Tag Archives: xbox 360

FGC #456 Asura’s Wrath

WRATH!Today’s game is Asura’s Wrath. “Asura” is, in this adventure, not a collection of demigods (though demigods are certainly involved), but one individual dude. Fair enough. Capcom is allowed to do whatever they want with religious beliefs, because being responsible for Street Fighter offers you a certain level of latitude. And there are enough guys named “Angel” in fiction anyway, right? I can name like three vampires off the top of my head. But I can only name one other Asura, and it’s this queen:

I know this deity

The last time I saw an “Asura”, she was a lady. And that got me thinking: why the hell aren’t women allowed to go crazy?

Asura’s Wrath is, for all the mythical trappings and anime-tastic explosions, little more than a “dad game”. Asura is a (super powered, maybe a robot?) general, but after a long day of battling creepy shadow monsters, he always comes home to his wife and daughter. They bring him joy, though Asura has concerns about his daughter’s divine power and eventual future as a high priestess. These concerns turn out to be well-founded when Asura’s fellow generals revolt, frame Asura for murder, kill his wife (in another, separate homicide), and kidnap his daughter. This pisses Asura right off, and leads to a quest that lasts 12,500 years (or roughly eight active hours), and sees Asura destroying entire armies and endangering the world to sate his rage. But don’t worry! It’s all justified, because Asura is a man, and his precious daughter has been kidnapped, so any damage he does to himself and others is wholly warranted. He’s a father, people! You get it!

And, frankly, we see this kind of thing all the time. It was taken to puppy-dad extremes in John Wick, but the videogame universe features a number of angry dads. From Kratos (reminder: he was a dad before the first game even started) to Mayor Mike Haggar, there are many fathers in gaming that absolutely flip the table over with righteous fury the moment their child is endangered and/or murdered. And, as ever, that’s allowed, right? Even if we’re not all parents, we all understand losing someone or something you care about. That’s universal! And, since we’ve decided to make videogame graphics startlingly realistic, it only makes sense that more and more games would find “legitimate” reasons to justify visiting violence S-WORDS!upon worlds worth of people. They can’t all be zombie games. Every once in a while, you have to honorably put down an entire city’s population for a level, and what better reason than “they took my precious daughter”. I’m pretty sure Booker threatened entire realities with that excuse.

But if this trope is so justified by parenthood, why is it always dads? Why can’t moms flip their shit, too?

Obviously (and sadly), the first explanation is that videogames are assumed to be for almost exclusively men, and thus fathers are more featured than mothers. Even when rampages don’t happen, there are any number of dad games out there where daddy dearest must protect dear daughter from dangers. And, if we’re already assuming boys play videogames more than girls, then we’re also including the added benefit of your daughter character could be a sex object to your heteronormative younger set of gamers. Teenagers are certainly okay with having sex with sexy teenagers, but, flip the genders, and the boys are left to have sex with… their mom? No! Nobody wants that! (Sit down, Freud.) Sex sells, appealing to straight men sells, and appealing to even an imaginary paternal instinct sells. Think about how many reviews will identify your dad game as mature if you’re rescuing a daughter instead of a princess! This is a real world problem!

WRATH!But, if we’re just pandering to clichés, why can’t we indulge in other clichés? For better or worse (almost entirely worse), there are any number of cants regarding “crazy” women. The “crazy ex-girlfriend” or “crazy bitch” tropes are so pervasive they’ve inspired entire songs and television series (that include songs); but consider the trope of the “unstoppable” mother. “My baby is in danger, and I will do anything to protect them!” is the rallying cry of many stories about mothers lifting cars or pushing buses out of the way. And you know who else does that? The Incredible Hulk. But even when you look to the comics, you’ll find that The Hulk is The Friggen’ Hulk, while his female counterpart, She-Hulk, is a character defined by the fact that she doesn’t experience Hulk’s heightened emotions every time she steps on a Lego. We have multiple insulting clichés regarding women going crazy, but only a handful of stories where “crazy women” use that power to do something heroic. We can hear about Karen wrecking a Starbucks over a mislabeled latte, but we can’t find a videogame where that same rage is focused on non-barista based monsters?

But we all know where we do see women in videogames. Asura’s Wrath, could you show us your woman?

