Tag Archives: playstation 3

FGC #456 Asura’s Wrath

WRATH!Today’s game is Asura’s Wrath. “Asura” is, in this adventure, not a collection of demigods (though demigods are certainly involved), but one individual dude. Fair enough. Capcom is allowed to do whatever they want with religious beliefs, because being responsible for Street Fighter offers you a certain level of latitude. And there are enough guys named “Angel” in fiction anyway, right? I can name like three vampires off the top of my head. But I can only name one other Asura, and it’s this queen:

I know this deity

The last time I saw an “Asura”, she was a lady. And that got me thinking: why the hell aren’t women allowed to go crazy?

Asura’s Wrath is, for all the mythical trappings and anime-tastic explosions, little more than a “dad game”. Asura is a (super powered, maybe a robot?) general, but after a long day of battling creepy shadow monsters, he always comes home to his wife and daughter. They bring him joy, though Asura has concerns about his daughter’s divine power and eventual future as a high priestess. These concerns turn out to be well-founded when Asura’s fellow generals revolt, frame Asura for murder, kill his wife (in another, separate homicide), and kidnap his daughter. This pisses Asura right off, and leads to a quest that lasts 12,500 years (or roughly eight active hours), and sees Asura destroying entire armies and endangering the world to sate his rage. But don’t worry! It’s all justified, because Asura is a man, and his precious daughter has been kidnapped, so any damage he does to himself and others is wholly warranted. He’s a father, people! You get it!

And, frankly, we see this kind of thing all the time. It was taken to puppy-dad extremes in John Wick, but the videogame universe features a number of angry dads. From Kratos (reminder: he was a dad before the first game even started) to Mayor Mike Haggar, there are many fathers in gaming that absolutely flip the table over with righteous fury the moment their child is endangered and/or murdered. And, as ever, that’s allowed, right? Even if we’re not all parents, we all understand losing someone or something you care about. That’s universal! And, since we’ve decided to make videogame graphics startlingly realistic, it only makes sense that more and more games would find “legitimate” reasons to justify visiting violence S-WORDS!upon worlds worth of people. They can’t all be zombie games. Every once in a while, you have to honorably put down an entire city’s population for a level, and what better reason than “they took my precious daughter”. I’m pretty sure Booker threatened entire realities with that excuse.

But if this trope is so justified by parenthood, why is it always dads? Why can’t moms flip their shit, too?

Obviously (and sadly), the first explanation is that videogames are assumed to be for almost exclusively men, and thus fathers are more featured than mothers. Even when rampages don’t happen, there are any number of dad games out there where daddy dearest must protect dear daughter from dangers. And, if we’re already assuming boys play videogames more than girls, then we’re also including the added benefit of your daughter character could be a sex object to your heteronormative younger set of gamers. Teenagers are certainly okay with having sex with sexy teenagers, but, flip the genders, and the boys are left to have sex with… their mom? No! Nobody wants that! (Sit down, Freud.) Sex sells, appealing to straight men sells, and appealing to even an imaginary paternal instinct sells. Think about how many reviews will identify your dad game as mature if you’re rescuing a daughter instead of a princess! This is a real world problem!

WRATH!But, if we’re just pandering to clichés, why can’t we indulge in other clichés? For better or worse (almost entirely worse), there are any number of cants regarding “crazy” women. The “crazy ex-girlfriend” or “crazy bitch” tropes are so pervasive they’ve inspired entire songs and television series (that include songs); but consider the trope of the “unstoppable” mother. “My baby is in danger, and I will do anything to protect them!” is the rallying cry of many stories about mothers lifting cars or pushing buses out of the way. And you know who else does that? The Incredible Hulk. But even when you look to the comics, you’ll find that The Hulk is The Friggen’ Hulk, while his female counterpart, She-Hulk, is a character defined by the fact that she doesn’t experience Hulk’s heightened emotions every time she steps on a Lego. We have multiple insulting clichés regarding women going crazy, but only a handful of stories where “crazy women” use that power to do something heroic. We can hear about Karen wrecking a Starbucks over a mislabeled latte, but we can’t find a videogame where that same rage is focused on non-barista based monsters?

But we all know where we do see women in videogames. Asura’s Wrath, could you show us your woman?

