Ladies and gentlemen, as a special treat that exists for reasons outside of wanting to have an even number of Xenogears articles, please enjoy this “podcast”-style review of all the Gears in Xenogears.
We are reviewing the various Gear schematics available in the good book, Xenogears Perfect Works. This is well worth a listen, and I stand by this as the funniest “impromptu” video on the site. Giant robots are your deadbeat dad!
And that’s it for Xenogears coverage on Gogglebob.com, folks! All posted a mere 780 days after we streamed our first episode of Xenogears. I told you it would finish eventually! Just like Xenogears!
What’s next? Moving from one Square Playstation JRPG to a Square Playstation adventure game…
Fei Fong Wong discovered late in his journey that his “true” personality had been fractured into separate pieces, and he only obtained Xenogears when he reckoned with all of the parts of himself. While such an ordeal would be confusing for anyone, this was particularly crazy for Fei, as he had also lived multiple lives through the centuries. And now he had memories of all of those lives. So can Fei (and us) learn from his multiple lifetimes of adventures?
Abel was Fei’s first incarnation. At the dawn of humanity, there was Cain and the Gazel Ministry. This gang advocated for the resurrection of Deus, and the majority of the freshly hatched population was into that nonsense. Abel opposed it, because he believed man should be more independent… which makes a certain amount of sense, as Abel was literally the only “real” human in this solar system. Of course, this led to some conflict with Cain and friends, and Abel was murdered. But an incarnation of Elehayym attempted to save Abel… before taking a fatal energy blast to the chest. So Abel and Elly died more or less together, though Elly likely bled out on the prehistoric floor first.
About 6,000 years later, “Abel” was reborn as Kim Kasim. Kim was an accomplished scientist and horrible date. Despite being a brilliant man who invented nanotechnology and could literally create life from nothing, he was one of the most cantankerous people in the Zeboim civilization, and spent an entire Deusmas dinner talking about how everyone on the planet was a jackass (except him, of course). Luckily, that era’s Elly was a nurse, and she fell hard for the misanthropic Kim. Together, they went on to birth/build an immortal nanotech woman named Emeralda. Unfortunately, this process was fraught with political danger, and, when Kim attempted to hide his new lifeform with a terrorist organization, that era’s government showed up, and murdered the heck out of everybody. Oh! And Elly died horribly in a hallway attempting to defend Kim that time, too. Presumably, Kim died slightly later than her, as he sealed himself in a room with Emeralda, and likely just mundanely starved to death inches away from where his baby mama’s blood painted the walls.
But do not worry, as the wicked society that led to Kim and Elly’s horrible deaths was wiped out by nuclear annihilation anyway. The survivors went on to establish the nations that were more familiar to modern Fei and Elly, and, about 3,500 years later, Sophia was born. Sophia was the latest incarnation of Elly, and, with her metaphysical connection to Deus, she possessed high etheric abilities. Unfortunately, she was also sickly, and… Well, we covered this before. She met Lacan, the reincarnated Abel/Kim. She met Krellian, the man who would go on to try to create god. She met Roni & Rene Fatima, who were just a pair of good dudes. But, in the end, this Holy Mother decided she had to sacrifice herself to save everyone (Lacan particularly included), and she died in the fiery, suicidal crash of the Excalibur. But this time her “Fei” lived much longer… which led to him killing 98% of the population in pursuit of -the power-, and then trying to kill everybody left a few centuries later. So, in this case, Sophia/Elly sacrificed herself for her friends… but most of her friends turned out to be murderous dicks, and the world she loved mostly got obliterated by those same friends. Kind of a downer for a generational martyr.
About five hundred years later, we reach the final incarnation of these star-crossed (usually) lovers. Fei and Elly now lived in a world that was generally obliterated by the previous generation (though, now, a whole new obliteration was on the table. There were zombies!), featuring the final remnants of humanity shambling around and maintaining a giant robot battle arena for some reason. The most interesting place on the planet is a desert containing a dead dragon (that really should have been mentioned somewhere in history), and the most prominent remaining human is a centuries-old Elvis impersonator with amnesia. But Fei and Elly have a chance for a happy ending this time, as at least they are both still alive as Fei enters the belly of the beast in an attempt to rescue his millennia-old damsel. Have they finally learned that martyrdom has only ever made things worse? Will there be a happy ending for these two? Well, the scripture tells us about the tale in the next chapter…
Today’s sermon was supposed to be about acceptance. See, Fei and Elly have just started a relationship of sorts, and now along comes Emeralda, who is a child that immediately identifies Fei as her father. This is a surprise to both Fei and Elly, and is further exacerbated by Emeralda apparently immediately loving Fei, but rejecting Elly. Elly, like many “stepmoms” in such a situation, literally does not know what to do, and, obviously there were now more troubles ahead for the young couple.