This broad

Olga is the only woman in Asura’s Wrath. Excuse me, that’s a bit of an error. There are other women in Asura’s Wrath. There’s Asura’s wife, who is killed so Asura (and his brother-in-law) can experience man pain. There’s Asura’s daughter, who we’re told is super-powerful, but is only ever an object that Asura must rescue. And there’s Unnamed Villager Girl (who marginally has a name if you pay attention to developer interviews and gibberish cutscenes), who exists to remind Asura of his daughter, and then die, thus causing further man pain. Which neatly brings us back to Olga, what with Olga killing Unnamed Villager Girl an’ all…

So Olga is the only woman in the cast that is not simply there to make Asura feel bad. She is also the only lady on team bad guy. Not coincidentally, she is also supposed to embody the deadly sin of lust. Does she effectively display this during the story? No. At best, she is shown to be wholly dedicated to the (male) leader of the baddies, so maybe she’s at least sleeping with him between scenes? Obviously, “lust” is the kind of thing that is hard to work into a story. It’s not like you could just have some character hanging out in a hot spring with concubines while talking about his sexual conquests…

Seriously, guy?

Or maybe you can do exactly that.

So Olga is the supposed personification of lust, but she’s shown up by a dirty old man that embodies greed. Whatever. She can at least prove herself in combat, though, right? No, that isn’t right, as she’s apparently the one “boss” that Asura never fights. In fact, if she didn’t appear in the “secret ending” coda, you’d be forgiven for assuming the writers literally forgot she existed about 80% through the game. And her final fate after that cameo of a reappearance? She’s the only one of the Seven Deities to not be killed by Asura. She’s there to be a sacrifice on the altar of “boy, this final boss is gonna be really tough”.

But don’t worry! She is eventually reincarnated… as a secretary. One of the other generals is reincarnated as a movie star. I wonder if he ever has to make someone coffee…

WRATH!A number of videogames have problems with women. A number of videogames feature berserker male characters. Asura’s Wrath is both. Can these problems be fixed? Of course. Was there ever even an attempt to sponge some of the testosterone off Asura’s Wrath? Of course not. The women of the title are forgettable (and Asura’s own daughter could be replaced with a particularly sympathetic set of AA batteries), and not a single one gets to join in the fun. Asura shares the spotlight with another hero for a few chapters, but, guess what? He’s a dude, too. The message of Asura’s Wrath (and many other games) is clear: women aren’t allowed to be raging warriors. They can be moms. They can be daughters. They can be administrative assistants. But they can’t be The Hulk. That isn’t allowed.

That should make a lot of women mad as hell.

And I’d like to play their videogames.

FGC #456 Asura’s Wrath

  • System: Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. The general sentiment surrounding Asura’s Wrath was that it was kind of a sales bomb, so I wouldn’t expect a remaster anytime soon.
  • Number of players: Two heroes eventually pop out of this story, but only one player at a time.
  • STUFF GONNA EXPLODE100% Completion: For the sake of pedantry, I want to note that there are plenty of great action women in videogames. Heroines like Bayonetta, Samus Aran, and even Juliet of Lollipop Chainsaw are all great, murderous female protagonists… just they’re not really all that mad. They’re more cool or professional (or occasionally bubbly) than anything. The only berserker lady that immediately seems to fit Asura’s mold is Zero of Drakengard 3, and even that is tempered by Yoko Tarro’s traditional commentary on violence and loss. But thank you to everyone on Twitter who offered suggestions! I’ll get to Darksiders 3 and Ronin soon enough!
  • How badly does this game want to be an anime? Very. Very badly. Practically everything in Asura’s Wrath is organized like a 22 minute anime episode, complete with middle of the episode “bumpers” and a cryptic “episode preview” between chapters. It also commits the sin of repeating exactly what happened before and after the commercial break, even though there are no real commercials breaks. That’s just wasting my time, guys!
  • Favorite Eight Guardian Generals general: I don’t really like, like, any of the characters in this game… though that may be the point. I’ll take Wyzen, though, as he’s the great big guy that is destined to die/fail early in the story, but at least he has the good sense to turn into a planet-sized deity and attempt to crush the hero with a meteoric finger. He still bombs, but it seemed like a plan that could have come together nicely.
  • Favorite incidental weapon: Nunchuks connected together by lightning seems like the kind of thing that should be included in more games. Has that ever been seen in Soulcalibur? Or with the Ninja Turtles? Slam dunk, right there for the taking.
  • ANIME!Horse Armor: Technically, you could claim the “true ending” of Asura’s Wrath is only available through paid-DLC. However, the reality of it is that the DLC is much more akin to a (much smaller) sequel than a “pay-to-play” ending for the real game. Also, given the nature of the game, Youtube is right over there, so there’s really no reason to be upset about Capcom being a bunch of money-grubbing hogs (this time).
  • Mind Blowing: Oh, there’s a spider motif recurring through this game because Asura often has six arms, thus giving him an arachnid-esque 8 limbs. Just got that.
  • Did you know? You can’t actually pause the game during those fake commercial break moments. Now I’m going to rampage!
  • Would I play again: Oh yeah, I barely talked about the gameplay itself. It’s basically paced like a playable movie, with very little “filler”, and absolutely no exploration. Which basically means that, after the visceral feeling of playing the game once “for real”, it’s time to move on. Maybe I’ll rewatch it in the gallery player while I’m playing another, more active game.

