Tag Archives: kano

17

Apr. ’20

MKK: Kotal Kahn

The main plot of Mortal Kombat X concerns the immortal, unstoppable elder god Shinnok and his hated rival, a twenty something woman that is perpetually chewing bubblegum. However, there is a third column and subplot running through MKX, and it features Outworld, a struggle for its throne, and Kotal Kahn (and that name should tell you who wins said struggle).

Have a heart

Like a lot of Outworlders, Ko’atal has a backstory that stretches back hundreds of years. At some point, Ko’atal and his people, the Osh-Tekk, traveled to Earthrealm, hung out with the ancient Mayans, and enjoyed being worshipped as gods. As a result, Osh-Tekk people influenced Mayan culture to a significant degree, as the Osh-Tek’s natural hunger for beating hearts led to some very metal rituals and murals. Oh, and Ko’atal was distinctly named their god of war (aka Buluc), which somehow makes him the second playable “god of war” to appear in the franchise (and third if you include Injustice). Regardless, at some point, the Osh-Tekk headed back to their own private dimension, and left the Mayan People with a deep and unrequited need to transform into jaguars. And that is the secret origin of furries in the Mortal Kombat universe.

But the Osh-Tekk did not fare as well as the Mayans, as they quickly became conquered and decimated by an invading force (wait a minute…). Ko’atal was conscripted into Shao Kahn’s army, and wound up being pretty effective (that whole “god of war” thing really paid off), and was trusted enough to join Jade and be the official guard of Shao Kahn’s newest queen, Sindel. Unfortunately, that whole situation ended extremely poorly (Sindel either committed suicide, or was murdered by no less than three different people, depending on the retkon du jour), and Ko’atal was punished by being sentenced to Shang Tsung’s lab/torture chamber. Also, somewhere in there, every other Osh-Tekk was obliterated, because that’s how Shao Kahn rolls (see also: Reptile). So if you’re wondering where Ko’atal was during the original Mortal Kombat Trilogy or Mortal Kombat 1-9, the answer is “Flesh Pits”, and he doesn’t want to talk about it.

But, in the new timeline of Mortal Kombat 9, Shang Tsung and all his binding magic died sometime around the invasion of Earthrealm. And, shortly thereafter, Shao Kahn was vaporized, too. This led to a new status quo for Ko’atal: he could leave the Flesh Pits! And take a long shower! And after rinsing off, he could serve the new ruler of Outworld, who appears to be… Mileena? Oh, no. That can’t be right. Well, she is technically the heir of Shao Kahn, as he… kind of birthed her… in the Flesh Pits… Hey, do you think she and Ko’atal were neighbors? No? Fine. No whacky Outworld sitcom for this crowd.

Have a heart

Now, the original Mortal Kombat story/timeline dealt with a deposed Shao Kahn once before. In the era of MK 5-7, there was a conflict being fought between the forces of Edenia, led by Sindel and Kitana, and whoever was leading Shao Kahn’s Outworld armies this week (which was usually just the featured big bad). It was all described in biographies, cutscenes, and endings, but the general feeling there was that there was this massive war occurring just off screen, but, since this ain’t Mortal Kombat: Three Houses (everyone in the MK Universe plays on Casual Mode), this huge conflict had to exist in the margins of the story. And, honestly, Mortal Kombat is the story of threats to Earth, not Outworld/Edenia, so it’s just as well that we’re not getting into interdimensional warfare.

However, Mortal Kombat X and the new timeline of the MK universe decided to go in another direction. After a few decades of Mileena continuing to be a complete maniac, Ko’atal splintered off and declared himself Kotal Kahn, challenging Mileena’s right to the throne. And, in an attempt to keep this conflict contained to something that would work for Mortal Kombat storytelling, they decided to hash out their beef with… rap battles.