Well, Emeralda is Fei’s daughter. Unfortunately, Fei doesn’t know that thanks to Emeralda being the daughter of Fei when Fei was experiencing another lifetime some 4,000 years earlier. Additionally, Elly is also effectively Emeralda’s mom, though with the same caveat. And what’s more, Elly and Fei in these earlier incarnations literally died so Emeralda could live. And “live” is a complicated descriptor here, as Emeralda is in no way biological, but a nanomachine colony. And she has a pet giant robot for some reason, too.
So, apparently, Elly is expected to accept Fei’s daughter from another marriage, but Fei wasn’t really Fei, and he was really married to Elly in the first place, and their daughter barely remembers any of this. She cannot even get her dad’s name right.
Oh, and a music box “Fei” gave to “Elly” four millennia back is somehow sitting in Citan’s workshop now. That doesn’t really complicate matters any further, but it does make the whole thing even weirder.
So today we still preach about acceptance. Accept that sometimes life is too complicated to convey with words.
Even Worse Streams presents Xenogears
Original Stream Night: April 27, 2021
Night of Puzzle Bobble 4
Random Notes on the Stream:
Abby Denton joins us from her home in Silent Hill, and then Caliscrub joins shortly thereafter. We have a full party tonight!
Do you pilot or steer a dolphin? The Elements attack, which raises all sorts of questions.
And then Kishi joins Xenogears party chat.
Skyghene, the flying Gear piloted by Tolone, looks like Transformers Cyberton’s Brimstone (who I misidentify as Terrorsaur on the stream). Take a look:
I’m not crazy, right?
“What the fuck is a Mercury Melon?”
Somehow seeing the TV Orb leads to references to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and squirrel-based deaths. It all makes sense in context.
“Being the victor, I merely said ‘this game’s stupid’.”
Welcome to being underwater in a Gear. It involves a lot of jumping. So these are Super Mario Bros rules, not Mega Man rules.
I… may have gotten turned around in this cave. At least it leads to discussion of the imaginary Final Fantasy 7 Saturday Morning Cartoon and the Squaresoft Afternoon.
We are all squares on the stream according to BEAT. Please ignore any moments where BEAT claims I am the only square. This must be a lie.
As we find Crescens at the gate generator, we inevitably discuss if the robot masters of Mega Man are truly sentient. My vote is yes, because it is the only thing that makes Elec Man make sense.
Solaris is unfurled! Why does it do that? Who knows.
Fei is a 10,000 year incel. It is canon.
We visit a restaurant as Jeannie is invited on the stream for the first time. She’s an official member of Even Worse Streams as of this writing, and I literally forgot she ever wasn’t.
Let’s all get excited about the dark wings that will carry them all to their death.
“What? So he dropped upwards into the sky?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Male Wife and Girlboss is going to be a CBS comedy in ten years.
Kishi leaves a little early as we Metal Gear Solid through the vents of Solaris.
Was I the only person who ever pretended there were save points in my real life? I guess so…
And we break for the night noting that Solaris is a picture of decadence that coincidentally echoes the 80s.
Next time on Xenogears: What could have been Part 1’s thrilling conclusion!
Fei Fong Wong has seen troubles. A man who once fancied himself a simple artist has been forced to fight others. And, every time Fei has embraced -the power-, he and those around him have suffered. When he gained the Weltall, his home village was obliterated. When he saved his friend with that same robot, he was banished to a sandy Hell. Now, when the deposed prince and sand pirate Bartholomew Fatima asks Fei to fight for his noble cause, Fei denies his new friend. Fighting has gotten Fei nowhere, and it is clear that nonviolence is the most direct route to peace.
And then Fei returns to Weltall to fight and repel an invading force of gigantic robot knights.
And then Fei joins a fighting tournament.
And then Fei fights a man that seems to exist only to fight.
And then Fei fights a man beloved by all.
And then Fei fights a woman addicted to drugs and violence.
And then Fei fights a ghost of his past, filled with resentment for the first time Fei fought.
And then Fei fights an even murkier shadow of his past, this time fighting only for the sake of fighting.
And then Fei fights a general that is himself suffering because of Fei’s unknown past.
So Fei learned a valuable lesson about his own possible passivism: never try.
In Fei’s world, violence is the path of the divine.
BEAT claims to be paying attention, but he also asks, “are the pirates robots?”
As the kidnapping of Margie is discussed by non-robot pirates, we acknowledge the best JRPGs just steal everything.
“Fei has problems, but not problems we can fix.”
Fanboymaster lets me know that we need to get the Xenogears archives up. This stream was on January 19, 2021, and the first official Gogglebob.com upload of the Let’s Play went up on October 12, 2022. Only 631 days! I am not ashamed!
I compare Legend of Legaia to the 2020/2021 COVID response. I should write an article about that…
“Are you there dad? It’s me, Bart.”
BEAT and Goggle Bob were taken to the criminal factory for mentioning Totally Spies.
… Oh yeah… Nothing in the game has happened at this point. I guess some dudes invaded.
It was inevitable we would start discussing the finer points of Neon Genesis Evangelion during a giant robot JRPG…