This broad

Olga is the only woman in Asura’s Wrath. Excuse me, that’s a bit of an error. There are other women in Asura’s Wrath. There’s Asura’s wife, who is killed so Asura (and his brother-in-law) can experience man pain. There’s Asura’s daughter, who we’re told is super-powerful, but is only ever an object that Asura must rescue. And there’s Unnamed Villager Girl (who marginally has a name if you pay attention to developer interviews and gibberish cutscenes), who exists to remind Asura of his daughter, and then die, thus causing further man pain. Which neatly brings us back to Olga, what with Olga killing Unnamed Villager Girl an’ all…

So Olga is the only woman in the cast that is not simply there to make Asura feel bad. She is also the only lady on team bad guy. Not coincidentally, she is also supposed to embody the deadly sin of lust. Does she effectively display this during the story? No. At best, she is shown to be wholly dedicated to the (male) leader of the baddies, so maybe she’s at least sleeping with him between scenes? Obviously, “lust” is the kind of thing that is hard to work into a story. It’s not like you could just have some character hanging out in a hot spring with concubines while talking about his sexual conquests…

Seriously, guy?

Or maybe you can do exactly that.

So Olga is the supposed personification of lust, but she’s shown up by a dirty old man that embodies greed. Whatever. She can at least prove herself in combat, though, right? No, that isn’t right, as she’s apparently the one “boss” that Asura never fights. In fact, if she didn’t appear in the “secret ending” coda, you’d be forgiven for assuming the writers literally forgot she existed about 80% through the game. And her final fate after that cameo of a reappearance? She’s the only one of the Seven Deities to not be killed by Asura. She’s there to be a sacrifice on the altar of “boy, this final boss is gonna be really tough”.

But don’t worry! She is eventually reincarnated… as a secretary. One of the other generals is reincarnated as a movie star. I wonder if he ever has to make someone coffee…

WRATH!A number of videogames have problems with women. A number of videogames feature berserker male characters. Asura’s Wrath is both. Can these problems be fixed? Of course. Was there ever even an attempt to sponge some of the testosterone off Asura’s Wrath? Of course not. The women of the title are forgettable (and Asura’s own daughter could be replaced with a particularly sympathetic set of AA batteries), and not a single one gets to join in the fun. Asura shares the spotlight with another hero for a few chapters, but, guess what? He’s a dude, too. The message of Asura’s Wrath (and many other games) is clear: women aren’t allowed to be raging warriors. They can be moms. They can be daughters. They can be administrative assistants. But they can’t be The Hulk. That isn’t allowed.

That should make a lot of women mad as hell.

And I’d like to play their videogames.

FGC #456 Asura’s Wrath

  • System: Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. The general sentiment surrounding Asura’s Wrath was that it was kind of a sales bomb, so I wouldn’t expect a remaster anytime soon.
  • Number of players: Two heroes eventually pop out of this story, but only one player at a time.
  • STUFF GONNA EXPLODE100% Completion: For the sake of pedantry, I want to note that there are plenty of great action women in videogames. Heroines like Bayonetta, Samus Aran, and even Juliet of Lollipop Chainsaw are all great, murderous female protagonists… just they’re not really all that mad. They’re more cool or professional (or occasionally bubbly) than anything. The only berserker lady that immediately seems to fit Asura’s mold is Zero of Drakengard 3, and even that is tempered by Yoko Tarro’s traditional commentary on violence and loss. But thank you to everyone on Twitter who offered suggestions! I’ll get to Darksiders 3 and Ronin soon enough!
  • How badly does this game want to be an anime? Very. Very badly. Practically everything in Asura’s Wrath is organized like a 22 minute anime episode, complete with middle of the episode “bumpers” and a cryptic “episode preview” between chapters. It also commits the sin of repeating exactly what happened before and after the commercial break, even though there are no real commercials breaks. That’s just wasting my time, guys!
  • Favorite Eight Guardian Generals general: I don’t really like, like, any of the characters in this game… though that may be the point. I’ll take Wyzen, though, as he’s the great big guy that is destined to die/fail early in the story, but at least he has the good sense to turn into a planet-sized deity and attempt to crush the hero with a meteoric finger. He still bombs, but it seemed like a plan that could have come together nicely.
  • Favorite incidental weapon: Nunchuks connected together by lightning seems like the kind of thing that should be included in more games. Has that ever been seen in Soulcalibur? Or with the Ninja Turtles? Slam dunk, right there for the taking.
  • ANIME!Horse Armor: Technically, you could claim the “true ending” of Asura’s Wrath is only available through paid-DLC. However, the reality of it is that the DLC is much more akin to a (much smaller) sequel than a “pay-to-play” ending for the real game. Also, given the nature of the game, Youtube is right over there, so there’s really no reason to be upset about Capcom being a bunch of money-grubbing hogs (this time).
  • Mind Blowing: Oh, there’s a spider motif recurring through this game because Asura often has six arms, thus giving him an arachnid-esque 8 limbs. Just got that.
  • Did you know? You can’t actually pause the game during those fake commercial break moments. Now I’m going to rampage!
  • Would I play again: Oh yeah, I barely talked about the gameplay itself. It’s basically paced like a playable movie, with very little “filler”, and absolutely no exploration. Which basically means that, after the visceral feeling of playing the game once “for real”, it’s time to move on. Maybe I’ll rewatch it in the gallery player while I’m playing another, more active game.