Okay, disappointingly enough, no one ever raps. However, the story of Mortal Kombat X gives one the impression that Outworld politics are settled via pimps rolling around with their posses and occasionally throwing down in random jungles. And, like all politics, we have marginal reasons for why each MK heavy is backing their candidate. In short, Mileena is running on a platform that Outworld should conquer other realms like Shao Kahn and Onaga before her, and Kotal Kahn is garnering support by promoting the dual beliefs of Outworld isolation and Milenna is crazy-go-nuts coocoo pants banana nutso. So the factions breakdown like so:

Press X

Team Mileena Kahn
· Rain (the Edenian Prince wants to see Edenia’s needs met)
· Tanya (same basic deal, but with less royalty)
· Baraka (Mileena provides a very comprehensive dental plan)
· Kano (still with the dental plan, oddly enough)

Team Kotal Kahn
· Reptile (previously a Mileena acolyte, but ratted out her magic clone origins)
· Ermac (despises Shang Tsung-created monsters, self)
· D’Vorah (enjoys the alliteration of “Kotal Kahn”)
· Erron Black (likes the cut of Kotal’s jib)
· Ferra / Tor (Kotal makes surprisingly good nachos)

… Huh. Come to think of it, when you look at the two gangs, it appears Mileena’s group actually has some common goals, while Kotal mostly has enough of a cult of personality to draw people (/lizards/soul beasts/bug ladies/ogres) to his side. It’s not about Kotal Kahn’s issues, it’s about the man. … And the fact that he’s not a murderous mutant homunculus. I guess that counts for something.

Anywho, much of Mortal Kombat X is given over to the conflict between Mileena and Kotal, and, spoilers, the million year old godling defeats the freaky 20-something monster lady. This happens mostly because Mileena assembled the most worthless team of kombatants ever (Rain? Seriously? Was Kintaro out taking a smoke?), and Kotal had his political rival executed by his creepy bug lady. This means that, by about the middle of Mortal Kombat X, Kotal Kahn is the once and future King of Outworld.

Interestingly enough, this does not promote Kotal Kahn to official bad guy status. Every other Outworld Emperor (or Empress) had a strong urge to conquer the rest of the universe. Kotal Kahn firmly believes Outworld needs some time to itself to find the source of that recurring toilet smell (it’s not Reptile, he checked), and has no real interest in conquering Earthrealm. He only seems to draw conflict from the Special Forces when they interfere in his/Outworld’s unsurprisingly lethal laws (“Oh, did you steal some bread to feed your family? Well, the punishment is you and all your family will be devoured by bootleg animatronic merchandise. Deal with it.”), or when there’s a new Evil God of the Universe rising, and Kotal decides he wants to score some points by falling back on good ol’ sacrifice-based appeasement. Aside from those lil’ misunderstandings, Kotal Kahn is the most benevolent of Outworld rulers.

Have a heart

Well, I mean, benevolent aside from that teensy tiny genocide he committed against Baraka’s entire tribe for backing Mileena. And there may have been one or two other micro-genocides during Kotal’s rule, too. Look, Outworld has a lot of races, and Kotal Kahn is working really hard to get Outworld’s one Waffle House back open, so sacrifices have to be made. It happens.

Mortal Kombat 11 decides to go all in on Kotal Kahn being “the good one” by plucking Shao Kahn out of the timestream and pitting him against Kotal. Now Kotal has to defend his throne against its greatest former emperor (non-dragon division) and a horde of justifiably pissed off Tarkatans. And, since Shao Kahn is friggen’ Shao Kahn, Kotal practically looks like Jesus H. Buddha while stomping around and bisecting various mutants. He winds up reconnecting with his old girlfriend (a time-displaced Jade), learning a valuable lesson about racism (it’s bad), and eventually cedes his claim to the throne to Kitana Kahn, who will absolutely separate Edenia, thus completely negating Kotal Kahn’s entire political philosophy. This might seem like some kind of hasty, slapdash writing to firmly put a win in the good guys’ column and wholly remove Outworld as an interdimensional threat, but Kotal Kahn had also just had his spine snapped by Shao Kahn moments before, so this little plot hole might be more a product of the pain meds kicking in.

