Tag Archives: baby

FGC #422 Captain Commando & Battle Circuit

CAAAAAPTAIN COOOOOOOMANDO!Captain Commando is a Capcom beat ‘em up title unleashed upon the arcades in 1991 (two years after Final Fight, the same year as Streets of Rage). It was one of Capcom’s earliest beat ‘em up titles, and one of the most creative, non-licensed punch mans games you could find at the arcade.

Battle Circuit is another original, future-based beat ‘em up from Capcom. It was released for arcades in 1997, and was the last Capcom beat ‘em up to receive that honor. In a way, through no fault of its own, it is a title that signifies the end of an era.

But who needs to read another epitaph? Let’s find out what Capcom actually learned over six years!

Characters are Key

Okay, let’s start with the basics: a beat ‘em up lives or dies by its characters. This is why Konami made an estimated seventeen hundred trillion infinity dollars (adjusted for inflation) by slapping the Ninja Turtles and Simpsons into beat ‘em ups. Lisa Simpson battling kabuki warriors with a jump rope? That shouldn’t be a phrase that recalls one of the most played arcade machines of the 90’s, but here we are. And, what’s more, the minute you marry good gameplay to memorable characters, you have a game that is never going away. There are still Turtles in Time arcade cabinets out there! I saw one at the non-Wii based bowling alley! Which is apparently still a thing, too!

Captain Commando really shot for the moon right out of the gate (those metaphors work well together, right?). The titular Captain Commando was the (quickly abandoned) mascot of Capcom in the 80’s, and, incidentally, a cyborg thunder-tossing cop from the future. That makes him, like, a double Thor. Then we’ve got “a ninja”, which, okay, it was the 90’s, that had to happen. But! Our other choices are a mummy alien knife master and a genius baby that rides his own private robot. Score! If you can’t find a favorite character from that group, you are reading the wrong blog. Go see what is happening on some recipe site, you squares!

High number of cyclopsesNow, it would be understandable to expect that Battle Circuit could not top the concept of “genius baby” or “alien mummy”, but could I offer you a cup of carnivorous plant monster from space? How about a yellow catwoman flamenco dancer (she probably hates Mondays)? Plastic Man with ice powers? The cyborg hero that is clearly a descendant of Captain Commando is nice and all, but wouldn’t you rather play as a little girl and her pet pink ostrich that may or may not be a pirate (I cannot think of any other reason for an ostrich to have an eye patch, okay?)? Oh, and the little girl is, naturally, named Pola (sic) Abdul. She uses a flaming bow and arrow. She will deliver us all from evil.

Bad Guys are Key (too!)

Captain Commando came hot on the heels of Final Fight, so it seems only natural that its Metro City streets (yes, it is canon that Captain Commando takes place in the far future of Haggar’s fair city) are descendants of the same three or four guys that menaced Cody and Guy. In a way, it’s kind of cute that some families clearly never got over the ideals of the Mad Gear Gang, and passed on fond genetic memories of suffering mayorally mandated piledrivers. Unfortunately, give or take the occasional boss that is inexplicably equipped with a harpoon gun, Captain Commando is generic dudes for days. That’s a pretty boring future! Like the actual future! Heck, Scumocide’s second in command, (First) Blood, is just Rambo in cargo pants. That’s not 20XX! That’s not even the 90’s!

Battle Circuit at least makes “the same three guys” a little more interesting. Bosses are amazing, and the various robotic creations of a certain recurring mad scientist reminds one a little bit of the venerable Dr. Wily. Wait, I’m sorry, is that a giant skull I see on the floor of Dr. Saturn’s lair? Yeah, these guys went to the same robotics academy. And a mad scientist naturally means the mooks of the world are going to be fun, like floppy lizards and… Wait a minute. Is that…

NO!  ROB!

I’m beating up R.O.B.? Wow, okay, Battle Circuit just shot to the top of the charts.

Show me your Moves!