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Blazing Dragons starring Cheech Marin! Hey, it’s entry #420 somewhere (no it’s not). Please look forward to it!

DEM GODS

FGC #430 Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

GRAPHICS!When I am a wistful old man (estimated arrival date: twelve minutes from now) I will tell my children and grandchildren and whatever poor ragamuffin is forced to mow my lawn about my younger days. I will speak of the birth of the internet as we know it (or knew it). I will speak of LiveJournal. I will speak of Mario and Link and Sonic and Bubsy. I will speak of all things that remind me of my youth, my better days, the days when I thought anything was possible. The days when I was not hardened to this uncaring world, and I believed, yes, truly believed that we were heading toward a future that accommodated my generation and me, and that, finally, people who grew up saving princesses and reassembling triforces were coming into the sort of power I had only seen possessed by my parents and their parents before them. I was young, young man, and I believed the world would soon be my oyster.

And what fueled that misguided belief? Scott Pilgrim, and the world of merchandise that accompanied its brief stay at the top.

This paragraph is really going to make me wish I learned how to properly distinguish a character and a title… Okay, for anybody here that is just hearing about Scott Pilgrim for the first time (hi, lawn ragamuffin), Scott Pilgrim was a series of six graphic novels drawn and written by Bryan Lee O’Malley. It chronicled the story of the titular Scott Pilgrim, a dude who is aimlessly frittering away his 20s, but meets the literal woman of his dreams at a party. Said woman, Ramona, unfortunately has a history containing seven evil exes, and now Scott Pilgrim must win his lady love’s heart by defeating her entire dating history. In the end, the story becomes one about growing up and learning that maybe you’re kind of a dingus, and the journey of defeating seven evil exes was really the friends we made along the way.

Vs the ZombiesAnd that is super important to the following statement: I love Scott Pilgrim. I love the books, I love the concept, I even love the amiable loser himself, Scott Pilgrim. At the time the story was being released, I completely identified with Scott Pilgrim. And that’s kind of horrifying! Scott Pilgrim is an affable young lad, but, as the story all but outright states on a number of occasions, he’s also a self-centered dick. He enjoys videogames, he reads comics, he plays in a rock band: just like me! He also has predatory, selfish dating habits, and thinks nothing of ditching literally everyone he knows if he thinks it serves some greater purpose of advancing one of his own relationships. Just like me! Shit. That can’t be good. But since one moral of the story is that Scott Pilgrim can learn to grow out of being Scott Pilgrim, it is likely safe to even compare yourself to Scott. Sure, I’m a straight, white male that is kind of a mess, but eventually I’m going to have my hero moment, and mature out of it. Sure! That makes sense. The alternative is, what, to be a juvenile, self-serving nitwit until you eventually become a 70 year old man that is incidentally President of the United States. That’s crazy! Scott is Canadian!

Okay, so maybe the Scott Pilgrim series is, pretty much by design, selfish. In creating a character that is the perfect encapsulation of a 20-something from my generation, BAM created a monster attached to a moral that only exists at the end of six books that took six years to be released. It is very easy in such a situation to never see that all-important character denouement, and simply focus on how Scott is cool and plays videogames and apparently hot women with fantastical weapons literally throw themselves at the guy. It is very easy to be white, male, and straight (editor’s note: that should be the entire sentence) and see Scott as less a directionless gremlin that unintentionally hurts everyone in his immediate vicinity, and much more of a champion that is involved in a simple hero’s journey that involves seven obvious evil bosses. And, yes, even if you acknowledge Scott Pilgrim to be selfish, it is rather dangerous to hang your ego on the Scott Pilgrim media empire.

