncursing a frog, they are joined by Snow, who wants to fight a “jiggly”. That jiggly is apparently a giant flan that occasionally menaces Snow’s hometown… so basically this entire chapter is assisting Snow in an extermination job. It’s a living. After defeating the flan, Snow heads on home, and our heroes walk forward to… somewhere.

Chapter 13: Lightning Returns
Initial Stream: 10/7/20



0:00 – We’re starting right where the last chapter left off, with a detailed conversation about Final Fantasy 13. And Star Fox Command. Look, they’re both surprisingly queer, and it’s up to the viewer to determine whether or not that’s deliberate.

7:00 – fanboymaster provides some additional information on Final Fantasy development histories. This info may explain why Kingdom Hearts 3 and Final Fantasy 15 were released last week, while Final Fantasy 13 was released seventeen billion years ago.

11:00 – There’s a bit of an inadvertent plot synopsis provided here. We’re currently trekking through The Phantom Sands, a desert that is fifty feet away from a marsh, which is one tidal wave away from a volcano.

14:00 – Cactuar! And it’s ours!

19:00 – Amingo is discussed in a looping desert where you have to follow cactuar statues… let’s move on to some Wolverine movie discussion. Not X-Men discussion, just Wolverine. This is very 90’s.

29:00 Let’s face a sandworm boss that has nothing to do with Final Fantasy 5, and compare our beloved cactuar to Minecraft Steve, who is back in the news for some reason.

32:00 – And Lightning appears to save our heroes. We get rescued by creatures that are little more than high functioning action figures pretty often.

37:00 – Edgar and Castle Figaro appear… so it’s time to discuss Hyrule Warriors again. We apparently have some evergreen interests. This time it’s marginally relevant to the plot! I swear!

What actually happened in the plot: After stopping by a desert oasis, the party ventured through The Phantom Sands until encountering a clutch of sandworms. Lightning rescued our hapless heroes, and they all regrouped at another, different oasis. They learn that the four keys are elemental-themed (duh, it’s Final Fantasy), but they also gulp down some spiked drinks, so they’re not prepared for the inevitable attack from a castle buried in the sand. The Plumed Knight appears, defeats Lightning, and then magically locks the twins’ gauntlets, leaving them more helpless (and hopeless!) than usual. King Edgar Roni Figaro sentences the powerless teens to rot in his castle’s basement.

Chapter 14: Rise of the Machines
Initial Stream: 10/7/20



2:20 – Guess we’re in prison now. Happens once every Final Fantasy game, so we were probably due. Zef notes deep voiced funko pops are… different.

5:00 – No Mirages/Monsters will be allowed for this chapter’s battles, but we do have (cheated) items to see us through… and then Smol Squall!

9:30 – Squall is going to be our guest for the chapter, so we discuss Final Fantasy 8, friendship lore, and NORG. My opinions on this matter are well established.

15:00 – While the party goes dumpster diving, we discuss Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie: The Song.

19:11- I have questions about this!


Is every guest FF character just using their own battle system when they appear? And if so, can I play that game?

20:00- Shelke of Dirge of Cerberus meets us at the start of the next chapter, which leads to our third “canon” party wipe (Second at the hands of a Final Fantasy guest character). We’re only starting this chapter so we can get to a save point now, because it’s getting late.

24:00 – But before we quit, let’s quickly make a stop back home… Hey why is there still a half hour in the video…

35:00 –Okay, which is cuter, a stack of Final Fantasy mascot monsters, or this guy?


45:00 – And here’s Rikku’s side story opposite a discussion on Cavia/Nier/Drakengard. Look, I really thought it would just be a quick thing here, but between rebalancing my monsters and side stories that apparently take ten minutes each, time marches on. Sorry! Maybe next time I’ll finish a little earlier!

What actually happened in the plot: The twins were tossed in a basement without their magical powers or the ability to command monsters. However, they were rescued by Smol Squall, who granted the kids the ability to command mechanical “monsters” to survive the chapter. Squall is working with SeeD and The League of S, and Edgar is apparently a double agent on the side of the angels, too. This whole “imprisoning” thing was a ploy to get our heroes down to the basement of Figaro so they could make their way to Mako Reactor #1 to free Figaro from Bahamutian control. Squall helps a little, but leaves in time to make way for Shelke, who unlocks the power of the gauntlets again. Now we can summon monsters and robots, so Figaro should be free by lunch time.

Also, there are many oblique references across this chapter to the fact that “mecha”-style monsters are not actually supposed to be in the World of Final Fantasy, and their presence is the result of some unknown “invading force”. I absolutely assure you that this will not end in another Goggle Bob Let’s Play that has overt, but “must never actually be named” ties to Xenogears. That would be silly.

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