Kotal No-Longer-Kahn sees the finale of Mortal Kombat 11 partially paralyzed and broken in more ways than one. Will he return for the next MK Universe? Hey, probably. He’s got a cool hat, and that’s all we ever needed with Kung Lao.

Next time: A creepy (crawly) story.

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28

Feb. ’20

MKK: Havik & Kira & Kobra

The final realm (or at least the last one that we’re looking at) that was created for Mortal Kombat: Deception was Chaos Realm. This realm is to stand in opposition to Order Realm, and is supposed to be a wacky, crazy universe where ducks have law degrees, clam chowder marries a fish, and health care is feely available. Unfortunately, the good folks at Mortal Kombat Korp. weren’t feeling particularly creative on the day Chaos Realm went into production, so it mostly looks like a Final Fantasy continent threw up on a graveyard. Rocks float in the air, the residents are aggravatingly religious (“Have you heard the good news? Wiggle waggle wizzle, chaos is the shizzle.”), and there are a strangely high number of teleporters scattered around. It’s chaotic, but predominantly “chaotic” in a way that is less “from the unparalleled imagination of Moebius” and more “it’s 3 AM and I’m tired, let’s bang out this realm and hit the 24 Hour Diner and Pet Shop over on Poplar Ave.”

And from this glorious realm hails Havik, Cleric of Chaos. Havik is chaos incarnate. Or he’s just a walking corpse. It’s one of those.

I think he snapped

Havik is supposed to embody chaos, but it’s telling that his behind-the-scenes creation started as merely an alternate skin for noted undead monster Noob Saibot. Havik’s general look is that of a walking corpse. He also utilizes a number of moves that involve impossible contortions, prominent bone snapping, or somehow restoring health through playing dead. In short, Havik’s special move oeuvre is less “chaotic” and more “what happens if someone already dead is fighting?”. And, don’t get me wrong, that’s a pretty interesting hook for a fighter (particularly in a franchise where another character’s hook is “has a hat”), but it does seem like a loss when a true “Cleric of Chaos” style fighter would likely be closer to something out of Darkstalkers. We already have Darkstalkers, Mortal Kombat! They did it better! They did it years ago!

And Havik’s general plan in the universe is “chaotic”, but that same brand of dime-store chaos that is usually reserved for GI Joe villains. Havik came upon Kabal, the former Black Dragon and sensational character find of Mortal Kombat 3. Kabal had been murdered by Red Dragon Leader Mavado, and Havik decided to revive Kabal because, of all the dead Mortal Kombat kharacters across the franchise, Kabal seemed most likely to do something chaotic. Mind you, this was only because Kabal’s intentions and personality were so poorly defined in his initial outing, he was practically a Dragon Quest protagonist, but, hey, works for Havik. Kabal was revived and tasked with creating an all-new, No-Kanos-Allowed Black Dragon clan. Sure! Sending some random cyborg dude to create a fresh band of thieves sounds pretty chaotic, but I’m pretty sure that’s something that could have been done without reviving a dead burnout. Whatever the case, Kabal capitulates, and Havik leads the New Black Dragons into battle against Onaga. Yes, to be clear, this “chaos” minion was firmly on the side of the angels, as, according to Mortal Kombat law, anyone distinctly fighting against the final boss of the tournament is a good guy. Except it was all a ruse! Havik just wanted a chaotic final battle, and, in the ensuing whaddyacallit, Havik would devour Onaga’s heart (!), and gain the ability to revive any dead guy he wanted. I mean… uh… I guess reviving Kabal took too much MP? So he had to get a new source of Phoenix Downs? It’s kind of weird when a dude starts his tenure in a franchise by bringing someone back from the dead, and then it turns out they’re fighting to gain the power to bring back the dead. Maybe that’s the most chaotic thing of all?

