Tag Archives: butt

WW #08 School Girl/Zombie Hunter

Due to the subject matter of this entire week, some items may be NSFW. Barring some terrible graphics, we’re sorta aiming for PG-13 screenshots here, but, given everyone has a different threshold, anything potentially offensive will be behind the “Read More” links du jour. Just so you are aware…

Wankery!Wankery Week is back! I always wanted to see an even ten WW entries, so we’re going to have our usual M-W-F updates this week, but instead of ROB choosing the games of the day, we’ll be deliberately looking at three “thirsty” games that were released in 2017. Just like last year, Wankery Week is an examination of sex in videogames… or what passes for sex in videogames. As a reminder of our “rules” from last year, we are not here to judge anyone that might have purchased a game entirely based on half naked cooking, we’re here to look at the finer points of games that are clearly marketed with an eye on fleecing horny boys (inevitably boys) of their hard earned videogame dollars. So without further ado, let’s start with our first topic of the week:

Underwear and you.

Underwear is a basic part of getting dressed, right? Most of you reading this are wearing underwear right now. And you’re not even thinking about it, are you? It’s just a thing, and you probably put more daily effort into your hair, teeth, and maybe armpit hair than you do your underwear choice. I see myself in my underwear every damn day, whether I want to see such a thing or not, and it’s no big deal. And, while I’m thinking about myself in my undies, I want to note that I have no idea what underwear I’m wearing right now. Boxers! I know that much, but color or design has completely escaped my memory, should I have ever noticed such a thing in the first place. Look, it’s not my fault if I get dressed in the dark. It’s early!

And Mario is in much the same boat. After years of playing Mario games, I still have no idea what our mustachioed hero has on under those overalls. It’s a recent revelation that we found Mario has nipples, so I’m guessing that boxers or briefs won’t be answered for a good long while. We just saw Link’s underwear, but that was just one Link, and he wasn’t even left-handed, so he clearly doesn’t speak for his entire line. Star Fox may have metal legs, but he certainly isn’t taking off his pants. Ness is glued to those shorts, and Captain Falcon would lose some acceleration if he lost his speed suit. Donkey Kong and Pikachu care not for such things. We haven’t seen the underwear of a single character from the original Smash Bros…

Oh, wait, forgot about Samus Aran. We’ve seen her practically naked.

What could be the connection?

Speaking of which, there is at least one male that has been leaving it all out there since his debut, and it’s this funny fellow:

Sir!

Look at Sir Arthur, running around in his boxers. Ha ha! And, for anyone curious, here’s how Arthur looks in his most recent appearance during Marvel vs. Capcom Infinity:

Sir!

Which makes sense! Only undies Arthur is of course referenced in a few intros and random special moves, but he’s not defined by it. He’s a knight! He wears heavy armor! Pretty obvious iconography all around.

And, similar to Arthur, we have an 8-bit heroine that is known for being a goddess of war, but also getting stripped to nothing when armor isn’t available. In case you’ve forgotten, here’s Athena on the NES:

Lady!

And here’s Athena in the recent trailer for SNK Heroines:

WW #06 Record of Agarest War(‘s box)

I’ve mentioned before that I will buy pretty much anything if it’s marked down to ten bucks. I’ve privately referred to it as the “quarter compulsion”, as, when I was child and had a quarter, I would immediately spend that quarter on whatever useless crap the supermarket foyer area was selling. And I’ve got a collection of bouncy balls to prove it! As a responsible adult (lie), I treat a Hamilton roughly in the same manner, and that couples poorly with my tendency to hang out in videogame stores. This is just a longwinded way of excusing myself for owning this…

It's a box!

That’s Record of Agarest War. It’s a TRPG that I played for maybe ten minutes before outright quitting forever. I’d love to write a full review or something, but… nah. TRPGs take way too long to do anything, and there doesn’t seem to be anything compelling about dialogue box after dialogue box relaying the War of the Who Cares.