But, for the summer of 2010, I did just that.

Roar!Make no mistake; I never wanted to be Scott Pilgrim. However, I already loved the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels, and the news that Scott Pilgrim would be receiving its final volume, a movie directed by Edgar Wright, and a videogame all in the same year left me fairly elated. Everything was coming up Bob!

And it’s worth noting just how amazing the film Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was to anyone that happened to be exactly me. To quote the IMDB trivia page for the movie:

“Edgar Wright obtained permission to use the famous theme song from the SNES game, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (1991), by writing a letter to Nintendo, saying that it is considered to be ‘the nursery rhyme of this generation’.”

And that about sums it up. Scott Pilgrim is a movie based on a graphic novel about a guy that plays videogames, and the film itself soaks in videogame references. And, while such a thing could be incredibly shallow in the hands of another director, Edgar Wright knew that videogames weren’t just a “thing” for a certain group of people, it was a language. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was more fluent in that language than any other cunning linguist could ever hope to be. In fact, it is nearly impossible to properly convey the level of focus involved in SPvTW. The film may have starred a crappy protagonist propelled by the most self-serving of white male fantasy plots (fight boys to win the girl!), but it may as well have been designed in a universe where only I exist.

It was stimulating, to say the least.

BAAAAAASS BAAAATTLEAnd, of course, there was the tie-in game (which, if I remember correctly, is actually what this article is about). Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was a beat ‘em up in the style of River City Ransom. And that makes perfect sense! The graphic novel distinctly references River City Ransom on numerous occasions, and, at the time, there wasn’t a River City Ransom spin-off title released every other week (anyone play that medieval themed one? No, not Dragon’s Crown). And it’s a beat ‘em up! Those are easy! Sailor Moon could do that! Couple that with gorgeous pixel art by Paul Robertson, and a criminally underrated soundtrack, and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was certainly a worthy tie-in title for a movie/graphic novel. It was by no means a perfect game (SPvTW seemed to be the modern start of the “home beat ‘em up” trend… and didn’t quite know what to do with leveling and such), but, in a world where at least one movie tie-in videogame once doomed the entire genre for a generation (Atari 2600 phone home), it was an amazingly fun way to enjoy the wave of Scott Pilgrim merchandise flowing from the all-encompassing media ocean.

But now, like the ebb and flow of that media sea, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World for Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 has gone out with the tide, never to be seen again.

Scoot over to Amazon right now, and you can search for Scott Pilgrim merchandise. You may download Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Movie, and watch it immediately. You may also order it with two-day shipping. Of course, you can also order the books in black and white and color formats, either as a set, or as individual graphic novels. The original movie soundtrack is available on vinyl. That same soundtrack is available as a CD, or a collection of MP3 downloads. Additionally, there is another soundtrack available for just the “score” of the film. On top of that, and most painfully, the soundtrack for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game is available as a series of MP3 downloads. Then there are the usual assortments of random clothing options, and, finally, a number of Funko Pops. Available for a little over $25 is the Funko Pop! SDCC 2017 Summer Convention Exclusive Scott Pilgrim vs. The World Nega Scott Vinyl Figure. It is a Funko Pop based on a character that appears for approximately two minutes of screen time in the film. It is available for purchase. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game is not.

ORBSSPvTW was delisted from Xbox and Playstation storefronts as of January 1, 2015. The game was available for about four years, and, when Ubisoft’s license expired, it was determined it was not profitable for anyone to continue to support even the sale of the title. The game was tied to a movie that was no substantial hit, so it was simply dropped. As the game had received no physical release prior to its delisting, it then ceased to exist. The only way to play the game was to have purchased and downloaded the game sometime around 2010-2014, and then prayed for the rest of days that that hard drive never failed. For anyone else that doesn’t want to lurk around the seedier corners of the net, it’s simply gone forever, unlikely to ever return.