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Blazing Dragons starring Cheech Marin! Hey, it’s entry #420 somewhere (no it’s not). Please look forward to it!

DEM GODS

FGC #446 Odin Sphere (Leifthrasir)

Good catWhy bother with yet another beat ‘em up? Why bother with Odin Sphere?

Odin Sphere is, at its core, a beat ‘em up game. Yes, it is the unusual 2-D beat ‘em up, and, yes, it has many “RPG elements” that separate it from the typical beat ‘em up title, but it is still “only” a beat ‘em up. You move from screen to screen, defeat some enemies, and then break a few crates for items before eventually reaching the boss. Basic mooks are continually recycled between areas, the areas themselves are limited, and even bosses are fought multiple times in multiple configurations. Odin Sphere is a beat ‘em up, and, even though it is gorgeous (or maybe because it is gorgeous), it is still fairly limited. It seems like there are five hours of unique gameplay in this twenty hour game.

So why bother? This isn’t an arcade beat ‘em up that includes fun times with friends, and, while some of the “JRPG elements” are interesting, you can’t hang an entire game on shoving sentient turnips into flasks. While Odin Sphere is damn pretty to look at, graphics are not everything (or at least I’ve been told that by every lying gamer I’ve ever encountered). There’s good beat ‘em up nonsense available here, but hitting any other title that is over in about a quarter of the time seems like a better choice.

Except other beat ‘em ups don’t feature Velvet.

Odin Sphere might be a simple beat ‘em up with repetitive monsters and locations, but it contains a very engrossing story. This is not to say it is a unique story! Most of the heroes and heroines of Odin Sphere are basic operatic archetypes, and God help me if I have to deal with one more character that has daddy issues and must go on an adventure to find their own place in the world. “What is this emotion called… love?” asks the entire speaking cast of Odin Sphere. And Oswald is clearly just Darth Vader minus the fatherhood angle, which leaves us with… Darth… Nothing? But! Despite all of this, the walking clichés of Odin Sphere are a collection of surprisingly memorable lads and lassies, likely because their proclivity for Shakespearean soliloquies grants us a rare look into these protagonists’ minds (also: fun Shakespearean tropes like “I can only be killed by a tree” “Well my middle name is ‘Tree’” “Oh fiddlesticks”). Aren’t we all tired of silent protagonists? Give us more adventurers with deep-rooted psychological issues.

And the leader of the pack for these nerds is obviously…

VELVET!

Velvet Valentine. I mean, look at that idle pose! She’s got more personality just standing there glaring at a rabbit than most characters earn over the course of a 40 hour adventure.

Get 'em!

But it’s not just about classy poses, she also possesses a ridiculous whip chain weapon (that incidentally absorbs the souls of the dead). And everyone knows that in videogames (unlike in our mundane, crappy world) whips are the most powerful weapons on whatever passes for Earth du jour (Erion?). Whips have range, power, and, if you’re good, the power to command fire (Belmonts have known this one simple trick for centuries). Yes, there’s that whole bondage connotation, but who cares about that when…

Spider-Man!

Whips allow you to become Spider-Man! Who cares about anything when you can be Spider-Man? Actually, given Velvet has experience as a dancer, she’s more Spider-Gwen… and maybe that’s even better? I mean, there are a lot of Spider-Mans running around out there, but Ghost Spider is pretty unique. And, like Velvet, she has a cool costume, too.

But it’s not all sunshine and roses for Velvet…

This sucks for everybody

Velvet comes from circumstances. Velvet and her twin brother were abused by their grandfather, a man who also killed their mother in a fit of rage. Apparently Grandpappy King Valentine would arbitrarily whip his grandchildren, and force his granddaughter to dance for him for reasons that can only be maximum skeevy.

Bro!

This created an unfortunate situation wherein Velvet’s brother grew up to be a duplicitous jerk/three-headed dog monster (although Pappy Odin kind of added to those issues, too), and Velvet herself eventually became an adult with an understandable level of PTSD. And, considering Velvet is also stuck in a magical universe where anything can happen, she lived in fear of her abusive grandfather returning from the grave. When he inevitably does that and kicks off a (surprisingly successful) plan to destroy the world, suffice it to say, Velvet is not having a fun time.

Samus!

But she’s having a fun time when she’s flipping around like Samus Aran. Hey, that bounty hunter had problems with authority and dead parents, too! Samus and Velvet should hang out and play with their grappling beams together!

