FGC #013 Sonic the Hedgehog

Waterslides are fun!She and I used to date.

It was back in school, and we just hit it off. First time I laid eyes on her, let me tell you, love at first sight. She had her problems, granted, everyone was talking about how fast she was, and I always preferred to play it loud than process this blasting, but I could change. I wasn’t going to give up my… old fashioned ways for her, but I still ended up buying everything she claimed I needed. Suppose she was just that good.

The relationship went on, and I thought she might be a one trick pony. Running, jumping, rolling, it was great, don’t get me wrong, but I could only do the same thing so many times. She invited her foxy friend over, but that was just… well, the same, but with a blonde. I felt a bit dirty, but maybe that’s a part of any relationship. She… well, we tried some… interesting hardware, but that was the same, again, with a few gimmicks thrown in for good measure. There was something about… time travel? It all seems like a blur now, but I still remember the doubts: Had our relationship grown stale? Was it her? She did have a way of trying certain things that, while they might have been great for her, made me sick. She was like a pinball, bounding from emotion to emotion, but, like pinball, how long could it hold my interest? Wait… my interest? Could it be me? I just didn’t know what to think anymore. It was still fun, but could I do it forever?

Then she showed how much she loved me. Suddenly, our world was so huge, so massive I never wanted to leave. Things she’d considered “bonuses” in the past, horrible asides that just ended with her obtaining more jewelry, were gone, and in their place, a wonderful pile of spheres. Sorry, we were a little strange. Our hearts were locked on as one, and nothing could tear us apart. Then, just a little while later, she, always the more experimental of the two of us, invited this red head to join our fun. Old things seemed new again! Stages of our relationship I once swore to never experience again were now something I looked forward to reliving with a seething passion. There wasn’t a cloud in our sky.

This is not fun!Of course… I guess the signs were all there. I remember the night before graduation, everyone excited about one stage ending and a new one beginning, and, while I was paying attention to some old friends I figured I’d never see again, I saw her out of the corner of my eye. I took a more focused look, and saw her doing something we had both said, on many occasions, was stupid. Others… others we insulted on many occasions, they’d tried it, and, well, we both agreed, we both agreed, it was horrible. But there she was, going all “three dimensional”. It didn’t really seem to do anything for her notoriety, no one really noticed at the time, I tried not to bring it up again, and we went on like nothing happened. I thought, you know, it was a party, she’d always been kind of “wild” and “cutting edge”, figured it was a one time thing. I still wish I was right.
Well, school ended, and I guess so did we. We were going in two totally different directions, and we both figured it would be too difficult to try to maintain something that was just going to hurt both of us. We had a relationship based on happiness, and if we weren’t happy, why continue? I admitted that, no matter what, odds are I’d still love her, and, if memory serves, she kinda shrugged. Should’ve taken that as a sign.

I didn’t try to look her up immediately after that, heard she was just running around a lot with no real direction. Some sort of doomed racing thing? I don’t know, I had no interest in hearing about her failures, so I just laid off for a while. Eventually, she called me. I guess that’s always the way it is, me too much of a coward to seek the truth. She was, after a long dry spell, finally with another guy. One of those guys into the three dimensional stuff. I really didn’t want to believe it. She kept telling me how deep he was, how much fun she had with all her old friends while he was around, that the 3-D wasn’t a problem with him, because he’d always be there. Get with the times, she told me. Sorry, babe, that’s just not my way.

Special Thanks to Faith HillThose two, they just kept it up. I’d talk to her sometimes, she said he was always finding fresh things to do. I told her his shtick wasn’t anything original, that it was a step backwards to please others if anything, but she wouldn’t hear me. I tried to be happy for her, I really did, but… it was all just too different for me. I had this idea of how things should be in my head, how things were, some sort of mega collection of memories, but even the memories couldn’t bring me the same kind of joy, knowing how it all ends.

And it is over. She’s getting married in the fall, and now that I know even more about Big Mr. 3-D, I’m even more disappointed. I sat down, tried, really hard to like him, but it just isn’t happening. He’s repetitive, he can’t seem to focus on any one thing for longer than ten seconds (don’t even think he can pay attention to her for that long, for that matter, he’s always talking about the blonde and the redhead and, geez, some brunette that seems pissed off all the time), and possibly worst of all, I’m beginning to wonder whether or not my ex-love even knows he’s this… broken. He seems to sully the past with his mere presence.

And, look, I know I’m kind of a prude, but if her feed is any indication, they seem to be into some kind of different kink every week, some of which I genuinely do not understand. I can sorta (sorta!) understand things like Arabian or Medieval cosplay, but they were into something called “wolfplay” for a hot minute, and I have no idea what that was all about. I should really delete her feed, but, ugh, sometimes she posts a pic from an amusement park and… I mean, she looks happy, right?

Sure, we still talk. We’re still friends, we’ll always be. Sometimes we sit down and talk about all the good times we had, maybe even throw out a few ideas of what it might have been had we stuck it out, a generation’s worth of memories that never were. But, there’s always something bittersweet there, that there’s just… I don’t know…

I’m sorry, I must have something in my eye.

FGC #13 Sonic the Hedgehog

  • System: Sega Genesis. Also available for practically every system released since the Dreamcast, including your phone and maybe your toaster. No, that isn’t fair. I will not slut shame.
  • Number of Players: One, the loneliest number.
  • Bonus for Collecting all of the Chaos Emeralds: Pissing off a fat, mustachioed man. He looks so hurt.
  • Favorite Zone: Star Light Zone, which is odd, because there is rarely a good Sonic level past the starting stages. Sonic peaking early is a constant to a fault.
  • Does this make you physically ill?
    He just keeps bouncing
    Yes.
  • Did You Know? According to The History of Sonic the Hedgehog, the soundtrack for Sonic the Hedgehog was composed involving a process passing cassette tapes back and forth. I made her a mixtape once, and made a copy for myself, too. Sometimes I still listen to it. Sometimes.
  • Would I play again? Yes, though, given the option, I’d go for the one with the redhead.

What’s Next? Random ROB has chosen… Persona 4 Golden. It’s relationship week here at Gogglebob.com, apparently! Please look forward to it!

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