And, maybe, that’s about what we should expect. The summer of 2010, complete with its deluge of Scott Pilgrim merchandise, is nearly a decade gone now. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World may have been a movie specifically made only for me… but that didn’t exactly translate to substantial ticket sales (I only went twice, and I’m sorry). SPvTW may have been speaking my language… but it was an evolutionary dead-end in 2010. Avengers, Star Wars, and other “nerd” properties might be at the top of the heap right now, but their general detachment from sincerity gives this audience of one an entirely different feeling. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was an entirely singular experience. It seems only right that its accompanying game is now lost forever.

But this old man doesn’t think that’s right at all. Now get off my lawn.

FGC #430 Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

  • System: Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. Well… Once upon a time…
  • Number of players: Four! That’s the best number of players!
  • ERRORA Videogame’s Videogame: SPvTW integrates a number of references to other famous games, both great and small. Everyone likely recognizes the red dripping of Mega Man 2 in the final stage, but did you notice the wolverine beasts use Wolverine’s berserker barrage from Marvel vs. Capcom? And that dude from Clash at Demonhead is hanging out in the background. Neat!
  • A Legend with Problems: Okay, my own nostalgia for this game may have created some hyperbole that ignores a few of the issues with the title. Whoever thought that throwing items should involve the risk of being knocked down by a rebound should be ejected directly into the sun. Come to think of it, there is far too much falling down in this game. Waiting for your character to get back up is not interesting! Particularly when you’re being stun locked by the final boss! This game has some deep-rooted issues… Hey! Kind of like Scott!
  • Secret Truth of all Scott Pilgrim adaptations: Scott Pilgrim and the Infinite Sadness is the peak of literally every version of the story. I cannot understand disagreeing with this statement.
  • Choose Your Own Adventure: It is appreciated that the graphic novels, the movie, and the videogame more or less have different endings that are appropriate to their mediums. The graphic novel has much more room to breathe, so its more meditative conclusion is proper. The movie is much more manic (and takes place over a much shorter amount of time), so something more traditional is suitable. And the videogame… that’s just a videogame. Nobody wants a long ending in a videogame!
  • Speaking of the Movie: Did IMDB watch the same movie I did?
    ...panties?

    Because those plot keywords might be describing the porn parody, Scott Pildick vs. The Oral.
  • Did you know? The first Scott Pilgrim vs. The World movie script was drafted before the third graphic novel was even released. That’s planning ahead!
  • Would I play again: This is the kind of game that is great to play through for an hour or two every other year… and that’s it. I can’t bring myself to play it as often as a Mega Man title, but it is fun while doing my laundry every once in a while. Glowing laundry endorsement right there.

What’s next? Our final “forgotten” title is one that isn’t forgotten at all, but should be gutted and useless inside of a couple months. Please look forward to it! … The article! Not the gutting!

Dawwww

FGC #421 Saints Row 4

Saints!Saints Row 4 is an over-the-top videogame about a world beset by aliens, destroyed, and then rebuilt in a Matrix-esque virtual reality wherein your player avatar, The President of the United States, is granted amazing super powers in an effort to eventually conquer the alien threat and conquer all of time so as to save the human race.

So let’s spend this article talking about urban planning.

Wait, sorry, I have been informed that it is moderately possible to stay on topic while addressing this blatantly boring matter, so we may as well give that a try. Take two…

Saints Row 2 was an amazing little chunk of a game. After Saints Row was reviewed as “like Grand Theft Auto, but we forgot to figure out the ‘but’”, Saints Row 2 shook the gaming world by being the most Grand Theft Auto-est Grand Theft Auto to ever Grand Theft Auto. That is to say, the Grand Theft Auto from before Rockstar decided to smother any fun in the franchise by sticking its head so far up its own butt that no excitement could ever escape this airtight asszone. And it wasn’t just about a completely bonkers plot that may or may not have contained covering sections of the city in raw sewage! No, Saints Row 2 took the customization features of San Andreas and dialed them up to eleven. So many options! So much clothing! Hell, they had to build an entire mall to house all those shopping choices!

And, in my humble opinion, that mall might be the best part of Saints Row 2.

WeeeeeYes, it’s just one silly area. Yes, it’s an area that probably ultimately only exists for one set piece mission that involves a shootout in a mall (that seems less funny in 2018). And, yes, I might just like it because I have a weird inclination toward hanging out at any mall, virtual ones included. But whatever the original reason for that lil’ shopping center, it is one of my favorite spots, and a significant reason for this is simple: it’s a place. It is somewhere in the Saints Row 2 city that you can actually go. It’s not just another empty, set-dressing building. It’s a real location, and, even if there is an obvious “now loading” parking garage or elevator, it still feels like an organic piece of the city. It’s not just a place to customize your trench coat, it’s a place, and it makes the world of Saints Row 2 feel that much more real.