Captain Commando is a traditional beat ‘em up, and, despite their natural variety (a baby is not a mummy), each of the characters is interchangeable from a moveset perspective. Okay, technically their special moves show a touch of diversity, but, give or take a baby missile, all the usual bases are covered here. Jump kick, dashing punch, grab n’ smack: all the old standbys are represented. Why mess with the classics?

Well, maybe because you could be shooting freaking lasers out of your chest.

This is just plain funWithout resorting to fighting game-esque unreasonable controller motions, Battle Circuit grants each of its bounty hunters fun and exciting moves that add quite a bit to the gameplay. Want to shoot a magic missile all over the place? Just charge up with the attack button, and release your mega buster. Or maybe you’d like to be Yellow the Cat Lady, and perform an amazing dive kick. Or how about you fish out Ice Man rock blasts with Captain Silver? And if you’re not whipping enemies around with Unknown Green’s plant arms, then why are you even alive? A piledriver is nice, but it’s nothing compared to the repertoire on display with this fighting force.

Oh, and if you’re confused about any of the inputs for these moves, they’re all clearly on display during the “upgrade your moves” screen at the end of each level.

And, uh, you can upgrade your moves. That’s pretty important. Probably deserves its own section…

Upgrade your Moves!

BABY!Captain Commando might have one leg up over its descendant: you can ride a robot. You can also score a missile launcher. Captain Commando is basically Golden Axe in a few weird respects, as riding creatures and nabbing interesting (and temporary) weapons is the name of the game (wait, did variable weapons happen in Golden Axe? Meh, I need to be awake to write this article, so I’ll skip replaying that one). Beat ‘em ups do get pretty monotonous pretty quick, so making a dash for that heavy artillery is a great way to spice things up (and send a few Scumocide henchmen to the great, flashing beyond).

The weapons and ridealongs are missing from Battle Circuit, but there are more than a few powerups scattered about. A special “battle download” capsule will temporarily boost your hunter’s stats, and, continuing the pattern of these distinct characters actually being distinct, each battle download works differently for each fighter. And, if we’re being honest, it probably is a lot more fun to suddenly leap around at double speed, or soak hits like it’s nothing, than ride a mech for a whole fifteen seconds.

And, for a little more longevity, any money or “points” found around the area can be exchanged for permanent powerups that enhance things like your beam weapons or special moves. Or you can expand your health! That can be a bit of a wallet-saver in a quarter killer, so maybe make a beeline for that upgrade. Regardless of how you’d like to cash-in, this simple upgrade system makes literally every object on the screen important, regardless of whether or not said object is currently punching you in the face. That’s no small feat for a genre that litters nondescript boxes and barrels all over the place like Jimmy’s Shipping and Crab Shack ™ was going out of business. And speaking of pickups…

Soup’s on!

SMACK 'EM GOODIn Captain Commando, when you find random food on the ground, it restores your health, and that’s that.

In Battle Circuit, when someone collects a meal, it restores health, and it makes an incredibly satisfying crunching/eating noise.

Battle Circuit is truly the culmination of all beat ‘em ups.

FGC #422 Captain Commando & Battle Circuit

  • System: Captain Commando was an arcade title first, and then a Super Nintendo title second. Very second. They dropped the mechs! That was the best part! No matter, even if ROB technically chose the Super Nintendo version for this article, the recently released Capcom Beat ‘em Up Bundle for Switch and PS4 contains both Captain Commando and Battle Circuit (in America for the first time!). Also, there was a Playstation (1) version of Captain Commando. I wonder how that turned out.
  • Number of players: Four? Let’s count all of the commandos, and a solid 80% of Team Battle Circuit. There are certainly enough “insert coin” messages flashing on the screen…
  • Captain Commando Memories: Somehow, I never saw the Captain Commando cabinet in an actual arcade. However, it did appear in a number of random hotel lobbies across I-95, so I did play the game for whole minutes at a time during family vacations. This is likely why I was excited about the Super Nintendo release, a feeling that was… misplaced.
  • Favorite Character: Baby Commando and Unknown the Hideous Plant Monster from Space should team up and, I don’t know, probably beat some dudes up.
  • Dance through the danger: Okay!
    Dance for me!

