Tag Archives: dendrophiliac

FGC #595 New Pokémon Snap

Gotta snap em allAfter years of waiting, Nintendo and/or Pokémon Company finally decided to release a new Pokémon Snap title. The appropriately titled New Pokémon Snap is, naturally, an all-new adventure that allows you, humble trainer, to cruise around in a bubble and take pictures of adorable little Pokémon critters. Hooray! Our favorite pastime has come home!

But the drive for Pokémon photography is predicated on one thing: you actually want to see Pokémon. Sure, Pikachu is a looker, and nobody is going to turn down an opportunity to snap a Jigglypuff, but are all Pokémon worthy of your digital film? Would you stop by a Blockbuster kiosk to print a photo of a Grimer? Or Tyranitar? Are all Pokémon created equally photogenic?

No, of course not. That would be silly.

So let’s take a look at the top Pokémon ain’t nobody wanna photograph.

#755 Morelull

DO NOT EATMorelull is a mushroom Pokémon that primarily appears at night. It is based on bioluminescent fungi, and it utilizes its generally cute exterior to dual-type its Grass and sneak into the dragon-slaying Fairy category.

It also forgot to grow a damn face. So it might steal yours!

You can do a lot with Pokémon designs, and it seems like there has been a mandate since Generation 3 or so to make every Pokémon as generally adorable as possible. Yes, there are big, mean brutes in the Pokémon world, but they generally all have vaguely-human-esque faces, and nary a horror among them. Want a Pokémon that is just rows and rows of teeth popping out of every joint and limb? Sorry, no, you are going to get a smiley face on that legendary cosmic horror.

And, while Morelull may not be a cosmic horror, it is a generalized horror. Morelull initially appears to be cute with its big (voidy) eyes, but it hides a terrible secret. Morelull subsists on living energy. Morelull’s whole plan is to put a creature to sleep, and then use the move Strength Sap to drain their lifeforce. So they are basically little mushroom vampires.

So is Morelull traditionally ugly? No. But are its cold, dead eyes the last thing you are going to see before you fall asleep for the final time on the cold, uncaring forest floor? Yep.

There is no beauty in being food for malevolent mushrooms.

Is Morelull in New Pokémon Snap? Yes. Please make sure your protective bubble cart is properly sealed before visiting any jungles during the night.

#685 Slurpuff

SLURPSome Pokémon are unsightly based on their concept.

Slurpuff is your basic “embodies some random notion or whatever” Pokémon. In this case, Slurpuff embodies the sense of taste/smell, and is a noted Pokémon for loving and judging desserts. It is all about that sweet life, and, if you are a Patissier, you are definitely going to want one on your team. That heightened sense of taste and pink body makes it the perfect bakery mascot, and it doesn’t hurt that the creature can tongue-lash a dragon to death, too.

Except… with everyone’s focus on Slurpuff’s taste, no one really considers how Slurpuff must feel. Slurpuff does nothing but lick things, and it is always seen with its large tongue hanging out. We already knew that, but then the pokédex for Pokémon Shield revealed that Slufpuff is officially covered in fur. So Slurpuff has a long tongue that is always subconsciously licking itself, and all Slurpuff ever does otherwise is eat sweets. Do the math on that? Slurpuff is always going to be a sticky, matted mess of a monster.

Imagine a cat that has just rolled in corn syrup. That’s Slurpuff. All the time.

Gross.

Is Slurpuff in New Pokémon Snap? No. Your main character has a camera, not a bathtub.

#764 Comfey

GROSSLook at this sick freak of a Pokémon.

Comfey is disguising itself as a Hawaiian (Aloan) style lei. At first glance, you might think that Comfey is some manner of flower ouroboros, and little more than another friendly, inexplicably floating grass type. But Comfey is not the whole “lei”, Comfey is just a little dude that appears to have some flowers in his teeny tiny paws, and said flowers follow a ring-string that loops back to Comfey’s butt. In fact, Comfey is not a grass type at all, but another fairy type. A “naked” Comfey, technically, has nothing to do with flowers.

But you absolutely do not want a naked Comfey anywhere near flowers…