Such a dreamboat

And it’s not only jumping skills that will make Velvet’s life better. She has the love of a loyal prince, Cornelius, who, despite being cursed about ten seconds after his introduction, is a true Prince Charming. He fights for his country, his people, and, most importantly, Velvet. And he didn’t even need a magical sword to defend his love against his vaguely patricidal father. That’s a man worth keeping, Velvet! I can count on one hand the number of people I know that would fight a sewer dragon for their lover.

Bunny!

Oh, and she really likes rabbits, too. Rabbits, in many cases, are better than a doting boyfriend. If only there were some way to combine the two…

Now, is anything about Velvet here all that revolutionary? Nope! I compared her to three other fictional characters in the span of a few hundred words, so it’s pretty clear Velvet isn’t the most original character (that you should not steal). But she’s… fun. All these traits seem to alchemize into a perfectly golden heroine, and wanting to see what becomes of the wannabe Romani is a fine reason to fight the same stupid five bosses all over again.

Why do we play some videogames? Maybe it’s just a matter of having the right character.

FGC #446 Odin Sphere (Leifthrasir)

  • KISS MESystem: The original Odin Sphere appeared on Playstation 2, but then we saw a rerelease on Playstation 3, Playstation 4, and Vita eight years later, presumably because of phat piles of Dragon’s Crown cash.
  • What’s the difference? The new and improved Odin Sphere Leifthrasir contains a number of quality of life improvements, new skills, and the occasional area where you can jump around like an idiot for no reason. But it barely offers any new story content or “levels”, so only seek out the remake if you have eyeballs that enjoy gorgeous graphics carried along a HDMI cable.
  • Number of players: One Valkyrie at a time, please.
  • What’s in a name? The titular Odin Sphere is likely a reference to Odin’s gigantic spikey-ball thingy. Or it could be a reference to the circular arenas featured in every battle stage. Or some kind of upgrade on Wagner’s “cycle” of music dramas. Or it just bloody sounds cool. I didn’t make this game!
  • Other naming issues: Wagner the Dragon has a name that is pronounced like “Vagner”. Oswald the Unlucky Rabbit gets the proper American/English soft pronunciation of his W. I’m not one to fiddle with accents and articulation, but try to be a little more consistent, Japanese-created magical Norse creatures.
  • Favorite Character: Go ahead and take a guess.
  • An End: I very much appreciate that the final boss gauntlet initially appears as a “choose your favorite fighter” situation, but is actually deeply tied to the lore of the piece, and asks the player if they’ve been paying attention to the various prophecies floating around. However, I am not a big fan of the fact that these five (mostly) original bosses were all herded into the final moments. We could have used original content elsewhere, guys!
  • Did you know? Sheep grow on trees.
  • Would I play again: Maybe we could see this one on the Switch? The grindiness seems like something that would be ideal for a kinda portable system… but then again the same could be said of nearly every modern beat ‘em up. That’s it! Go ahead and put every beat ‘em up on the Switch! It’s the only way to be sure!

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… We ❤ Katamari for the Playstation 2! That one is sure to roll up a lot of fun. Please look forward to it!

This sucks for everyone involved

FGC #445 Dengeki Bunko: Fighting Climax

Anime!Dengeki Bunko: Fighting Climax is anime fighter: the animest. While so many anime fighters out there are just about a random bunch of yokels that Arc System Works sneezed into existence after passing a particularly allergenic cat-girl, Dengeki Bunko: Fighting Climax mixes a healthy number of established anime characters from across manga and television series. It makes for a very Marvel vs. Capcom-esque experience, right down to the fact that certain characters seems to employ “continual cosplay” as their main fighting style (actually, maybe it’s more like Pocket Fighter). But regardless of the gameplay, if you watch a lot of anime, this is where you can see your favorite protagonists fight it out.

And, hey, I watch a lot of anime!

But do I… remember my anime?

I’ve said it before, but I watch anime like many people watch “trash TV”. Okay, yeah, come to think of it, a lot of anime is trash. And I eat up that trash like some kind of ravenous trash panda. I watch anime to relax (and maybe play some games while I’m at it), but does any of it make an impact? Well, one way to find out is to review the characters in this game, and see if I remember a damn thing about their origin franchises. That should prove, once and for all, whether I consume anime in a manner that sustains my appetite, or if it’s all just empty calories.

Mikoto Misaka of A Certain Magical Index/A Certain Scientific Railgun

BOOMWho is this, officially: Mikoto is a student in Academy City, a place filled with… let’s just call ‘em mutants. Mikoto is one of the strongest mutants, and possesses magnetic superpowers that allow her to shoot off a common coin like a railgun bullet.