I think he snapped

Whatever the case, Havik doesn’t wind up accomplishing his (surprisingly orderly) plan. This, ultimately, is just fine, as everyone in the Mortal Kombat universe is alive again in time for Mortal Kombat: Armageddon anyway, and what was even the point of gaining a life spell if everyone is already immortal? Like his Order Realm frenemies, Havik is stuck with the base plot of “Havik love chaos, Havik hate order, Havik hungry” in MK: A. He doesn’t do a damn thing in the overall plot, but he’s probably missing that immortal dragon heart pretty bad by the time he and literally everyone else is dead.

Havik technically doesn’t return in the rebooted MK universe (like some of his contemporaries from Deception, the best he can hope for is a non-kanon cameo in an ending or two), but he was the main villain for much of the Mortal Kombat X comics. Long story short, he’s back to his old “reviving random dudes is chaos” ways, and he’s trying to bring Shinnok back from the brink of nonexistence. He doesn’t particularly succeed (that honor goes to Shinnok’s other minions in the main game), but he is responsible for an Onaga-esque plan that involves collecting magical trinkets from across realms and tricking some poor shlub (Reiko!) into doing all of his dirty work. In the end, his patsy is destroyed by his own hubris, and Havik is decapitated by Scorpion. Interestingly enough, the vengeful Scorpion was playing dead during his battle against Havik, so ol’ chaos champion fell for one of his own special moves. Maybe dramatic irony is the most chaotic thing of all. Havik survived his beheading (what does death mean to a creature that is so kuh-razy?), but Quan Chi wound up obliterating Havik’s severed, still-talking noggin. That’s likely as definitive an end as Havik can hope for.

But what happened to Kabal and his new Black Dragons? Surely someone cares about the new crew of thieves that Kabal cobbled together inside of five minutes (seriously, Mortal Kombat: Deception happens immediately after Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, so Kabal did not have much time to find the cream of the crop). Well, whether you care or not, I’m going to tell you about Kabal’s newest Black Dragons anyway.

Stabby

Kira is the first recruit. She was an arms dealer that sold weapons to terrorists, but terrorists in post-9/11 stories are terribly sexist, and Kira had to butterfly knife her way out of a scrape or two. This attracted Kabal’s attention, because “weapons sales” was like the one viable revenue stream available to the original Black Dragons. The fact that Kira was also a decent fighter was simply the cherry on top of the homicidal sundae.

Unfortunately, Kira is basically the worst possible version of herself. Kira was introduced in a game where both Kano and Sonya were assumed dead. This allowed Kira to arrive with special moves and fighting styles that previously belonged to Kano and Sonya. And there could be a cool story there! Kira could be Sonya’s previously unmentioned daughter that was kidnapped and raised by Kano! Or Kano could continue to be a giant weirdo (reminder: this was the period when Kano kept a lock of Sonya’s hair as a necklace), and he cloned his hated enemy and raised her like his own spawn! Or she could be a previous student of Sonya that defected to join Kano and the Black Dragons! One way or another, there could be a really interesting story hook available for a fighter that combines traits from two rivals that have been diametrically opposed since the franchise’s creation. And… there’s no answer given. Kira just happens to fight like a combination of Kano and Sonya, and… that’s that. I guess she just figured out how to turn herself into a human cannonball from Youtube videos.

So Kira is Kabal’s first recruit, and she does exactly nothing after her introduction. Like Baraka, she seems to exist as a general mook in the story modes of MK: D and MK: A, and that’s all she wrote. Later, the first female playable Black Dragon was actively patched out of the rebooted Mortal Kombat universe, as she originally appeared chained up in the background of one stage in MK9, but was removed in a later update because ????. Kira’s current whereabouts are unknown, but, wherever she is, she’s probably not living up to any kind of potential.

This dork

Kobra is Kabal’s other recruit (yes, the Black Dragons is a gang of a whole three people. Is it any wonder Kano decided to go solo?). Kobra is… Man, could there be more of a placeholder kharacter in all of the franchise? He’s a street fighter. He learned martial arts, found out he liked killing with martial arts, and decided to just be a homicidal fighting man. Kabal recruited him because he knew he lived in a karate-based universe, and this was the only karate dude not already involved in the tournament. And that’s all Kobra’s got. He never accomplishes anything, and he winds up dead in most of his endings.