However, despite purchasing this videogame ostensibly to not play it, I do not regret the ten bucks I blew on this purchase. Why? Because this is the box that caught my eye…

WW #03 Senran Kagura (Franchise)

Due to the subject matter of this entire week, some items may be NSFW. We’ve got some PG-13 screenshots here, but, given everyone has a different threshold, anything potentially offensive will be behind the “Read More” links du jour. Just so you are aware

So I’ve covered a number of Beat ‘em Up games over the course of the FGC. I went back and reviewed a couple of those articles before writing this, and I realized something: Beat ‘em Up Heroes rarely wear shirts. Haggar has a suspender strap, Billy and Jimmy Lee are wearing (as far as I see) ab-bearing vests, and when Liu Kang took a vacation from Fighting Games, he didn’t think to pack a top. This tells me two things: one, that Beat ‘em Up Heroes are ripped as hell, and two, they’re generally men. Yes, there’s usually an alternative choice that features the fairer sex, but nobody ever talks about wanting to see Final Fight 4 so we can get closure on Lucia’s story. Does she even piledrive anybody?

I already discussed Senran Kagura Bon Appétit, the rhythm-cooking game from the Senran Kagura franchise. As mentioned, I enjoyed that game’s gameplay (but not aesthetics), so I decided to give the rest of the franchise a try. Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus was technically the “origin” of the spinoff title, and I was rather lacking for new Vita games at the time (and forever), so I tried it, and, what’s more, I enjoyed it. It was more gross pandering, yes, but it was a fun little beat ‘em up. Also, thanks to the camera being more controllable than in the “pretty much cutscene based” Bon Appétit, I didn’t have to stare at some random cleavage all day long. I mean, obviously the cleavage is there, but it isn’t like the camera is eternally investigating the valley.

In time (and mostly thanks to sales), I tried the rest of the Senran Kagura series. The “original” Senran Kagura Burst (technically not the original, but basically the Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo to Senra Kagura Skirting Shadow’s Street Fighter 2) for the 3DS is basically a “classic” beat ‘em up to the bone, and comes off as almost a gender-swapped Streets of Rage. Its technical sequel, Senran Kagura 2: Deep Crimson, adopted the 3-D feel of Shinovi Versus, but maintained the more “technical” aspects of the Burst gameplay, making for a more difficult, but ultimately more rewarding, entry in the series. Senran Kagura: Estival Versus, meanwhile, follows the Shinovi Versus format and…

Christ, what the hell am I writing here? This is Wankery Week, dammit, not Gameplay Week.

Let’s try this again…

FGC #204 Dragon’s Crown

Due to the subject matter, this article may be slightly NSFW. Nothing too dirty, but you might get some raised eyebrows. Just so you know.

Creative endeavors have always been important in my family. Both of my grandfathers were engineers in one way or another, but both also produced a surprising number of paintings and other artistic works. My maternal grandfather was a lot more prolific… but, then again, he did live about thirty years longer than the other guy. He (that is to say, the grandfather that lived to see 90) painted wonderful portraits, like this representation of my backyard…

And, before his stroke, he also carved a good number of birds. Maybe “whittled” is the word? Whatever, check out this blue jay…

How did he make birds? We just don’t know.

My father seems to be more creative/effective in the kitchen, but my mother picked up the art gene, and has been producing reasons to purchase a bunch of frames since well before I was born. She recently started distinctly taking art classes at the local college (ah, to be forcibly retired), so she has been producing quite a bit of new material at the behest of a rigid grading system. This piece was apparently made with coffee grounds? I don’t understand art.

I, unfortunately, did not inherit the… let’s call it “drawing” gene. No, that’s probably wrong. I probably did inherit the proper genes, I’m just the kind of guy that has absolutely no patience for anything that doesn’t come out perfect the first time. I probably could be a wonderful artist if I were willing to put up with sketching and erasing and moving lines and starting from scratch and ugh I’m just going to go play Pokémon. Maybe I can blame videogames for this, or maybe I’m just an incredible narcissist, but I feel like I don’t have the endurance to level up so that I can draw something better than a crappy hand turkey.

But I appreciate art in its myriad forms, even if I feel like the best I can pull off is every other day essays. As a result, I immediately gravitate toward any videogame with an “interesting” art style. I can… deal with the cavalcade of plastic polygon people drifting around any given AAA title, but I will grant a lot of latitude to any game that indulges an interesting “style”. Frankly, I don’t care how realistic graphics can get, I still want that “playable anime” I was promised back when I first played Lunar (and Guilty Gear Xrd is doing pretty well in that department). Mad World, Limbo, and even Fez are all games that I likely would not have given another look if not for their elegant presentations. Well, maybe “elegant” isn’t the word I’d use for any game that involves a buzzsaw…

So Dragon’s Crown naturally got my attention…