Tag Archives: custer’s revenge

WW #1 Welcome to Wankery Week!

Due to the subject matter of this entire week, some items may be NSFW. Barring some terrible graphics, we’re sorta aiming for PG-13 screenshots here, but, given everyone has a different threshold, anything potentially offensive will be behind the “Read More” links du jour. Just so you are aware…

Just what I expected!As time has gone on, society’s understanding of sex and gender has become much more fluid. It’s no longer about boy or girl, there’s an entire spectrum. And while that spectrum has always existed, what’s important is that people now (finally) acknowledge such a thing. That’s good! Less good, however, is that discussions on sexuality and the impact of sexual imagery seem more binary than ever. Sexual material is only for disgusting shut-ins that want to see women objectified, or it’s about ethics in naked ladies, and anyone that attempts to censor so much as an exposed thigh must be burned like a witch.

As far as my position? I just want to talk about video games.

So I’m going to do that.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Wankery Week. All this week I’m going to be looking at games with sexual content. I’m not (just) reviewing porn games, though. I’m going to be looking at games where, one way or another, the sexual content or themes become a talking point. I realize that, unfortunately, this describes practically every video game made in the last thirty years. I… I want to say Electroplankton is fairly sexless. That’s all I can think of at the moment.

Because, really, this is why this whole “sex and video games” discussion interests me. As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up with video games. I was born just in time for the NES, and I’ve matured right along with the medium. This means that, like more and more people every day, I was playing video games when I hit puberty. Want to know a pretty sexless video game? Wild Arms for the Playstation, released April of 1997. It was also the game I received as a gift/reward for graduating junior high. It is also a game I remember for featuring Princess Cecilia Lynn Adlehyde. I remember liking Cecilia. A lot. And here she is, in all her polygonal glory…

Power Princess

To my audience that is attracted to women, please zip up your pants. I realize you are probably too horny to read the rest of this paragraph, but please bear with me. I know it’s a popular theory nowadays that experiencing your sexual awakening during an episode of Rescue Rangers or Dragon’s Lair accounts for “weird” kinks down the line, but I feel like a lot of people forget what it’s like to be a teenager. I remember. I remember that I would have had sex with a beanbag chair if it was vaguely shaped like Xena, Warrior Princess. When I was thirteen? Christ, how many fetishes you got? I’d go through the list if it meant touching a real life breast.

My point here is that anyone can find practically anything sexy about any given video game. Teenagers are easy marks, but what about the myriad of “others” out there? Chameleon Twist is by no means a pornographic game, but that doesn’t mean a lick to tongue fetishists. Have a thing for sphere shaped women? Fat Princess is supposed to be goofy, not sexy… but how can you resist those inviting, stretched princess panties. And, obviously, there’s the entire furry continuum, so just sticking a pair of rabbit ears or a horse tail on a character can get those hearts thumping.

Totally hotDid anything in the previous paragraph turn you on? Did it disgust you? It doesn’t matter either way. Everyone has their own kink, and whether you’re attracted to centaurs, elves, or blondes, it doesn’t matter, there’s probably at least one video game out there that will scratch that itch, whether it’s intentional or not. This is, ultimately, why this topic is so fascinating to me, because there’s someone out there right now dreaming about the duck creatures from Bobby is Going Home, and the rest of the world is busy calling Dead or Alive the bane of society.

So, to be clear, I’m not here to judge kinks. I’m not here to say “oh look at these breasts ha ha what kind of pervert likes breasts?” This is Wankery Week, I don’t want to shame anyone for what they find wank worthy.

What I want to do is examine how video games work with sex, and, frankly, what’s the appeal? So let’s get to it…