Oh, and his production name was “Ken Masters”, because no one had any illusions about how this kharacter was a clear case of plagiarism. But which specific kind of plagiarism?

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The world may never know.

What’s next? The deception is over, it is time for Armageddon

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24

Jan. ’20

MKK: Mavado & Hsu Hao

Mortal Kombat Special Forces nuked the Mortal Kombat franchise. This fact was not lost on the producers of the next MK game to come down the pike, Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance. While Jax and Sonya were always going to be iconic heroes in the franchise, the villains of the piece, Kano and the Black Dragons, needed to be punished (why is Kano smiling?). Someone had to pay the price for leading that trash, and it may as well be the gang that was already a bunch of losers.

And if there’s one thing Mavado is good at, it’s punishing losers.

SPROING

To explain Mavado (original design name: Malvado Q. Badguy), we have to look at the two crime syndicates of the MK universe: the Red Dragons and the Black Dragons. The Red Dragons were started thousands of years ago by a wayward immortal godling that was starting his incredibly convoluted plan to eventually take over the universe(s) and show his brother that mom loved him best. That dork gets an entire game to himself, so we’ll cover that nonsense later, but for now just know that the Red Dragons have been around for a long, long time (and there was an actual dragon involved). And in that time, they earned a reputation of… not having a reputation. In a move that shows just how stealthy and professional they are (and is not at all a complete asspull used to explain why no one had ever heard of these dudes before MK: Deadly Alliance), the Red Dragons operate in complete shadow and subterfuge, so even entire organizations tasked with their eradication don’t know for certain that they exist. They are ghosts, and not big silly braggarts like all those ninja clans running around. Red Dragons are the real deal, and they’re so much better than any Black Dragons you may have heard about.

In fact, the Black Dragons used to be Red Dragons, but the two clans split sometime around the early 1900s (and MK lore actually claims this was thanks to real-life dude Morihei Ueshiba, who threw in with a [real] Japanese nationalistic political party… the Black Dragons). There isn’t much of an explanation for the split, but the official word is that the Red Dragons wanted to remain secret and elusive, while the Black Dragon faction wanted to be out and proud. So, basically, it was a managerial disagreement over the marketing department. It happens. Whatever the case, a hundred years later, Kano wound up leader of the Black Dragons, and Mavado was the leader of the Red Dragons. They had apparently maintained an uneasy truce up until around the time of the first Mortal Kombat when Kano kind of disrupted the alliance when… Okay, I’m not going to get into details, but long story short, Kano had this overweight St. Bernard, loaded it up with hotdogs and laxatives, and then invited the puppers to the Red Dragon HQ. It was unpleasant for everybody, and Mavado never forgave the wannabe cyborg for the transgression (and the fact that they had to buy a whole new couch, and Mavado really liked that couch). Mavado vowed to kill every last Black Dragon.

SPROING

And, ya know what? He didn’t have to try very hard at that. Turns out Mortal Kombat tournaments and Kano’s piss poor management style (uh, he literally pisses on poor subordinates) had whittled down the Black Dragon ranks to a mere two members. Actually, it was just one member, as MK3’s Kabal had officially left the organization of his own accord. This didn’t matter to Mavado, though, as he killed Kabal anyway, and took his signature hookswords as a prize. This left Kano as the only surviving Black Dragon member (/leader/treasurer/janitor), and Mavado decided to step out of the shadows to end the Black Dragons once and for all. Mavado struck up an alliance with Shang Tsung to kill Kenshi in exchange for Kano’s whereabouts (and, spoilers, Kano was also on Shang’s payroll).