And, like in our blighted present, you can never go to the mall again. Saints Row 3 dropped not only the mall, but seemingly the entire concept of going inside a big, open building.

And, let’s not kid ourselves, people noticed. I noticed. Saints Row 3 was an amazing game, but almost everyone seemed to recognize that its base city was somehow… less. There were more exciting cutscenes, set pieces, and the occasional reason to deploy a parachute after leaping from your hover-bike, but there weren’t any malls. There weren’t any places that made the SR3 city feel like a real place; simply stores that were singular rooms, and the occasional “level area” that felt very much like a Hyrulian dungeon. The Saints Row 3 city was a shell of the former glory of the series, particularly at a time when other franchises seemed to be moving forward with more immersive worlds.

And then Saints Row 4 effectively told the world that that was good enough, and outright reused the “old” city of Saints Row 3. New game, old city. Party foul, Volition, directors of Saints Row 4. You destroyed half the fun of an open world game before I even opened the box.

Tanks for the memoriesOf course, anyone familiar with the franchise or its producers knows the truth of the matter. In short, without reusing assets to an absurd degree, there literally would be no Saints Row 4. And that would be a major loss for the universe! Saints Row 4 is an irrational amount of fun, predominantly because it takes the typical, mundane world of Saints Row 3 (well, as mundane as any world with Mayor Burt Reynolds could be) and adds super powers. Run like The Flash, fly like Superman, and telekinetically whip some cars around like Matthew Malloy (like you can’t use Wikipedia). When you were previously tethered to finding a conveniently unlocked car every seventeen seconds, being able to Hulk jump straight out of a lake and onto a building is a bit of a game changer, and truly makes Saints Row 4 its own experience. The wisdom of Solomon is telling me you don’t need a new city when you’ve got the speed of Mercury.

But you know what? Let’s stop trying to justify the loss of a new city, and acknowledge that Steelport, the official city of Saints Row 3 & 4, is actually pretty great.

Consider the number one complaint about modern open world games: there’s nothing to do. From Breath of the Wild to Skyrim to Dragon’s… Dogma? Age? Something like that… For all of those worlds, it seems the number one complaint is that there’s a crazy, humungous world to explore, but nothing to do. And that makes perfect sense, as any neighborhood where every dungeon and dragon is squished together is going to feel a bit claustrophobic. If your horse doesn’t have anywhere to run around, everywhere is going to feel like Hyrule Field, and then you may as well just be playing an N64 game. A big world needs the option to feel boring, because wide open spaces are practically a requirement.

WeeeeeeeBut all of the open world games named a moment ago are fantasy-based worlds. An empty field feels natural in Final Fantasy or Elder Scrolls because “the wilds of the frontier” are practically built into the genre. That’s not going to fly in an urban environment, because, come on, when was the last time you saw seven inches of a city uninhabited by anything. In New York City, I saw a landlord-tenant dispute over a sleeping bag. This means that, assuming you want your sandbox city to be remotely realistic, it’s time to populate every millimeter of the place with something. There are no nice rocks or fields of tumbleweed in Grand Theft Auto or Saints Row; no, every bit of the city has to have a building or fountain or maybe just a spot where some dude carrying a dildo spawns. You need something, otherwise the world is going to look unfinished.

And then there’s the form and function factor. This is a proper videogame, not some manner of Endless Ocean nonsense, so there are missions. Missions require venues, so of course robbing the bank or destroying the alien antennae needs a spot to be marked on the map. So that means you have to build a bank or an antennae. And they can’t be next to each other! No! There must be some space between them. And there’s a car chase at the tail end of the mission? Wow, better design the streets around that for some interesting twists and turns. Don’t forget to add a fruit cart! Now multiply that kind of thinking by about, what, twenty? To account for all the story missions? And how many optional missions are there? How many street races, ragdoll showcases, and gang fights have to be included? And what do you do when missions start running into missions? It’s not like every section of the city is walled off entirely; you need to account for jobs that will use the same highways and byways. Everything has to fit together, and I don’t have to remind any artists out there how difficult it can be when you have to change just one thing, and are then forced to change every damn thing around it. Smoothing out one road might change the entire shape of the city!

