This post originally appeared about two years ago on a forum post that… apparently no longer exists. Whoops! In the interest of my beloved words reaching as many people as possible, please enjoy this nonsense with the excuse that I am now playing the Switch version of BlazBlue: Centralfiction. Oh, and be aware there are spoilers for the entire franchise here, and it is super GIF heavy. I probably should have led with that…
What you have to understand is that BlazBlue could be so, so simple. At first glance, it’s a pretty straightforward story: 100 years in “our” future, but 100 years before the events of the game, mankind goes too far, and accidentally releases magic (good), and the Black Beast (bad) on the universe. The Black Beast nearly destroys the world, but six brave heroes rise up and seal away the ancient evil. Now, in the present (of the game), a terrorist in a red coat is running around wrecking stuff, and it is assumed he is trying to revive the ancient evil. Naturally, he’s misunderstood, and the real bad guy is hiding in plain sight within the current ruling government, so the wheel of fate is turning, action!
And were this a simple, traditional fighting game universe, that would be it. There would be a “new” gang of heroes, a few would have obvious or subtle ties to the previous legends, throw in a wannabe ninja or two, and you’d have a pretty straightforward fighting game universe. Everybody battles at first, they eventually join up, and the inevitable “return of the Black Beast” is defeated by friendship and mashing the jab button. It could work! It could work well! Perhaps in that universe, all would be joyful, and I wouldn’t be getting ready to explain how the pretty sorcerer lady had sex with a goddamn cat. Maybe that universe would be better for all of us…
Actually, speaking of universes, BlazBlue does something interesting with its overall plot. Were you around for the Mortal Kombat debates of the 90’s? I’m not talking about the silly disputes over whether Mortal Kombat was too violent for young eyeballs; no, I’m talking about the important arguments about things that mattered. I’m talking about the debates over which Mortal Kombat endings were canon. Did Scorpion really kill Sub-Zero? Did Kano really kill Sheeva, or did she kill him (and did Sonya watch)? Yes, we know Liu Kang won a tournament or two from that opening roll, but we want to know some details! Johnny Cage: Goro-slayer or conceited movie star? This is important to my fanfic, dammit!
BlazBlue does its best to sidestep all of that, and introduces some canon multiversal theory to the fighting game genre. All endings are valid. Yes, Ragna saved one world, and Arakune devoured everyone and everything in another world. Every single BlazBlue game has multiple endings for each of its characters, and every ending is equally canon, because the forces of good and evil at the highest levels are distinctly watching every universe to see the potential best outcome. And it’s a very distinct plot point in practically all of the games! All endings are canon, so, yes, that goofy finale where Dan wins the tournament and Zangief becomes a robot totally happened.
Unfortunately, it seems like the writers wanted to justify this conceit, and… things got complicated.
This story has no beginning and no end. It is a tale of souls and swords that, unfortunately, gets a little confused along the way. I guess we’ll start with the kids…
I’ve spoken before about how I believe that videogames are art, and, in many cases, what’s important about a game is how it makes the player feel. Whether a game makes you happy, sad, or annoyed, we are primal creatures at heart, and will always remember our feelings on a particular game long after 
Throw in Squirrel Girl, a generic gothic lolita vampire, and No-Face, and we’ve got a complete cast of 35 playable characters. And each one of those jerks has a comprehensive backstory, ridiculous powers, and enough dreams to put Kirby to shame. This is clearly the final chapter because the roster has become unwieldy, and it could collapse at any moment if the catgirl accidently beats the muscled arena monster (which one? Who cares). The adage has always been that paying attention to the story in a fighting game is akin to reading erotic friend-fiction for the plot, but there are some people that slurp this nonsense up like delicious udon.
BlazBlue Story Mode… let’s not mince words here, it has always wanted to be a damn visual novel. And that’s terrible. There are a lot of videogame genres that mix well with the visual novel format (JRPGs, TRPGs… uh… instruction manuals?), but the basic essence of a fighting game is adrenaline, and “get ready to sit around and read” does not have anything to do with fighting. I can think of 
In the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal, and I understand the thinking. There are 35 characters in this game (and that’s not including incidental characters like the two tailed cat or that one nurse character that keeps hanging around), so that requires, give or take, 35 voice actors (or at least a healthy number of voice actors with excellent range). And voice actors gots to get paid, son. And this isn’t just a Zelda situation with dialogue like “running grunts” and “rolling grunts”; no, this franchise always has that damn Story Mode, so some lucky voice actor has to record a movie’s worth of dialogue for the “star” character. So, before we even get going, we’ve got a pile of time and money pumped into a “feature” that, let’s be honest, is nowhere near the main draw of the franchise. I played Street Fighter 2 until my thumbs were raw back in the SNES days, and a lot of the time that was with the game on mute, because damned if I want to hear “sonic boom” over and over again (and for the record, I wasn’t just sitting in silence, I probably had Xena Warrior Princess on in the background). Point is that voice acting for a cast this ungainly is a tremendous expense for the tiniest of payoffs. Oh boy, I can finally know what the red guy is saying to the magical girl… Who cares?