So Mavado joined the fray for Deadly Alliance. As befitting a debonair and elusive criminal, Mavado attacked primarily with… slinkies. They’re fun for a girl or a boy! Okay, technically he’s supposed to have some kind of “grappling hook” thing going on for his signature moves, which is supposed to be evocative of cat burglars and alike. Unfortunately, that didn’t quite come across in his moves or animations, and what we have here is less Batman’s trusty grapple, and more like Dampé’s stretching, shrinking keepsake. Mavado, complete with black trench coat and most-competent thief ever backstory, seems like he was conceived to be the coolest cat in the franchise (after they ditched the whole “matador” angle that appeared in some design documents), but failed at the finish line when all his best moves were more appropriate for Clayfighter.

SPROING

So Mavado didn’t survive Deadly Alliance. He was successful in nearly killing Kenshi (at least wounding him to the point that he wouldn’t decapitate Shang Tsung this week), and the Deadly Alliance was true to their word, and handed over Kano. Mavado escorted Kano to his natural habitat (a dungeon), and then… died. Mavaod’s previous prey, Kabal, was revived by a random chaos cleric (is there any other kind?), and extracted a revenge on Mavado that was so complete, Mavado’s corpse appeared as part of Kabal’s bio screen. That really should have been the end of Mavado, but he did return for MK: Armageddon, as literally everyone returned for that game. There, he died again, for the final time.

Mavado hasn’t been seen since in MK proper, but he did appear in the MKX comics. He’s still got a major mad-on for Kano and all Black Dragons, and he largely sneaks around the borders of the story as a tricky, scheming criminal. And then he makes his appearance known to the heroes… and Cassie Cage bisects him with his own hookswords. Hey! Guess he still had one more death left in him!

While we’re talking about Black Dragons, we may as well cover Hsu Hao. Hsu Hao is one of Mavado’s subordinates, and the man tasked with infiltrating Jax’s Special Forces, and pointing any investigations away from Red Dragons, and squarely onto Black Dragons. So far, so good, right? Pretty typical story here: the mole. The viper in the garden. The criminal that is so good at infiltration and deception that he has successfully tricked the forces of good into believing that….

Wait a tick.

I’m sorry, it’s this guy?

Right in the glowys

Holy crap, Jax. You guys trusted a bloke with a glowing weakpoint on his chest? I mean, dude, I don’t want to sound racist or anything, but don’t do that. You hire a jackass with a shining, red cybernetic on his chest, and you’ve clearly hired a boss monster. And you know what boss monsters do? They fight you! They blow up your base! Who the hell is in charge of hiring at Special Forces?

Whatever. Hsu Hao, possibly because he was the worst double-agent ever, possibly because of his lame "wrestling" fighting style, or possibly because his design was kind of vaguely racist from the get-go (is he seriously yellow?), is one of the most hated and ignored kharacters in the franchise. John Vogel, half of the Johns that developed the first Mortal Kombat, almost pulled a Poochy by stating during MK: Deception’s development that Jax killed Hsu Hao, and that’s kanon, and he’s never coming back. He, of course, did return for MK: Armageddon, but he has literally no plot, and he’s theoretically only there for completion’s sake.

Hsu Hao did resurface in the Mortal Kombat X comic. He got in a pretty good sneak attack on Kenshi, and was then immediately speared in the weakpoint by Scorpion. Dude never had a chance. His corpse cameos in Mortal Kombat 11 as a head in a bag.

Right in the glowys

And, give or take the previously mentioned founder of the Red Dragons that is introduced in MK:A, Hsu Hao is the only other named member of the Red Dragons in the franchise. Way to establish that team of champions, Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance! Let’s just stick to ninja next time.

Next time: Bloodsuckers and boogey men

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17

Jan. ’20

MKK: Bo’ Rai Cho & Li Mei

People have a tendency to underestimate how important “special moves” are to fighting game characters. The original Mortal Kombat only had five actors to go around, but they managed to squeeze another two characters onto the roster by dressing Johnny Cage up like a ninja and painting him various colors. And “Blue Ninja” and “Yellow Ninja” could have been forgettable roster-filler, but they wound up as arguably the most recognizable dudes in the franchise. Why? Well, who doesn’t like ice magic? And Scorpion’s distinctive “Get over here!” and fiery skull head leave an impression. Two quickie photocopy characters became the faces of the franchise almost entirely because of their iconic special moves.