Just thinking about it gets me exhausted.

Take a lookBut this is the strength of Steelport. With a limited number of changes, the same city was used for two different games brimming with content. And that’s amazing! Considering that Saints Row 3 and Saints Row 4 have dramatically different movement options available (a tank is not the same as Supergirl speed), the fact that the same city can be used at all is a minor miracle. And once you factor in all the missions across both games, well, it seems a little silly to be worried about the loss of a few open buildings. Yes, you might not have the same “lived-in” feeling of Saints Row 2, but SR3 and SR4 both use their shared city to do their jobs incredibly well. If you can use the same city to stage a noir-ish gang war story of betrayal and luchadores in the same place as a sci-fi epic featuring aliens and Agent Smith, then you’re clearly doing something right.

There’s nothing lazy about building something to last, and there’s nothing indolent about Steelport. This is how you reuse assets: by building something amazing and adaptable right from the beginning, and showcasing that remarkable flexibility. Here’s to the city planners of Steelport, because they know how to shape a city for the ages.

Though I do still miss the mall…

FGC #421 Saints Row 4

  • System: Available on PC, Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Playstation 4, and Xbox One. The Gat Out of Hell expansion (/entirely new game) came out at just the right time to boot this one up to the current gen consoles.
  • Number of players: Like SR3, this one has multiplayer that I have literally never tried. Let’s assume it’s good!
  • Favorite Weapon: There is a gun that inflates people’s heads. While I would like the ability to randomly inflate other body parts (I would very much like someone to explode thanks to unreasonably swollen calves), I can’t say no to N64-style body morphing.
  • OuchiePresident for a Day: It impacts practically nothing, but this title begins with your protagonist as President of the United States. I would personally like to play more adventures where you’re a Super Hero President… but then I start thinking about how my ideal game is Dynasty Warriors: Oops All Presidents, and how much it would kick ass to take out hordes of enemies with an extremely over-leveled William Howard Taft.
  • So, did you beat it? Yes. This is one of the few titles I actually completely Platinum’ed. I would be more proud of that if it didn’t involve rubberbanding a controller so I could fly around on a hover bike for an hour…
  • Did you know? This game canonizes the “Saints Row 1 model” character as a virtual reality created “boss” during one mission. This means that, without a doubt, if your protagonist is female in Saints Row 4, she’s trans, and not just implied to “look different” like in Saints Row 2. I think this means we have exactly one videogame franchise with a potentially trans hero. Progress!
  • Would I play again: Absolutely. I intended to play through Saints Row 4 on PS4 for this review, even… but it’s a long game! And I have a 100% save file right there on PS3! And I like running around like an invincible idiot! It happens!

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Captain Commando! Caaaaaaptain Commaaaaaando! Or… maybe I’m thinking of something else…. No matter! Please look forward to it!

Where did it all go?

FGC #416 Bioshock Infinite

Note: This article does contain spoilers for Bioshock Infinite. You have been warned!

BIOSHOCKIN'Bioshock Infinite is god damn terrifying videogame. And it’s even more terrifying that no one identifies it as such.

Let’s hit the basics before we get into the abject horror. Bioshock Infinite is a story-based first person shooter from the creators of Bio/System Shock. As such, it is a ludicrously complicated videogame from multiple perspectives. Combat is conceptually simple (shoot man in head, move on, shoot other man in head) but multiple weapons of a mundane (all of the guns, forever) and magical (“Look, pa, I can shoot lightning”) nature allow for an amazing number of options. Is there water on the ground for conducting electricity? How about some nice, flammable oil? And is this a situation that would better warrant a sniper scope, or a shotgun? Or screw all those options to the sticking place, and ride some sky rails to channel death-from-above action. In a genre that often panders to the lowest common denominator with boring hallways and tedious, linearly graduating weaponry, Bioshock Infinite’s wide open Columbia and all the options it affords are a godsend.

But, as great as the gameplay is in Bioshock Infinite, memories of BI are not of battling crow cultists or the occasional ghost mom; no, Bioshock Infinite, like its Bioshock brothers before it, is all about the story. In this case, we have the tale of Booker DeWitt…