What do I remember of this series: We are starting here because I have vivid memories of this complete franchise. It is, essentially, The X-Men for a time when The X-Men has kind of sucked for a solid decade or so (do I mean in comics? Movies? Games? How about all of the above?). And, bonus, A Certain Scientific Railgun has a predominantly female cast that offers a little more variety in plots and relationships than “Wolverine and Cyclops are fighting over Jean again”. Unfortunately, Railgun was also the spin-off of another series, and spent a solid season literally going through the exact story as its progenitor series. That killed any momentum I ever had with the show, so I don’t know if it continued past that extremely ill-advised waste of my time. I remember when I have been wronged by an anime! I will never forgive you, seventeen Bleach filler arcs! Melancholy? You’re next!

Anyway, aside from the stock “predatory lesbian that will not stop pursuing her crush that is also her roommate and that gets damn creepy, damn fast” character, A Certain Scientific Railgun left a generally good impression, and seeing Mikoto on the boxart for this title is likely the reason I purchased this game in the first place.

Rentarō Satomia of Black Bullet, Shizuo Heiwajima of Durarara!!, and Yukina Himeragia of Strike the Blood

Okay, I know I didn’t watch these shows, so I’m totally skipping them. I thought Strike the Blood might be that anime where a woman with a sword fights vampires, but I was totally thinking of something else. Next!

Kirito & Asuna of Sword Art Online

It's a fight over foodWho is this, officially: Kirito and Asuna are two ordinary humans that become trapped in a virtual reality MMORPG. Despite people screaming “log off!” at their respective houses, both are stuck in the game for years until they complete an annoyingly complicated dungeon. They also both lovers, and hooked up in the game world thanks to a mutual love of swordplay and log cabins.

What do I remember of this series: First of all, this is the wretched hive of villainy that seemed to popularize the anime conceit of “modern man in strange world” (concept invented by the venerable mangaka Mark Twain). And I can see why it worked out so well: Sword Art Online is interesting at the beginning! The whole conceit of being “stuck” in this MMORPG world is fascinating and explored with a focus on the characters and their growth from extreme disbelief to adapting to this exciting new existence (that incidentally revolves around a lot of questions about the meaning of life and the mystery of death). And then, in a shocking twist, Kirito wins the game, sees everyone released, and must now live a life on the outside, “real” world after years in a magical fantasy universe. That could be an equally interesting adventure! But we’ll never know, because the plot gets bored with that notion after an episode, and the main cast dives into the next MMORPG, because the princess gets kidnapped by an evil dragon. Or something.

It’s stupid. It’s really stupid.

There’s a second season and a complete spin-off series revolving around the sword’s modern cousin, the gun. It’s all extremely stupid. I’m pretty sure the franchise just exists to sell sexy statues at this point.

Oh, speaking of which…

Kirino Kosaka of Oreimo

Little annoying sisterWho is this, officially: Kirino appears for all the world like a smart, athletic, overachieving 8th grader. But she has a secret! She’s obsessed with “cute little sister”-based visual novels of the wink wink, nudge nudge fare, and is a giant otaku nerd as a result. And the greatest irony? She is a “cute little sister”, and her older brother barely wants anything to do with her.

What do I remember from this series: I hate everything that happens here. I could write an entire essay on exactly why this franchise is possibly the worst thing to ever happen to fiction. It is wrong on so many levels, from a moral to a storytelling perspective. I’m moderately certain this anime killed my cat. Long story short: what starts as an actually worthwhile homosexual allegory then jackknifes into a random high school dating comedy, and then somehow mutates into the most insidious of harem animes. It all ends when the brother decides to marry his sister.

The whole wretched thing left an impression, and that impression is that this whole “human culture” thing was a mistake. Maybe dolphins can be responsible for fiction for the next millennium.

Kuroyukihime of Accel World

Dances with fairiesWho is this, officially: Kuroyukihime is the student council president and all around overachiever. She is also a leader of a MMORPG faction in Accel World. And she has an incredibly convoluted backstory involving getting mad at her sister/videogames. What’s important is that she is super-strong in her MMORPG world, and she looks like a magical faerie.

What do I remember from this series: This is where things start to get fuzzy. I know I watched an entire season of this nonsense, but… what was going on? I guess there was some kind of virtual reality MMORPG, and your avatar was based on your rank, so the hero was a wee piggy? And Kuro loved little piggy boy, because he was really good at nibbling on scraps or something? And… that’s all I got. I could not name a single other character from this series. One was named “Lime Bell”? Yeah, maybe my brain is in better shape than I thought. It is protecting me from useless information…

Miyuki Shiba of The Irregular at Magic High School

Sheeb!Who is this, officially: Magic is real! And you can go to high school to learn it! Miyuki is head of the class (I’m seeing a pattern here), but Tatsuya, her brother, is not very adept. Regardless, they both have to hide their hated ancestry, and, I don’t know, they probably learn about life and love along the way.