BARF

Bo’ Rai Cho has a number of iconic special moves. They mostly involve puking and farting. And he’s the last kharacter from the MK5/6/7 trilogy to see a revival past Mortal Kombat 9.

According to interviews, Ed Boon wanted to see some new body types in MK: DA, and demanded a “slobby” fighter to contrast with the rest of the MK kast (which, yes, all appear to be rejects from the popular film Invasion of the Ab-ulons from the Planet Swole). This makes a certain amount of sense, as Mortal Kombat literally had more reptile fighters than tubby guys. And, while we’re still working on the technology to render anything but a slim, buxom woman on modern consoles, Bo’ Rai Cho’s meaty frame premiered back on the PS2.

And if you’re going to make a character a “slob”, you can’t just let the dude be “thick”, you have to go full hog.

“Borracho” is Spanish for “drunk”. Bo’ Rai Cho predominantly practices drunken fist style martial arts. His most distinctive special move involves vomiting on the floor and causing his opponent to slip. Another of his special moves is the “bump ‘n dump”, and it’s exactly what you think it is. He has a fatality that involves a combustible fart, and it is finished with an exclamation of “That was a wet one.”

Are you not entertained?

But he’s not just one stereotype! Bo’ Rai Cho is not a drunk, but a drunken master. BRC fills the previously unoccupied position as mentor to a number of different fighters (well, at least three), and basically hangs out with Raiden on the “Dad Tier” of Mortal Kombat kharacters. That’s… something?

BARF

To get into the details of Bo’s general existence, we’re looking at an Outworlder that is (for once) not an angry mutant. Like many quasi-humans in the franchise, he’s hundreds of years old, and has been training warriors for centuries. However, he does not train fighters for Outworld, but realms that oppose his home dimension. Why? Well, Bo’ Rai Cho opposes Shao Kahn’s rule, but, were he to compete in an MK tournament himself, he would technically be winning for Shao Kahn. This is because, a while back, his buddy was running for city council, so he registered to vote in his local Outworld municipality, but now he can’t figure out how to change his residential status. It’s a pain in the ass.

But Bo’ Rai Cho did train Liu Kang. It was Bo’ that taught the hero of Mortal Kombat his iconic bicycle kick, and it was that very bicycle kick that saved the Earth on four separate occasions. However, a bicycle kick can’t solve all your problems, and Shang Tsung murdered Liu Kang at the start of Deadly Alliance. Because the events of Deadly Alliance weren’t technically a sanctioned (by the Elder Gods) Mortal Kombat tournament, Bo’ Rai Cho decided to get off his butt and do a little fighting/vomiting of his own to avenge his fallen student. He also trained Kung Lao to defeat Shang Tsung during this time. That worked out really well, because Kung Lao went on to fight Shang Tsung, and only died once. That’s pretty good for Kung Lao!

Bo’ Rai Cho did rescue Li Mei during Deadly Alliance, though, and we’ll cover that little bit of failure during her section. After earning another loser student, Bo’ Rai Cho worked to amass the good (relatively speaking) forces of Outworld against The Dragon King and Baraka’s knife-boy hordes. He was successful in stopping the Tarkatans, at least, but mostly thanks to the reappearance of Liu Kang’s ghost. So, once again, Bo’ Rai Cho’s greatest victory was hanging out with Liu Kang. It apparently doesn’t matter if he was alive or not.

Bo’ Rai Cho… uh.. participated in MK: Armageddon. He helped out the good guys. He died. Then the universe died. I’m probably going to type that a lot in the coming biographies.

BARF

But Bo’ Rai Cho did make a return in the rebooted universe!