Taokaka is a bit nuts, or how Hazama is collected in nearly everything he does. In earlier games, I can literally hear how the anti-hero of the piece is conflicted about the damage he’s doing (for a good cause), and how his brother’s vengeance drives the dude… a little batty. Yes, the voice acting is only one piece of these characters, but losing that feature would be like if the next Street Fighter game didn’t include some standard part of its franchise. Imagine a Street Fighter where all the fighters wore burlap sacks instead of signature outfits. Imagine a Street Fighter without special moves, where Ryu could only throw mundane punches. Imagine a Street Fighter without an Arcade Mode (*cough*). It would still be the same game, but it would be undeniable that something was missing, and it would be a lesser experience for it.
Boycott the series until the English Dub returns? Bah! I still want to play the game, I just want it to be… better? Complete? In the end, I can’t do a thing, and what I desire is likely gone forever to placate a better bottom line.
behind the scenes and on the battlefield. She was practically made with BlazBlue’s giant nerd audience in mind, and, yes, I’m a sucker for that kind of thing. Also, we share a birthday, so again, total sucker.
To be frank, this site started as a depository for my Kingdom Hearts FAQ posts, and the Fustian Game Challenge was merely an excuse to generate new content. Now, fifty FGC posts later, I’ve found I really enjoy the parameters of the FGC, as it encourages me to replay any number of games I could have likely ignored for the rest of my life. Super Mario Land is up next, and, spoilers, I really enjoyed replaying this game that I likely would not have touched otherwise. Super Mario Land is fun, but there are literally ten other Mario games I can name that I’d be more likely to play before it, never mind the glut of excellent NES platformers that at least have color, and then never mind the last thirty years of video games that have been released in the median. But, hey, the robot said to play the game, so I did, and I enjoyed it, and that’s about how this whole project has been going. From the beginning, I always knew there would be a point where I’d stall out and give up… like most every “hobby” project I’ve ever started… but the way things are going, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were another fifty posts. Maybe even a whole 52.
My main takeaway from the show is that, while I’m not usually one to think “oh man, I could do this so much better” about professionals who have likely been in their industry for years, I could probably write an entire season of harem anime in about a week. Episode one: introduce boy and main girl and general conflict. Following ten episodes: introduce a new girl and her new quirks once per episode, and have it continue into the next episode as their issues are resolved by Boy just in time for the next girl to arrive. Obviously, have each new girl bounce her “quirky” personality off of Boy and each of the established girls. As of episode eleven (well, the finale episode ten), introduce a major threat that you can claim was foreshadowed the whole time, threaten Boy or Main Girl, and then the whole gang pulls together to eliminate Threat. Episode Thirteen: Everyone goes to the beach!
The Big Bang Theory are apparently the most beloved comedies of the century while, say, early Community was treated like a dissected beloved pet), I come up empty. I find some things funny, I find other “funny” things atrocious, and I think I’ll live longer if I just don’t think about it too hard. This is likely why I’ve taken to writing about video games, because there have been six deliberately funny video games in the last three decades.
Love Bullet Yurikuma Arashi
fraternity, is easily the least likeable member of the cast. This isn’t a matter of the main character being a boring protagonist, no, this is a matter of it being established early on that this is a “hero” who has essentially kidnapped two friends from the start, and has a third victim by the end of the first episode. He’s narcissistic, transphobic, misogynistic, and women seem to fall for him when he shows the tiniest glimmer of humanity.
any of the old standbys of traditional drama, Monogatari seems to have opted for allowing the animators to go wild. The first I ever saw of this series was two characters sitting on a bed discussing the concept of love for fifteen minutes, which, by all accounts, should be the most boring thing ever produced; but, no, it was an interesting mix of styles and text and all sorts of crazy things. It really shouldn’t work, it shouldn’t be fun to watch, but it is, and it occasionally strikes an excellent emotional chord by flashing images of what the speaking character is clearly thinking, but doesn’t have the guts to say. It’s a neat trick, and does an excellent job of making each episode distinct and remarkable.