What do I remember from this series: I can’t rightly remember if I ever watched this one. And, to be clear, this isn’t like “oh maybe”, it’s just that I am reading a description of this series right now, and it could be describing seventeen different animes I can recall off the top of my head. This isn’t the one with the kiss-swapping, and I know it’s not the one with the one girl who turns into a baby when she gets upset. Magic school is… ugh… can we just leave this genre behind? It’s not even like Harry Potter did it all that well. “School, but with magic!” still winds up with the same tropes, just maybe someone turns into a cat at some point. This one only adds brother f$^*ing to the mix, and we already had that in Boy Meets World.

Shana of Shakugan no Shana

fieryWho is this, officially: So, there’s a parallel universe filled with people and creatures that fight all the time, and they’re basically vampires, but different. One of these fighters, Shana, pops into our universe, befriends a well-meaning boy, and she leads a semi-regular life while also occasionally flipping into superhero mode to battle other rejects from her dimension. She also has the coolest hair, ever.

What do I remember from this series: It was basically Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Anime Edition for a solid two seasons, and then the third season got all sad and angry and all about how much life sucks when you fight. Or maybe I’m thinking of something else. I don’t know! My lasting impression of Shakugan no Shana is that I liked it for a hot minute, but the finale left such a bad taste in my mouth that I didn’t want to see it ever again. I think someone had amnesia? That’s never a good thing.

Tomoka Minato of Ro-Kyu-Bu!

Who is this, officially: It’s a sports anime! And that sport is basketball! Tomoka is a class president or overachiever or something, and…

LOOK AWAY

AHHHHHH!

What do I remember from this series:

LOOK AWAY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Taiga Aisakaa of Toradora!

RoarWho is this, officially: Oh, finally. We’re back to a basic, slice-of-life anime. Taiga is a short, high school girl who is publically regarded as a menace because she has an equally short temper. She befriends a boy that is publically regarded as a menace because he has permanent angry eyes. Together, they fight crime navigate the complicated halls of high school, and wind up involved in a love polyhedron that is completely incidental to the continual gags poking at the very concept of a love polyhedron.

What do I remember from this series: I liked it! … And I can’t remember much more than that. And you know what? That’s okay! I consume anime as comfort food, and I don’t need to remember who had sex with whose sister. What’s important is that I enjoyed the show itself, and I don’t have to sit down and write a thousand word essay about what was important in its themes before moving on to update the wiki from now until dawn.

You can forget about the plot to an anime, but never forget that it is okay to simply find something enjoyable, but forgettable. Not everything has to be analyzed. Not everything has to be poked and prodded until it cries for mercy.

Anywho, tune in next week for a couple thousand words on the topic of a random Playstation 2 game from a decade ago!

FGC #445 Dengeki Bunko: Fighting Climax

  • System: Playstation 3 and Vita. This was released around the time that everything got a PS4 version, too, but that never materialized.
  • Number of players: It’s a fighting game, so eleventy billion.
  • BounceyOther Fighters: This is a Sega title, so there are a couple of guests that originate from videogames that are just really similar to animes. Akira of Virtua Fighter looks a lot more interesting here than in his originating franchise, but he’s still duller than a doorknob from the whitest part of town. There’s also Selvaria Bles of Valkyria Chronicles. She’s possibly the most annoyed character in the whole roster, likely because someone decided to glue a pair of overinflated balloons to her chest.
  • Other cameos: All of the backgrounds are based on Sega franchises/stages. This means that, against all odds, we’ve got Green Hill Zone in a game that doesn’t even involve Sonic. It’s escaped containment!
  • Turbo Edition: There’s also a revised version of DB:FC for the arcades that has not seen consoles yet. It contains a few more characters… and one is Ako of And You Thought There is Never a Girl Online?. You do not want me talking about that series. I have opinions on gender politics of MMORPGs that could go on for days!
  • Story time? The plot is that Good (as represented as a cute anime girl) and Evil (a blocky eyeball) are fighting, and Good has selected “your” fighter as the last stand against Evil. This is significant, as this choose-your-own-adventure outright states that every other fighter and world has fallen, save your chosen one. Couple this with the backgrounds involved, and it’s pretty clear that Evil killed not only all anime, but also Sonic the Hedgehog. Bold, but understandable, move!
  • Did you know? There’s a background based on 7th Dragon 2020.
    Roar!