    Don’t mind if I do!
  • An End: Battle Circuit also has multiple endings! If you choose to fight the Master Control Program Shiva, you will face an incredibly brutal boss that is probably responsible for more deaths than the entire rest of the game combined. Meanwhile, if you choose to simply shatter the disc that contains Shiva… the game just ends. No bad ending, no “you did something wrong”, just a cute little ending that doesn’t require five bucks to access. That… is an odd choice.
  • Did you know? Yellow Iris/Beast inspired an alternate costume for Felicia in Marvel vs. Capcom 3. This is an incredibly odd choice, as the fighting game that would probably most appeal to Americans (“There’s that Iron Man guy! From the movies!”) included paid DLC that honored a beat ‘em up that was never released in America in any capacity. Still, it’s nice to see someone remembers Battle Circuit other than Namco X Capcom.
  • Would I play again: Heck, why not? Either game is pretty alright, though Battle Circuit certainly has more replayability. Unfortunately, Captain Commando also tugs at my heartstrings, so it’s likely to see play again, too. Don’t make me choose between the past and the even-more-past!

What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Super Smash Bros! For no particular reason! Yep! Total coincidence! And there won’t be an extra-special guest artist for the article or anything! Nuh-uh! And this is almost entirely a lie! Which part isn’t? Well, guess you can find out next week. Please look forward to it!

What is even happening?

FGC #005 Yoshi Touch & Go

Good catchThe cycle of video game releases is… unnatural.

As anyone that “stays current” with video games knows, there is a tremendous push in the industry for the latest and, presumably, greatest. As I type this, Batman: The Latest Battening has just been released, and social media is alight with discussions regarding The Bat’s firepower and framerate. In approximately two weeks, no one will be talking about poor ol’ Bruce Wayne, and we will have moved on to… let’s just check the release schedule here… ah, yes, Onechanbara Z2: Chaos Banana Split Edition. That one sounds like a winner.

In contrast, while video game hardware is pushed just as hard as its software, anyone who buys a video game system within its first six months to a year is considered an “early adopter”, or, as the French put it, “un idiot”. In my memory, there have been exactly two systems with software released in their first year that would last the entirety of the system’s existence: Nintendo Gamecube, exclusively due to Smash Bros Melee, and the Sega Dreamcast, which wins pretty much by a sad kind of default. No matter how box-y future and past systems have been, there has always, always been a dramatic draught of worthwhile games for anyone who buys a system at launch. Best case scenario? Maybe you can hope for five decent games within a system’s first year, and in some N64ish cases, that’s the best you can hope for forever. Buying a system at launch is costly from a monetary and sanity perspective.

So, it’s really no surprise that I do that all the time. It’s the most specific case of senility doctors have ever seen.

The Nintendo DS was the first portable system I was ever able to purchase at launch (and the second portable system I was allowed to own, ever)(If you don’t count the Virtual Boy as portable [because why would you?]}. Suffice it to say, I was excited to play a simultaneously gimped and improved version of Mario 64, and then… well… nothing.

Grapes equal eggs, duhI survey my Nintendo DS collection, and see games that I would never have purchased if not for this seemingly endless drought. Feel the Magic XY/XX? Wow, no. Zookeeper? You may have been at the forefront of a genre, but you’re about as fun as actually cleaning up monkey poop. Mr. Driller Drill Spirits? Actually my first Mr. Driller game, but another one that is somehow gimped on the “new” system. And then we come to today’s choice: Yoshi Touch & Go.