Bo’ Rai Cho wound up as playable DLC in Mortal Kombat X. Technically, his “arcade mode” story/bio takes place before the events of the MKX’s story proper. Bo’ is concerned that Shinnok might revive, and is looking for Raiden. That’s a good plan! Unfortunately for Bo’, though, his presence in story mode picks up after he has found Raiden, helps for like ten seconds, and is then mortally wounded by Shinnok. Bo’s current status is unknown, but it’s generally assumed he’s death-farting on the pile of corpses that is labeled “Raiden’s allies”.

And, yes, of all the fighters introduced in Mortal Kombat 5,6, and 7, only Kenshi, Frost, and Bo’ Rai Cho ever make another playable appearance. Though we do get one extra Deadly Alliance story cameo in Mortal Kombat X. Let’s look at Li Mei.

Look away!
(Face modeling was not easy on the PS2)

As far as conception goes, Li Mei is Bo’ Rai Cho’s polar opposite. It seems she was designed to present well (a conventionally attractive woman that looks fit and prepared to fight), but her story positions her as a novice in the world of martial arts (which is the only thing that matters in the Mortal Kombat universe). Unfortunately, unlike Bo’ Rai Cho, her designers forgot to hang any sort of hook on that setup, and Li Mei’s special moves (and general moves, for that matter) are wholly forgettable. She comes from the hazy “fireball and a jump kick” school that saw so much success for Johnny Cage and Liu Kang, but, as a random “support” kharacter (and not one of the towering heroes of the piece), that just isn’t going to cut it. Without a flaming skull or the ability to puke on command, Li Mei almost instantly fades into the halls of forgotten Mortal Kombat fighters.

Li Mei at least has a moderately interesting origin concept: she’s supposed to be your average Outworlder. After a series of games where it seemed like the only residents of Outworld were sword-mutants, lizards, and filthy wizards, Li Mei was introduced as simply your average Outworld villager. And, as you might expect, that’s a pretty crappy situation to be in. Li Mei and her entire village was enslaved at the start of Deadly Alliance, but, knowing exactly how prisons work, Li Mei knocked the tar out of Kano on her first day. This drew the attention of Quan Chi, who decided that Li Mei would gain her freedom if she won the loose tournament that was the Deadly Alliance epoch. She got a little training from Shujinko (we’ll get into that goober next game), and went on to do pretty well! She did so well, in fact, that Quan Chi and Shang Tsung decided to transfer her soul into a random immortal corpse for use in the Dragon King’s army. She was not happy with that outcome. And that, in the business world, is known as the Peter Principle.

Going down?

But Li Mei was rescued from her lethal promotion by Bo’ Rai Cho, because MK is not going to let a sexy lady model go to waste in a corpse Bo’ Rai Cho is a good guy. Li Mei’s soul is returned to her body, but it seems some of the dragon soldier taint came along with the transfer, so now Li Mei is less “naïve neophyte” and more “bloodthirsty revenge monster”. This didn’t change a thing about her boring special moves, but it did mean she traded in her old duds for some (sexy lady shaped) armor. And she got a sword! And her MK: Deception ending revealed that, had this version of Li Mei been allowed to flourish, she likely would have gone all-in on the whole “evil and serving the Dragon King” thing. That never happened, though, as Li Mei earned the dubious honor of being kanonically the first fighter to die at the start of MK: Armageddon. This was the event where literally everyone died, but, hey, good to have someone designated as first in line.

Li Mei does pop up in Mortal Kombat X, though. She’s not a fighter, but she does lead her village from Outworld to Earthrealm when a magically empowered Mileena threatens her people. Cool! And, in a weird dimensional echo, she once again jobs Kano, this time by ratting him out for being a weird, shifty dude with a robotic eye. This leads to the Special Forces capturing the fugitive Kano, so thanks, Li Mei, you didn’t even need a battle bikini to be useful in this rebooted universe. Cheers all around!

Still not great with faces

Of course, most people probably didn’t even recognize that Li Mei was supposed to be anybody when she made her little cameo, so she really only gets partial credit. Maybe if she had some more special moves that involved farts she’d have made the DLC cut.

Next time: Dragons of a different color.

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