    I’m excited anytime someone mentions dragons in multiples of seven.
  • Would I play again: Maybe? It’s a fun, if a little dumb, fighting game. I like seeing these characters, and it’s entertaining to look at in a general sense. Basically, it’s enjoyable, if a bit forgettable. So I’ll play it again if I ever happen to think of it again.

What’s Next? Random ROB has chosen… Odin Sphere! That’s a big ball o’ god right there! Please look forward to it!

FGC #421 Saints Row 4

Saints!Saints Row 4 is an over-the-top videogame about a world beset by aliens, destroyed, and then rebuilt in a Matrix-esque virtual reality wherein your player avatar, The President of the United States, is granted amazing super powers in an effort to eventually conquer the alien threat and conquer all of time so as to save the human race.

So let’s spend this article talking about urban planning.

Wait, sorry, I have been informed that it is moderately possible to stay on topic while addressing this blatantly boring matter, so we may as well give that a try. Take two…

Saints Row 2 was an amazing little chunk of a game. After Saints Row was reviewed as “like Grand Theft Auto, but we forgot to figure out the ‘but’”, Saints Row 2 shook the gaming world by being the most Grand Theft Auto-est Grand Theft Auto to ever Grand Theft Auto. That is to say, the Grand Theft Auto from before Rockstar decided to smother any fun in the franchise by sticking its head so far up its own butt that no excitement could ever escape this airtight asszone. And it wasn’t just about a completely bonkers plot that may or may not have contained covering sections of the city in raw sewage! No, Saints Row 2 took the customization features of San Andreas and dialed them up to eleven. So many options! So much clothing! Hell, they had to build an entire mall to house all those shopping choices!

And, in my humble opinion, that mall might be the best part of Saints Row 2.

WeeeeeYes, it’s just one silly area. Yes, it’s an area that probably ultimately only exists for one set piece mission that involves a shootout in a mall (that seems less funny in 2018). And, yes, I might just like it because I have a weird inclination toward hanging out at any mall, virtual ones included. But whatever the original reason for that lil’ shopping center, it is one of my favorite spots, and a significant reason for this is simple: it’s a place. It is somewhere in the Saints Row 2 city that you can actually go. It’s not just another empty, set-dressing building. It’s a real location, and, even if there is an obvious “now loading” parking garage or elevator, it still feels like an organic piece of the city. It’s not just a place to customize your trench coat, it’s a place, and it makes the world of Saints Row 2 feel that much more real.

And, like in our blighted present, you can never go to the mall again. Saints Row 3 dropped not only the mall, but seemingly the entire concept of going inside a big, open building.

And, let’s not kid ourselves, people noticed. I noticed. Saints Row 3 was an amazing game, but almost everyone seemed to recognize that its base city was somehow… less. There were more exciting cutscenes, set pieces, and the occasional reason to deploy a parachute after leaping from your hover-bike, but there weren’t any malls. There weren’t any places that made the SR3 city feel like a real place; simply stores that were singular rooms, and the occasional “level area” that felt very much like a Hyrulian dungeon. The Saints Row 3 city was a shell of the former glory of the series, particularly at a time when other franchises seemed to be moving forward with more immersive worlds.

And then Saints Row 4 effectively told the world that that was good enough, and outright reused the “old” city of Saints Row 3. New game, old city. Party foul, Volition, directors of Saints Row 4. You destroyed half the fun of an open world game before I even opened the box.

Tanks for the memoriesOf course, anyone familiar with the franchise or its producers knows the truth of the matter. In short, without reusing assets to an absurd degree, there literally would be no Saints Row 4. And that would be a major loss for the universe! Saints Row 4 is an irrational amount of fun, predominantly because it takes the typical, mundane world of Saints Row 3 (well, as mundane as any world with Mayor Burt Reynolds could be) and adds super powers. Run like The Flash, fly like Superman, and telekinetically whip some cars around like Matthew Malloy (like you can’t use Wikipedia). When you were previously tethered to finding a conveniently unlocked car every seventeen seconds, being able to Hulk jump straight out of a lake and onto a building is a bit of a game changer, and truly makes Saints Row 4 its own experience. The wisdom of Solomon is telling me you don’t need a new city when you’ve got the speed of Mercury.

But you know what? Let’s stop trying to justify the loss of a new city, and acknowledge that Steelport, the official city of Saints Row 3 & 4, is actually pretty great.

Consider the number one complaint about modern open world games: there’s nothing to do. From Breath of the Wild to Skyrim to Dragon’s… Dogma? Age? Something like that… For all of those worlds, it seems the number one complaint is that there’s a crazy, humungous world to explore, but nothing to do. And that makes perfect sense, as any neighborhood where every dungeon and dragon is squished together is going to feel a bit claustrophobic. If your horse doesn’t have anywhere to run around, everywhere is going to feel like Hyrule Field, and then you may as well just be playing an N64 game. A big world needs the option to feel boring, because wide open spaces are practically a requirement.