Yoshi Touch & Go had so much potential. This may sound like heresy to some, but Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island is decidedly not my favorite Mario Bros game. In fact, it’s pretty low on the list. This is not to say I don’t enjoy Yoshi’s Island, quite the opposite, it is a very fun game; however, it introduced those “collectathon” elements to 2-D Mario platformers that drive me completely insane. I have that peculiar kind of OCD that compels me to follow the rulings of ludicrous plastic robots, and causes me to collect every last red coin and smiling flower that I can find. And they very concept of stages locked behind 100% completion? Forget about it. My favorite thing to do in Mario games is hold down the B Button and run like hell to the goal post, and Yoshi’s Island stops that impulse cold. Finding secret exits was one thing, but since Yoshi’s Island, I’ve had to scavenge around for red coins, golden coins, and yoshi coins, and something important has been lost in the midst of finding every damn bauble and bead. I can’t help but blame Yoshi’s Island on this development.

But Yoshi Touch & Go had the potential to be the all killer, no filler Yoshi’s Island. After all, it’s the same adorable Yoshi and friends in the same gorgeous coloring book atmosphere, but now there’s no great treasure hunt afoot, just time to just hoof it to the goal and enjoy the simple running, jumping, and egg tossing.

Adoption is weirdIt was supposed to be a thing of beauty.

Instead, here we are, with a game that also started its own kind of horrible genre. Yoshi is running alright, he is, shall we say, endlessly running through nondescript “levels” that feature the same stupid obstacles over and over again in slightly modified configurations. Oh, and levels start with an odd vertical section featuring a falling Baby Mario and even less control available to the player. The pendulum has swung in the other direction, where once there was a game that I lamented because it gave me too much to do, here is a game that contains about five minutes worth of “gameplay”.

I’m not one to assign dollar values to games. To some, a single video game is a tremendous financial burden, to others, its equivalent to a vending machine super ball. Nevertheless, Yoshi Touch & Go is the epitome of the modern “dollar game”. This is a game meant to be played on a phone while waiting in line to get into the local discothèque. This is a game that is meant to be downloaded, not played on a cartridge, and retrieved when you’re waiting for your Xbone to perform its nineteenth system update this week. Yoshi Touch & Go isn’t a bad game, it was just released about a decade before its proper format, for both pricing and play, was invented. Also, it’s a bad game.

Good catch, KamekThere’s a term I love in gaming, and that’s “late to the party”. For those of you that have just beamed here from Alpha Centauri 6, the term refers to playing a video game well after the hype has died down and anyone who cared about the game in the first place has moved on to greener, more bananaful pastures. I propose the term “early to the party” for any of the early adopters out there, as I can think of no finer metaphor. Ever get to the party too early? There’s you. The party host is still getting ready. The temporary host is someone you’d never want to speak to, perhaps the host’s spouse (whom you barely know) or parents (oh God no). The only other guests? The smelly kid, because that kid is always where suck can be found, and the well meaning guest with food, who came early because there was food to bring, but that’s where this particular guest’s social skills end. Who would you like to hang out with? Which will leave the greatest funk upon your soul? And what does it mean that you’re here with them?

Next time a new system gets released, just wait. Stay home, wait until a good amount of time has passed, and then go ahead and join the party. Maybe while you’re waiting, play some Yoshi Touch & Go. Replay the horror.

FGC # 5 Yoshi Touch & Go

  • System: Nintendo DS
  • Number of Players: 1. Okay, technically its 2P, but good luck finding another sucker to play this with.
  • Why Was This Post Delayed: Mainly because it is way too easy to slide into becoming one of those blogs that is always angry at games and ranting against how could some video game designer do this to me and blah blah blah. That’s not for me, there’s too much negativity in this world as is. So, took the time to find an angle to this game that wasn’t just “Wow, this game sucks”.
  • But this game sucks, right? Oh my, yes.
  • What’s Your Highest Score? I am not going to admit how much I actually played this game.
  • Did You Know? IGN said this game, “is one of the most original and unique games created for the system so far…” I want to remind everyone this game was released four months after the release of the DS. There were maybe fifteen other DS games in existence.
  • Would I Play Again? Decidedly no. It’s currently available for the WiiU, where I can play Bit Trip Runner 2 if I really need to. And you better believe my 3DS cartridge slot has better things to do.

And we're done

What’s Next? Random ROB has chosen… Batman Arkham City. Hey, ROB, when did you get randomly relevant? Please look forward to it!