WeeeeeeeBut all of the open world games named a moment ago are fantasy-based worlds. An empty field feels natural in Final Fantasy or Elder Scrolls because “the wilds of the frontier” are practically built into the genre. That’s not going to fly in an urban environment, because, come on, when was the last time you saw seven inches of a city uninhabited by anything. In New York City, I saw a landlord-tenant dispute over a sleeping bag. This means that, assuming you want your sandbox city to be remotely realistic, it’s time to populate every millimeter of the place with something. There are no nice rocks or fields of tumbleweed in Grand Theft Auto or Saints Row; no, every bit of the city has to have a building or fountain or maybe just a spot where some dude carrying a dildo spawns. You need something, otherwise the world is going to look unfinished.

And then there’s the form and function factor. This is a proper videogame, not some manner of Endless Ocean nonsense, so there are missions. Missions require venues, so of course robbing the bank or destroying the alien antennae needs a spot to be marked on the map. So that means you have to build a bank or an antennae. And they can’t be next to each other! No! There must be some space between them. And there’s a car chase at the tail end of the mission? Wow, better design the streets around that for some interesting twists and turns. Don’t forget to add a fruit cart! Now multiply that kind of thinking by about, what, twenty? To account for all the story missions? And how many optional missions are there? How many street races, ragdoll showcases, and gang fights have to be included? And what do you do when missions start running into missions? It’s not like every section of the city is walled off entirely; you need to account for jobs that will use the same highways and byways. Everything has to fit together, and I don’t have to remind any artists out there how difficult it can be when you have to change just one thing, and are then forced to change every damn thing around it. Smoothing out one road might change the entire shape of the city!

Just thinking about it gets me exhausted.

Take a lookBut this is the strength of Steelport. With a limited number of changes, the same city was used for two different games brimming with content. And that’s amazing! Considering that Saints Row 3 and Saints Row 4 have dramatically different movement options available (a tank is not the same as Supergirl speed), the fact that the same city can be used at all is a minor miracle. And once you factor in all the missions across both games, well, it seems a little silly to be worried about the loss of a few open buildings. Yes, you might not have the same “lived-in” feeling of Saints Row 2, but SR3 and SR4 both use their shared city to do their jobs incredibly well. If you can use the same city to stage a noir-ish gang war story of betrayal and luchadores in the same place as a sci-fi epic featuring aliens and Agent Smith, then you’re clearly doing something right.

There’s nothing lazy about building something to last, and there’s nothing indolent about Steelport. This is how you reuse assets: by building something amazing and adaptable right from the beginning, and showcasing that remarkable flexibility. Here’s to the city planners of Steelport, because they know how to shape a city for the ages.

Though I do still miss the mall…

FGC #421 Saints Row 4

  • System: Available on PC, Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Playstation 4, and Xbox One. The Gat Out of Hell expansion (/entirely new game) came out at just the right time to boot this one up to the current gen consoles.
  • Number of players: Like SR3, this one has multiplayer that I have literally never tried. Let’s assume it’s good!
  • Favorite Weapon: There is a gun that inflates people’s heads. While I would like the ability to randomly inflate other body parts (I would very much like someone to explode thanks to unreasonably swollen calves), I can’t say no to N64-style body morphing.
  • OuchiePresident for a Day: It impacts practically nothing, but this title begins with your protagonist as President of the United States. I would personally like to play more adventures where you’re a Super Hero President… but then I start thinking about how my ideal game is Dynasty Warriors: Oops All Presidents, and how much it would kick ass to take out hordes of enemies with an extremely over-leveled William Howard Taft.
  • So, did you beat it? Yes. This is one of the few titles I actually completely Platinum’ed. I would be more proud of that if it didn’t involve rubberbanding a controller so I could fly around on a hover bike for an hour…
  • Did you know? This game canonizes the “Saints Row 1 model” character as a virtual reality created “boss” during one mission. This means that, without a doubt, if your protagonist is female in Saints Row 4, she’s trans, and not just implied to “look different” like in Saints Row 2. I think this means we have exactly one videogame franchise with a potentially trans hero. Progress!
  • Would I play again: Absolutely. I intended to play through Saints Row 4 on PS4 for this review, even… but it’s a long game! And I have a 100% save file right there on PS3! And I like running around like an invincible idiot! It happens!

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Captain Commando! Caaaaaaptain Commaaaaaando! Or… maybe I’m thinking of something else…. No matter! Please look forward to it!

Where did it all go?